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..............................BartCop
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Housekeeping
Would the person who did the "Weekend at Stroms" graphic
contact me?
Higher-ups need your OK to run your work on their site.
...and, sadly, we've lost Tina the PayPal girl.
She said she hated to leave, but she missed her family in Sweden.
(Her father has been ill, lately)
So, we're looking for another Fundraising lady.
Any suggestions?
Clinton Sex Allegation Lawsuit Dropped
A judge has tossed out a lawsuit by a deranged
woman who claimed to have had an affair
with Clinton's cock. She alleged that Clinton
was blocking the release of her book.
In his ruling, U.S. District Court Judge William
Bryant rejected a suit by Dolly Kyle Browning,
alleging Clinton and others tried to prevent
her from publishing a book "loosely based" on the "facts."
Browning alleged a racketeering conspiracy involving
the New Yorker magazine, Bruce Lindsey
and Uncle Bob Bennett, aimed at defaming her
and suppressing her book, Purposes of the Heart.
ha ha
A waste of such a cute title, too.
I guess Hell hath no fury like a woman unlaid.
Bryant's opinion to a complete rejection of the
legal underpinnings of Browning's case.
The judge ruled the case was so flawed there
was no need to proceed with depositions or a trial.
"It was pure horseshit,"
the judge said in his ruling.
Attorneys for the former president were clearly
pleased.
"It was a carefully reasoned opinion," said longtime
Clinton lawyer David Kendall.
Browning has already appealed the judge's decision.
"We're confident it will be overturned," said
Browning's attorney Larry Klayman.
ha ha
No wonder the judge thought it was
horseshit.
It's Larry Klayman (R-No dick) again.
Punching a hole in the idea that Clinton or his
associates could have undermined the book,
Bryant found that among publishers there was
little appetite for Browning's book before or after
the alleged conspiracy, that for two years there
was "not even a hint of interest on the part of a publisher."
He also suggested Browning may have had an unreasonably
inflated opinion of its marketablity.
"Even extreme optimism must ultimately give way
to reality," Bryant wrote.
But judge, these are Republicans, driven insane by Clinton's cock.
From: (withheld)
Subject: Are You as Tired of This As I am?
Giant Scandal #1: Clinton pardons Marc Rich, whose ex-wife had donated money to the DNC and to the Clinton Library.
It's a scandal because...because...1) no one ever spoke to the prosecutor
to see if she had objections to the pardon.
So I'll just surmise that no one ever granted a pardon without the
prosecutor's sign-off. The other reason this is a
scandal is because 2) Clinton granted a pardon to someone who
was once related to a donor.
So I'll just surmise that that no one ever granted a pardon to a contributor
or the relative of a contributor.
I must be right, right? Otherwise, why would the press make such a big deal out of this?
Giant Scandal # 2: Clinton pardons people at the behest of his
brother-in-law.
The brother-in-law, an ATTORNEY, charged people for the legal work
he did.
It's a scandal because...because...no one pays money to attorneys to
lobby the White House on their behalf.
And I'd like to add that no one pays money to connected people to lobby
the White House on their behalf.
I must be right, right? Otherwise, why would this be such a big issue.
Giant Scandal #3 (and my personal favorite): Clinton's
brother Roger, who reminds me a hell of a lot of W.,
asked Clinton to pardon some of his pals.
This is a scandal because...because...no one ever asked their brother
the President to pardon anybody.
If they did, Time and Newsweek magazines would have done cover stories
about it.
I must be right, right?
******
In the coverage of this, I keep hearing the term "usually." As
in, "The President usually consults with
the Justice Department before issuing pardons. If that word was
"always" it still wouldn't mean much.
I'd be looking for the words, "is legally required to.." Then
we'd have a small story.
Smirk says his pardon standards will be "higher than high" (and who
knows "higher than high" better than him?)
I have a couple of suggestions: 1) All pardon actions must
be approved by the prosecutor's office.
2) No pardons will be granted to people who have donated money
to the President, his friends, his party,
or his private initiatives. Smirk won't do that, though, will
he? HELL NO he won't do that.
Vandalizing the White House proved to be a lie by the Bush White House
and that shit Ari Fleischer.
Stealing from Air Force One was probably a lie, but since Smirk is
our source we should be skeptical,
because he's not a very reliable witness. Oh, wait, the steward
of AF1 says it's not true, so we can
be sure--it was a lie intended to hurt the Clintons.
