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Volume 510 - Ashcroft's Woody

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 June 27, 2001.  ..... .....  ...Advertise on    .......... .......SPORTS..  ..........  ..Did you hear it? 
 By the way, we've been advertising on a major lefty web site for the last six days.
 So far, nobody has written to say they saw the ad.    If you see it, could you let me know? 


 Conyers Demands that Ashcroft Release
 Jacqueline Jackson from Solitary Confinement
  Our Holier-than-Everybody Attorney general wants Jesse Jackson's wife cavity searched

 Click  Here

 Rep. John Conyers, Jr. (D-MI), today demanded that the Justice Department immediately release
 Jacqueline Jackson, the wife of the Reverend Jesse Jackson, from solitary prison confinement.
 Ms. Jackson is awaiting trial on charges of trespass at the Vieques, Puerto Rico Navy property.
 Conyers issued the following statement after his telephone call with the Attorney General:
"The Department is totally off the mark on both the facts and the law in their treatment of Ms. Jackson.
 They claim their regulations mandate that any one who refuses to subject themselves to the humiliation
 of a full strip and body cavity search must be thrown in solitary confinement for the good of the prison
 population. But their own regulations clearly state that staff may conduct a visual search where there is
 a reasonable belief that contraband may be concealed on the person."

 Clearly, Ms. Jackson is not carrying drugs, weapons or other forms of contraband, and the body cavity
 search is nothing less than physical intimidation that would have made Bull Connor blush.

 That son of a bitch Ashcroft.
 What a heartless hardon this "Christian" is.

 Republicans never change.
 They want Jesse Jackson's wife cavity searched because that's what kind of people they are.
 Ashcroft is religiously insane and he has the morals of Clarence "Slappy" Thomas.

 We KNEW Ashcroft would pull shit like this,
 we KNEW that bastard would make decisions like this,
 and we KNEW that racist son of a bitch would pull shit like this on blacks,
 but those cowardly pussy Democrats confirmed him, anyway.

 The Democrats are nothing more than gutless cowards who refuse to fight the bully perverts.
 I am disgusted by the gelding, pink tutu Democrats.

 Please - don't send another nickle to the DNC until they stand up and fight.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "That New Jersey campaign was naster and bitty."
    -- Hitlaugh, first hour today


Subject: I know who it is

            Who is this?

Hey, BC,

I know who the muscle-bound chick with the guitar is.
It's Madonna!

When did she learn how to handle an ax?

-Houston in Seattle

 Houston in Seattle?
 Sounds like Smirk at a geography bee.

 Houston wins the classic Corvette.

  The Story Behind John Stossel's Latest Attack on Environmentalism

  Click  Here

  Stossel asked the children if all scientists agree about the cause of global warming.
 "What he was looking for is for the kids to say,  'All scientists agree.'"
  Scott said Stossel also led the children to saying they were scared.
 "Prior to being asked in unison, no one said they were scared," Scott said.
 "Then Stossel said, 'This is pretty scary stuff, yeah?' and some of the kids agreed."

 Y'know, we're surrounded by outrageous scumbags.
 We need to fight back.


Subject: Golf rankings

Hiya BC

As much as you're not going to like it, there is a point system by which golfers earn their World Golf Ranking.
Golfers earn points in every tournament based upon their placing and the strength of the field.  Their World Golf
Ranking is determined by the number of points earned in tournaments over the previous 2 years, with tournaments
in the most recent year accounting for twice the value of tournaments in the year before the most recent.

Mr. Perfect has had so many good results over the last 2 years, that his point total (1372.02 in 45 tournaments
over 2 years, avg of 30.49 points per tournament) is more than double that of the number 2 player in the world,
Phil Mickelson (618.76 points in 49 tournaments, 12.63 point average)

Tiger will have to be real bad for a long time before he drops out of the number 1 spot.

All the more reason for an extended Bartcop hex!


Pete, it would appear that the possibility exists that I was wrong.
Mr. Perfect can double-bogey every hole the rest of the year and still be #1.

I'd like to see that...

Brock Admits He Lied About Anita Hill To Cover for Uncle Thomas
   by Howard Kurtz, a Smirk whore faithful

 Click  Here

David Brock, who made his name trashing Anita Hill after the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings,
now says he lied -- and he's sorry.

