Let's try to flex some muscle again
Subject: love your tax plan
Hey Bartcop what do you think about all of us
e-mail Spin Room your tax plan?
It is better than KING GEORGE tax plan for the rich! We could do C-Span too.
If they get 4000 emails i think they would give a plug to your site.
Great job, I enjoy reading Bartcop.
That's not a bad idea. It's possible we have a hammer and
don't know it.
Today is Wednesday, let's pound Spin Room THURSDAY and watch the show Thursday night.
The address is firstname.lastname@example.org
Tell Bill Press The BartCop Tax Plan is simpler, faster, more fair and it's what America needs.
(I'll leave this right here until Thursday night)
I caught a few minutes of that prick Hannity on Fox Whore News tonight.
It was so damn much fun I thought I was gonna die.
(Homage to Roseanne Rosannadanna)
Clinton's cock was not mentioned in the segment I saw.
There were no Clinton indictments predicted by Don Nickles (R-Troglo)
There were no interviews with "witnesses" to the murders Hillary ordered.
There were no round tables guessing where Monica his the cigar.
Speaking of oral sex, who's that girl who blew her way into Ben Bradley's will?
Sally Q somebody - I didn't see her Cloroxed ass on Hannity's show tonight.
Bob Barr wasn't there waving papers that would bring down a president.
No, there was none of that.
Do you know what the topic was on Hannity & Pushover tonight?
It was "Should kids without vaccinations be allowed in school?"
Eat it Fox.
Eat it while we all don't watch.
This is going to be so much fun watching these self-important
blowhards and whores
trying to find something as exciting as fabricated cock hunt to get off on.
Hannity, Pigboy, O'Reilly, Klayman and the other Johnny One-Notes
have shot their wad.
If Hillary didn't murder anyone today, why would we watch Fox Whore News?
Swear to Koresh, "School Kids get their shots," on Hannity and Colmes.
I hope they all have 20-year contracts.
"He smelled - he smelled like Denmark,
They have a different view on bathing. We use soap in America."
-- Metallica singer/guitarist James Hetfield, about Lars Ulrich, who is so greedy
he threatened his own goddamn fans with RICO statutes for downloading
the multi-millionaire's music on Napster.
Another Child's Shooting
by James Higdon
After reading that piece by James Higdon, I'm reminded again of
the Prairie Grove, Arkansas cop who was guarding a school full of kids
when he took five blasts from a shotgun to save those kids.
If you've got some fine tequila in the house, (or a beer, whatever)
get it and join me
in a Shot of Chinaco for a brave man who went above and beyond.
Lovett was hit with five shotgun blasts - five times,
then dropped the little "pig shooter" with a single shot,
then performed first aid on the little bastard until the ambulance arrived.
Greg Lovett is a better man than me.
Subject: Bush praises The Bartcop Tax Plan, criticizes his own
Today in Chicago, Smirk seemed to praise your plan, and criticized his plan.
Bush said, "We need relief for everyone who
Bartcop plan does that, Bush plan does not.
Bush said, "The economy is slowing we need
Bartcop plan does that, Bush plan does not.
Bush said, "If you work hard and pay taxes
you should get ahead"
Bartcop plan does that, Bush plan does not.
Bush said, "we need responsible budgets"
Bartcop plan does that, Bush plan does not.
If Democrats had your plan they
could win this debate,
but I'm afraid they are going to lose and working people will get screwed again.
The DNC needs to make me their Communications Director.
I'd throw in my tax expertise for free.
When was the last time you visited BettyBowers.com?
Did you know the Lord recently instructed her to get more into
(They're very close)
If you don't understand by now, let me explain the GOP (God's Own Party) view of fiscal responsibility.
First, we must take a brief moment to perform an exercise vital to American Christianity that is,
construe inconvenient words of Jesus so that they take on the opposite meaning.
When the Lord Jesus said, "give away all your
worldly possessions," He was, of course, talking to
dirt-poor people without second homes who thought nothing of the outrageous spectacle of publicly
giving birth between a pair of filthy goats in a ramshackle manger. By asking such impoverished souls
to part with all they had (that is, nothing), the Lord was simply asking them to give away nothing
a request I am more than happy to indulge!