Stealing White House furniture has proven--upon investigation of all
the facts--to be a great distortion
of what really happened. Expensive office space was a red herring,
and one day when I'm not busy
I'll write about the "limits" that the press expects Clinton to follow
that are arbitrarily set by others
(example: Reagan takes 37 overseas trips, and that's great, but
Clinton's 38th trip is a scandal).
We don't know if the Racist Golf and Country Club was a lie or not--Ashcroft
refuses to investigate
alleged racism at country clubs, despite his promises under oath before
Congress. Even if it wasn't a lie,
I highly doubt that Clinton would callously go there if he knew it
excludes minorities.
So now we're gonna do a few weeks on PardonGate, and the press is counting
on the fact that people don't know
much about how lobbying and pardons work to exaggerate these stories.
Reagan pardoned over 400 people,
do you think they were all people who were convicted of trespassing
for shoveling their neighbor's snow?
Pardons go to people who were convicted of or charged with crimes.
I don't think Lisa Myers or Andrea Mitchell knew that.
Salon magazine says that even Carville is slow to defend these silly-ass
charges.
Good.
I guess that makes me a better man than James Carville, and I never
thought I'd get to say that.
I might end up as the last man in America to defend Big Bill, and that's
fine with me.
One other thing; Clinton will
not be called to testify before Congress about this
because they don't want all
the facts out there for everybody to see.
And besides, why should they level their bogus charges officially,
when Lisa Myers and Andrea Mitchell will do it for them?
The mention of Lisa Myers reminded me of something.
A while back, I asked if radio consumer crusader Clark Howard was Dem
or Repub.
He's cheaper than Paula Jones's perfume, so I thought he might be a
conservative,
but he fights for the little guy, so I thought he might be a Democrat.
Turns out he's a flaming ditto-monkey.
That new Tulsa Nazi who follows Rush, WesMinter is playing a testimonial
from Clark Howard about how "Wes Minter is my kind of guy."
So, Howard is either a Nazi or a whore.
That brings us to Papa Joe Chevalier, the sports guy on the One-on-One
Sports Network
I always liked Papa Joe, he's quick and he says funny things, but he's
another Nazi whore.
Yesterday, he was discussing the pardons of all things for a
sports show to cover. He said,
"Clinton is a rapist and everybody knows it.
He raped that woman in Arkansas.
All the people who've talked to her are totally
convinced Clinton did it, and that's
not just Democrats and Republicans, I'm talking
about everybody."
Now, I'm no expert on the Juanita Brodderick matter, but who, besides
Lisa Myers (R-Whore) has talked
to Juanita Brodderick? The senators about to vote on impeachment heard
her claims but then voted "Not Guilty,"
so who was Papa Joe talking about, "all the
people who've talked to her?"
So, we have pretty good evidence that Clark Howard
and Papa Joe are Nazi assholes, which makes
me wonder if one needs to pass an "I Hate Clinton"
test to get on the radio in the first place?
ASK NOT
Funny, the local Nazi rag here is the Tulsa
World.
When you to to tulsaworld.com,
it says
Top Story
Oklahomans' health still
at risk
from above-average rates of smoking
and obesity
But the real, dead trees edition they're selling all over the state has the top headline
Hillary uneasy amid maelstrom
Mind you, that's the TOP STORY.
More than "above the fold," it's touching
their masthead banner.
It's THE story of most concern to the
daily lives of all Oklahomans.
Can you believe that?
A junior senator's peace of mind is the
TOP STORY in God's forsaken Dust Bowl?
If ol' BartCop was the senior editor of
the Tulsa World, the headline would be
President dodges easy questions
at only press conference
Seems to have no clue what he's doing
or why he's here
You see, in today's whore America, it's
none of our concern that the planet's top leader
is a scared deer in the headlights. A trembling
bunny in the White House.
No, that's none of our business.
What we need to concentrate on is Bill
Clinton and his "alleged, possible wrongdoings."
The press has become one giant distraction
machine.
Like a cheap-ass magician's part-time assistant
at a child's birthday party,
the press's function is to distract us
while the magician sets up his next trick
"Don't worry about what Cheney and Rove
are doing with your country," the press tells us.
"Don't be concerned that things are changing
rapidly and you don't have the facts," they tell us.
