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Volume 945 - Oil man's Hell

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 Wed-Thurs       Dec 4-5, 2002 


"The government released a report today on Saddam's human rights abuses in Iraq.
  The report said 15 million people have fled their homeland. And today, Mexico said,
 "So?” we call that "Thursday” here in L.A."
      --  Leno

 Stinger missiles are being sold in Afghanistan
 "Bush Special - $200K each or 7 for $1 million"

  Click  Here

 Yet, the CIA (tell the truth - it was the B.F.E.E.) supplied hundreds of surface-to-air Stinger missiles to
 Afghan guerrillas (tell the truth - it was Osama) fighting the former Soviet-backed regime in the late 1980s.
 It is estimated that between 50 to 100 missiles remain unaccounted for. Several years ago, the US offered
 to buy back the remaining missiles for $80,000 each. None were reportedly sold.

 The B.F.E.E. sent Stingers to their friend and ally Osama to fight the Russians.

 ...but that's OK, because it didn't involve Clinton's zipper, so the Bush family gets another
 free pass and the press will leave it alone and chase after Chelsea and fabricate an important story.

 John Kerry adopts modified BartCop Tax Plan
  Now if he could just adopt a fighting-back attitude

  Click  Here

 Kerry Tax Plan Excerpt:
"Every worker in America would immediately receive a 765 dollar tax cut and every
 two-income family would get a cut of $1,530," he said, "money to help families pay
 for new school clothes, put a down payment on a new car or save for the future."

> BartCop Tax Plan Excerpt:
> Rebate $1500 to every taxpayer two weeks before Thanksgiving.

> Rebate 10% of any income,  for a total of $1500.
> Families with two workers could get $3000.
> If Dad, Mom and two teenagers are paying taxes on $15,000 or more,
> the family would get a rebate of $6,000 from the federal government.

> Every person with income qualifies. Retired people, people on Social Security
> - anybody with taxable income. What could be more fair?

> The middle class would use that $3,000-6000 to make a down payment on a car,
> buy a washer-dryer, a computer, maybe make some needed improvements on their home
> - all of which would bring down factory inventories, causing Mr. Small Business to need
> to replenish his stock, so factories will need to hire more workers to increase production.

> Cost:  If 200 million taxpayers get $1500  =  0.3 trillion dollars
> Compare to Smirk's windfall to the rich     =  1.6 trillion dollars

 If we had the BartCop Tax Plan in 2001, the recession would be gone and
 200 million people would've spent $1500 each and factories would be trying to keep up.

 My plan is so simple - I can explain it ...with an IQ of 67.

 Bush's military record: an exemplary inquiry

  Click  Here

 These crimes are not to be taken lightly, and I believe that all men and women who serve
 America proudly would be shocked that a soldier was allowed to abuse the system in the
 way that George W. Bush allegedly has. These charges warrant investigation, and until a
 satisfactory record of Bush's service is produced, I can only assume that Bush did indeed
 desert his country in a time of war.

 From: Char Mac

 Subject: Your dissing of liberals

 What, according to your definition, is a liberal?

 You've been setting this agenda lately (and I've been
 a reader since the get-got) about going center left.
 Is this political horseshit?
 And if not, where the fuck are you coming from?

 I'm the fuck coming from the same place I've always been.
 I'm not aware of any movement on my part.
 Perhaps your anger is preventing you from being specific.

 I've always owned guns, I've never been a dove, I'm behind our military
 when there's a reason to go to war, and I hate being in a party of spineless wimps
 who'd rather surrender their lunch money to the bully than kick his ugly ass.

 Today's Democrats are on their knees for Bush, asking him how he likes it.
 I think they should earn their paychecks and act like the opposition party.

 What, you think I should be coddling the coddlers?
 ...and you've been reading a long time?