Had He been addressing investment savvy, air-conditioned
Americans, He would never have asked us
to part with our lovely things. Indeed, it is quite clear that His "Give it all away" command was simply
prophesy for our government's newfound tax-cut largesse under Appointed-by-God-President Bush II.
If you've never been to BettyBowers.com
you're in for a damn treat.
Whoops, ...sorry, Betty.
"You look at other presidential libraries,
they are filled with things that those Presidents got
during their, their years at the White House. And yet somehow it's become a high crime
for Bill Clinton to take some of these things with him to put in his presidential library."
-- NBC's Katie Couric
Someone defended the leader of the party with the popular vote.
I am not kidding.
Katie Couric defended the people's champion on network television.
Did anybody get a tape of that?
Ton o Mail and Toons
"The problem with the right is you only investigate
when it's Bill Clinton.
How about Caspar Weinberger's pardon by George H. Bush?
I mean if you, if you criticized that publicly, then you have standing to criticize this pardon."
-- Geraldo Rivera on the Today Show, February 14.
Twice in the same month - on a network television show?
Did I read that right?
Did someone actually stand up for the president who won the lottery for America?
There they go again
The front page of USA TODAY's sports section says Monday Night
ratings slumped to an all-time low 12.7 for the 2000 season.
Yet, when they released the official ratings for the year, MNF was third, I think.
Logic dictates, then, that MNF was always Number one or two, and
can't hardly stand the horrific drop to the number three slot.
Let's blame it on the whore press being to goddamn lazy to do
or on their not being competent enough to write a sentence that makes sense.
But then again, ...since Dennis Miller turned Nazi puta, let's blame him.
The Man Who Knows Too Much
Al Martin is the man who knows too much.
About government fraud at the highest levels.
About Iran Contra.
And about the unindicted conspirators who continue to do their dirty work.
Remember when Cheney had his last (number four) heart attack in November?
Hughes and Rove sent Smirky out to tell the cameras it was NOT
a heart attack,
when they later admitted they KNEW it was a heart attack, but kept that info from the moron.
What else are they keeping from President Dumbass?
Who's really running this country?
Why doesn't the press cover a REAL story, like "Who's the real president?"
Is the real president near death?
We can't ask Smirky, because he only knows what Karl & Karen want him to know.
By the way, Cunninghamstrikes.com
is back up, had some ISP problems.
He's doing a contest to celebrate, so check him out.
Insane Political Quotes
"What happened [with
the election] in Florida was a triumph
for African Americans."
--Pat Caddell, the cock-eyed, Clinton-hating, cock-hunting turncoat.
Subject: Bartcop tax plan
In your tax plan you ask:
>Who could be against The BartCop Tax Plan?
>Do people making $30-50K want the super-rich to pay less taxes?
Yes, believe it or not. I had a "discussion"
a couple of days ago with a single mother I work with making
less than $30K a year and her argument was "Should we require them to be better citizens than we are?"
I know, I had the same debate with Vic the Racist.
He says "It's not fair," that the super-rich pay more taxes than him.
Isn't that the strangest thing you've ever heard?
The crazy bastard is begging to pay more taxes.
I told him that "fairness," would either result in the creation of a
smaller pie or
increase his tax burden and he said I just didn't understand economics.
The most amazing thing is the media and the Republicans (same thing
have convinced the poor that they're not paying their "fair share" of taxes.
My question is, why is the guy driving a smoking, financed 89
Corsica so worried
about being fair to the factory owner who just bought his new Lexus?
What's that saying about a fool and his money?
Bush's war against California:
First cut the power, then cut funding
By Larry Chin via onlinejournal.com
Already staggering from an "energy crisis" that has been manufactured and manipulated
by a consortium of Bush-affiliated Texas power companies, the state that rejected Bush
at the polls faces a new round of Republican beatings designed to strip California Democrats
of their political power, and maximize the suffering of the staunchest Democratic citizens—-
the minorities, the urban and the poor.
Bush addresses the US Congress:
An illegitimate president, a dubious surplus, a mounting social crisis
The new president not only does not like to travel, he does not like to read—reportedly preferring
executive summaries to the texts of documents, and avoiding books unless they concern sports.
