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Volume 514 - Scandalous!

Recent.Old Stuff . . .Celebrity-hoe-mails      .Required ReadingThe Liberal Media?    ..Crime of the Century?      Kiss My Ass
 World News Links    Rush Sings  ..LiveWeb Cams.  .The BartCop Tax Plan....Clinton's Page    The Ruby Tape     Mother of All Links 
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 July 1, 2001.  ..... .....  ...Advertise on    .......... .......SPORTS..  ..........  ..Did you hear it?
  win a Webby Award.  Click  Here

 Note: Christian Livemore in on vacation, so the mail won't be read until July 7th.
  So if you have some important mail, maybe send it to her and the regular
  And always, if you have business to discuss, or if you're some slimy lawyer who wants a piece of me in court, ha ha
  or if you're my good friend Ben Affleck getting back to me on an important matter, use

 Most of the anti-Bart mail I get is hysterical.
 This one is not.

 Click  Here


 Subject: scandalous

 This is the most scandalous site I have ever should be ashamed!!!!!!!
 We have enough problems in this country without you added fuel to the fire.
 Janet McClenny

 California Democrats Finally Get Tough With Energy Thugs

 Full Story

 SACRAMENTO--Angered by the refusal of electricity wholesalers to surrender information
 about suspected price gouging, a Senate committee voted Thursday to hold two big energy
 companies in contempt of the Legislature.

 It was uncertain what punishment, if any, may be in store for Enron Corp. of Houston
 and Mirant Corp. of Atlanta. But committee members said potential sanctions could include
 heavy fines and/or the jailing of corporate executives.

 Something's not right here...
 Enron is one of our president's biggest backers, run by one of his closest friends, a Republican.

 They'd never be involved in price-gouging - would they?

 John Lennon Airport

 LONDON (Reuters) - John Lennon, one of Liverpool's most famous sons,
 will be honored by the city on Monday when it renames its airport after him.

 Liverpool airport chairman Robert Hough said Yoko Ono would be in Liverpool
 for the event, the first time Britain has named an airport after an individual.

 The airport will be renamed the Liverpool John Lennon Airport.
 It will also get a new slogan, "above us only sky'' -- a lyric from 'Imagine.' ''

 Pacemaker Plus

 I'm a little nervous about Cheney's new pacemaker.

 The GOP has been real cute - sending out the word that he's not getting
 an "ordinary" pacemaker,, ...not our Vice Oil Man Dick.

 He's getting a "Pacemaker Plus."
 He's getting a pacemaker with a defilbulator built right in
 But doesn't that mean poor Mr Cheney is so sick, a regular pacemaker won't do?

 This should be a cause of great concern for all Americans.
 The president's brain is very sick.

 Even if they announce Cheney has made a "full recovery," which is horseshit,
 he's going to have this time bomb in his chest for the rest of his life.
 On C-Span, just before the  thing, they took calls from people
 who had this pacemaker plus, and they said when that defibulator works,
 Cheney might feel a "small shock" or he might feel "a mule kick to the chest."

 Can you imagine Cheney doing a live press conference and getting "a mule kick to the chest?"

 That's not funny.

 If we lose Cheney, it'll just be Smirk, his Bible and Jim Beam.

 That's not funny.


 "Dick Cheney is a valuable member of my administration.''
   -- President Weak and Stupid

 I guess that's true.
 It's like saying "Paul McCartney was a valuable member of Wings."

 So far, we haven't even registered a dent in the voting for the Webby Awards.

 I guess the Webby Awards is just too big a pond for a nickle & dime comedy treehouse
 like to be swimming in.

 Or maybe - my promise to pull off Sam Donaldson's hairpiece on live TV
 was the wrong tack to take - with Sam having such national honor and respect.
 I should've known better than to take on a cultural icon like Sam the Sham.

 The voting ends in four days, so maybe we'll make try to make a small dent next year.

 But I'll tell you one thing - we won't quit!

 As Koresh as my witness, they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this
 and when it's all over, I'll never be ignored again. No, nor any of my folk.
 If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill, as Koresh as my witness, I'll never be ignored again.

 Fresh Violence Undercuts Middle East Peacemaking

 JERUSALEM (Reuters) - The fate of a Middle East peace plan hung in the balance
 on Sunday as fresh violence stymied efforts to establish even a seven-day period of
 calm supposed to precede the key steps of an agreement.

 There's never going to be peace in the Middle East.
 As long as religious insanity controls those people, there will always be war.
 As long as those children are taught that God will reward them if they murder
 the "Zionist dogs and monkeys," peace will be impossible over there.

