Exxon/Mobil produced record profits
last year ($17.7 billion)
the highest operating income ($25.1 billion) ever posted by a U.S. company
-- Lisa Sanders, CBS Market Watch
...so why are we being gouged to death on oil prices?
...because BIG OIL owns the White House, that's why,
and this country is in for a screwing like we've never had before.
Subject: JENNA BUSH
I noticed the opening banner on your webpage this
I only have a couple of things to say.
Everybody who reads your webpage has at one time
or another drank while they were underage.
Most of us were lucky enough not to have a mob of media behind us to rat us out for the whole world to see.
Take it easy.
I never saw you go after Chelsea Clinton so leave Bush's kids out of it
and stick to the real morons on both sides of the aisle.
You think I'm being too hard on the people who stole the White House?
Do you realize she was ticketed?
(not arrested, like you or I)
Do you realize we're paying for her bodyguards to watch her commit crimes?
Do you realize we've already paid for her boyfriend to be bailed out?
I never went after Chelsea because she never committed any crimes.
Wanna bet she gets caught again?
Remember when little Al Gore was arrested (not ticketed) for speeding?
Fox News had an erection for aweek about "kids with a liberal upbringing."
Where have you been the last nine years?
US Open Comes to K-Drag
This non-sport event has driven this town crazy.
It's still a month away, and it's "Tiger this" and "Tiger that."
They say you have to go to OKC to get a hotel room that week.
Of course, the super-rich never have a problem.
They're renting the super-rich homes that surround the golf course.
Michael Jordan rented one fine home for $30,000 for that week.
Mr. Perfect rented another, but I didn't hear the price.
The "little" super-rich are renting homes for $10,000 a week,
all to see Mr. Perfect whip the others by a dozen strokes.
...too bad bartcop.com doesn't have a Sports Editor.
Phillips profits shoot through roof
NEW YORK, April 30 (Reuters) - Phillips Petroleum Co. said on
first-quarter profits rose 86 percent on strong crude oil and natural gas prices.
The American Century
The Supremes Nudge Us Into the Third World
by Ted Rall
NEW Y ORK -- If you've been dying to visit a Third World country but possess neither the money
nor the free time to make the trip, your worries are over. Thanks to five men sitting on the
U.S. Supreme Court, the Third World has come to you.
BREAKING NEWS from CNN.com
-- FBI Director Louis Freeh will resign in June, CNN has learned.
No doubt to make room for Frank "I took the money" Keating, who
in the back earlier this year when Team Smirk leaked reports to the media
that Keating accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes while
he was governor of the dusty state of Oklahoma.
I guess since the press doesn't cover GOP corruption, Keating's a lock.
Eddie Van Halen confirms he has cancer
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Eddie Van Halen is battling cancer.
In a note posted on the official Van Halen Web
site, Eddie said he had been examined
by oncologists and head and neck surgeons at Cedars Sinai Medical Center.
"I was told that I'm healthier than ever and beating [tongue] cancer," Van Halen said on the VH website.
The bastards at email@example.com
used the headline:
"Right Now, Eddie Van Halen is battling cancer."
...sons of bitches, making a cute joke about Eddie having cancer.
Hey, fuck you, firstname.lastname@example.org.
With Exxon/Mobil profits up 500 percent, how can they get
away with saying
"We're just passing on the expensive and unnecessary Clinton regulations?"
...it's because the whore media won't call Smirk's friends on anything, that's why.
The places to be in the stock market these days
are energy and utilities.
White House Correspondents Dinner:
Pushing Through the Existential Gloom of a Post-Clinton Era
Exxon/Mobil: Boycott is No Threat
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A spreading cyber-campaign calling for a
boycott of Exxon Mobil
gasoline stations this summer in reaction to rising prices is unlikely to hurt sales or bring any
relief at U.S. pumps, the oil company said Thursday.
"Fuck the little people,"
said Exxon Mobil spokeswoman Lauren Kerr.
"We own the White House," she said, laughing. "We gambled on last year's campaign,
backing a moron, and now that the long-shot paid off, we're in a position to reap the benefits.
If you don't like the price of oil, ride your fucking bicycle," she said, laughing even harder.
Ann Coulter Attacked at Cornell
Monday night at Cornell in Ithaca NY Ann Coulter (R-Fries Whore)gave
her speech entitled
"The Real Meaning of the Confederate Flag" for the Republicans of Cornell.
She asked if any one had any questions. They did.
One person started in about a great, great, great relative who was a slave.
His voice kept getting stronger and he seemed possessed.
He got up and advanced towards her.
He was met by crowd control dudes and was kept from harming her.
Then the crowd attacked her with orange peels as she stood at the podium.
The police were called.
The Republicans stopped the guy but they couldn't help Coulter in her
question and answer session.
The session went on but finally Ann walked out after being unable to continue.
Coulter went to McDonalds afterwards and ate some fries.
WASHINGTON -- During his campaign for president, George W. Bush claimed that America
needed to demonstrate more humility in foreign affairs. In his inaugural address in January,
he vowed that the United States would "show purpose without arrogance" around the globe.
In its first 100 days, the Bush team has designed a policy driven by exactly the opposite: arrogance without purpose.
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
Besides Ralph Nader, does Smirk have a better friend than Michael Moore?
From: Michael Moore mailto:email@example.com
Why Don't We All Just Cut the Crap Right Now
May 1, 2001
Well, 101 days into the Junta and the fear
mongers are having a heyday, aren't they?
Even good liberals and Democrats have joined in the mantra.
To listen to them, you'd think George W. Bush had opened the gates of hell
and unleashed the legions of Satan upon the American people.
