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 June 29, 2001.  ..... .....  ...Advertise on    .......... .......SPORTS..  ..........  ..Did you hear it?
  win a Webby Award.  Click  Here

  VCR Alert - is to be on  C-Span's  Washington Journal early Saturday morning
  When I say early, I mean early.  Between 7-8 AM Eastern, 6-7 AM K-Drag, 5-6 AM Mountain, 4-5 Pacific.
  Rumor has it they rerun it later in the day, but I can find no confirmation for that..

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "The reason polls often show the majority going for liberal ideas
    is because conservatives are less likely to answer their phones."
     --  The Doctor of Disgust, Rush Limbaugh, second hour of today's show  readers get mention in

 If you go there while it's still up, you'll see it.
 Click  Here  while it's still up - if not, go to, then "politics" then "Red & Blue"
 It concerns David Horowitz not fact-checking on that Aurora/Acadia pregnant sailors story
 Here's the good part:

 But when an apparent factual error appeared in Horowitz's latest column, our mailboxes overflowed,
 thanks in part to a posting on taking Horowitz to task. Here's a little sample:

 H.L Williams writes, "Horowitz states, 'On one ship, the Aurora, 10 percent of the women en route to the
 war zone got pregnant.'   Strange thing about this floating pleasure palace, the Aurora ... it doesn't seem to exist!
 A browse through the list of current U.S. Navy Ships doesn't show an Aurora, nor does the Navy's list of
 de-commissioned ships.

"The only use I was able to find of the Aurora name in the U.S. Navy was an Argo Class Patrol Boat from
 WWII, WPC-103, commissioned the 21st of December, 1931! Can Horowitz account for the phantom ship?"

 Other amateur naval historians, and a few sci-fi buffs, also chimed in. A reader named Zach writes, "So, 10 percent of
 the female soldiers on the USS Aurora got pregnant on the way to the Persian Gulf? Funny the only USS Aurora I have
 been able to find any reference to is the USS Aurora from 'Star Trek.' Did Mr. Horowitz just make up that little factoid?
 If he did, then can I be a columnist, also? I can make up much better fiction without stealing it from a TV show."

 Thank you for your interest, Zach. Form letter to follow.

 But it turns out our readers were right. The ship was named the Acadia, and 36 women were sent home due to
 pregnancy at some time during its seven-month stint in the Gulf, not en route to the conflict. The 10 percent stat
 has been widely thrown around by people opposed to women serving in the military, but the Navy has always
 disputed the figures and says the actual number was 5 percent.

 The level of Horowitz-based hatred is proof of the fact that if Horowitz didn't exist, liberals would have to invent him.
 In any event, mistakes were made, and that calls for a correction.

Click on Bat Boy

From: Susan B

Subject: Advertisement in The Nation

At least, I think that must be the "major left-wing publication" you refer to in your June 27th issue.

Anyhow, you put a notice in that issue wondering if anyone had seen your ad, and I wanted to let you know
that  *I* did, and that I'd never even HEARD of  before I saw it,  clicked on it right away,
howled out loud and immediately forwarded the web address to a passle of my most left-leaning pals.

So I hope someone sees this and knows that your ad's had some effect, even though it means
your email is going to be even more unwieldy and likely to go unread that it already is.

Susan B

Susan, e-mail like that makes the price of the ads seem worth it.
Thanks for writing.


 "A few years from now, somebody's going to be on a stage like this...
 "It might as well be you. There's going to be, in your lifetime, several African-American presidents,
   several Latino presidents, several women presidents.  It might as well be you."
    -- Bill Clinton, giving a generation hope while Smirk's busy raping and gouging California for BIG OIL


Subject: Please expand on how Paula Jones got picked to play Paula


I wish you would explore more fully the Paula Jones aspect.
We know the troopers were paid to lie, so they are paid to say “Paula”.

I have always thought it was weird that Paula Jones stepped forward, simply because it was such a
passing reference in an obscure magazine.  Paula, I believe, was paid from the time before she stepped
forward to fabricate this whole thing.  She did not step forward on her own and then afterwards get
supported by Mellon-Scaife; it was completely fabricated from before the magazine hit the stands.

We know that Paula is slutty and wanted to get into Hollywood.

They probably picked her out from a group of women because she had had contact with Clinton
and they could manipulate her.  I personally think she went in, gave a blowjob or a hand job to the
Big Dog and people knew about that.  I think Mellon-Scaife’s people probably had a list of women
that they would try to get to say something about Clinton.  It would be interesting to talk to women
around Clinton and ask them if any people asking around about Clinton had contacted them before
the Spectator article was published.


Michelle, there's no evidence Clinton ever met the trailer park golddigger.
He says he doesn't remember ever meeting the future rhinoplasty patient..

She says he cornered her in the hotel room, blocked the door, exposed himself and demanded that she "kiss it."
Pretty slick behavior for a lothario, isn't it?

The only possible witness was Trooper Larry Ferguson, but he swears Paula asked him
if she could service the governor "on a regular basis," and she called him "a liar."
Incredibly, Paula's only witness is "a liar," according to her.
So there's no evidence they ever met.