(During the Florida election crisis he was engrossed in a biography of baseball player Joe DiMaggio.)
His weekends resting at the ranch, his abbreviated
office hours and frequent naps—despite
apparently excellent health—suggest that President George W. Bush does not like to work very hard.
These facts are largely concealed by the
press. The New York Times, for instance, in its editorial on the
budget speech, called it a “poised, focused and warmly received address ... with some eloquent flourishes
that showcased Mr. Bush's likability [and] self-confidence.” CBS news anchor Dan Rather said the
speech demonstrated Bush's “political growth” in the brief period since his inauguration.
Letter to Dan Burton
The Bush Layoffs Begin
Is it happening in your city, too?
Landlord to millions of square miles of valuable natural gas.
Historically in Oklahoma, if you drilled a well and found natural gas, you'd say "fuck it,"
cap the well, cut your losses and go back to the shack and get drunk on 3/2 beer.
Oklahoma is lousy with natural gas, and I mean that literally.
With President Viscosity in the White House, things are bad all
Even with super-sized gas prices, there are layoffs in the oil patch.
The local TV channels are doing their nightly news ratings-grabbing
This week, it's "What to do when you get laid off."
Swear to Koresh, you never heard a promo like that when Clinton was in charge.
The eighties were so much fun.
We're going back, against our will.
When Republicans have power, job one is cutting labor costs and a tax cut will do it.
The greed of it all.
Wall Street and the big conglomerates must have a titanic
tax cut and a recession.
It's time to cut costs, slash salaries and decrease medical insurance obligations.
And if it results in more deficits, more debt and a Wall Street
crash ...we'll blame Clintonomics.
The whore press will follow our lead.
You gotta check this out
The Smudge Report
In the Gym
As the years creep up on you, the body starts to change.
I'm 47, out of shape, and have enjoyed the good things maybe a little too much.
Longtime readers remember that week in 1999 when we got stuck at the Rio in Las Vegas.
Those were the days, my friend. I thought they'd never end.
You can read the original story here, but here's a summary.
We were in the mood to party.
We drove to Las Vegas in Mrs. BartCop's touring sedan.
We packed like it was 1999.
We had an arms cache.
We had God's Nectar:
Two hand-blown bottles of Chinaco Anejo, a liter of Grey Goose and whatever.
(Can't find the picture, but you've seen it, right?
The evil Vegas morning sun coming thru the glass wall of the Rio Suites
with two wounded Chinaco bottles and a Grey Goose cadaver)
There's also a story that needs telling about some "car trouble" we had,
but bottom line, we were stuck in the Rio Suites and Casino for five days.
It was torture!
Besides the other temptations, the Rio has
the greatest Mexican food I've ever had.
And I've had 'em all over the world!
And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive-oil voice, and guinea charm.
And she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous!
And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!
Now you get the hell outta here!
And if that gumbah tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader!
Yeah, I heard that story....
Whoops, sorry, had a Godfather flashback.
Alas, five+ days of total bacchanalia took it's toll.
Been trying to shed those extra pounds since then.
That didn't work, and I knew the time would come when I had to get in shape.
There's a fancy-looking gym near BartCop Manor.
I went by, a couple of weeks ago, asked for a tour.
Shawn was my guide.
Shawn was very nice, very well-toned.
That's a good selling point.
I wouldn't want Zero Mostell to be my tour guide.
Afterwards, me & Shawn talked numbers and he saw I was almost
So he threw me three "Guest Passes," and suggested I take a "test drive."
A few days later, after the pain of my achilles tendon being sprained
(which I got running for the plane on that Scary Perry trip report that remains untold)
I dropped by the gym, and I felt more out of place than Rush at a Civil Right's rally.
They told me to bring a padlock for the locker.
Duh - I passed that test.
Otherwise, there I was, standing in the gym with the beautiful people.
The lovely Lynda Von Shtupp was my drill instructor - ...I
And when I say lovely, she had the package.
She had the looks.
She had the body.
She had the confidence.
She could've been Miss Hamburg 1998.
She took one look at me and I could tell she'd never seen anyone out of shape before.
(For the record, I weigh less than Tony Soprano. That's important.)