"Don't be worried that the man Scalia appointed
has no clue what he's doing," they tell us.
No, the press isn't covering the present.
They refuse to cover the important things
happening in Washington.
They refuse to write stories about our
current leaders and current problems.
They refuse to do their job.
They will only cover the trivia of the
past.
"You need to be concerned with which ottoman
Hillary took from the White House.
We know that happened because the
Bush people have told us that."
"You need to be concerned with the alleged
trashing of Air Force One.
We know that happened because the
Bush people have told us that."
"You need to be concerned with the alleged
trashing of the White House.
We know that happened because the
Bush people have told us that."
The worst part is - nobody seems to care.
Remember when Bob Dole kept asking, "Where's
the outrage?"
America no longer has a free press.
The Fourth Estate has come under the wing
of the Bush spin machine.
They cover only what Ari and Karen tell
them to cover.
And since the Democrats have all joined
Team Smirk or gone to fucking sleep,
the revolution seems to have taken place
without firing a shot.
Well done, Mr. Rove.
Well done. Mr. Delay.
We are at your mercy.
Please be nice to us, ...please?
Please temper your decisions with mercy,
...please?
Ask not - what your country can do for you.
Ask what you can do for the appointed president.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
The Democrats are the party of impeachment
...and everybody knows it!!!
-- The vulgar Pigboy, first hour today
Rush, let's hope you're psychic
Subject: Clinton needs to fight back!
Hey Bartcop,
The media frenzy on Clinton has gotten so bad
lately that it's not even making sense anymore.
They're running with stories about him, his wife,
his young daughter, his cat- you name it!
It can be true, untrue, or an OUTRIGHT LIE- the
media runs the story without question.
Meanwhile, the newly installed fascist regime
(GOP) stokes the fire,
and then runs around claiming to be a bunch of
humble nice guys.
Smirk and company have succeeded in turning the
country into a total sewer in 30 days, with more to come.
Anyway, don't you think it's time for Bill Clinton,
private citizen, to start hitting back?
I mean, can't he file a liable or a slander suit
against some of these frothing lunatics, at least the ones in the press?
(Many celebrities have, and won) I'm all
for freedom of the press and such, but going on the mainstream
media airwaves and print with KNOWN LIES and
UNTRUTHS is too much. It's become insane!
As far as unofficially, he was president for 8
yrs. and probably knows a lot about the GOP's dirty antics than
they'd like him to know. (like the treason of
the Reagan-Bush arms for hostages deal in 1980)
Why doesn't he blow the whistle on something like
that?
They're begging for it, and it's the only thing
that they'll understand.
JD
JD,
Have you ever seen a great James Cagney movie called, "Angels With Dirty Faces?"
Cagney and Pat O'Brien had known each other since they were kids.
One day the two of them were into some petty shoplifting or something
and while
trying to run away, Cagney was caught and O'Brien got away.
As they grew older, O'Brien went straight and became a priest.
"Rocky," meanwhile, went thru the justice system and hardened into
a criminal.
His fame as a criminal made him a celebrity of sorts in the neighborhood.
Between prison terms, he befriended the neighborhood kids.
They looked up to him as a tough guy who wasn't afraid of anything.
He eventually killed a cop and was sentenced to die in the electric
chair.
Minutes before he was to be executed, O'Brien came to him and asked
him to "die yellow."
Rocky: What do you mean, "die yellow?"
Priest: I want you to die crying and begging.
Rocky: You're out of your fucking mind.
Priest: Please, Rocky. Those kids idolize you. If you die like
a man, that will inspire them
and some
of them might eventually leave this Earth the same way you're going to.
Rocky: Take a walk off a pier, Father
Priest: Rocky, please.
Rocky: Goodbye, Father. Get out of my cell.
The guards come to take Rocky to the death chamber.
The camera shows Pat O'Brien in total despair, worried about those
kids.
Suddenly, Rocky starts sobbing and screaming like a baby.
"Please, I don't wanna die, please don't kill me, please, please don't kill me."
Pat O'Brien gets a tear in his eye, knowing his old friend sacrificed
his dignity
and reputation when that's all he had and was about to die.
O'Brien goes back to the old neighborhood and is surrounded by the kids
reading a
newspaper with the headline screaming , "Rocky
Dies Yellow," and they asked,
"Is it true, father? Did Rocky die yellow?" and O'Brien answers with
a big lie.
