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..............................BartCop
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..............Help
Wanted...............Did
you hear it?
Special thanks to our old friend Bojan
The Master
Turns on the Charm in Canada
Clinton wows 'em in Hamilton
Excerpt:
In an appearance more like a movie star's than
a politician's, Clinton mesmerized
1,100 dinner guests with jokes, memories of his
presidency and his powerful southern drawl.
Ivan Luksic and his sister said they found Clinton
wholly engaging and captivating.
"He is a really remarkable man," said
Ivan Luksic, a law student at Queen's University.
> I haven't seen the Pigboy Interview with Pat Sajak yet.
> Did any unscreened calls get thru?
From: dogfolks@cape.com
Subject: Couldn't watch...
I couldn't bring myself to watch, but I read through
the transcript of the Sajak/Ditto-butt interview.
Don't waste your time. For what seemed like AGES,
Sajak "fluffed" Ditto-butt till he was READY
for the blow jobs given him by BOTH telephone
callers who made it past the "screeners".
Unless you're looking for diet tips, I'd pass.
Anne
ha ha
It figures.
I'd love to get a look at the contract Rush signed with CNN, holding
them liable
if some unscreened callers accidentally got thru to make Pigboy look
bad.
President Pinhead only has one gear.
The "DLC Lies" Commercial
Excerpt:
Rush and his followers seem to be getting a lot
of mileage out of the Democratic Leadership Council
commercial that addresses salmonella and arsenic.
To hear Rush tell it, W. hasn't done anything even
remotely related to these issues, and
Democrats are simply lying.
Have you been to our new JFK page?
Slick, eh?
That's our old friend Bojan
from Bosnia.
How did he learn that html so well?
Of course, he's still getting this set up, but soon, you'll be
able to
contact him with your opinion on the validity of the Warren Report
and other aspects of the JFK cover-up.
Considering what we've learned in the last 9 years,
should we glance a little bit towards Richard Mellon Scaife?
He financed the attempted assassination of President Clinton.
Why should he be above suspicion in the deaths of Kennedy, King
and Kennedy?
Traficant Indicted, ...and isn't it about time?
Excerpt:
The 10-count, 130-page indictment includes charges
of bribery, tax evasion, racketeering,
conspiracy, obstruction of justice and illegal
wearing of a spittoon, officials said.
Traficant, known as one of the biggest idiots
in the House, has been on every Fox News
program every damn week, begging the feds to
indict him on his ties to organized crime
and overall general stupidity He has been
rumored for months to be considering a switch
to the Party of Kinkin' and voted for Dennis
Hastert (R-Wrestler) for House speaker.
Is this handjob related to Pat Caddell?
They have the same politics, that's for sure.
A Democrat pedigree with a revulciary * (homage to W&S) hatred
for his own party.
Please, Koresh, find this prick guilty and throw him in prison.
Who knows, maybe Scotty will beam him up...
From: floyd@nidsci.org
Subject: Michael Moore
Here is an excellent rebuttal of Moore's most recent atroci--I mean article.
http://coup2k.com/mooremockumissive.html
Mindy
Tally Briggs
/ Actress at Large
Tally on the 127th Kentucky Derby
From: Butlerfoto@Netwalk.com
Subject: All-knowing rushie
Bart.......
That Pat Sajak is one tough inquisitor.........I
didn't think Rush would make it through
the show with all the hardballs Pat was throwing
at him......man, what a bulldog.
I lost track of how many calls Rush took, but
the ONE that sticks in my mind was
the deep, deep, thoughtful question of who Rush
thinks will run for president in 2004.
Rush said he thinks Bush will be the republican
candidate, but maha-rushie couldn't
even venture a guess for the Demschoice......must
have been too shaken from the
pounding ole Pat laid on him.
Cable News TV at it's best, don't ya think??
Geoff
Geoff,
It goes without saying that Rush would never consent to a real interview,
such as Playboy.
The first question in a real interview would be something along the
lines of
"Aren't you ashamed of letting your easily-led
sheep think you're actually a God?"
Did they screen his calls, too?
I'll watch it tonight and report - unless it was a total suck job
by Sajak.
BTW, did they mention Rush's famous meltdown on Sajak's show years ago?
Today In History
Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.
Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are gunning us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her and
Found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?
Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are gunning us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her and
Found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?
Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.
Mac from AMPOL knew, and wrote about, one of the murdered students
For more Click Here
Ton o Mail & Toons
From: Benewmy@aol.com
Subject: Survivor
Isn't it odd that the actual Survivor took place
during the presidential
election and recount, and look who we have left,
a Texan and a Tennessean.
Of course there is Keith from Michigan, but who's
going to vote for him?
ha ha
What does evil look like?
Ted Olson reacts to news that Dems are stalking his nomination.
Sent in by Doctor Dave
Gonzo
Tally
Briggs / Actress at Large
Tally celebrates St. Agave's birthday
Survivor Finale
Fix! Fix! Fix!
It was so rigged.
We knew it would get down to Colby and Tina.