So, she looks me up and down, checking out ...my physique and
Shit, I'd never been to a gym before, ...I didn't know what to fucking wear.
I had on tennis shoes and sweat pants and a t-shirt with a pocket to hold the key to my locker.
(I thought I might get nervous and forget my combination, so I went with a keyed lock)
"Those shoes won't do. Get a pair of Nikes ...right away."
Dumbass me, thinking tennis shoes were made for running.
I mean, tennis players don't run - what the hell was I thinking?
Then she says, "Do you have a good pair of running shorts?"
The science and logic might let me rent the 'shoes are
necessary' argument, but she's
going to sell me the idea that I can't run a treadmill without a 'nice' pair of shorts?
Maybe she thought I had money.
Most older, out of shape white guys have money.
Then she moves right away into the personal insults:
"So, you're here to ...what, ...lose some weight?"
Thanks, Honey, I was just starting to get comfortable.
That Teutonic charm is really effective.
It's been 30 years since my last confession, but I said, "Yes."
She looks at me and says, "You need the
Fine, I expected that.
I wasn't expecting a caravan to Krispy Kreme.
She pulls me over to a mean-looking treadmill and says,
I asked, "Shouldn't I stretch or warm up or something?"
Lynda Von Shtupp says, "Nah, ...not
for what you'll be doing."
That was encouraging. I always like to walk before I run, so to speak.
So I get on the treadmill and she looks me right in the eye, Swear
to Koresh, and says,
"I want you to run as fast as you can for at least 30 minutes."
"I want you to run like you're a nigger
who just robbed a liquor store
and Sheriff Ashcroft and his hungry Dobermans are chasing your black ass."
(In Oklahoma, they're not always politically correct)
...and I'm like "Christ Lady, I just met you. Why you want
to see me dead?
Cheeses, at least let me write you a damn check before you explode my heart, moron.
I've been in the gym world 8 minutes, and I'm already smarter than you.
You're real cute and shapely, Honey, but a good man knows his limitations."
So the treadmill starts up, and she's looking at me like I'm an Egyptian artifact.
The belt was moving faster and faster, and I've never been on
a damn treadmill before
so it took me a second to get used to the fact that it's not like running.
When you run, you lean forward.
On a treadmill, you have to stay upright and it's a little weird if it's your first time.
Plus, she was leaning into me on the treadmill, and her breasts
were overhanging my right handle.
The only way I was going to not run like a girl would have been to hold the railing as my EQ
got the running specs while leaning backwards, so I was really in a position to accidentally
get me a handful of Lynda Von Shtupp and I had an automatic get-out-of-jail card of an excuse.
But my Catholic upbringing overcame me, and I chose not
to get my free grab-o-breast for all
the right reasons. Chief among my reasons for keeping the Bart beast in it's cage was, I suppose,
the simple fact that I'm not a Chouvanist... ...I'm not a Ceauvuvanist, ...a Cheeuvan,
...I was afraid she'd kick my ass.
So I'm fast-running in place with all the pedal dexterity of Spaz,
the Lude King.
She looks at me with the sincerity of Bob Barr on Father's Day and asks,
"Have you ever had any heart trouble? Do you have heart trouble of any kind?"
Here I am, White Man Dancing, ... on the Treadmill of Death,
doing my best not to get thrown like a rube on his first rodeo.
"You sure you don't have heart troubles?"
I'm trying to hand you a year's worth of dues, dumbass.
Can't you lie to me and tell me how studly I'll look in 90 days?
I have nothing to hold onto while this rubber belt is skipping under me.
Meanwhile, her breasts prevented me from maintaining my balance
and she barks,
"You're not allowed to hold on the the railings."
I look around, and everybody is holding the damn railings
while they jog.
So, finally, she gets me calmed down and tells me what I need to do:
I need to run as fast as I can for as long as I can, " ...at least 30 minutes."
Apparently, she's never seen out-of-shape before. I'm her first..
As I look around, most of the others seems to be in pretty good shape.
I'm working out with the beautiful people, probably wealthy Republicans.
So I start jogging.
After thirty seconds, my legs start to hurt.
After sixty seconds, I'm breathing heavy.