 The coming Supreme Court battle
    by Paul Rosenzweig

   Click  Here

 The threat of a filibuster might be used to attempt to force President Bush to name a justice perceived as more
 "moderate" by the Democratic opposition. It remains to be seen just how big a battle will be fought. But make
 no mistake, the next Senate battle is looming. Expect it to hit next July when the term ends and at least one of
 the justices announces a retirement.

 The Democrats would have to grow a pair between now and July for this to happen. I expect Bush to
 nominate either that bastard Ted Olson or that bastard Ken Starr, and I fully expect the weenie Democrats
 to say, "Sure thing, Dubya. You can have any democracy-hating, sex-crazed cock-hunter you like.
 Don't worry about us, we'll rubberstamp whichever of Paula Jones's attorneys you prefer."

 But Bart, Ted and
 Ken are great fellas!

 Click  Here

 I will seize the opportunity to achieve big goals." - George W. Bush, from Bush at War

 The Bush regime's strategic decision to seize effective control of the planet translates domestically
 as wholesale pillaging of American civil society. Breathtaking is too weak a word to describe the
 scope of what the Republicans have accomplished under the guise of a War on Terror.

 The "opportunity" referred to in Bob Woodward's new book presented itself in the form of four aircraft
 under the control of Osama bin Laden's adherents. Bush has parlayed the gift - for surely 9-11 is
 treasured as a Godsend by Bush and his crew - to consolidate an approximate corporate coup at
 home while smashing the delicate mechanisms of civilized relations among nations.

 Looks like others are starting to take the BartCop view of the B.F.E.E.

 Hi Bart:

 You wrote:

> I'll say one thing about Christopher Hitchens - he's going after Kissinger's complicity in mass murder
> with the same zeal he went after Clinton for lying about an affair with an intern.

 I'm not sure you're being fair to Mr Hitchens.
 I think he's disgusted by the behavior of both of these men; men who could and
 should do better and he is right to call them on it, because in both cases it's bullshit.

 Thanks for listening,
 Scott Parrish

 Scott, I think you just said that complicity in mass murder and lying about sex are "both bullshit?"
 Do you really think those two "infractions" are comparable?

 Shutting Down A Truth-Teller
       by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

 When a former government official is interviewed, and later retracts or denies what
 he or she said, that may create a reasonable doubt about a story. Frustrated people
 sometimes speak in haste and say things that may be inaccurate. Misunderstandings
 and misquotes happen too often. That’s what the White House claimed when Mr.
 Suskind’s last Esquire article appeared in July, with candid quotes from chief of
 staff Andrew Card about his fear that the departure of Presidential counselor Karen
 Hughes would mean unchecked power for Mr. Rove.

 U.S. can target (murder) American al-Qaida agents

  Click  Here

 American citizens working for al-Qaida overseas can legally be targeted and killed by the CIA
 under Bush's rules for the war on terrorism, U.S. officials say.

 The authority to kill U.S. citizens is granted under a secret finding signed by the president after
 the Sept. 11 attacks that directs the CIA to covertly attack al-Qaida anywhere in the world.
 The authority makes no exception for Americans, so permission to strike them is understood
 rather than specifically described, officials said.

 I understand we're at war.
 I understand this is a fight we can't afford to lose.
 But they don't even have to show any evidence to anybody.

 For all we know, Paul Wellstone was a "suspected" al Qaeda, which means the B.F.E.E.
 could legally murder him - f-ing legally murder him, because maybe Bush "suspected" something.

 Remember, this power-hungry war-monger is suspected of knowing 9-11 was coming, and he was
 not elected to his position - he was appointed by a crooked court that owed his dad a favor.

How far down this road will the Democrats allow Bush to go?

 The stupidest and most crooked president (not elected)
 in history can murder at will?  Anyone he wants?

Bart, it's just life and death!
You're so picky sometimes...

 Subject: Question

 I love your page, and I love what you do, so as far less and a very unfair exchange
 for value when you consider the information and enjoyment I've received, I sent $50 to Bartcop!

 That said, the question -- Thinking people know that Juannita Brodderick was a lying sack of
 Lisa Myers-manufactured crap, but are there any reaaly good documentation sources out there?