 David Brock Says He Lied in His Attacks on Anita Hill

 Click  Here

 Hot stuff - a must-read.

Truth, Sex, Lies and Videotape
   by Maureen Dowd - she hates everybody

 Click  Here

David Brock now says he lied then when he painted Anita Hill as a liar, a woman who was
"a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty," both in an American Spectator piece and a best seller
embraced by conservatives called "The Real Anita Hill." And he says he lied then when he
helped the Bushies and conservatives portray Clarence Thomas as truthful, calling himself
"a witting cog in the Republican sleaze machine."

Remember, David Brock CREATED Paula Jones out of whole cloth with an $80,000 bribe
from Richard Mellon Scaife - then later apologized after the damage was done.

Now he confesses to raping Professor Hill's reputation, while covering up the truth
about the LIFETIME APPOINTMENT of the Supreme Pervert.

Once again, once the damage is done, this motherless whore comes clean.
Brock, you're a worthless piece of crap and a whore in every possible sense of the word,
but at least now you admit it.  Thanks to dishonest whores like Brock, we've been saddled with
a perverted idiot who voted to take away our right to vote.

It's about time Maureen Dowd wrote a half-decent column.
She's been coasting on fluff and horseshit all year.
With a goldmine like Weak & Stupid in the White House, she's spent most of her time
figuring out new ways to drag Hillary's name into her column.

By the way, Mo, what an inventive title for today's column. That cliche is only twelve years old,
but that's fresher than most of the crap you've been phoning in to the once-respected Times.

Be sure and check out her last paragraph - she runs a correction.

ha ha tho the truth mattered to this nasty-ass lazy prostitute.

 Linda Tripp demands government job
   by Marianne Means

 Click  Here

 This woman has so much brass she would set off an airport-security machine if she walked through it naked.

 It can be argued that Bush owes her a job for her role in exposing the Bill Clinton sex scandal that
 inhibited Al Gore's 2000 campaign and helped put Bush in the White House. But Bush doesn't need
 the grief that rewarding Tripp could cause. She's too politically radioactive to touch.

 Nobody trusts a snitch who secretly tapes intimate phone conversations with a younger friend whom she makes
 vulnerable to jail time. Tripp's recordings of Lewinsky's girlish confessions revealed Clinton's affair and drove
 Kenneth Starr's probe into charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by Clinton.


 "It's unthinkable that Judge Thomas could ever have discussed Long Dong Silver and other porn
   with Anital, because anyone who would do that would be "a psychopathic sex fiend or a pervert."
   -- B'Orrin Hatch, during Slappy the pervert's confirmation charade

Buyer remorse is setting in with Bush presidency
   by Gene Lyons

Click  Here

"Putin's an honest, straightforward man who loves his country," Bush gushed.
"He loves his family. We share a lot of values.  ...I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very
 straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue.  I was able to get a sense of his soul."

His soul, no less. It'd be interesting to know if Putin thinks he has one. In an impressive display of the White House
discipline pundits so admire, nobody laughed out loud.  Next day, George II's new best friend, who began his career
as a KGB operative around the time Bush was branding pledges at the Deke house, delivered a strong, candid message
of his own:   If the United States dumps the 1972 Antiballistic Missile Treaty in favor of a missile defense shield,
Russia will consider every arms control treaty of the past 30 years defunct and install multiple warheads on its ICBMs.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "The only reason I wear a seat belt is to prevent the others in the car from browbeating me.
    I have a right to be as stupid as I want."
     -- El Vulgarro, Tuesday's second hour

  Yes, Rush, and you should exercise that right more often.

  He's screaming about New York's new cell phone ban.
  He's whining about "the liberal Democrats who want to control everything."

  When did Pataki become a Democrat?

  He's also running continuous commercials for his "Be a real man," t-shirts.
  Hey, Pigboy, if you want to prove you're a real man, open your damn phones.


Subject: Condit and the intern

I can't believe the gall of Condit's chief of staff Mike Lynch to claim that
the media has gone too far.  Condit voted to impeach Clinton and now he's
involved in a far more serious scandal where an intern he was involved with
has probably been murdered and everybody should just mind their own business?

