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Volume 928 - Whispers & Screams


 Wednesday    Nov 13, 2002 


''I don't care what they said. The Iraqi Parliament is
  nothing more than a rubber stamp for Saddam Hussein."
    -- The never-elected, hungry Oil Puppet

 Oh, so you're saying Saddam has the same kind of opposition in Iraq
 that you have here in America?

 I did not steal that from Jon Stewart.
 It was written yesterday at 2 PM, his show is on in K-Drag at 10.

 Al-Jazeera Airs bin Laden Tape
 Bush & Co. "the biggest murderers of the century"

  Click  Here

 A voice said to be Osama bin Laden praised terrorist strikes in Bali and Moscow
 and threatened Western nations over any attack on Iraq in a new audiotape.

 Wasn't it nice if Osama to wait until after the election to release this tape?

 This way, his friend/partner got the political muscle he needed to invade Iraq,
 which is just what Osama and the B.F.E.E. need to make more money.

 A dark week for democracy
 The stranglehold the far Right has now taken on America
 will make it a more divided, reactionary and illiberal country

  Click  Here

 Georgia's Republican Party, for example, is now lead by Ralph Reed, (R-Baby-beater)
 a long-time crusader against abortion, divorce and single parent families. He would regard
 last week's vote in the House of Lords allowing unmarried and gay couples to adopt as the
 work of Satan. He is part of US conservatism's ideological hard core.

 Reed played every card he could. If the governorship was to be won celebrating the
 Confederacy, the race for the Senate seat would be no less shameless. The Democrat
 incumbent had lost three limbs fighting in Vietnam, but was attacked for being unpatriotic
 - the worst accusation in today's US - because he believed that unions should be able
 to recruit in the newly established Department of Homeland Security.

Glitch in the BFEE software?

  Click  Here  ...this is from the ABC Network affiliate in Houston, notconspiracycentral.com

 Republican County Judge Daniel Scheel received 18,181votes beating Democrat Lois Duggan.
 Republican state Senator Jeff Wentworth also got 18,181 votes beating Democrat Joseph Sullivan
 Republican Representative Carter Casteel also got 18,181 votes beating Democrat Virgil Yanta.

 Do you still think the fix wasn't in?

 If this was statistically possible, there wouldn't be a Las Vegas.
 This is like rolling 25 sevens in a row on a craps table.

 I wonder how many other GOP candidates in other states got 18,181 votes?

 Do you still think the fix wasn't in?

 True Crime Stories

 >From Harper's Weekly;

"It was reported that Admiral John M. Poindexter, who was convicted in the Iran-Contra affair
 in 1990 but later acquitted on a technicality, joined the Bush Administration earlier this year as
 head of the Office of Information Awareness at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency.

 Poindexter is in charge of a new system called Total Information Awareness, which would permit
 the military to spy on the civilian population of the United States without search warrants by scanning
 personal information such as email, credit-card statements, banking and medical records, and travel
 documents for patterns that suggest criminal or terrorist activities. Deployment of the surveillance
 technology would require new legislation, since the military traditionally has not been allowed to
 spy on ordinary American citizens.

 "This could be the perfect storm for civil liberties in America," said Marc Rotenberg, director of the
 Electronic Privacy Information Center, "The vehicle is the Homeland Security Act, the technology is
 Darpa, and the agency is the FBI. The outcome is a system of national surveillance of the American public."

Bart, are you going to complain about this, too?
Can't you see Bush just wants to protect us?


 "...a nutsac, that's all they need"
    -- Jon Stewart's recommendation for the Democrats

 Thank you, Jon, for saying that.
 It's so true, and now - everybody sees that and agrees

 - except for the damn Democrats!

 They keep fawning over Bush's "greatness."


"Ventura didn't pass the torch-he dropped it into a bucket of water and let it fizzle.
  He wasn't able to use the leverage of his office to broaden his party's political base,
  and he didn't work very hard to construct a party infrastructure. "
    -- Burl Gilyard, slate.msn.com

 Let the Infighting Begin
    by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

 As bad as things are, they could have been far worse. Did Rove mastermind a timely
 bait and switch, substituting Saddam Hussein for Osama bin Laden as Public Enemy #1?
 He did. Did the White House market what CNN bills as "Showdown in Iraq" like an
 action/adventure film for political purposes? Absolutely. But if Democrats failed to offer
 a clear alternative, it's because they have genuine differences.  That's why Rove's ploy worked

 From: Lande

 Your criticism of Ralph Nader was pathetic.
 C'mon...a hypochondriac?...played the stock market?

 I can't send you $5/month anymore.

