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Volume 471 - He Bangs, He Bangs 
.Old Stuff ...Celebrity-hoe-mails  .Required Reading. The Liberal Media?  ..Crime of the Century?    Kiss My Ass
 World News Links      .On the Horizon..   ..LiveWeb Cams.   ..The BartCop Tax Plan......Clinton's Page        The Ruby Tape 
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 Note: The first ad is from a long-time supporter of

May 5-6, 2001...............Advertise with Weeks...........Help Wanted...........Did you hear it? 
Happy St. Agave's Birthday, everyone!
Angryburgher - send me some e-mail - you are the new Sports Editor

Robert Blake's wife shot, killed

LOS ANGELES (AP) - The wife of actor Robert Blake was shot to death in her car
while she waited for the former ``Baretta'' TV star near a restaurant, police said Saturday.
There were no immediate arrests. The woman was shot once in the head Friday evening
and was pronounced dead at a hospital, police spokesman Guillermo Campos said.

Campos did not have the victim's name. But in October, Blake confirmed his engagement to
Leebonny Bakley, 44, the mother of his 11-month-old daughter, Rose Lenore Sophia Blake.

Blake, 67, told officers that as the couple returned to their car from a restaurant he realized he
had forgotten something and went back inside to retrieve it. When he returned, Blake said,
he found his wife shot and went to a nearby home to call police, Campos said.
Blake was questioned early Saturday as a witness, Campos said.

Blake played tough TV detective Tony Baretta in the 1970s show of the same name.



Subject: Set Sail BartCop

For those of you who heard the threats of leaving the good old USA if George W got in office..
You will find this especially entertaining...enjoy the laugh!

We at Cordial Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers and celebrities had promised
to leave the country if George W. Bush became President.
With that in mind, we have a special offer for those  who  want to keep their promise!


Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue, David Geffen, Barbra Streisand, Pierre Salinger,
Tom Leykus and anyone else who made the promise, please report to Florida for the sailing of the funship cruise,
"Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes.

The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward,
and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended least four years.
Your captain is to be Bill Clinton and your maitré de will be Al Gore. Monica Lewinsky will be your recreation director,
and your spiritual advisor will be the Rev. Jesse Jackson.  James Carville will be Court Jester.  Dick Gephardt and
Tom Daschle will be serving whines.  Peter Fenn, Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, Bill Press, Margaret Carlson,
Peter Jennings, Eleanor Clift, Katie Couric, Matt Lauer and Bryant Gumbel will hand out crying towels.

If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct
your comments to Senator H. Clinton.  Her village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can
watch over all your money and furnishings until you return.

Bon Voyage!

Larry Kilbride, Cruise Director

Editor's Note: Larry is a nut.

 Box Office News

 "Mummy" comes to life
 "Driven" hits wall
 "Diary" largely unread


 Gay-hating Republican (aren't they all?)
 wrote to say he's been sending this picture to people who contribute to

 Lanny, I hate to burst your bubble, but that doesn't hurt me.
 If I was gay, I'd stand up and say, "I'm gay. You got a problem with that?"
 Once you hit a certain IQ level, around 60, I think, it's not a problem, anymore.

 When I tease Rush about his hampster-hiding with Clarence Slappy Thomas and Bob Dornan,
 I do that because I know that'd make him mad enough to put a bomb under my car.

 Same for you - if I said Lanny Kiedrowski is a gay man,
 you'd be off the hissy with rage, because your church told you it was important to hate gays, right?

 Notice that Jesus Christ never condemned homosexuality - not even once.
 But the money-raising religio-nuts scream "Homosexuality is one of this worst sins,"
 so they can use that fear and hatred as a money-raising tool with the ignoratti.

 But me?
 I have no gay hangups, and I have no religious hangups.

 You can continue to forward those pictures calling me "gay" until the end of time.
 I don't care.
 I just wanted you to know that calling me "gay" was no big thing.

 Do you have any other hobbies?
 Besides creating gay photos and mailing them, I mean...
 I must say, those are pretty good, considering you do them with one hand.

 Struggling CNN woos Clinton

 Fresh off hiring former "NYPD Blue" beauty-turned-sizzling-nude-modelAndrea Thompson,
 CNN may have found its next star - Bill Clinton.

 Click  Here


Subject: Larry King fiasco

Hey BC,

What a fiasco on Larry Thursday.  Pat Sajackoff was playing with Pigboy under the table all hour.
The first of two "questions" asked to Goatfucker was, "I am a conservative Rush,
but I have some "liberal" friends, do you? Goatboy said "I don't let politics determine my friends."