If anything the media isn't going after him enough.  The media that hounded
Clinton over bullshit for a year doesn't find a missing intern romantically
involved with a senator as newsworthy?  And regarding those idiots in Condits
district, how dare they suggest this isn't  a serious issue worthy of news coverage?
From what I got out of the article that district seems rather conservative
and I'll bet many of these same jerks were Clinton-bashers.

Chines, I remember writing during impeachment,
"There is no crime here. It's not like they pulled over a drunken Bill Clinton
  for speeding and they found Monica's body in the trunk."

That's almost what we have here.
She's missing/dead and he doesn't want to talk about it.

Margaret Carlson says in the new TIME Magazine that Condit is married,
but his wife is "chronically ill," and lives in California, not in Washington with him.
She also says he likes the DC party scene and posed for Playgirl magazine.

And when his "good friend" goes missing, he wants his privacy?

 The writings mentioned in Stigmata are the Nag Hamaddi scrolls

Click  Here  for more

 Thanks to Sport for that.

From:  Rick, the Rude New Yorker

Subject: Condit

I wish you'd leave the fucking guy alone until you have some proof.
No crime has been committed.
There is no body.

Your first statement is a wish.
In your second statement, you create fact where none exists.
(Koresh, I wish I could do that.  Can you teach me how?)
Your third statement is crazy talk.
There's a body somewhere, it's just hidden.

So far, you're shooting .500

For all you know, the broad is vacationing on the French Riviera.
There is no body, no blood, no witnesses.

The French Riviera?
Without her clothes, her keys and her purse?

ha ha

Is this a gag?
Artie, is that you?
I'll bet I could get you a job at the LAPD, ...guarding rappers!

You're shooting .333

As of this writing, it is a missing persons case.
Granted, he may have been banging her and he may have slit her throat, but we don't know that.
You don't know what he told the cops or the parents.
You don't know what he didn't tell them.

Use reverse logic.
He told the cops stuff he couldn't tell us.

What is he hiding?

What did he do with Ms. Levy that's none of our business?
This representative voted for more details about Monica's tongue,
because his conscience wouldn't let him cover for consensual sex,
but now that we have a dead woman, he deserves some privacy?

Put yourself in his place.
If she was just some innocent intern in his office, why get cute with the cops?

A quick toon, then back to Rude Rich's lesson...

For all you know, she's lying in some culvert from a self inflicted gunshot wound between the eyes.

Think for a moment.
Let me assemble a package:

Let's assume they had a relationship.
Let's assume they did cocaine together.
Let's assume they had sex while high on the coke.
Let's assume he believes her coke connection killed her, but now she's gone,
and he's really a good congressman, he really wants to help, so why should he
endanger a career that will "help the people," over some coke deal that went bad
that he had nothing to do with?   Speaking up is career suicide, right?

The word "IF" means something.
Condit is hiding something.

IF he knows anything about her last moments, well, use his own words,

we don't need no "drip, drip, drip."

He tells us what he knows today - or - he loses his right to say,
"But you gotta understand the pressures I was under," later.

Again, this is like Law & Order.

He's lying in the first interview.
When the truth comes out, he'll say, "The reason I lied was..." ...and then give a weak-ass reason.
But if you explain to him up-front, "We catch you in one lie and you're toast,"
the witness is less likely to burn you, especially a first-time busted coward.

They should tell Condit.

"This ain't no blow job.
  This matters.
  This counts.
  This means something.
  We have a missing woman.
  She's probably dead.
 And you, congressman,  '...would rather not make a statement?'
 This isn't Newt playing hypocritical games with taxpayer's money."

 Why don't they put some pressure on this guy?

 You can't claim, "I'm just like you - you are me," later
  if you're hiding some crime from us today.

Why should this guy "confess" to whoever?
If he killed her, why should he call some reporter and confess?
If he's a killer trying to hide a crime and he has every right to.
You expect him to confess because its the right thing to do?

No, I expect (if we had a free press in America) that a reporter to ask questions that
would put guilty-boy in a goddamn box.  If I can do that, with my IQ of 64, to any Republican,
how can the cops bungle this so bad with all their years of experience?