"He sure did, kids. Let's go say a prayer for a kid who couldn't run
as fast as I could."
Why do I bring up "Angels With Dirty Faces?"
Nobody wants to give Clinton the benefit of the doubt.
Nobody will even consider the possibility that Clinton took
one for the team.
Right now, Clinton is taking the beating of his life.
His friends are turning on him.
His party has turned on him.
The only former Democratic president has turned on him,
and he's taking it, like Rocky walking to the electric chair.
Hey, I'm a realist.
I'll allow for the possibility that Clinton is stupid and
guilty, but I don't believe it.
Dick Morris says Clinton has $125 million for his library.
...and he's going to go out a loser/traitor for an extra $450,000?
Don't forget - the KGB and Bani Sadr have both provided Clinton with
proof
that Reagan
and Smirk Daddy were guilty as hell and both committed perjury
when they testified that
they did not know there were Stingers on those "two small planes"
that went to Iran.
There's a word I like to use sometimes... that word is "IF."
IF Barak talked
to Clinton in his final days and said,
"Mr. President, you HAVE to issue this pardon, and you can't tell anyone
why,"
then that would make Clinton a hero, but nobody will even allow for
that possibility.
Clinton is taking this whipping when he doesn't have to.
Clinton is a bigger man than I.
Great Political Quotes
“Why be so easy on the Clintons?
Even after they are dead, I say we
stuff their bodies, fix them in some
kind of preservative and display them
at county fairs across the nation,
where the citizenry can have fun putting
cow dung on them (remember that’s ‘art’).
If that’s not in good taste,
their bodies should be flattened thin
as possible, again fixed in some kind
of preservative and hoisted up a flag
pole to flap in the wind.”
-- LA attorney Brian Buckley,
nephew of William F. Buckley Jr.
and general
counsel for FreeRepublic.com
...and people wonder why I own guns...
Poor Rush
He's so lost without Clinton.
He's repeating and re-running the same skits, the same songs, over
and over.
He's played that Beverly Hillbillies parody song four times in 98 minutes.
He's played that Hillary "I Don't Remember" song two or three times
in less than 1.5 hours.
He's got nothing left to say.
Without Clinton he's nothing.
From: sparhawk@wpi.edu
Subject: Your site and a parody
I love your site. I've been reading it every day
and it has been sort of a
release for me. During the recount fiasco and
even now, I've say to myself
"Is everyone nuts? What's wrong with the media?
Why has no one around me
seen through Republican schemes for what they
are?" Your site is a beacon of
sanity in an insane world. Don't let the hatemongering
right-wingers get you down:
there are a lot of people that appreciate what
you do.
Anyway, keep up the good work, and I'll be doing
whatever I can in my own
small way to help "grow the hammer higher".
Anyway, here's a spoof campaign ad for Bush I came across.
Ernie
Click Here to download or hear the MP3
Unequal protection
Excerpt:
Remember how the Supreme Court halted the Florida
vote-counting in December
on grounds that it would have violated the Constitution's
equal protection provision?
Turns out that this concern of the Rehnquist
court doesn't go beyond aggrieved Republican presidential candidates.
Ditto-monkey Tom Kilbride is a very lonely man.
FIRST LETTER 2 PM
From: tom_kilbride@netzero.net
Subject: Keep up the good work!
I have thoroughly enjoyed your sit since discovering
it a few weeks ago.
As a life-long fan of MAD magazine (when it
was 10¢ CHEAP) I appreciate your juvenile approach to politics.
The silliness of your "essays" keeps me chuckling
and chortling.
SECOND LETTER 4 PM
From: lkilbride@mindspring.com
Subject: Bartcop is Great Sophomoric Humor!
I have been looking at BartCop.com regularly now
for several months since the election.
MAD magazine did it first and best (remember
when it was 10¢ CHEAP?)
Your ingeniously juvenile approach to
politics is astonishing.
The total silliness of your essays keeps
me chuckling and snorting..
Tom thinks I wouldn't catch that he sent both e-mails.
He sent the e-mails uder different addresses.
Did he think I wouldn't notice?
He uses the same phrases in the same order.
I may have an IQ of 64, but I'm waaay smarter than the average
ditto-monkey.
So, like what, ...I'm going to stop publishing because he made some
clumsy-ass attempt
to make me think this came from two different people?