And the second one was "who will be the democratic and republican nominees for 2004?"
Two lame ass "questions."
Rush said he "hated" Clinton and said what a "bad man he is."
BC,  the journalists are all rich.
They have more in common with Goatboy than you or I.
Rush is such a pussy.


Guy, I'm glad I didn't waste the hour
(Well, I did, I watched the Survivor finale)

Goatboy is lying about not letting politics determine his friends.
He constantly says, "All liberals want to destroy America,"
so how could he possibly be friends with those kinds of people?

Either that, ...or he's lying.

 They tried to trick me

 I went to my favorite Spirits store (I love that phrase) to get my St. Agave sacramental liquid.
 Just to be sure, I double-checked the serial numbers on the hand-blown bottle.
 (Newer readers may not know each bottle of Chinaco Anejo is hand-numbered, with a pen)

 The first bottle did not have the "AA" that signals the "wildflowers" batch.
 Panic set in.
 I became short of breath.
 It was a crunching, disabling kind of panic, like getting a knee in the groin.
 I could feel the blood draining out of my head, so I looked for a place to faint.

 It was almost a disaster.
 If I'd fainted onto those tequila bottles, I might've caused $1000 damage.
 (not to mention the danger of falling on 25 broken bottles of tequila.)

 Before I lost consciousness, I quickly glanced at the second bottle, and there it was.
 The "AA" that told me all was well in the world.
 My breath returned to normal and color came back into my face.

 I checked the third bottle - no "AA," same for bottle #4.
 The fifth bottle had the marking of a champion, so I bought them both.
 (Good thing I had the credit card with me.)

 For all I know, the bottles that caused the panic, ...the bottles that I passed over,
 those bottles could be better than the wildflowers "AA" batch of The Canaan Miracle,
 but since the "AA"  is the finest batch I've ever had trip across my tongue, I went with the sure winner.

 You gotta get up pret-ty early in the morning to fool me on a Chinaco purchase.


Subject: George Carlin on Fox News Friday

I just saw that Gibson dude interviewing George Carlin on THE EDGE
about his new book, EXCEPT that he decided to first ask Carlin about GWB.

George said:  "He seems to be an idiot."


ha ha

 Gutless Moderates
  by E. J. Dionne Jr. of the Washington Whore Post

 Click  Here

 To get a sense of which party is willing to fight hardest, compare what Republicans did
 to Bill Clinton during his first year in office with what Democrats are doing to Bush now.
 The Republicans voted as a bloc against Clinton's first budget in 1993. It fell to Democrats
 to squeeze out every last vote from their own ranks, and the Clinton economic plan,
 with its tax increases, passed by a single vote in each House.

President Clinton was elected by the voters.
     President Weak & Stupid's daddy bought, then stole the presidency for him.

Clinton's economic plan saved America's and fixed Reagan's ocean of red ink.

So what do the fake Democrats do?
    They surrendered without a fight.
    They just lay there and smile while Smirk has his way with them, and the poor,
    and the economy, and the environment, and the dirty water and dirty air,
    all the while gouging middle-class families with 300 percent higher energy bills.

 I have no use for  E. J. Dionne Jr., but he's right this time.

 -- John Breaux of Louisiana,
 -- Ben Nelson of Nebraska,
 -- Robert Torricelli of  Jersey
 -- Zell Miller of Georgia

 These gutless cowards are betraying the people who need them most.

 Dennis Miller had a funny last night

 Click  Here  it's short and worth it - and he did not apologize.

 His guest was the best play-by-play announcer ever, Al Michaels,
 who's also the most reactionary fascist in all of show business.
 (Is he the one who turned Dennis Miller?)

 Dennis tried to get him going - "What do you think of Bill Clinton?"
 then he started giggling,  ...waiting to see if Al would take the bait.

 It might've been a better half-hour if they had someone like Michaels
 and someone like Carville or McDougal there to set his Nazi ass straight.

 When was the last time you visited

 The Diva has a real slick page, crammed with hours and hours worth of stuff!

 The Andrea Thompson Scandal

 We've mentioned her before.
 She's the former NYPD Blue actress who left TV drama to go to into TV news.
 (Is that a switch?)

 There's been lots of buzz about Andrea having done some nude photography,
 and questions that it might that hurt her credibility in the newsroom - ha ha

 As if...

 I don't dislike Andrea, I thought she was a good actress on a good show.
 They say CNN is crazy like a fox to hire a newsbabe who's posed nude.
 CNN needs ratings now, because Fox Whore News is kicking their ass.