 Pete, not sure I understand.
 If you mean documentation on Juanita, she has sworn under oath that nothing happened between Clinton
 and her, only to change her mind when she saw how profitable the anti-Clinton machine was in 1998.
 When she told Lisa Meyers she was raped, and then raped again, she was not under oath.

 Point two, the "beating" she allegedly received from Clinton went unnoticed by her husband.
 It's my guess she bragged to all her little friends that she enjoyed sex with the handsome Kennedyesque
 Arkansas AG, then changed her tune when word of her bragging got back to her husband.

 Other than that, it's a classic "he said, she said," but, as with Paula Jones, she waited until after
 Clinton became president to make her accusations. Could that be because there's no money to
 be made accusing a lowly AG or Governor of a press-loves-it sex crime?


 Why is it that us old folks on Social Security got a 1.4% raise because inflation is
 under control BUT got a 9% increase in Medicare because inflation is out of control?


 ha ha

 I'll bet it has something to do with Bush's inability to add and subtract.

 a mention


  Complete text:
 John Poindexter is right: Scientia Est Potentia.
 That's why we thank the Invisible Cloud Being for the brilliantly funny, always informative Bartcop...
 How come we didn't make the Forward 50?  What, we're not Jewish enough?

 If you took Latin, you might think that says "Science is the future," and it may, prima facia,
 but what it means to the B.F.E.E. is "Knowledge is power," and they're in the information business.
 ...but what is the Forward 50? ...and hopefully "not Jewish enough" isn't another anti-Semitic poke.

 (big Al Gore sigh)

 I'm neither "cool," not "hot."
 I'm so depressed...

 Have a job opening?   Need a job?
  Like everything, this may work, or it may not.
  But if you're in a position to hire people, or know someone who is,
  might as well hire a non-fascist who reads  right?

  If you need a job or a better job than what Smirk's broken economy allows,
  send your resume to Ed and he'll post it for others to see. I guess it would make
  sense to mention if you're willing to re-locate. If Dallas needs a programmer and
  you're stuck in Michigan, might as well say that up-front and save some time.

  Also, Shirley there are some bugs to be worked out.
  Ed will handle the details and get back to me.

  Click  Here  to e-mail your resume to Ed.

  Send him only the details you want published.

  Right now, President Anti-Miracle is down 2 million jobs.
  If we can put just one person to work, our record will be better than his.

 From: Housmann

 Subject: Love the site!!

 Hey, I love the site, I read it all the time....

 Where did you get those little boxes of US corp and their tax rates???
 I''d LOVE to get a list of I can pound it over the head of my conservative "friends".

 Keep up the great work.

 H, I wish I knew.
 Swear to Koresh, my  mailbox (just at work) has over 10,000 unread messages.
 I have another 6,000 at BartCop Manor. I think that's what's causing  my mail problems.
 But all graphics go into Eudora's attachment folder, and I found them in there.

 Whoever sent these, I'd like to thank them, and possibly commission more of them.
 There must be hundreds of corporations that got these hueueueuege refunds, but the
 press keeps covering for President Appointed and I'd like to get the word out.

 Abrams to Head NSC's Mideast Section
 Bush promotes another convicted felon his daddy pardoned to hide crimes

  Click  Here

 Iran-Contra figure Elliott Abrams, who received a pardon from the first President Bush for his role
 in the scandal and has served in the White House for over a year, has been promoted to a key post
 among the current President Bush's national security aides.

 He pleaded guilty in 1991 to two misdemeanor counts of withholding information from Congress.
 In court, Abrams admitted he kept information from two committees in 1986 when he testified about
 his knowledge of the secret Contra supply network and about his role in soliciting a $10 million
 contribution for the Contras from the Sultan of Brunei. Abrams received a Christmas Eve pardon
 from President George H.W. Bush in 1992.

 They've already been caught once!
 Bush pardoned them to hide their crimes, so we'd never know how serious
 their crimes were, and now they're doing it again right before our eyes!