Tom must be very lonely.
Maybe you could drop him a line?
You won't be in a good mood after you Click Here but you should do it anyway.
It's an important story about real crimes at the highest levels
of government,
so the whore press refuses to even mention it.
Now hear this...
The Navy has announced that for the first time in fifty-five years
it will be presenting the Chester Nimitz Award to the USS Greenville.
The Chester Nimitz Award was established in 1942 and is presented annually
to the
United States Navy submarine that sinks the most Japanese tonnage in
any one calendar year.
Another article to turn your stomach
The press continues the Smirk cover up while trashing Clinton.
Great Political Quotes
When I began swooning for George W. Bush during
the Republican primaries,
my friends warned me that I was going to have
to eat my words. It's now a month
into his presidency, and I'm even more doe-eyed
about Bush than ever.
-- Ann Coulter
Sure, Annie, but does Smirk give you free french fries?
From: jsherry@maysteel.com
How did you get the name BartCop anyway?
Jason
Jason, not much of a story there, but I argued politics on Prodigy
from around 1990 to 1995.
People said I wasn't very nice to the ditto-monkeys there.
They said I tended to dismiss their idiocy with scalding sarcasm.
One person said "You're merciless with those sheep. You're meaner than Black Bart."
Someone else said "You ask questions like a state cop."
Somehow, the Bart and the Cop came together.
Today in History
Fifty six years ago, today.
Not to trivialize their courage, or their horrifying losses,
but a shot of Chinaco to the brave men who made Hitler
and Hirohito eat it.
From: bluelens@hotmail.com
Subject: I've fuckin had it!!
That's it! I've fuckin' had it with
today's politicians....namely the fucking whores in the republican party.
I'm also pissed off at the media whores...(nothing
new here though) What the hell does it matter if
Roger Clinton had 10 people lobby him to try
and get them pardons if Clinton DID NOT pardon any of them.
Why the hell does the media have to say reports
like this after referring to Hillary's brother getting money
for lobbying for pardons?
What happened to wanting to work together and
getting rid of partisian politics?
What the fuck is going on here?
Are we going to see nothing but hearings on every
one of Clinton's decisions for the past 8 years?
Has that become the new job and purpose in congress?
Is this what my tax dollars are paying for?
NO ONE can tell me that this is for the good of
the country... or that this is what the majority wants.
Remember that the majority of the American people
didn't vote for the current numb-nuts in the white house.
Look at what is going on in the world right now....A
spy is caught in the FBI, recession around the corner
and a star wars defense program being pushed
forward. This is going back to when Bush Sr. was president.
Now that Russia is talking about creating their
own missle defense program...it's going to be the cold war all over.
You know why we don't have a missle defense system
like the no-necks want....?
Because we have a fuckin' treaty saying we won't
and they won't.
So here on the TV I see king dip-shit Trent Lott
saying we need a star wars program because a piece of paper
isn't good enough... apparently they repuglikans
have no faith or trust in just a piece of paper because of what
they did during this past election and having
hearing on the presidential pardon that gives the president
ABSOLUTE say in who he pardons and when....
I know this has rambled on some and I'm sorry.
I just get soooo pissed off at these piss-ants
surrounding me.
I just have to keep running a lyric through my
head to calm me down.
It's from RUSH (not the gas bag but the band)
their Counterparts album...
"try to hold some faith in the goodness of
humanity"
One last thing...
DEMOCRATS IN CONGRESS ...
SHOW SOME BALLS AND BACKBONE AND FIGHT BACK
AT ALL THIS BULLSHIT GOING ON AT THE HILL RIGHT
NOW!!
DON'T SWALLOW YOUR ANGER....SPIT IT OUT....STICK IT OUT
Bluelens
Scumbag Dan Burton Strikes
Again
With the help of disloyal Democrats, of course.
Excerpt:
Burton is once again staging his self-righteous
act, accusing Clinton of doing a favor
for a big contributor. Burton knows of
what he speaks. He has done plenty of favors
for contributors, according to an exhaustive
investigation by The Hill and other publications
in 1997 and 1998. Clinton did a favor for
Rich, an alleged tax cheat and a fugitive.
Burton has done favors for reputed terrorists,
human rights violators, and a despot.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything - Gerbils, hoops, babes, and, of course, a lot of piling on.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble,
Dude.
