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Volume 545 - The Aped Crusader 
  Recent Old Stuff .      .Celeb-ho e-mails       .Required Reading..... The Liberal Media?      .Crime of the Century?
     Con Links           World News Links       Rush Sings       ..LiveWeb Cams.       .The BartCop Tax Plan.. Kiss My Ass
     Clinton's Page         The Ruby Tape          Mother of All Links.......Did you hear it? . .. Bush Abortion Shocker! 
..........stuff.......................................................................................................Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!... ...... .........................................................................................................................................................................Support

.......................................................................................................................................................................POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155 

 August 3, 2001.  ...... ....... ... ...Ad-vertise.....................SPORTS..  ..........  Sabutai Concert 
 MAIL is fixed so no more mail to


 "We don't really have a health care problem in this country.
   Nine times out of ten, health problems aren't even life-threatening."
    -- Vulgaboy, third hour.

 Let's do the math:
 Since every American citizen has a health care problem sooner or later,
 if nine out of ten survive, that means only 28,000,000 Americans will die
 from inadequate health care under the GOP plan, using Rush's figures.

  CNN finally reports the truth:
 Bush Has been lying about Tax Rebate
    by the Honest Reporter

 After weeks of touting the Bush line, CNN  has finally reported that the "tax rebate"
 coming to your mailbox is not a rebate, but an advance on next year's taxes.

 That means you will have to pay for this check next April when you pay your taxes.

 I would say that's a significant difference and clearly another deliberate lie by
 this most unethical and misleading Administration the country has ever seen.

 Bush to Homeless Veterans - Drop Dead

  Click  Here

  You should read this one.

When you're young and in love,
only one thing matters.


Subject: A Humble Question

Has Julie Hiatt Steele already run the gamut of bankruptcy remedies?
If not, why not file and tell BOTH creditors to go pound sand?

Robin, I don't know her numbers, but somebody said her legal bills were $800,000.
She's selling her home to pay them, before the bank can foreclose.

With two creditors threatening to foreclose, she's afraid she'll end up with a check
for $500 at closing and that's all.
Right now, she's not even online because she can't afford a computer or online fees,
which is a heartbreaker considering she once had a paid for home and a real job.

Her next deadline is August 11, so I guess we'll know something soon.

If anybody wants to contribute or just write a letter of support, write to:

 Julie Hiatt Steele
 10701 Arsenal Drive
 Midlothian, VA 23113

 Write her a small check and ask her to endorse it personally.
 That way, for $10 or $20, you can have a real hero's autograph
 when the check comes back to you.

 (I have no authorization to make this "offer,"
  I just assume she'd trade an autograph for supper.)

'Sopranos' Star Indicted by Manhattan Grand Jury
  Will he turn rat like Uncle Pussy? Or do the time?

 Click  Here

 Fire Deaths From Old FireFighter
    by  Liam_OC

  Click here

From: (withheld)

Subject: Eudora and your staff

If you are really being bugged by Eudora about having to take ads or going
back to Eudora Light, tell you what...I will mail you a copy of Eudora 5.5.
Send me a post office box which accepts packages, or a real address, and I'll send it.

I still think that "you" are a team of about ten to twelve staffers from the Democratic Party,
I maintain a small web site myself, and can barely get up the time or energy to update it
once a month, let alone daily. It is unlikely, I daresay impossible, that one man could
produce this site and hold down a 40-hour-a-week job. But...whether you're a DLC
black ops team or are really an Incredible Hulk of a writer, your site has been more
informative, interesting and FUN than most of the stuff on the Web.

Tom R

Tom, I got my mail problems fixed by downloading a new copy.
Thanks for the offer, tho and the great compliment.
The only way it could've been better is if it'd come from a ditto-monkey :)

You're right about the time consuming crap, tho.
Just the mechanics take a couple of hours a day.

If I had ten or twelve staffers and a budget.....

Of course you know there are dozens of people who contribute articles, and Christian in NY
handles the important mail and is the brains of the outfit (sorry, Christian) and Dave is doing Project 60,
and Marty is doing the Entertainment section, and Geneva is handling our astrology needs, and Genslab
handles the Chat Room, the Forum and The BartCop Reader, Joe handles the bar and the rowdy drunks,
and MediaWhoresOnline and the JFK/RFK pages are sell-contained by their owners.