 Dude, surprise - I'm not going to beg you to reconsider, but yes,
 that ink should've been in blue because I didn't write it.

 Remember, I said I didn't have the dirt on Nader, so I asked others to write.
 I printed an amalgamation of what they wrote.

 Subject: More on Nader

 Did you even read the Salon link you posted?
 This is how it ends:

 He chose to work for us. And, like the priest-ballplayer he is, he
 sits long into the night, surrounded by mounds of paper, books and his
 poster of Gehrig. When I asked via fax how he wants to be remembered, he
 wrote: "For helping strengthen democracy, for making raw power accountable
 and enhancing justice and the fulfillment of human possibilities."

 Let the record show he has lived up to this epitaph.

 I should have, I guess.

 Emmitt Smith

 I'd like to say some bad things about Emmitt Smith.
 As you know, he plays for the Dallas Cowboys, whom I really, really despise.

 ...but I can't think of too many bad things to say about Ol' Emmitt.

 But if I was going to nit-pik, I'd say:

I didn't like it, years ago, when he'd take his helmet off after a touchdown,
He had to have some luck getting there, cause any tackle can ruin your career,
He broke the record by Walter Payton,

 ...but if that's the worst I have to say about Emmiitt Smith, ...he might be OK.

sign at the Denver anti-Bush protest

 Tax cuts are only for the rich?
     by  Dick Matthews

 It was only a matter of time before a Republican got
 the best of me in a debate on tax cuts - not to be missed!

 Click  Here

Marty always has good stuff!


"I will give up my cock when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!!
    -- 46 percent of Oklahomans

 From: Ben Jackson

 Subject: Your web site


 I stumbled across your website today and found it interesting.
 Interesting from the standpoint of being ultra-Liberal and psychotic.
 Do you realize your "fans" are mentally ill and need psychiatric help?

 Sir, you are proof that, yes, crazies read this page, too.

 For example, you can not get over an election over two years ago.
 That is mental illness.
 Your readers seem to be in denial of the last election.
 It happened.  You lost!

 ha ha

 This, from a member of the GOP who spent the last eleven years on Clinton's cock,
 and you want me to "get over" something as small as the abortion of democracy?
 What's in denial is the legitimacy of Monkey Boy in the White House

 The Republicans won.  Really!  Your party is finished.
 They might as well declare themselves the communists, fascists and
 socialists they really are.  At least then the public would have a clear choice.

 Sir, no matter what you try to tell yourself, the Democrats won the last three popular votes for president.
 The American voter clearly chose to be led by the Democrats, but we have a Supreme Court of crooks,
 so we have a monkey in the White House.

 Your Democrat politicians obfuscate their confusing message.
 The public hates that with a passion.
 They know you are fakers and liars.
 Pure BS.

 Benjamin Jackson

 Ben, I'll bet you're the type of guy who could kick my ass in a live debate.
 Do you have any free time between now and the end of your life?

 Give me a couple of days to draw a crowd, and we'll meet in the chat room.


 C'mon, I know you can do it.
 I'm just a faker and a liar, so you should be able to dismantle me in mere minutes.

 How about tomorrow night 8 PM CST?
 That good for you?

 ha ha

 How many times has some little doggie barked, only to run away
 when the time came to debate that of which he is so certain?

 The Best of bartcop.com

 I got an e-mail from Toni asking what we had planned for upcoming Issue 1000.
 She suggested a "Best Of" issue with the bits from the past 925 issues, and she volunteered
 to receive, colate and compile the best stuff from waaay back when  bartcop.com  was funny.

 If you saw a good or funny piece send the name of it and the issue # it was in to Toni at


 If you want your name listed (or not) mention that to her, too.

 Stupid American voters
     by Zack Exley

  Click  Here

 Tuesday only proved again that:
 Even when Democratic candidates are buried under an avalanche of money and ruthless attack ads...
 Even when Democratic candidates are humiliated over and over and don't fight back...
 Even when Democratic candidates act like Republicans...
 Even when Democratic candidates suck...
 EVEN THEN, Americans voters are still more likely to vote Democratic.

 Great cartoon by my good friend Tom Tomorrow


 The Veterans Day issue, Volume 926 - President suspect apparently contained an error.

 I know, you're shocked that such a thing could happen, but it did.

 From: Half the people in Illinios

 Subject: Another  bartcop.com  error

 I know you don't have the staff to check on everything, but this was was in the polls section:

>****Poll by St. Louis Dispatch/Zogby on Nov. 3 for Illinois Governor

> Rod Blagojevich (D)   52%  up  7
> Jim Ryan  (R)             45%

>**"Official Results"
> Rod Blagojevich (D)  43%
> Jim Ryan  (R)            44%  up 1 that's an 8-point pro-Bush swing - was it magic?