 At some point Saddam or the Ayatollah will explode a nuclear bomb near Israel, who will
 retaliate ten-fold and we'll have that mess to deal with - all because of religious insanity.

 But the reason I mention this is the headline.
 When President Clinton would broker a peace agreement, only to see it shattered
 by a bomb blast on a bus, the headlines would scream. "Clinton Fails Again."

 President Weak & Stupid couldn't find Israel if you gave him a globe and 45 minutes.
 But he gets the puffy-friendly headlines, after Clinton got screwed by the press at every opportunity.

 Don't get me wrong - I think the press should be free to lie and whore as much as they want.
 More than most, I depend on the Freedom of the press,
 but I'm getting real tired of this "liberal media" horseshit.

 The abortion, deserting during wartime, the cocaine bust(s) the hidden fourth arrest,
 the Florida Scam, openly bribing the Whore Court with cushy jobs for their kids,
 the pardons that buried Iran-Contra forever, October Surprise, the Iraq Telex, etc etc.

 The press has no interest in covering these stories and nobody can say why.
 But Koresh help us if Clinton is seen talking to a woman wearing a beret.

 Then, "Monica flashback" will be the headline all around the globe.

 Happy Birthday to...

...       (picture not available)
             Pamela Anderson  (34)                                Deborah Harry (56)                                      Liv Tyler (24)

 Tick, Tick, Tick...
  By Bryan Zepp Jamieson

 Click  Here

 Cheney’s condition is not sustainable, and all the implantation of this device does is
 (maybe) buy him a little time.  How much time, no one can say, but he’s certainly not
 in any position to function as the de facto President of the United States for another 1329 days.

 Julia Roberts is in the news again

 USA Today's Jeannie Williams reports that the reason "Hollywood's reigning glamour couple"
 split up is because Benjamin Pratt wanted her to quit working and move to San Francisco
 and be the good little wife and clean his house, launder his undies and prepare his meals.

 Hey, Benny, I've got a thunderbolt for you:

 Julia Roberts is the highest-paid woman in Hollywood.
 She's a bigger star than everyone who's ever worked on Law & Order combined.
 She makes so much money, we used her salary to demonstrate the folly of Smirky's tax cut for the super-rich

 ...and you think she should give that up to scramble your eggs?


"People who are not fans of the president are going to like your site."
     --  George Hager, C-Span

 Funny, the best part of my day was the introduction.
 George Hager said, "We have two websites from opposite ends of the political spectrum."

 Then  he introduced the wacko from

 ha ha

 Koresh, that made me feel good.  Can you believe

 What, was taken?

 I'll take being the opposite of a pipe-bomber any day,
 which is the reason a fake "real" name was provided to C-Span.

 Also, was it just me, or did George show a little spark in him?
 He's supposed to be totally non-partisan, but he seemed to smile more
 on the  bartcop,com  segment than he did with that pipe bomber.

 Maybe the joke at  isn't the owner.


 "I know Dick Cheney. If I told him to slow down, he'd say 'Forget it.' "
   -- President Weak & Stupid, after Cheney's latest heart surgery.

 Yeah, Smirk, I'll bet Cheney says that to you a lot.

 You'd be crazy to believe everything you read on the Internet, but word is...

 During the conversation with her old classmates at the reception in German Town High School,
 The Weekly Post learned that Japan's Foreign Minister Makiko Tanaka made a remark about George Bush,
 "He is totally an asshole" in English.

   ...and the whole world knows it.

   Click  Here  for the complete story

New Toonist

Good stuff, Greg

 Subject: Right and Wrong

 Saw your site mentioned on CSpan today and will visit often. Liked your
 piece on the myth of the liberal media. You are right on and they are wrong.

 I fought for "peace, freedom and democracy" in a place called Vietnam. Hmmmm.
 Was taught duty honor country all of which were betrayed by our "leaders", and
 ignored by my fellow country folk. Now, I see my own country stolen from us citizens
 by a power elite cabal. Not a happy time!


 RMC, thanks for the note, and a salute to you for your service to all of us.
 I stand behind our men & women in uniform.

 Hang in there, we'll be done with President Weak & Stupid soon...

GOP Gets a White House Wake-up Call
  by Jake Tapper of

Click  Here

George W. Bush came to Washington promising to be the un-Clinton.
He wouldn't get in people's faces,
he wouldn't sully the Oval Office with tawdriness,
he wouldn't feel our pain.

He has succeeded.

Unfortunately for Bush, at least as of right now, there were two positive things
Clinton had going for him that Bush does not:   Americans believed that Clinton
cared about them, and they thought he was up to the job.