But the second the Scaife/Brock/American Spectator story hit the newstands, Paula went running into the
national spotlight screaming, "That was me in that book!  Me, me, me, me, me, me!" and then she
refused to sue any of the people responsible for the "humiliation" she goddamn volunteered for.

Any court in any land would've thrown this out after a ten minute hearing, but,
as we learned last December, the Whore Court desperately wanted a Republican president,
so they ruled against Clinton in every unconstitutional motion that Hardon Kenny filed.

I'm so old, I remember when the Supreme Court was not for sale.

 Project 60

 Click  Here

 Includes yesterday, too.

 Condit Talked to Intern Day Before She Vanished
   Drip, drip, drip...

 WASHINGTON - Rep. Gary Condit told police he last spoke to missing intern
 Chandra Levy in an April 29 phone call, one day before she was last seen alive.

  Levy (left) with Condit

 Condit's lawyer says Levy placed "four or five" calls to Condit "just before she vanished,"
 but it was not clear whether she called again after that. Condit's wife was in town that day
 on a rare visit to Washington.

 In his long-awaited interview with police Saturday, Condit was cooperative
 but remained closed-mouthed about the nature of his relationship with Levy —
 and cops didn't press him about it, sources said.


 Numbers Don’t Lie: Bush Is in Trouble
  by smoking Joe Conason

 Click  Here

 Conservatives complain that the President has too quickly abandoned party
 positions on such issues as education vouchers and electricity price caps. Moderates
 fret that he has held fast to unpopular plans such as drilling for oil in Florida’s
 coastal waters and the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge (although there are signs
 that the White House is preparing to drop those schemes, too). Even the dogmatic
 party leadership in the House is beginning to distance itself from Mr. Bush.

AIDS fund backed by Bono gets U.S. support

(Launch) - A push that has been championed in recent months by U2's Bono to increase American contributions
to the global AIDS fund appears to be paying off. United States Secretary of State Colin Powell told the U.N.
General Assembly Monday that the U.S. will support the fund, beginning with $200 million described as "seed money."

In a spirited speech, Powell told the U.N., "I was a soldier and I know of no enemy in war more insidious or vicious
than AIDS, an enemy that poses a clear and present danger to the world." Bono said recently that Powell was among
the earliest U.S. government officials to step up to the plate on this issue.

"I don't know if you know that by 2010 there will be 40 million AIDS orphans in Africa," Bono said.
"He has commented on this by saying the breakdown and the complete collapse of all structures in Africa
under the weight of those facts is a security issue for the United States."

He added, "Powell really has a feel for this. I told him we were looking for a Moses on this matter
and he laughed, but I think he's taking this very, very seriously."

 Celebrity Mail


 Subject: Hey, Bart!

 I didn't know if you knew - Maxim Online is holding a Rump Romp.

 It's a contest to match the "chunky bumpers" with their owners.

 Your friend,
 Clarence Thomas

 ...I, ...I must admit I'd never heard of a "Rump Romp" until now.
 And ...I think you might want to ease up on the sex stuff this week.

 You were caught playing dirty pool on your way to a LIFETIME APPOINTMENT, remember?

 The Big Dog Returns to Washington and People Listen
  Damn, I miss having a president with a brain

  Click  Here

 "Half the people on the face of the earth, most of them people of color,
   live on less than $2 a day, A billion people on less than $1 a day,
   a billion and a half people don't have clean water, ever,"
     -- Bill Clinton, in rapid-fire delivery, apparently without notes.

 Ask BartCop

 From: (withheld)

 Subject: Jenna Bush Gone Wild

 Bart, is this picture really Jenna Bush?
 I'm surprised the Bush White House would let her be in a video like this.

 Please don't print my address.
 As you can see, I work for the government and Smirk is my boss.


 Joe, yes, I think that could be Jenna Bush, but shame on you!

 Maybe you're new to  but we don't go for that tacky "gotcha" journalism.
 We here at  want to help our new president change the tone,
 so it's inappropriate for you to speculate on what Jenna is doing in this picture.

 Besides, she's old enough to get married and sign contracts, so that means she old enough
 to shake her moneymaker for teenage boys with VCRs, Viagra and insatiable stamina.

 Next time you want to roll around in the gutter with your tawdry sexual inuendoes,
 I suggest you contact The New York Whore Times.
 Their standards have really fallen.


Subject: St Louis Catholic Supply Co.

As a Catholic, I must say that I'm a bit disturbed by your parody of St Louis Catholic Supply. I going to hell because I laughed that hard?

Concerned about my soul,

Kevin, you are almost certainly doomed to Hell.

 Tally Briggs / Actress at Large

 The 4th of July

 Click  Here


Subject: Re: Condit

You're damn right there weren't any bodies, and there probably will be in this case.
That's the point - it's a police matter, and the whore press speculating about Condit's place
in this mess is a phenomenon of the past few years.

If Condit isn't cooperating with the cops that's one thing.
Telling the press to go fuck itself is fine by me.