 Rod Blagojevich is indeed our new governor.
 Just wanted you to know.

 Also the first thing he did was name former gov James Thompson
 to co-lead his transition team.   Geez. Wonder what the fix was here?

 love the page.
 the people of Illinois.

 bartcop.com  regrets the error


 Wait, be quiet for a second...

 Did you hear that?

 If you listen very hard, you can hear the whistle of the Tequila Train

 ...coming soon

  Mainstream journalism: Shredding the First Amendment

  Click  Here

 The national broadcast and print news media's inability to critically assess George W. Bush's
 foreign and domestic policies and to serve as a watchdog for the public's interest is nothing less
 than a threat to the country's democratic processes.

 As Gore explains it, the media conglomerates are increasingly dependent on government
 policies and the bottom line. This has "created a timid media that refuses to question
 governmental decisions," he said.


 "Sen. James Inhofe (R-Woodchuck): A “dimmer version of Jesse Helms
   — an intolerant, xenophobic, might-makes-right ultrapatriot.”
        -- unknown

 November ad special

 Ten ads for just $300

 You can have every Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
 ...and weekends are half-price!

 Don't wait, first come, first served.
 Reach dozens with your message.

 So I'm driving to work yesterday and I hear Glenn Beck.
 He's the Rush wannabe Nazi who comes on before Laura the Unloved.

 He's going on and on and on and on about what a horrible mistake it is
 for the Democrats to let Nancy Pelosi take Gephardt's place in the House.

 He's going on and on and on and on and then finally caller comes on and
 asks Beck why he's helping the Democrats.  This idiot Beck at first pretends
 that can't figure out what the caller's trying to say.

"I'm saying - if Pelosi is the disaster you say she is, why point that out?
  Why not just let her be a disaster and we Repubicans will win?"

 Here's where that idiot Beck turned into a total moron.

 First, he started whining that's he'd not the "house organ" for the GOP, which is
 horseshit because all those Rush wannabees know that's where the money is.

 Then - are your ready for this? - Beck says he wants to be fair to the Democrats,
 "because the United States political system is all about balance.
  We need balance in our political system so both sides can be heard!
  Balance is very American!"

 ha ha

 This lying moron actually said that!

 Republicans aren't about being fair.
 These talk show whores aren't here to give both sides.
 This flying monkey got caught, panicked, and said the wrong thing!

 The truth is, what this junior truth molester couldn't say, is that he's being paid to fabricate
 lies about Democrats because that's his job! That's what his bosses want him to do
 because it makes more money because the poor ditto-monkeys want to hear it! They need to
 be reassured every minute of every day that Bush is snart and honest and Hillary is coming to
 shove homosexuality down their throats of their innocent children.

That's why talk radio exists!
That's why Fox News exists!

 The idea that this moron Beck wanted to be "fair" so the political system would work
 better is so goddamn stupid on its face that I almost drove off the road laughing.

 Beck, you're a moron.
 And anyone who believes you is a moron with less money than you.

Pelosi’s Critics Won’t Laugh Long
   by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

 Her refreshing embrace of the L-word has provoked automated cackles from the
 progressive-bashing pundits who now dominate the broadcast media. That she also
 represents the beautiful City by the Bay encourages lesser pundits to engage in
 queer-baiting by proxy, an opportunity that none of these pulpit bullies ever resists.

 Subject: gifts for service people


 I found out last night during the MNF game that the NFL is hooking up with the VFW
 to buy phone cards for service people overseas, so they can call their families.
 Celebrate Veteran's Day (a little late) by going to www.operationuplink.org and donating.




 Look alive, team!
  It's getting uglier
     by Molly Ivins

   Click  Here

"Another raccoon in the henhouse: The new chairman of the Senate Environment and
 Public Works Program is Sen. James Inhofe, a man with a zero rating from environmental
 groups. Inhofe advocates letting industry police itself and less government oversight ."

 Pissquik Inhofe isn't a raccoon - he's the bastard son of an unruly bitch.
 He is the most heartless Republican in either chamber - that's saying a lot.

Bush promised to get bin Laden.
He vowed "to bring him to justice or bring justice to him."
That's why his approval numbers went to the high eighties.
That was 416 days ago ...and counting

 Bart, you wrote:

 >>Marilyn Manson - always a crowd pleaser for the Evangelical Christians

 Is this true Bartcop??????

 It's true that MM voted for Bush,
 but the evangelical stuff was meant as irony...

 bartcop.com  is worth $50 a month

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