But the barstool political rants, the trip reports, the tequila talk and the chauvinistic crap are mine.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "The government is running a surplus,
   so why don't you demand a piece of it?"
    -- The vulgar Pigboy, end of today's first hour

 Rush, do you own a TV or have you read a newspaper?
 This year's $57 B surplus is now a $51 deficit.

 Weak & Stupid gave the surplus to BIG OIL.


 "Clinton is a liar and a cheat who betrayed his own family and his closest supporters."
    -- Cokie Roberts, the most worthless whore in Washington DC

 Gee, Cokie, compared to whom?




Believe me, I'm just as pissed and outraged as you are about Hutchison being confirmed as DEA chief.
What qualifications does this asshole have?  He was a former prosecutor, right?
He loudly invokes God when given the chance, right?
He graduated with distinction from Bob Jones, right?

His qualifications are:
He hates Bill Clinton.
He's a  religiously insane right-winger
He wants to use his Holy Bible to stop drugs

But you know, I'm more pissed at our leotarded Dems.  This is such a wuss opposition.
I'm almost embarrassed for them.  Either that or I begin to succumb to the Naderite notion
that these Senators are all part of one corporate party.  I haven't reached that point yet, thank God,
but I'm ready to give up on these pink tutus.  They disgust me.  They're in the wrong biz.
They need to stay in the concert hall and stay out of politics.


David, you are correct.
These sell-out Senate democrats confirmed this crazed ditto-monkey 98 -1.
That means Hutchison will feel like he has a mandate to cure with some hands-on voodoo.

There was only one Democrat who did the right thing.
Sen. Mark Dayton (D-Minn.) who said he disagreed with Hutchinson's support of
 "the escalation of the drug war in Colombia."

Hutchison wants to cure drugs with  "More God, more prisons and less education."

America doesn't want the drug problem solved.
They want to elect religiously-insane politians to "declare war" on our personal freedoms.

  Hall of Shame
 36 Democrats Give Bush, Big Oil Green Light
 To Drill in Alaska Wildlife Refuge

 Click  Here

 ...then start drilling here.

 ...sons of bitches.

 From: (withheld)

 Bartcop, I'm on weekly chemo. You PROMISED you'd add MALE beefcake
 to the cheesecake you feature. Keanu Reeves--Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle.

 I was hoping you'd forget :)

 Click  Here

  MTV Celebrates 20th Anniversary

  Last night, as MTV celebrated its 20th anniversary, blasts from the past mingled with current
  MTV favorites at a star-studded blowout aired live on the network. The show opened with
  Beavis and Butt-head, trashing the Network for being shameless whores, selling crap.

 "We wasted our lives watching MTV," Butthead says.

 "Yeah, heh-heh, ...huh huh, ...heh-heh, ...we have," Beavis replies.

  I read yesterday that the Beavis & Butthead "empire" has made $600 million since 1993.
  Wanna bet Mike Judge only got about $6 million, or one percent?
  Nevermind that he wrote the dialog, drew the cartoons and did the voices.
  Why should he make money when MTV is greedy like a Limbaugh?

  The show opened with punk band Sum 41, who did a song that made them hop.
  Then they wheeled out wife-beater Tommy Lee, who looked like he was their once-cool Dad,

  Check the giant hickey on his neck - how seventh grade....

  ...followed by Rob Halford of Judas Pipecover, ...I mean Priest, who looked like Sum 41's grandfather.

            I'm 66 years old and I'm Borg.

  Three generations of headbangers, all on the same stage at one time.

  The kids praised Lee & Halford as "true heroes," while Halford returned the handjob by saying
 "These guys are the future of heavy metal," which made everybody laugh.
  Tommy Lee ended the incestfest by licking Carson Daly.

 The show was called  "Live and Almost Legal",  an apparent joke on Jenna Bush.
 Trust me, when men talk about "almost legal," the phase is "barely legal," meaning sex at 18.
 If they're twenty and almost legal - they must be needing a drink.

 The network's original faces, Martha Quinn, JJ Jackson, Mark Goodman and Alan Hunter,
 Nina Blackwood, (who was asked about her biggest influences and she DARED not reply "Stevie Nicks,"
 cause she's gained at least a hundred pounds.  Poor Nina hid under a Queen Mother-type 40-gallon hat
 and hid her face from the camera so we couldn't see. Perhaps that was best, Nina.