 ...and the good puppy press wants to know more about Monica and Chelsea.

 Goddamn, I need a drink...

 Fighting Your Own Battles
   by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

 If Democrats want a realistic chance of returning to power, they'll have to confront the
 entrenched power of the right-wing media and its cowering acolytes among the Washington
 press. Tom Daschle and Al Gore tried recently, with groaningly predictable results.
 What both episodes demonstrate is that polite, reasoned discourse won't cut it.

 Winning this battle will require open confrontation.   Limbaugh couldn't stand up to Al Gore
 for ten minutes in public debate, nor to Sen. John Kerry or any experienced Democrat of
 substance. Neither could most of the TV talking heads.  Unless they want to end up looking
 as ineffectual as Daschle did last week, they'd better learn to fight their own fights.

 Sopranos Fever
   Mob pathos by BartCop

  Click  Here

  Sunday is the last episode of the season.

 From: John Shuler

 Subject: Be angry

 Bartcop, be angry and don't control your temper.
 That is the mistake the right has made, they think we are going to roll over

 Maybe the elected Democrats will, but veterans like me are pissed that Bush is a deserter
 and stockholders like me are pissed that Bush is a corporate criminal, and Americans like me
 are pissed that someone is fucking with our Constitution.

 When a penis is involed, conservatives are apoplectic, but when corporate malfeasance and dead
 American servicemen.women are the issue, they all praise their "man of integrity."

 Go BartCop!
 The check is in the mail.


 John, thanks for that.
 My anger is for real, and it is not manufactured.
 That's one reason I look forward to BartCop Radio.
 If I get in the mood to let a rant fly, it will be recorded for others to hear.

 I don't like "appointment" anger, like being on a radio show from 2:15 - 2:30.
 I might be in a good mood for that 15 minutes, and I can't just manufacture the rage.

 But the next time I'm in a foul mood about something Bush did, or another freedom that's
 been stripped from us by The Crisco Kid, the resulting rant might even be worth subscribing for.

 I've been kidding that sometimes I'll sound like BobCat Goldthwaith hungover on Cuervo,
 but if I turn on the mic when the fury is raging, it'll sound like George W. Bush's worst nightmare.

 Thanks for the contribution.

 Too Much Information
  by Hendrik Hertzberg in the New Yorker

  Click  Here

 The phrase "total information awareness" is creepy enough to merit a place alongside "USA Patriot Act"
 and "Department of Homeland Security," but it is not the Information Awareness Office's only gift to the
 language. The "example technologies" which the Office intends to develop include "entity extraction from
 natural language text," "biologically inspired algorithms for agent control," and "truth maintenance."
 One of the Office's thirteen subdivisions, the Human Identification at a Distance (HumanID) program,
 is letting contracts not only for "Face Recognition" and "Iris Recognition" but also for "Gait Recognition."
 (Tony Blair has pledged the full coöperation of the Ministry of Silly Walks.)

 BartCop Radio  is just what the doctor ordered.
 If we had enough $10 subscribers, we wouldn't need no stinking advertisers!

 Is  worth $10 a month?

  Click  Here   to get links for other amounts

 From:  David Coyle

 Subject: You wacky Yanks!

 I was really sorry to read that you're unwell. I had attributed the short issues
 to burnout after your Vegas party and the Republican gains in the latest elections.

 Despite your nuttiness about guns, wimpy American football, booze, and despite
 your nutty notions about the virtues of the Democrats, ah ..., despite it all you are
 a delight to read and reassurance that just maybe we shouldn't be talking about the
 Younazistates of America.

 Good on you. Get well soon!

 David, sometimes when I get a contribution, I reply, "People like you keep me going."
 One of the reasons I say that is when I don't feel well, or if I'm just having a bad day, I remember
 the people who have sent $5 or $10 and I know they're expecting a fresh issue most days.