It's funny - the White House says "Bush feels like he doesn't need to tell us his opinion on every subject."

ha ha

When the truth is - he's not smart enough to have an opinion and he's not smart enough to remember
what Uncle Dick thinks about everything - so his feeders and handlers concoct a story that young Bush
doesn't "feel" he needs to have an opinion.   What a joke.

...and the press, as always, dutifully runs the Rove-scripted stories about how "engaged" Bush is,
 and how "well disciplined" his staff was in Europe.  Oh, please!
 Smirk couldn't find the Atlantic Ocean without his "well disciplined" staff.


Subject: the new guy who knows- it- all

funny page, in places ( usually a joke you got from someone else ),
but reeks of bitterness acquired from years of unabated, unadulterated hatred.

how's THAT ?!
did I just get a laugh ?
(just about as funny as YOUR stuff ! )

oh, well - - rant on, oh mindless, moralless (new word ) motherfucker !
( nothing personal, just trying to follow the excellently expletive example you've set for us ),
and remember: HATE KILLS !!! ( 88 ).

Peter Sliman

Peter, I have not called you any names, but you called me a MF-er.
That's not a good way to make new friends.

And you say HATE KILLS, that right?

And yes, we have a crackerjack staff of professional writers at
How else could we come up with such topical and witty jocundity on a regular basis?

One last thing - does Rachel know you're using her e-mail address to
send vituperous e-mail to web sites that are read by dozens of people?
I thought your note was both opprobrious and contumelious.


Subject: You're CSPAN segment...

introduced me to your website.  Just as I suspected, you are an
infantile old man who is envious of the Republicans, Rush Limbaugh
and are one who continues to spout lies about the past presidential election.

Your guy lost.
Check the recounts that were done by all the liberal news agencies.
He lost worse in the recounts.  I find your continued editorials/cartoons
depicting the Republicans as racist and prejudiced to be particularly offensive.

Why don't you focus your efforts on exposing the real agendas of the
Al Sharptons and Jessie Jacksons of the world if you are really concerned
about improving life for African Americans.   Jackass.

Jeff Wirth

Jeff, ...can I call you Jeff?

Thank you for the warm letter.
Do you know Peter Slimer?
I think you two could be good friends.

Tell me, does the Republican Black Congressional Caucus agree
that it would be a mistake to paint the GOP as racially-intolerant?

Some people say that if Uncle OJ Watts wasn't such a standout football player from
football-then-God Oklahoma, your party would be as racially diversive as the Aryan Resistance.

...but I could tell from your warm note you're not like that.

My political enemies supply me
with endless comedy contributions



Your just another stupidchildish web site.
Can't you make your point without taking the low road?

Michael S. McCormick

Mike, what do you mean, "low road?"
You mean,

ha ha

Maybe I should try that high road that Rush, Laura, Hannity and Smirk use.
It's nice to meet you, Mike, even if you're a bad first-impression type of guy...

BTW, have you met Jeff Wirth and Pete Slimer?
I'll bet you three could become good friends...


Subject: socialist site?





JC, first, let me offer my condolences that you lost your leader in Terre Haute.
It must be tough going thru something like that, yet you keep on.
Good for you!

As far as the political labels, I'm really more of a Stalinist/Leninist/Maoist than a strict socialist.
You say a fourth of the GOP is socialist, too?
Maybe you and I could work together to unseat them...

BTW, have you met Mac, Jeff and Peter?
You guys should get together for some cookies and lemonade.
They say nobody makes a better lemonade than a Carolina widow.

Good to hear from you, and I hope you get your Caps Lock key fixed real soon.
That's soooooo embarrassing, having that key stuck like that...

Thanks, and write again.


Subject: Heard you on C-Span!

Man, I love the Internet, 'cause I got to watch the whole thing live.
(And I swear most of those callers were Republicans, no matter what they said.)

It was great to be able to hear you.

Feminists Against Censorship

 I saw this ad for Beefeaters Gin on the back cover of Rolling Stone magazine:

 I wonder, much Beefeaters Gin does a guy have to drink
 before he'd put on that outfit, wear that hat and hold that staff?

 I'm a luxury tequila man myself, and I can swear there's not enough
 tequila in Mexico to make me wear this get-up.

 Condit Corner

 "The number one movie is still 'The Fast and the Furious.'
   If you haven't seen it, it is about Congressman Gary Condit
   cleaning out his apartment before the cops show up."
     -- Jay Leno

 No matter if you think he's guilty, innocent, or have no opinion,
 don't you agree Condit has handled this about as badly as possible?

 ...and don't say it's because "people like you" are pounding on him.

 The BartCop hammer is barely big enough to build a treehouse.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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