 But what if other pictures came forward?
 I mean, posing nude is hardly a shocker in show business, right?

 ...but what if other pictures came forward?, ...oh, I dunno, ...maybe pictures like this?

 John Madden would call this a "double dipper."

 I mean, I'm more liberal than most, but can CNN stand this kind of heat?
 Sure, it's possible she was filming The Laura Schlessinger Story when these
 white-hot pictures were taken, but can a woman bang her way into the newsroom?

 ha ha

 What a stupid question that is...

 That was really stupid, BartCop.

 That question was Chris Farley stupid!
 (punching my head - stupid, stupid, stupid!)

Since today is the day we honor St. Agave, I did some surfing. has tequila taste test results posted.
He said:

Chinaco Anejo
Five Stars
Flavors of chocolate and smooth oak.
Very smooth full flavor and an excellent finish!

He's tasting chocolate in his fruity, wildflowers nectar of the Gods?
Chinaco is like a supermodel. It's different every time.
That must've been some fine batch.

Startling: He says of  Tres Generaciones -  "a weak watery flavor. Not 100% agave."

Them's fighting words 'round these parts.
I wonder if he's sure?

He's wrong.
At the Spirits store, I checked the Tres bottle.
It says 100 percent blue agave.
They don't lie about those things.
Besides, it tastes really good, as my previous testimony corroborates.

All in all, he says the Cuervo Reserva de la Familia in his opinion, beats the Chinaco Anejo
by a half-star. I've never had the Cuervo Reserva de la Familia.
I've been afraid to try it.
I don't want to spend $50 to find out it blows.
I'll blow $12 on a shot, because that's all I'd need to decide, but not a bottle.

He also says the Herradura Seleccion Suprema is a full star better than Chinaco Anejo,
but at $250 a bottle,  it should be better and provide you with oral sex.

Question: Why should anybody try any reposado or silver tequila?
                 The Anejo is always going to be the king of flavor, whichever brand you drink.

The Worst 100 Days
  from The Nation

 Click  Here

 This President's beginning is not just ugly, it's ominous. That conclusion isn't based only on ideology
 but on the retrograde mindset of the new Administration. The men in charge--the older guys, his handlers
 --seem stuck in a time warp. It's as though Cheney, O'Neill, Rumsfeld et al. have missed the past twenty years
 of politics and evolving public attitudes. Their opacity is potentially dangerous for the country as they try to
 bull their way forward, and Bush the Younger, we predict, will encounter many more rude surprises.
 His agenda is out of touch with reality, distant from what the government should be doing to help this
 society and economy get through the darkening waters ahead.

 Hey, Cunningham has a new name!

 I just saw Tony Snow interview Jeb Bush on Fox Whore Lies

 Tony: I understand your brother lost 20,000 votes in western Florida when
            the networks mistakenly called your state for Gore...

 Jeb: Oh, I don't know about 20,000, but it sure ruined my dinner.

 Can you believe that pack of horseshit?

 Let's look a little closer at Snow's ridiculous attempt to paint Smirk as the victim in Florida.
 First, the networks made that announcement with about 15 minutes before the polls closed.

 Is it possible that 20,000 people turned around in disgust a few minutes before 7 PM?
 And remember, these people are in their cars, right?
 Could all 20,000 of them have been listening to talk radio?

 That'd be an incredible stretch, since talk radio gets, at most, 1/4 of the radio audience.
 So there would have to have been 80,000 people in their cars, trying desperately to get
 to a polling place at the last minute when they heard that that Florida had gone to Gore.

 Add to that, what makes Tony Snow think all 80,000 people were Smirk voters?
 Nationwide, it was damn close, so there'd have to be 160,000 people sitting in their cars
 listening to the radio for Smirk to have any chance of losing 20,000 votes that night.

 But doesn't that mean Gore lost the same 20,000 votes?
 Why bother to wait behind 159,999 people to cast a vote if your boy has already won?

 But the idea that there were 160,000 people in western Florida trying to get to the polls
 a few minutes before 7 PM is wild horseshit - even for Fox Whore Lies.

 I watched Fox Whore Lies for about a minute when this happened.
 Try that sometime - watch Fox Whore Lies for a single minute and see how many
 ridiculous whoppers the "fair and balanced" whores can tell in less than 60 seconds.

 Tony Snow was so wildly outrageous with his idiotic claims, Jeb Bush looked good
 by having the sense to back away from the puffball lies Snow was throwing at him.

 And Fox says they HAVE to be this way to counter the "left-leaning" press.
 I dare anyone to watch the other networks for one hour and catch an anchor
 saying anything as stupid as what you can hear on Fox in a single minute.