At two minutes, I sound like Ken Starr reading Monica's third deposition.
At three minutes, I'm puffing like Bill Bennett in the Green Room on Meet the Whore.
While I'm putting all my efforts into not passing out, I notice
some young babes in their lil' outfits.
It was obvious which girls were here to work out and which ones were here to be seen.
Isn't that a scream?
Isn't that the wildest thing, the microcosm hierarchy?
You go to any bowling alley or pool hall in the states, and sit
quietly and observe and
you'll soon find out who's "king" of .......the Cushing, Oklahoma bowling alley.
There's always that one guy, or that one gal who "rules" the little
Oh, and their shit is soooo hottttt.
Oh, what all the other Cushites wouldn't give, ... to be like him or she*
(*Homage to President Dumbass)
That's just how this was.
It was kinda crowded, so I figure I had a decent cross-section to observe.
There were the girls who were there to work out, and the girls who were there to look good.
Not that I have any complaints, mind you...
It's a little easier to run when watching some extra-shapely female bending, squating and sweating.
You know what's even more fun than that?
(For men only - you women skip ahead)
When I was trying to survive on the treadmill, it happened - twice.
A young girl (at my age, they all are) would walk by, talking to her friend, and she'd stop and
fuss with her belt buckle for a second and then drop her damn pants right there in front of me
and hop on some mechanical bull looking machine and bump and grind on it.
Sure, there was some lil'
excuse for a thong thingy under her street pants, but unless you've been
monogamous for twenty nine years, you have no idea how thrilling the simple things in life can be.
So, call me a Doubting BartCop, but I suffered thru five long
Took a break, tried to get my balance.
Don't let them lie to you.
I'm Joe Balance.
If a first time treadmill made me walk funny, it's not my imagination.
Lynda Von Shtupp musta wanted me dead.
Always get used to the treadmill before you go cross country with it.
I go another five, ...break, ...another five, ...break, ...and
I was sweating worse than President Smirk playing "Truth or Dare"
After about 30 minutes total, I checked out.
Good thing, too.
That was Friday, here it is Monday and I can almost walk upright again.
Lesson: Don't always trust the "experts."
Right now, I'm more sore than Laura the Unloved on a Monday in 1985.
More In the Gym coming
soon, when I can walk fully upright.
Installment Two could be Wednesday.
Cheney Has Fifth Heart Attack
God's way of telling him to keep his greedy hands off Alaska?
Having come to the realization they will never get hold of Clinton's
the American Spectator cries "uncle" and changes format.
Drunk like Smirk
Whore City (AP) -- A son of House Speaker Dennis Hastert was arrested
Saturday on charges including driving under the influence of alcohol, the speaker's office said.
Ethan Hastert was cited for several offenses, including DUI, in the
early-morning hours, according to a press release from Hastert's office.
``It's regrettable, but as always, Ethan enjoys my love and full support
the face of this difficult situation,'' Hastert, R-Ill., said in the statement.
``Now, we must respect the legal process while this matter is resolved.''
Hastert's spokesman, John McGovern, declined to elaborate, referring
questions to police.
A spokesman for the District of Columbia Police Department did not
immediately return a telephone call seeking comment and details.
How Crooked is Team Smirk?
On Saturday, Nov. 11, Bush's political team held a 60- to 90-minute conference call for campaign operatives
scattered throughout Florida. In the course of the discussion, they discussed having political operatives near
overseas military bases encourage soldiers who had registered to vote -- but never did -- to fill out their ballots
and send them in, more than four days after the voting deadline.
Tons o Mail and Toons
It's Going to Be a Squeaker:
"As Congress takes up the first critical portion
of President Bush's $1.6 trillion tax cut this week,
the WhiteHouse is pressing Democrats to break with their party and support the plan," the NYW Times reports.
The Washington Whore Times says the vote "is straining any semblance of bipartisanship."
The Whore Street Journal notes "The House
is on course to approve $958 billion in income-tax rate
reductions, but the Senate Finance panel may not begin writing a bill until May."
But the Washington Whore Times points out
that Vice President Cheney "predicts that the administration's
$1.6 trillion tax cut proposal will get through both houses of Congress with votes to spare."