 Some people thought the "sick" issues were better :)

 For maybe the first time ever, I thought Volume 944 had the potential for greatness, but I ran out
 of time and had to publish what I had. Someday, calculations point to sometime in 2003, I'll have
 enough subscribers to quit my day job, and then I can devote all my attention to this, and not worry
 about what busywork my boss is having me do.

 Thanks for the note.

 Subject: GOP Gaming Search Engines Now?!?!

 Thank you, Bart, for all you do.

 Couldn't resist checking up on your letter from "Leslie," who claimed to
 have inadvertently discovered that a "browser" search of "liar slut whore"
 was linked directly to

 So I tried it out on Google, selecting the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.
 It's true, of course. Googling "liar slut whore" yields

 Yikes! That means that Republicans are gaming the most widely used search engine on the Web!
 Mind control is already in play, Bart. Thanks for letting me know. I use many search engines,
 and had previously trusted Google to be a pure and logic-driven.

 No more. Now, thanks to you, I know that our Republican Big Brother is already.... everywhere.
 Koresh bless you!

 Johnny Gold

 Johnny, interesting...
 I did the same search, and never showed up.
 My heart told me the letter was real, so I published it, but I never found the connection, myself.

 I also think Google can be "trusted."
 It's not their fault if they're efficient and being used by Nazi bastards.

 The woman who sent this photograph should be:

...congratulated for a funny picture
...arrested for cat abuse
...institutionalized for the safety of the Hayward, CA community
...asked what happened to the Mousketeer who previously owned the hat

your recommendation.

 Nudity in film

  Click  Here

 Audiences of both genders and in all age groups polled by
 gave Solaris an F rating, making it the least liked movie of the past 20 years.

 You see, this is the difference between men and women.

 Halle Berry recently did Swordfish with John Travlota.
 It was an extremely bad movie, but she showed her breasts and it was a big hit.
 Solaris is a much better movie, and Clooney shows his ass, but women don't care.

 When people like Michael Medved whine about nudity in films, why can't he admit
 that a showing a pair of cute hooters can turn a disaster of a movie into a big hit,
 once again proving the theory that men are dogs.

 For more, visit the all-new 

 Subject: Mary Landrieu needs our help

 Vote for Mary Landrieu this coming Saturday, December 7.

What does Marty E! have today?
Bono & Ashley Judd still touring
Charlize plays Britt in 'Peter Sellers'
Will Smith becomes a Robot
'Jerry Springer:  The Opera' features Jesus
whooping the Devil to "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
Gary Glitter is back (Hey!)
Zsa Zsa is going to make it
15th Century UFO's?



"Yesterday in a speech Saddam called the United States, "A nation of evil.”
 In response Bush called Hussein, "An evil-doer.”
 Then in response to that Hussein then called Bush, "A viscous demon.”
 President Bush then responded by saying, "Poopy pants!”
   -- Conan


 Another Bush insult to America's (alleged) intelligence:
 Kissinger heading up a 9/11 investigation.

 What part of stink can't America smell for Gods' sakes???
 Best to you and Ms. Bart for the Holidays!! ..


 Bill, not sure why, but there seems to be only a few of us who give a damn.
 The Illegal Moron turned Clinton's Paradise into Oil Man's Hell and nobody cares.

 As long as he's not having sex, we don't mind losing our life savings, going to war,
 living in constant fear and that we no longer have a Bill of Rights or a Constitution.

 In the last few days, I've heard the right-wing screechers have been hammering hom
 the "fact" that life is better under Bush, and nose-ring nation believes everything they're told.
 America seems to enjoy being slaves for the Bush Family Evil Empire.

 There's snow on the ground, so Vic won't be in today.
 I woke up at 5 AM and threw this half-assed page together.

 Pray for sunshine.

 Click to order

 She refused to give investigators a hook on which to hang Bill Clinton—so they ruined her life.

 She had a choice: Lie and get your life back, or tell the truth and face jail on bogus perjury charges.

 Susan McDougal is a trooper!

 Kissinger's security background check

  Click  Here

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