 I wrote that before Jon Stewart said it last night, I just couldn't get it published till now.
 Stewart used "Minnie Pearl meets Steveie Nicks," which was probably better than mine.

 TLC came out and did a horrendous medley of bad songs. Truly, truly bad work.
 Mrs. BartCop was looking forward to TLC, so I had to tease her when they sucked so bad.
 The lead singer seemed to have gained a lot of weight, too, so to cover up, she made the others
 wear these chaps/potato sack pants that made them all look like Rowdy Yates.

 Then they went live to St Louis to see Aerosmith do "Walk this Way," ...again.

           It's the only song we play for television.

 And go figure, they cut away before Justin and Britney came out to join them.

 I thought there'd be hell to pay, cutting off a big band like Aerosmith in mid-song,
 but that's just MTV being more fucked than anybody would ever think possible.
 They cut more than half the live performaces in mid-song so they could go to a pre-taped piece
 of shit about a girl walking around New York City.  They played that clip a dozen times while some
 real bands were performing real music, proving MTV is to music what the vulgar Pigboy is to politics
 - i.e., a way to make millions and screw the industry we're pretending to be involved with.

 Some old faces (and I mean old) appeared, such as a Joan Jett,

                    That's Joan on the left

 who was about as attractive as mustard on chocolate cake with her punished recruit skull shining like Liberty's torch.
 Huey Lewis, who coined the phrase "Hip to be square," which is accurate ...if your name is Huey!
 ...then Pauly Shore, and Fred Schneider of the B-52s.
 Yes, it was an evening with rock's elite.

 Years ago, groups like Duran Duran, George Michael and an emerging singer named Madonna ruled the channel.
 They had a brief conversation with three VJ's from other continents.
 When asked what the biggest difference was between America's MTV and MTV Europe,
 they replied, "In Europe, we play music on our channel, instead of  "Celebrity Deathmatch,
 Real World marathons and gross-out comedy shows starring Tom Green's testicle."

 Many of the acts interviewed expressed scorn for the billion-dollar MTV empire of whores.
 Christine Aguilera sent a video clip saying, "This year, MTV and I BOTH made money,"
 which sounds like her label has been screwing her, with MTV's help.

 Several former VJ's complained that they weren't paid for shit, but working there
 got them some exposure so they weren't too hostile about it.

 Among the show's highlights was Billy Idol performing ``Rebel Yell.''

                       Moe, Moe, Moe

 Go figure, in a room full of music superstars, Billy Idol stole the show - for the women.
 That's what MTV has done to music.

 I missed the hip-hop medley.

 Jane's Addiction played a pretty good song, but has Perry Farrell always been that gay?
 I don't mind a performer being gay, but these flames almost touch the ceiling.

 Ja Rule, Mary J. Blige and Method Man escaped me, but their interviews went on forever.
 Carson Daily said, without a doubt, Method Man was the "King of Music," or some such crap.

 Then, with every breath, they promised "the biggest musical surprise of the century."
 Sure enough, here came unplugged Kid Rock with special guest Billy Gibbons.

 Kid Rock promised a political statement, but it was horrible whoreness, instead.
 He did a little ditty (with Billy Gibbons playing lead, lending some credibility) called
 "If I was the President," which was written by the same guy who wrote "Rules of Engagement."

 Billy, love your non-disco stuff, but that hat you've been wearing is so 1997.
 Isn't it time you moved on?

 Janet Jackson did a half-song...

                                They caught her in the middle of her show - and she was all wet.

 ...and it was the best I've ever seen her look.
 Well, unless you caught that live "Black Cat" she did on MTV a few years ago
 where she pulled her top off and finished the song in her black bra.
 That was MTV's best moment ever.

 Then Depeche Mode did a gay song.
 Followed by I-didn't-even-know-he-was-gay Sugar Ray, who's music idol all these years
 must be George Michael, the way he was waving his ass around for the camera.

 ...was there a memo I missed?
 Did the rock community come out of the closet, and I missed it?

 Boy George proved he still has his fashion sense.

   Have you ever seen a man who could accessorize better?
             Pointy purple hats go with everything.

 Of course, there were a few straight rockers there.

 ...and some Chili Peppers...