What we need is The BartCop Tax Plan.
It's the only plan that puts food on your family.
Subject: Re: your tax plan...
> What would happen if the middle class had some spending money?
> The middle class would use that $3,000-6000 to make a down payment on a car, buy a washer-dryer,
> a computer, maybe make some needed improvements on their home - all of which would bring down
> factory inventories, causing Mr. Small Business to need to replenish his stock, so factories
> will need to hire more workers to increase production.
Sounds like pure "trickle down" to me!
Welcome to the right, old boy!
No, you are mistaken.
The whole point of trickle-down is to made the rich richer, and then HOPE they give
the waitress an extra dollar of her tip after the fat-cats eat their $200 meal.
My plan puts money in the hands of the people.
That extra 1.3 TRILLION is what Smirk wants to squander on trickle-down horseshit.
It's not like this crazy supply-side stuff is a theory we can't understand.
We tried that crap in the eighties, and we got Louisiana Purchase-sized deficits
and the super-rich used their windfall to buy and dismantle their competition.
The BartCop Tax Plan is good for America's working families.
The Smudge report
VP CHENEY'S CHIEF OF STAFF TESTIFIES
HE TRIED TO GET RICH PARDONED FOR 8 YEARS!
Mr. Waxman called on Mr. Burton to subpoena the library records
of the Republican administrations to look into potential abuses.
Mr. Burton did not take him up on his offer.
"I was turned down," Mr. Waxman said.
"It seems we can pursue President Clinton's library, but not President Bush's or President Reagan's."
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"The president keeps trying to blame
the Jews for the Marc Rich pardon."
--the poor, stroke-addled Pigboy, over and over, third hour,
Marta, can't you convince Rush to take his medicine?
Subject: How can I contribute?
What's your subscription fee?
To quote John Lennon, "The best things in life
bartcop.com is a non-profit (trust me) enterprise designed to amuse the educated and
enlighten the ignoratti who have fallen victim of the horseshit the whore media force-feeds them.
However, if you'd like to volunteer a donation, you can click here>
to assist by credit card or send Claven mail to PO Box 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155
Happy Birthday (26) to supermodel Niki Taylor
Warning: Contains non-nudity
Great Republican Quotes
"Sen. Robert Byrd apologized for his use
of a racial epithet in an interview broadcast Sunday.
Asked about race relations today, the 83-year-old Byrd said in the interview taped Friday
with 'Fox News Sunday' that they are "much, much better than they've ever been in my lifetime...
I think we try to have good will. My old mom told me, 'Robert, you can't go to heaven if you
hate anybody.' We practice that. There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time;
I'm going to use that word,'" the AP reports.
Subject: Big Time
Congratulations on being made by American Politics Journal.
I'm behind your tax plan.
The spousal unit and I would put our take into the house which would mean
sparking some local contractors who in turn would spark suppliers, etc.
Yeah, that works.
Yes, it works.
The BartCop Tax Plan puts food on your family.
If we could only get the scared bunnies of the Democratic Party behind it...
But no, ...that might anger Smirk and disrupt the harmony of Pleasantville, DC
The Sunday shows were crap
Russert, NBC's whore, promised "Dan Burton and James Carville,"
but he was lying.
They were both on the show, but not together, so there were no fireworks.
On Sham and Cokie, George Will started attacking Saint Ronald
Reagan as a "big taxer,"
so I hit "record" on the VCR and got this gem:
Click Here to hear George Will attack Saint Reagan in (very short).
For the speaker impaired, Will says,
"What do these years all have in common? I'll tell you:
Those years were the years of a federal tax increase,
and FOUR of those years were under Ronald Reagan."
Check your history books, (and the abc.com
President Clinton raised taxes once, on the super-rich, in 1993.
But George Will admits there were FOUR federal tax increases under Reagan.
Rush and Hannity always say "Clinton
never met a tax increase he didn't like,"
but George Will, on tape, says Reagan raised federal taxes FOUR times.
Last time I checked, once was less than four times,
which means either Saint Reagan was FOUR times the taxer that Clinton was
or George Will is just a lying son of a bitch - ...or both.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything - a trillion dollar gift for America, more Stan worship, and spinning whores in black robes.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.