Get him on the record,"Last time I saw her was a week before her death."

Then ask him, "So, if we prove you were with her the day she died, you'd confess and deny all appeals?"


If you do that, it forces the dude into a 50/50.
He's got a decision to make.

Either he crumbles and begs for mercy now,
or he bets the ranch you're bluffing about the proof and gets the needle.

He's a killer...he has no concept of right or wrong.
What killer can you name that confessed because the press wanted "the truth"?

If he's not the killer, he doesn't need to confess.
he just needs to tell what he knows about her private life.

Y'know, this wouldn't be a problem for me. I'd stand on my pub & grill's deck and say,
"She was a waitress at my club. She was a good kid, I liked her a lot - I even loaned her money.
  Not sure about her last hours, but I'll be happy to answer any questions the cops have."

THAT'S how a innocent man talks.

If he did it, why would he not use the law to protect his ass?
If he didn't, then he's certainly within his rights to refuse comment until ordered to
and at this time there's not enough proof to compel him to answer anymore than
he already has (of which you and I know nothing).

ha ha

You're saying if Condit, in his own mind, feels that he's probably innocent,
he has no obligation to tell the truth when a young woman is missing?

If he didn't do it, then you and I have no right whatever information he has to tell the cops.
If the cops have a case, they'll arrest him.
If they find a body full of his (censored), then they'll convict him.

Until then, he's an innocent man.
Maybe the papers you read have some evidence
I haven't seen, but I haven't seen shit so far.

I'll put it this way:
He's as innocent as Smirk is on the cocaine question.
If he can't say, "That didn't happen," then it probably did happen.

It's a mystery for sure, but I haven't seen anything that tells me we're dealing with anything
other than a young girl who may have had false allusions about how Condit felt about her
and a girl who just lost her cushy Washington job. I think she jumped off a bridge.

ha ha
You'd never make a good lawyer.
You're too honest and clueless.

Her "false illusions" made Condit lie to the murder po-lice? (homage to Meldrick)

We don't need you throwing chum to a Republican feeding frenzy.

What "feeding frenzy?"
I haven't seen one - I think we damn well need one.
What if this lady is alive?
Should we wait another 3 weeks to find out?

If your wife/daughter was missing, how many weeks or months would you want to wait
before the cops asked the primary suspect some tough questions?
If the police release word he's refusing to cooperate, his career is over.
Why aren't they doing that?

I don't care how he voted on impeachment.

ha ha
Quit it.
This has to be Arty!

Impeachment doesn't matter?
Condit demanded MORE FACTS, about a blow job, so he could decide on justice.

This ain't no blow job.
This is murder.

Blow Job or murder
Blow Job or murder

Sorry, I think murder is more serious, but I've always been a maverick...

If he did it, we'll find a body one day and bring the man to trial.
Until then, its a missing persons case.
Even if he was planking her, it doesn't mean he killed her.
Maybe he did, but I don't see any proof yet.
And that's the way it is.

So, ...if the year 2044, her skelton surfaces, you'll want justice then?

 It's interesting when something unusual strikes a nerve.

 This time, it's the apparently bogus "USS Aurora" that David Horowitz cited in his
 piece where he said the military can't stop getting pregnant long enough to fight a war.

 I've gotten a ton of mail saying there was a "USS Aurora" commissioned in 1906 and
 another one in 1916, so I doubt either ship went to Desert Storm.

 Some people are asking me to explain Horowitz.

 You need to ask the guy who told the lie, not me.
 What I said, amazingly, made perfect sense.

 Write to
 They published the apparently bogus information.

From: Joe

Subject: Look in the Mirror, Rush

Limbaugh started out his show today criticizing baby-boomers for their self-centeredness.

That's quite a charge to come from Rush, considering that he can't even shut up about having his picture taken.
I haven't seen anyone get so excited about posing for the camera since Doc Whora tried out for the Oregon State Beavers.

Limbaugh is the epitome of self-centeredness.  He gets outraged when people dismiss his opinions, he gets outraged
when people live their lives in a manner which he disapproves, he even gets outraged when he doesn't get credit for
saying things that have been part of the American lexicon for 80 years.