 All this time, MTV was promising "the biggest surprise of their 20 years."
 The "special mystery guests" were getting ready to perform.

 I figured it woiuld be Madonna, who was in town that night. Not that Madonna is
 all that super special to me, but the girl knows how to work a stage.

 For my money, the night in 1984 when she rolled around the stage in that wedding drees rules.
 Not only was it the nastiest thing I've even seen a woman do in a wedding dress,
 but the walls were coming down all over the place that night.
 Madonna was serving notice to the world that she wasn't like the other performers,
 that she was going to do things her way and nobody was going to stop her.
 She wanted to go new places and, by Koresh, she did.
 Love her or hate her, she's got passion and drive like nobody else.

 In a sad note, Mariah Carey sent a video from the nut house.


 She started whisper-singing "Happy Birthday" like Marilyn Monroe did to Jack,
 but then she stood up and started taking off her dress and some dudes in white coats
 ran in and grabbed her and the video feed went dead.   I hope she's OK.

 Now the show was drawing to a close and we're still waiting to see
 "the biggest surprise in the history of live MTV," and it turns out to be...

 ANTON, drum roll ...

 ...the Red Hot Chili Peppers ...who we just talked to ...a few minutes ago.

 They sang "Give it away," for the hundreth time.

 Geez, it was almost like a letdown.
 Don't get me wrong, I like the Chili Peppers, allright.
 Christ, they're a BAND.
 They play instruments.

 And, of course, Flea has been my spiritual role model for a dozen years,
 but has there ever been an awards show where they did not play?
 Only LL Cool  J has done more award shows than the Peppers.

 All props to the Chili peppers, but I thought Billy Gibbons was a bigger/better surprise.
 I just wished he would've played with somebody besides Pam Anderson's latest boy toy.

 Then they said "Good night" and seemlessly started the rerun to fool the stoners
 into thinking the party was actually seven hours instead of "just" three and a half..

 ...another night of whoricity from corporate MTV.


Subject: thanks Greens rebutall

Please post this right next to the misguided "Thanks Greens" cartoon.
I usually let the Green bashing slide but this graphic is too much.
The Democrats are nearly as bad as the Republicans on a lot of those issues.

OK, we'll give you a shot...

One point I'll agree with 100 percent is shame on all the Democrats for laying down over Florida.

You may have a half a point on some of those, but you guys were warned the last week before the election
that you were about to screw up and you still did it, and now we have President Bush as a result.
It's my guess no amount of clear-cut mathematical evidence will ever convince you that you were wrong,
so maybe we should just move on.

...but, you're going to screw up again in 2004, aren't you?
To justify your 2000 screw up, you're going to screw up again.

So how can we move on if you're determined to give Smirk another four years?

Prediction: Nader will get fewer votes than last time.


Subject: Fuck The Ditto-heads!

Dear BC,

I noticed on yer site today that you're thinking of "taking the gloves off" when so-called fans
take a cheap shot or give you a backstab. More power to you if you have the stomach for
dealing with people like that, but let me propose a question:
Why are you even giving the ditto-spanks the time of day?

A True Conservative would jump at the chance to debate you on your site.
A True Conservative would forego all the name-calling and bashing and engage you
in a very intelligent discourse. There would be a genuine exchange of ideas and both sides
would learn something!! But you will go through 10 thousand emails from gibbering ditto-spanks
before you will find one from a True Conservative (that's how rare they are).

So do as you like with the Rushmonkeys.
I just think your energies would be better spent hammering the Bush Wacks relentlessly.
I love your site and wait breathlessly for each update!

Your Fan,
David Treadway

I can handle anything the ditto-monkeys throw at me.
They don't have the ability to make me mad.

But when a "friend" stupidly accuses me of selling out, I get pissed.
Back-stabbers piss me off a lot more than conservative Republicans.

 Helena Bonham Carter, ...she's been around what, 15 years? ...longer?
 She usually does those frilly-shirt period movies which I avoid like Jose Cuervo.

This time, she does a mainstream, "normal" movie, and movie grosses $70 million in three days
and Helena finally hits the big time ...and she's on Biography in a damn ape mask.

ha ha

 She looks like a Bush voter.

From:  pipecover

Subject: and furthermore

In regards to your stupid rock n' roll analogy... .
This is what it sounds like to me:

"Good song.  If we could get Pat Boone to cover it,
  we could sell a lotta records to the white kids!"