 In closing (applause) why do the other four networks just sit there and let Fox claim the "honesty" title?
 Remember - the top man at Fox News, Roger Ailes, produced Pigboy's TV show.

 That tells you where their honesty and objectivity lies, to speak.

80 Failures in 100 Shrub Daze
  by Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney

President Bush introduced America to the idea of compassionate conservatism, and indeed Bush has
demonstrated a high level of compassion. Unfortunately, his compassion has been reserved for
the moneyed interests who filled his political coffers and helped to secure his theft of the Presidency.
After all, special interest groups contributed an unprecedented amount of campaign contributions,
and now the chickens have come home to roost.

Here’s the list of 80 failures that the Bush Administration has produced in his first 100 days.

Click  Here


Subject: Is Bartcop another Juan Williams?

Juan Williams (liberal on Faux News Sunday): "What Clinton did was despicable, but..."

Liberal Internet Geeks:  "Jenna Bush is a stupid drunk."

Rush Limbaugh:  "What if Hillary Clinton murdered..."

You have often pointed out the difference.
Rush starts by saying Democrats are not just wrong, but downright evil.
Juan and the Geeks start by saying Republicans are correct.
I have no quarrel with the message:  "Republicans are hypocrites".
But 90% of the messages I've seen about Jenna do not make this point.
All they do is say "Dubya/Jenna is a drunk".

One moron referred to Jenna as a "serious scofflaw" while another
talked about her getting away with a "felony".  The only people I know who
would call drinking by a 19 year old college girl a serious crime are born-again,
rightwing extremists who do not believe in proportionality.

Even the 10% that do mention Republican hypocrisy -- Bartcop, for instance
-- veer off and start pounding the temperance crap.  Like the liberal pundits on TV,
you are sending out a message that the other guys are right.
Stop it!

Unless, of course, you do think that drinking is immoral.
If that is the case then I suggest you change party affiliations and,
in my very best Bartcop imitation, KISS MY LIBERAL ARSE!

Eddie Joe

Eddie Joe,
You were wise to put that "if" in your last sentence.
When I was 19, I partied, sure, but I wasn't the most famous 19-year old in America
trying to help the public forget what a drunken loser my thieving father was most of his life.

I never was so drunk that I had to go to jail.
I never asked the federal government to come get me out of jail, either.
I also was never caught with alcohol because I didn't get roaring drunk in public.
I also was never caught with alcohol 30 days after the federal government had
to bail my drunken date out of jail at taxpayer expense.

All this comes after being photographed falling-down drunk by a national rag.


 Jenna's "crime" isn't being a teenager who likes to party.
 Like Robert Downey Jr., her biggest problem is she doesn't have
 the brains to keep her wacky behavior behind closed doors.

 Almost every misdemeaner and felony I've ever committed has been behind a locked door,
 because the rules are as different as night & day when you're locked inside your home
 as opposed to partying in your car or in a trendy nightclub where cameras and cops hang out.

 Jenna, so far, hasn't learned her lesson.  That's what I'm choosing to focus on.
 After her drunken boyfriend had to be bailed out at my expense, you'd think Smirk would've
 set his wild daughters down and said, "Things are different - I was appointed President.
 Read my lips - you cannot get caught a second (make that a third) time."

 But nooooooooooooo.

 Either Smirky didn't have that talk, or he did have that talk and they laughed his chump-ass off.
 If Smirk can't convince his daughters to behave, at least in public, how will he do trying to
 convince North Korea or China that he means business?

 One other thing - you have Juan Williams all wrong. He helped lead the attack on Clinton.
 There's no "but" in Juan William's Clinton bashing.  If someone called Clinton "immoral" for having an affair,
 Juan Williams would chirp,  "...and she was almost as young as his daughter," ...the son of a bitch.

 Fox wants you to think that Oreo is a liberal.
 He was - before Ailes wrote him that Texas-sized check.

 I have another "high tech" funny for you

 With my IQ and attention span, this took days to produce, so pretend to like it, OK?
 This pretty much has to be the last word on Survivor II.
 The gang was on Dave Thursday, after the big finale, but this was taped before the votes
 were revealed a couple of hours later, which explains why the big winner was Number Five.

 Top Ten Survivor Pickup Lines

Remember, these are pickup lines

 These last four you need to hear.
 Shamefully, you'll be able to tell which one's my favorite.

                          Click on Jerri

                         Click on Keith

                      Click on Elizabeth

                    Click on Texas Boy

 I forget...

 Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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