"Talent-on-Loan-From-god", giant ego Limbaugh thinks the rest of his generation needs a little more humility.
What happened, did one of his sycophantic lickspittles only say, "mega-mega-ultra-dittoes."?

In a related matter, Rushie then started spouting off about how boomers have it easier than anyone else in history
but complain anyway, often about "invented" problems.

On one level I couldn't agree with him more, but since we're on this subject,
I would like to point out some of the "boogeyman" issues that certain baby-boomers whine about:

**Bill Clinton's 4.3 cent-a-gallon gas tax (which helped balance our budget).  There are hundreds of thousands
    of Republican baby-boomers who have been hoodwinked into thinking that the mom had to go get a job because
    Big Bill made them pay an extra $.80 per week in gas taxes.
**The fact that the ATF dares to shoot back after Randy Weaver's murderous son or David Koresh's murderous
    fanatics kill their fellow agents.
**The fact that they have to spend 4 minutes per week putting their recyclables into special bins.
**The fact that Chelsea Clinton changed majors.
**The fact that Bill Clinton bought a Cuban cigar in London.

I could go on and on and on.  Affirmative action, poor kids getting free immunizations, foreign aid, the Federal Reserve,
the FDIC, labor laws, Kwanzaa...all of these things make ditto-monkeys bitch and bitch and bitch about their tough,
tough lives.  They just had Gay Pride Week in the big coastal cities and I'll bet you have a Republican neighbor in Tulsa
who is still bitching about it because Hannity made him watch it on TV.

Limbaugh has gone so far as to state that slaves in the 18th century had more freedom and kept more of their earnings
than Americans do now.  Rush told that lie for one reason--to purposely stir up dissatisfaction in people.

So before ditto-monkeys applaud Limbaugh's criticism about ungrateful people who complain about petty trivialities,
I suggest they honestly assess their own constant grousing.

Limbaugh makes his damn living inventing and distorting issues for conservatives to complain about.
And ironically, he's now trying to add to their list the notion that liberals complain all day when we have it so good.
Conservatives outcomplain liberals by a 5-1 ratio.

p.s.  Rush was talking last week about all the weight he's lost (not that he's a self-centered baby-boomer, of course).
        I heard it was easy for him--he lost 70 pounds just by lying his ass off.  Is that true?

ha ha
Yes, that's true.

It's especially fun to hear Rush complain how "the baby boomers had everything given to them,"
after Governor Weak & Stupid was handed the White House over the objections of the voters.

The Failure in Thief never did anything on his own,
unless you count the 15-year old girl's abortion, going AWOL, the coke bust and the DWIs.


 "To Senator Helms, Dot, and the hundred and seventy-nine grand children.
   Hope you had fun at the concert.
   We are really confusing the cynics with our friendship...
   You are blessed, and I am to know you.
   Love, Bono"

    --  U2 rocker Bono in a letter to Senator No.
         That's downright Clintonian of Bono, being nice to Helms, the Evil Shit.


Fragging Bob: Bob Kerrey, CIA War Crimes,
And The Need For A War Crimes Trial
    by Douglas Valentine

War crimes are war crimes.  The USA is now probably the biggest terrorist country in the world.
I met the victims of US foreign policy when I lived in South America.
We have to come clean as we ask other countries to come clean.
Otherwise, we are like the Hypocrite Republicans.
Kerrey got caught up in the CIA's evil operations.
The truth should come out.

I am torn about Bob Kerrey.
He's a war hero, lost a leg, but stabbed his president in the back - hard - and gave
years worth of damaging ammunition to the harmful troglodytes and the vulgar Pigboy.

I'm torn about the charges, too.
I don't know how we can pull a guy off his job or out of a classroom and say,
"You're going to Vietnam or you're going to prison - your choice."

So now he's in Vietnam, in the dark, getting shot at.
Koresh forbid if he returns fire and hits the wrong target.

If Kerrey was some bounty hunter who invaded the wrong house - for profit - that's
different than American GI's being freedom's last hope in the fight against communism.
(I'm 100 percent against the war, but we gotta stand by those soldiers.)

When the news first broke, I called Kerrey "an unusually good liar," as payback,
but that's about as much as I want to punish a guy who left body parts over there.
I still have all my body parts, so I don't want to get real uppitty with Kerrey.

