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Volume 470 - Hang in there, Niki
Recent.Old Stuff ...Celebrity-hoe-mails  .Required Reading. The Liberal Media?  ..Crime of the Century?    Kiss My Ass
 World News Links      .On the Horizon..   ..LiveWeb Cams.   ..The BartCop Tax Plan......Clinton's Page        The Ruby Tape
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May 04, 2001...................Sweep Weeks..............Help Wanted...............Did you hear it? 
 The JFK Assassination Page   Special thanks to our old friend Bojan

The Master Turns on the Charm in Canada
Clinton wows 'em in Hamilton

Click  Here

In an appearance more like a movie star's than a politician's, Clinton mesmerized
1,100 dinner guests with jokes, memories of his presidency and his powerful southern drawl.

Ivan Luksic and his sister said they found Clinton wholly engaging and captivating.
"He is a really remarkable man," said Ivan Luksic, a law student at Queen's University.

 > I haven't seen the Pigboy Interview with Pat Sajak yet.
 > Did any unscreened calls get thru?


Subject: Couldn't watch...

I couldn't bring myself to watch, but I read through the transcript of the Sajak/Ditto-butt interview.
Don't waste your time. For what seemed like AGES, Sajak "fluffed"  Ditto-butt till he was READY
for the blow jobs given him by BOTH telephone callers who made it past the "screeners".

Unless you're looking for diet tips, I'd pass.

ha ha

It figures.
I'd love to get a look at the contract Rush signed with CNN, holding them liable
if some unscreened callers accidentally got thru to make Pigboy look bad.

President Pinhead only has one gear.

The "DLC Lies" Commercial

Click  Here

Rush and his followers seem to be getting a lot of mileage out of the Democratic Leadership Council
commercial that addresses salmonella and arsenic.  To hear Rush tell it, W. hasn't done anything even
remotely related to these issues, and Democrats are simply lying.

 Have you been to our new JFK page?

 Slick, eh?
 That's our old friend Bojan from Bosnia.
 How did he learn that html so well?
 Of course, he's still getting this set up, but soon, you'll be able to
 contact him with your opinion on the validity of the Warren Report
 and other aspects of the JFK cover-up.

 Considering what we've learned in the last 9 years,
 should we glance a little bit towards Richard Mellon Scaife?

 He financed the attempted assassination of President Clinton.
 Why should he be above suspicion in the deaths of Kennedy, King and Kennedy?

Traficant Indicted, ...and isn't it about time?

Full  Story

The 10-count, 130-page indictment includes charges of bribery, tax evasion, racketeering,
conspiracy, obstruction of justice and illegal wearing of a spittoon, officials said.

Traficant, known as one of the biggest idiots in the House, has been on every Fox News
program every damn week, begging the feds to indict him on his ties to organized crime
and overall general stupidity  He has been rumored for months to be considering a switch
to the Party of Kinkin' and voted for Dennis Hastert (R-Wrestler) for House speaker.

Is this handjob related to Pat Caddell?
They have the same politics, that's for sure.
A Democrat pedigree with a revulciary * (homage to W&S) hatred for his own party.

Please, Koresh, find this prick guilty and throw him in prison.
Who knows, maybe Scotty will beam him up...


Subject: Michael Moore

Here is an excellent rebuttal of Moore's most recent atroci--I mean article.


Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
 Tally on the 127th Kentucky Derby

 Click  Here


Subject: All-knowing rushie

That Pat Sajak is one tough inquisitor.........I didn't think Rush would make it through
the show with all the hardballs Pat was throwing at, what a bulldog.

I lost track of how many calls Rush took, but the ONE that sticks in my mind was
the deep, deep, thoughtful question of who Rush thinks will run for president in 2004.
Rush said he thinks Bush will be the republican candidate, but maha-rushie couldn't
even venture a guess for the Demschoice......must have been too shaken from the
pounding ole Pat laid on him.

Cable News TV at it's best, don't ya think??


It goes without saying that Rush would never consent to a real interview, such as Playboy.
The first question in a real interview would be something along the lines of
"Aren't you ashamed of letting your easily-led sheep think you're actually a God?"

Did they screen his calls, too?
I'll watch it tonight and report - unless it was a total suck job by Sajak.

BTW, did they mention Rush's famous meltdown on Sajak's show years ago?

 Today In History

 Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
 We're finally on our own.
 This summer I hear the drumming,
 Four dead in Ohio.

 Gotta get down to it
 Soldiers are gunning us down
 Should have been done long ago.
 What if you knew her and
 Found her dead on the ground
 How can you run when you know?

 Gotta get down to it
 Soldiers are gunning us down
 Should have been done long ago.
 What if you knew her and
 Found her dead on the ground
 How can you run when you know?

 Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
 We're finally on our own.
 This summer I hear the drumming,
 Four dead in Ohio.


 Mac from AMPOL knew, and wrote about, one of the murdered students

 For more  Click  Here

Ton o Mail & Toons

 Click  Here


Subject: Survivor

Isn't it odd that the actual Survivor took place during the presidential
election and recount, and look who we have left, a Texan and a Tennessean.

Of course there is Keith from Michigan, but who's going to vote for  him?

ha ha

  What does evil look like?