You're position appears contradictory to me.
The press is doing exactly what they did with Clinton - they're cock chasing,
this time a Blue Dog rather than the Big Dog.

It's salacious.
They're trying to sell ads, not the truth.

Fuck 'em...


Lou, you see no difference ?
Not only did Condit tell the press to fuck off, he told Mr & Mrs Levy the same thing.
That's why they flew to Washington - to shame him into looking them in the eye.

You don't have to agree with me on this.
You just have to realize the difference between oral sex and probable murder

...but you can still say "It's the same thing," 100 times, if you want.

 Smirky's European Diary

 Click  Here


Subject: Higdon vs BartCop

I am troubled by the fact that your position appears to come very close to
the position that Tony Snow took when asked where is the proof/evidence
that Clinton staffers trashed the WH.  (saw that in MediaWhoresOnline several weeks ago).

Rather than acknowledge that there were no photos, videos, work orders for clean up, affidavits,
etc., etc., i.e., no affirmative evidence of wrongdoing, Snow simply said "Where's the denials?"

Can you explain how your position on Condit is any different than Snow's re: the alleged WH vandalism?

Chuck, I sure can.

 A Message from Bart

 Click  Here  (only 16K)


Subject: Question about Bush's telex to Hussein

Your June 28 issue mentioned a telex sent by George Sr. to Saddaam Husein saying
"Take Kuwait if you want."

I've never heard about that before.
Was that a joke or was there really such a message sent?

It was not a joke, but allow me to clarify.

First, it's always a bad idea to get your facts from a comedy web site,
but that's all true, swear to Koresh, except for the wording.

I'll tell you what I remember because I'm old and I was paying attention.

April Glaspie was our ambassador in the area.
(I don't know if we had an ambassador to Iraq at the time, or if she was in Jordan
 or somewhere and taking care of Iraq on the side - I need a staff)

She sent a Telex to the White House saying Saddam wanted clarification of our position on whatever
his stated intentions were. The Telex he got back from the White House saying (paraphrase)
"The United States has no intention of interfering in Middle East affairs."

Saddam read that as a blank check as anybody would - so he invaded Kuwait.

The Bush White House threw a fit and threatened to send troops to push him out.
At that point, Saddam showed the CNN cameras his Telex saying, in effect,
 "Do what you want, it's not our concern."

When the press asked Bush if the Telex Saddam showed them was real,
Bush hid behind "National security."

It's hard to figure out what "national security" was at risk since the world had already seen
and read Saddam's copy of Bush's Telex, but Bush continued to stonewall.

The Democrats, of course, didn't press the issue.
It was only hundreds of young Americans dead in the sand.
Why should the Democrats bother to find out why?

Wouldn't be prudent to distract a sitting president...

We lost hundreds of young men & women in Kuwait and Iraq, and Bush was never asked
to explain his foreign affairs gaffe that cost us hundreds of lives for no goddamn reason.

Just like Iran-Contra, October Surprise and everything young Smirk has gotten away with,
we never get the straight truth from either Bush administration.

But Ohhhhhhhhh!

When Bill Clinton tries to hide a little bit of consexual sex, the GOP and the whore press
went completely wild  24/7  for three loooooong years, against the will of the people
who wanted the government to press on with more important matters.

Hundreds of unnecessary deaths?
No problem - Bush was in charge.

A little sex in the Oval Office?
They called it a constitutional crisis.

"The flag is falling," screamed a hysterical Henry Hyde.

Horseshit  in the extreme.

Aliens upset with President Weak & Stupid's performance, too

Click  Here


Subject: Ask Bartcop!  Re: G. Lyons

Ask Bartcop!

Does Gene Lyons read Bartcop?
In his last essay, Mr. Lyons wrote,

“Even with the Washington press clique openly taking sides, it was always hard to
  understand how a strong minority voted for Bush and against peace and prosperity.”

"Peace and prosperity"

Where have I seen that before?

Joe Tom

Joe Tom,
I sent Gene Lyons some e-mail once, inviting him to visit
but if he answered me, I didn't not see the message.

Earlier this year, I wrote again and told him I really liked his latest column
and again invited him to check out

This time he wrote back, said, "Thanks,"
and said he checked out  "a time or two."
Maybe he was just being nice, trying to stop me from writing a third time.

People like Gene Lyons and Joe Conason are too busy with real stuff
to be bothering with Tequilaboy's comedy treehouse.

From: (withheld)

Subject: St. Louis Catholic Supply

It has everything you need.

I saw that they have priest shirts ($29.99) and the white collars and "collarettes" ($14.99 a dozen).
That's probably a good investment; you'd probably get a lot of free stuff, drinks on-the-house,
room upgrades, special clergy discounts, etc.

As an added bonus, you could bitch out Henry Hyde and Rudy Giulliani in public
and they'd have to just slink away.

Go to for a really good time.

Joe, the babes dig the collar, too.
It's better than a cute puppy for meeting chicks.

 More on that Horowitz scam you  readers busted

 Aurora/Acadia flexible fuzzy numbers

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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