... You never got any of my money back then, Pat, and you sure as hell ain't gettin' any now!

-- Bill Nilsen (D-still pissed)

Promise you'll be a guest on my first radio show.

I'll bet your phlebotomy would be a real audience pleaser.

 Common Sense on Ralph Nader
    by  Cynthia Boaz

  Click  Here

From:  pipecover

Subject: Will do, my man

I know what you're trying (clumsily) to say as far as the greens, etc.;
and I do understand you and your site, contrary to what you'd like to believe.

First, let me apologize for my last missive.

Which one?
The one where you accused me of selling out for money?
Or that idiotic Pat Boone analogy?

I had just quaffed a coupla' snorts and admit I was a little hasty and arcane
when I fired off a little heartfelt rejoinder.  (You got the point, though,
I know from your little pistol-whipping reply -- which I expected.)

That wasn't a pistol-whipping.
That was me biting my tongue for the last time.

Bart, please do not assume that the reason I ought not to contribute the the growth
of the hammer is that I am a benighted slob.  Again, I really do understand what you are all about.

But here's what I think:  YOU ARE TOO FUCKING CENTRIST!  Centrism is opportunist territory.
The dems and you need to move LEFT, goddamnit!!!  Stop pontificating about "pink tu-tu's" and such, will ya?
Listen, I'm no freakin essayist, but I'm not the idiot you'd like to think I am.

ha ha
I'm "too centrist?"
My thinking is too much in line with the majority of voters?

Explain why a fuckin' democrat should have been the champion of NAFTA;

I don't know Smirk about NAFTA.

...then explain why a fuckin' democrat shoulda been the one to throw people (mothers)
off of welfare and into the waiting arms or our cheap-labor loving enterpreneurial class.

Substitute "move" for throw and re-ask that question.

Explain how rubbin' penis-heads with that freak Newt Gingerich was "good politics".

How many snorts have you quaffed today?

Explain why Ross Perot was wrong when he said, "Run a republican against a republican
and the republican will win every time."

You want me to explain Ross Perot?
Is someone helping you with these questions?

Bart, I gave ya some money once.  I'll give you some more when you move left.

I'm not moving anywhere for anybody.
Keep your money, buy George Stephanopolous's book with it.

Print that: then I dare you to try to give me one of your smart-ass pistol whippings.

Bill Nilsen (D-pissed)

That "I was gonna, ...but now I'm not" you pulled yesterday was horseshit.
I'm glad you're on Nader's team, not mine.

By the way, you really going to send that $200 to

Or will you write them a snotty letter instead, saying,
"I was going to give you guys $200, ...but now I'm not?"

 McGwire needs 14

 Mark McGwire connects for a home run at Busch Stadium Wednesday.
 McGwire tied Harmon Killebrew for fifth place on the career home run list with 573.
 With 14 more home runs, McGwire will join Hank Aaron, (755) Babe Ruth (714)
 and Willie Mays (660) on baseball's Mount Rushmore.

 I had a semi-funny rant here about the soon-to-be-here BartCop Radio,
 but I felt I gave away too much, so I'm holding back for a few days.

 ...but if you don't have speakers, you might consider getting some.

 You can get a set of speakers and software for $30-40.

 Netscape Cowards

 To make this webpage, I have to use Netscape Composer because I'm too clueless
 to sit down and write code like the big boys do. Working with Netscape Composer
 is just like playing "Weakest Link," because you have to "Bank" your work every minute
 or risk losing everything when the program inevitably crashes.

 It crashes more often than Smirky's car in his college years

 But as time goes by, I got used to it.
 So what's my bitch today?

 Each time Netscape crashes, a window pops up asking my opinion of  their product.
 Since that window only pops up when I'm pissed as hell at losing all my work,
 the messages to Netscape have been quite colorful.

 It just happened again, and when that looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong list
 of colorful comments came up, I thought about grabbing them to put on the page.
 But those tricky bastards at Netscape don't want you to know how often their
 two-Dixie-cups-on-a-string product crashes, so when that page is displayed,
 the right-click function of your mouse is disabled, the sons of bitches.

 I'll get even.

 Next time it happens (I can't believe it hasn't happened yet...) I'll try that trick with the
 alt-control-print screen, or have the gutless cowards disabled that, too?

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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