Ted Olson reacts to news that Dems are stalking his nomination.
  Sent in by Doctor Dave Gonzo

 Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
  Tally celebrates St. Agave's birthday

 Click  Here

Survivor Finale

Fix! Fix! Fix!

It was so rigged.
We knew it would get down to Colby and Tina.
Keith was never an option.

He was fodder.
He was chaffe.
He was duncil.

So it got down to Colby and Tina, so Tina had to win.
Otherwise, people would say "Only the gay male survivors can win."
CBS couldn't afford that.
They couldn't even afford to have another man win, or it would "prove" that women
can't handle a tough ordeal, and that would send the wrong signal, so they rigged it.

I was so shocked when the voting was tied 3-3 with one vote remaining.

Gee - what are the odds?

Just like in last November, the guy from Texas didn't quite get enough votes.
But unlike Smirky, Colby's dad didn't used to run the CIA.

In this case, fewer votes meant, "Sorry, son, you got fewer votes."
Without Scalia's illegal intervention, the person with the most votes actually won.
Remember how that "one man-one vote" thing used to mean something?
It brought a tear to my eye.
It reminded me of how America used to be.

Besides, they had to let Tina win to get recruits to sign up for Survivor Three - The Bronx.

Biggest winner of the night?
It was going to be "Mad Dog," who made a big splash with two really clever quips,
but then buried herself with a "I've already been thru menopause" downer.

So the big winner goes to "Deb," who cried and whined, "Nobody loved me."
The crowd clapped like it was free beer night.

America's newest catch-phrase?
"I don't hate you, but you're not getting a Christmas card."

That'll be the biggest catch-fire buzz-phrase since "Show me the money,"
but not quite as big as big as "the Mother of all battles."

This is my last chance to tell this story.
I've been meaning to say this since the night Survivor premiered.

In 1995, Jimmy Page had finally gotten together with Robert Plant to do an album.
John Paul Jones, the last remaining Led Zeppelin member wasn't invited to join.
There are theories, but nobody knows for sure.

The American Music Awards, or something like that, was coming up.
They asked Page & Plant if they wanted to do a song via satellite that night.
They agreed, and wouldn't you know it, they were in Australia the night of the broadcast.

Page and Plant planned to play the hottest love song ever written "Black Dog,"
live for the American television audience.

Apparently, (putting together what must be true) John Paul sent word to them that since
he wrote the key riff in "Black Dog," and he was not invited, that they shouldn't play the song.
(The key riff being the one right after "Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.")

So, what happened on that night in early 1995 live, from Australia?
The America DJ introduced them and they tore into "Black Dog," and instead of that nasty
killer guitar riff, Page played a different lick while the diggery-doos carried the song.

ha ha

Swear to Koresh - Zeppelin playing "Black Dog" with diggery doos.
Plant hit all the high notes and Page played like Captain Howdy on Desoxin.

Black Dog - without the riff.

Imagine "Satisfaction" without the riff.
Imagine "Layla," without the riff.
They pulled it off, and they did it with diggery  f-ing  doos.

Every week since the SuperBowl, every time I heard those diggery doos in the Survivor opening,
I've tried to remember to tell that nearly-thrilling story.

But if you're a Zeppelin fan, that diggery doo "Black Dog" would kicked your ass.

...if I ever find it, I'll post it.

So, Letterman should be in a good mood tonight.
And let's hear it for all the underpaid nurses out there.
Nurses have a special place in Dave's heart, and we're all happy
that Mr Win-the-immunity challenge Texasboy came up short on the votes.

Apparently at CBS, that thug Scalia doesn't count.

And now,
a Public Service Announcement from Rush Limbaugh

Click  Here

Is Troy Donahue still alive?

Wasn't it a stroke of genius to have him in Godfather II?
That's a casting hole-in-one.

Remember when he asked Michael for a drink?
ha ha

Remember when he told Michael - "We're getting married,"
like Michael should just get used to the diea...

That look Michael shot him was colder than Bob Barr cashing a Operation Rescue check.

ha ha

They killed Troy off-screen to avoid litigation from the Bland-white Has Beens lobby.

What is...

...better than the 4th of July?
...more sacred than Easter?
...a day that dwarfs Christmas in importance?
...bigger than all the birthdays of the year rolled into one?

It's St. Agave's Birthday

In "Mexican." (*homage to W&S) it's called Cinco de Mayo,
and it's a religious holiday taken very seriously at BartCop manor.

We will celebrate with the Nectar of the Gods, Chinaco Anejo.

Friends last night

Friends episodes cost $4,500,000 each, just for six salaries, because Joey, Ross,
Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Rachel each get $750,000 dollars just to show up.
So what happened last night?

They paid those 6 people $4.5 mill to stand idly by on the set while the producers
played tape of some funny-as-hell clips from two years ago, reminding everyone
how funny and great this show was back then.

Don't get me wrong - last  night's show was great - because it showed historical clips
from years ago when this show was a hip, funny show with excellent writing.

$750,000 - each - to stand there while the producers roll tape?

How many Friends are GOP?

I don't want to know - don't tell me...

Niki  Update

Were her injuries caused by a poorly-designed Nissan seatbelt?

Click  Here

 I forget...

 Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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