Now, if Max Cleland, John McCain and Ron Kovic have a problem with Bob Kerrey, maybe it
needs more looking into.  All this is off the top of my head - I don't know enough about Vietnam to
have an informed opinion.  I was safe and warm in my home when all this happened.

(a while later)

I just visited, and I was disappointed.

The story opens like this:

By now everybody knows that former Senator Bob Kerrey led a seven-member team of Navy Seals into
Thanh Phong village in February 1969, and murdered in cold blood more than a dozen women and children.

What hardly anyone knows, and what no one in the press is talking about (although many of them know),
is that Kerrey was on a CIA mission, and its specific purpose was to kill those women and children.
It was illegal, premeditated mass murder and it was a war crime.

I read the story, and then another one called "Kerrey the Throat Slitter."
This is Limbaugh-esque writing in the extreme.

I didn't see any evidence to back up these wilder-than-wild charges.
When they write, "Soldier Jones saw 600 innocents killed,"
that line should read, "Soldier Jones claims he saw 600 innocents killed."

These guys make Fox News look restrained.
Jesus, I have more credibility than that when I'm lying.

Counterpunch wants us to believe Bob Kerrey cackled with glee every time he slit a child's throat?

Hey, maybe it's all true - like I said, I wasn't there.
But when you attempt to destroy a war hero, you need more than "everybody knows it."

Is considered a honorable and respectable source of information?
They make a lousy-as-hell first impression, and I don't even like Bob Kerrey that much.

If you're trying to make a serious charge, you don't call your story "Kerrey the Throat Slitter."
You call it "Troubling Accusations for Kerrey," or something sober.
You don't render the verdict before you read the charges.

That's really horrible writing on their part,
and that comes from a guy who runs a comedy treehouse.

 Niki Taylor Update

 Niki Taylor Released From Hospital

 Model Niki Taylor left a hospital for a private rehabilitation center Tuesday,
 eight weeks after an Atlanta car crash left her with severe liver damage.
 Taylor, 26, was riding in a car that crashed into a telephone pole on April 30 after the driver lost control.

 The name of the Atlanta rehabilitation center wasn't released.
 Taylor was upgraded from critical to good condition Thursday at Grady Memorial Hospital.

   Cokebear says:

      Way to go, Niki!
  We knew you could do it.

 You know, I have half a mind to run a couple of hundred Niki pictures to celebrate.
 It looks like she's going to live.

 Hunter S Thompson explains what's wrong with Utah

 Click  Here

 Salt Lake City has developed such hideous worldwide Karma that success (for the Olympics)
 is out of the question. The SLOC has put Utah so deep in Debt for the next 30 years that
 No money will be available for anything except bribes and whiskey.
 Corruption is a Way of Life in Utah, and they seem to like it that way.

 Thanks to Eric Beck


Subject: Horowitz and his lies


From Women in the Military: An Unfinished Revolution by Maj Gen Jeanne Holm, USAF (Ret)

"After the [Gulf] war the DOD  reported to Congress that the deployment of women was 'highly successful.'
Data on personnel who were nondeployable suggested that the rate for women was 'somewhat higher' than
for men, with pregnancy accounting for the largest difference. However, it 'did not affect the overall conduct
of the operation.' "

Source: Dept of Defense, "Conduct of the Persian Gulf Conflict," An Interim Report to Congress, pp. 10-1, 2.

And lest we forget:


Spec 4 Melissa Rathbun-Nealy, USA, 20
Maj Rhonda Cornum, USA, 26

Killed in line of duty:

Spec. Beverly Clark, USA, 23
Spec. Christine Mayes, USA, 22
Spec. Adrienne L. Mitchell, USA, 20
Major Marie T. Rossi, USA, 32
Sgt Cheryl LaBeau-O'Brien, USA, 24

I also fought upon Saint Crispin's day
And no man say me nay.


It's sad to read those names, knowing they might still be here if Bush
hadn't sent Saddam that Telex saying, "Take Kuwait if you want."

Of course, the Democrats never insisted on making that Telex public.
Wouldn't be prudent - embarrassing a sitting president that way.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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