Keith was never an option.
He was fodder.
He was chaffe.
He was duncil.
So it got down to Colby and Tina, so Tina had to win.
Otherwise, people would say "Only the gay
male survivors can win."
CBS couldn't afford that.
They couldn't even afford to have another man win, or it would "prove"
that women
can't handle a tough ordeal, and that would send the wrong signal,
so they rigged it.
I was so shocked when the voting was tied 3-3 with one vote remaining.
Gee - what are the odds?
Just like in last November, the guy from Texas didn't quite get enough
votes.
But unlike Smirky, Colby's dad didn't used to run the CIA.
In this case, fewer votes meant, "Sorry,
son, you got fewer votes."
Without Scalia's illegal intervention, the person with the most votes
actually won.
Remember how that "one man-one vote" thing used to mean something?
.
It brought a tear to my eye.
It reminded me of how America used to be.
Besides, they had to let Tina win to get recruits to sign up for Survivor Three - The Bronx.
Biggest winner of the night?
It was going to be "Mad Dog," who made a big splash with two
really clever quips,
but then buried herself with a "I've already been thru menopause" downer.
So the big winner goes to "Deb," who cried and whined, "Nobody
loved me."
The crowd clapped like it was free beer night.
America's newest catch-phrase?
"I don't hate you, but you're not getting
a Christmas card."
That'll be the biggest catch-fire buzz-phrase since "Show
me the money,"
but not quite as big as big as "the Mother
of all battles."
Sidebar:
This is my last chance to tell this story.
I've been meaning to say this since the night
Survivor premiered.
In 1995, Jimmy Page had finally gotten together
with Robert Plant to do an album.
John Paul Jones, the last remaining Led Zeppelin
member wasn't invited to join.
There are theories, but nobody knows for sure.
The American Music Awards, or something like that,
was coming up.
They asked Page & Plant if they wanted to
do a song via satellite that night.
They agreed, and wouldn't you know it, they were
in Australia the night of the broadcast.
Page and Plant planned to play the hottest love
song ever written "Black Dog,"
live for the American television audience.
Apparently, (putting together what must be true)
John Paul sent word to them that since
he wrote the key riff in "Black Dog," and he
was not invited, that they shouldn't play the song.
(The key riff being the one right after "Gonna
make you sweat, gonna make you groove.")
So, what happened on that night in early 1995
live, from Australia?
The America DJ introduced them and they tore
into "Black Dog," and instead of that nasty
killer guitar riff, Page played a different
lick while the diggery-doos
carried the song.
ha ha
Swear to Koresh - Zeppelin playing "Black Dog"
with diggery doos.
Plant hit all the high notes and Page played
like Captain Howdy on Desoxin.
Black Dog - without the riff.
Imagine "Satisfaction" without the riff.
Imagine "Layla," without the riff.
They pulled it off, and they did it with diggery
f-ing doos.
Every week since the SuperBowl, every time I heard
those diggery doos in the Survivor opening,
I've tried to remember to tell that nearly-thrilling
story.
But if you're a Zeppelin fan, that diggery doo "Black Dog" would kicked your ass.
...if I ever find it, I'll post it.
So, Letterman should be in a good mood tonight.
And let's hear it for all the underpaid nurses out there.
Nurses have a special place in Dave's heart, and we're all happy
that Mr Win-the-immunity challenge Texasboy came up short on the votes.
Apparently at CBS, that thug Scalia doesn't count.
And now,
a Public
Service Announcement from Rush Limbaugh
Is Troy Donahue still alive?
Wasn't it a stroke of genius to have him in Godfather II?
That's a casting hole-in-one.
Remember when he asked Michael for a drink?
ha ha
Remember when he told Michael - "We're getting married,"
like Michael should just get used to the diea...
That look Michael shot him was colder than Bob Barr cashing a Operation Rescue check.
ha ha
They killed Troy off-screen to avoid litigation from the Bland-white Has Beens lobby.
What is...
...better than the 4th of July?
...more sacred than Easter?
...a day that dwarfs Christmas in importance?
...bigger than all the birthdays of the year rolled into one?
It's St. Agave's Birthday
In "Mexican." (*homage to W&S) it's called Cinco de Mayo,
and it's a religious holiday taken very seriously at BartCop manor.
We will celebrate with the Nectar of the Gods, Chinaco Anejo.
Friends last night
Friends episodes cost $4,500,000 each, just for
six salaries, because Joey, Ross,
Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Rachel each get $750,000 dollars
just to show up.
So what happened last night?
They paid those 6 people $4.5 mill to stand idly by on the set while
the producers
played tape of some funny-as-hell clips from two years ago,
reminding everyone
how funny and great this show was back then.
Don't get me wrong - last night's show was great - because it
showed historical clips
from years ago when this show was a hip, funny show with excellent
writing.
$750,000 - each - to stand there while the producers roll tape?
How many Friends are GOP?
I don't want to know - don't tell me...
Niki Update
Were her injuries caused by a poorly-designed Nissan seatbelt?
I forget...
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