These good people actually believe Junior has
put the arsenic back in the water,
given the go-ahead to spew massive CO2 emissions into the air, torn up our
national forests, and raped the Alaskan wilderness. With all the fury that has
been whipped up, I'm sure any minute we'll also hear that Baby Face Bush
recently held up a 7-11 in Denver, and now plans to release bubonic plague
into the atmosphere over Ohio.
There was more, but Michael can't stop trashing Clinton and praising
Since his boy didn't win, he's saying Bush & Clinton are the same.
(What was Michael Moore's reward going to be in a in a Nader administration?
Secretary of Screwing your Friends?)
So I'm at work, yesterday, arguing with Vic the Ditto-Monkey.
Put of the corner of my ear, I hear my name mentioned.
Interestingly, we were the only two in the room - besides the radio
Did you hear it?
He called himself "Larry" from Bend, OR.
We have four versions of this.
Click Here to hear the opening.
Click Here to save (for propsperity) the opening as an MP3
Click Here to hear the entire 100 second file
Click Here to save the entire file as an MP3.
The very best part is the last second or two when Rush utters... "...pigboy..." in disgust, ha ha
Since he said he was from Oregon, I suspect our old friend Bernie.
Ditto-Monkey Vic sure got a kick out of it.
Subject: Bartcop mentioned on Rush
I hope you had the tape running the first half hour today!
I was able to finesse the screener to believe
that I was a liberal Democrat who
wanted to talk about the Democratic Party commercial pigboy keeps playing.
I got through on the first try which proves pigboy's
show is hitting rock bottom.
I was Larry from Bend Oregon. Anyway, Once I was sure I was talking to Rush
I gave a big "MEGA BARTCOP DITTOS PIGBOY!".
This will be a soundbite that no doubt will have to be on your opening page forever.
I figured Rush would cut me off so when he didn't
I said that I wanted to talk about
his draft-dodging. He said that he has already talked about that and soon hit the kill button.
He then was obviously so flustered he called me pigboy. It was classic.
God I hope someone had it on tape!
Don't print my e-mail address as I fear for my life from the ditto-monkeys.
Bernie aka Larry
Bernie, a shot of Chinaco Anejo for you.
It was funny as hell, and got the Freepers wetting their pants.
We should have a prize (Corvette?) for anyone who can get a BartCop
on any national show, but es[ecially the vulgar Pigboy.
...did you hear him mutter "Pigboy..." at the end?
Truly a classic, Bern.
You did good.
Subject: M5, not Nomad!
I think (90% at least) that Richard Daystrom's
M5 attacked the Potemkim
while Captain Dunsell (Kirk) watched in horror.
But you might be right!
Your #1 fan from CT,
Joe, no, you're right.
bartcop.com regrets the error.
Some people are trying to fighting back
Subject: The vulgar pigboy
Bart, I'm hoping you caught the first hour of Rush today.
An obvious bartcop reader managed to get through
and addressed Rush as "pigboy".
A befuddled and flustered Rush continued with the call and the caller demamded
an explanation of Rush's draft dodging.
Rush then accused him of lying about the topic
to his screener and cut him off.
It just made my day.
Subject: A CALLER TO PIGBOY 4-30-01
AT ABOUT 12:25PM A MAN CALLER GOT
THROUGH PIGBOYS SCREENER AND
SAID MEGA BARTCOP DITTOS PIG BOY AND THEN ASKED HIM TO EXPLAIN
HIS DRAFT DODGING DURING VIET NAM TO WHICH PIGBOY RESPONDED
" I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT".
HE THEN SAID TO THE CALLER
"YOU LIED ABOUT WHAT YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT AND WHEN SOMEONE
LIES TO GET THROUGH I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR SUBJECT".
HE THEN WENT TO HIS 12:30 BREAK AND NEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN.
IS'NT IT AMAZING THAT COWARDS NEVER
WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEIR
COWARDICE BUT LIKE TO PUT DOWN REAL HONORABLE MEN LIKE
KERREY AND WADDLE AND LT.CALLEY OF THE MY LAI MASSACRE STORY?
IMAGINE THIS, A LIAR ON PIGBOYS
LOVE YOUR SITE, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
They say the University
of Oklahoma's football team looks better than last year's team.
Mr. Perfect, Tiger Woo is coming to K-Drag to make history, they say.
Is Mark McGwire out for the year?
What's the latest on Daryl Strawberry?
Is there a horse race this weekend?
When will HBO rerun the Lewis-Rahman championship upset?
Can Troy Achmen be as bad in the broadcast booth for Fox as he was
in the backfield for the Dallas Cowboys the last few years?
...sure wish bartcop.com had a Sports Editor.
Stumbled on something from the past
The Freepers are very upset with Bernie from Oregon
I don't know why - Rush calls the Freepers "the
looniest of the loons."
Did you know that?
The Freepers are so insane, Rush has to distance himself from them.
He invested the "Kook Test" for the Freepers, yet they looooooooove him.
Subject: Paul O'Neill
BartCop, check this out:
"After months of sharp criticism, Mr. O'Neill
said he'd dump his Alcoa stock, worth more than $100
million. But it was too late. Before Mr. O'Neill could act (he still hasn't), a favorable ruling by a federal
agency sent the price of Alcoa up 20 percent, adding $23 million to the value of his holdings."
-- yesterdays Baltimore Sun
Didn't I say this a month ago?
What avoidance of the appearance of impropriety, as Sec. O'Neill says?
Do you see that?
Check out my comments from www.geocities.com/way2muchsense/Mar01/oneill.html
my own web site that I made way back on March 24th.
But Paul, O'Neill making $23,000,000 by manipulating aluminum stocks
nothing to do with Clinton's zipper, therefore cannot be considered a crime.
More soon, gotta get to work.
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.