I was cleaning up some old files, getting ready for the big trip
and I ran into this Rick Lazio flashback from May 22, 2000.
It made me laugh, maybe you'll like it
"When I hear Dick Cheney speak, he's
so calm, so confident, so intelligent,
I could listen to his explain this administration all day long."
--Sgt Scurvy, second hour
Gee, Rush, compared to President Weak & Stupid,
Tom Green seems calm, confident and intelligent.
One important point you left out of the public execution debate.
High-minded conservatives insist that the death
penalty has a deterrent effect on crime, even though
there's no evidence to back it up. When New Jersey had the death penalty, prospective criminals
didn't commute to execution-free New York to commit their crimes. Back when Smirk was
Chief Executioner of the Western World, Texas crime rates never dropped.
If this deterrent effect did in fact exist, televising
executions would only accentuate it.
But if crime rates didn't go down, we'd have more proof that the death penalty is ineffectual,
as well as unfair, and that those who support it are at best ignorant, and at worst bloodthirsty killers.
That's why the executioners want privacy.
Re Tarpley. Take his "historical research"
with a Texas-sized grain of salt.
He's a Lyndon Larouche mouthpiece.
The one undeniable truth in his work is that Smirk did once have a grandfather.
Leave my name out of it,
"Pope John Paul II appealed to Dick Cheney
this week to spare Timothy McVeigh's life.
Reportedly, the pope asked Cheney, 'Is President Bush going ahead with the execution?'
to which Cheney replied, 'Are you Catholic?'"
-- Jimmy Fallon, with a joke not stolen from bartcop.com
of the Elusive Right-Wing Sense of Humor
by Isaac Peterson
Choclieta borza contampõ Bazra Katórti borza Øtµ¥pta slenkâ pira Ðjmatri.
BartCop ubeza mügli prengraps cora Katabampa borza yeng borza Brüßem.
Stroke me, Stroke Me
"You just don't know if this penetrating
logic can penetrate
the media template of the young skulls of mush."
-- the vulgar Pigboy, second hour today
Subject: Sounds in D.C.
It was, on the whole, an unusual display of Democratic solidarity.
On April 27, all nine Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee -- backed,
according to ranking member Patrick Leahy, by the entire Democratic
caucus -- signed a letter to White House counsel Alberto Gonzales about
George W. Bush's proposed nominations to the federal bench. "We are not
going to be rolled over," promised New York's Charles Schumer, who called
the letter a "shot across the bow." The confirmation process, warned Leahy,
"may grind to a screeching halt."
Did you hear that sound?? Was it is that of spines stiffening??
Or is it the sound of white, floppy bunny
ears hitting the ground.
Or perhaps the rustle of pink taffeta as the Democrats slip out of the pink tutu's that
they have been wearing on the Hill here as of late. Maybe, just maybe they are starting
to finally oppose the GOP (Gas, Oil & Petroleum) installed Junta.
Now wouldn't that be refreshing, and indeed a move in the right direction.
"It was reported this week that during
a conversation with friends, Bill Clinton complemented
President Bush calling him 'far shrewder than many think' and a 'fominidable politician.'
Clinton then added, 'But remember, I'm a liar.'"
-- Tina Fey
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"The liberals are always upset because
America uses one third of the world's energy,
but we're only one fourth of the world's population."
--the overpaid idiot, second hour
America has almost two billion people now?
You sure are good with facts, Rush.
(Sent in by ultra-conservative Larry Kilbride
Between Larry and Lanny, Larry is the sane one.)
Today in History
In 1886: Atlanta pharmacist John Styth
Pemberton invented the flavor syrup for Coca-Cola.
In 1958: VP Richard Nixon was shoved, stoned, booed and spat upon by anti-American protesters in Lima, Peru.
Does anyone know when President Weak & Stupid is going to Peru?
In 1987: Gary Hart, dogged by questions
about Donna Rice, withdrew from the presidential race.
Remember that fiasco?
Reporters asked Hart if he was banging Rice, and the nut says, "Why don't you follow me around?"
So they did, and they caught him leaving her apartment at 6 AM one morning.
Not too bright, Gary.
Unless you have Bill Clinton's political skills, you'd better leave the women alone.
Top Search Terms on the www
01 Dragonball ? never heard of it
02 Ellis Island They have a new search engine, getting like 100,000 hits an hour
03 Britney Spears
05 Tattoos ha ha
08 Pamela Anderson
10 Final Fantasy ? never heard of it
12 Prom Hairstyles
13 Big Brother still?
16 Anna Kournikova
17 Jennifer Lopez
19 Andrea Thompson ha ha
20 Las Vegas
Why did I type up this list?
Can you tell what's missing?
The bold font is a clue...
Where's Cindy Margolis?
Where's the self-styled "Miss Download?"
Where's the self-proclaimed "Queen of the Internet?"
She's certainly not in the top five, and it's my well-educated guess
she's not in the top forty.
Hey, I don't mind someone throwing a little sizzle, as long as their intrests don't conflict with mine.
But Cindy Margolis needs to stop this horseshit that she's the most desired woman in the world.
She's not even in the top ten supermodels, much less women in music, TV and Hollywood.
If she was the last girl left at closing time, she might get taken home, but most desirable woman on Earth?
...knock it off, Cindy.
Subject: Broadcasting Executions
I don't have a strong opinion on broadcasting executions, in general.
If it were a shooting, hanging or electrocution, it'd be different.
But a lethal injection for a sleeping man is a little more tame.
If we're going to execute people, why not broadcast it?
This is different than those anti-choice nuts who want to broadcast an abortion,
just so they can say, "Isn't that ugly?" because root-canals and rectal surgery
isn't pretty either, but all three are sometimes needed.
In the old days, families would pack a lunch and go to the hangin'.
For Mc Veigh, I think anyone who wants to see it should be able to.
I think it's absurd that Ashcroft announced "special encoding" would go into the
McVeigh broadcast to prevent Americans from seeing what their government is doing.
The McVeigh case really is different, like Oswald, Sirhan or James
For these crimes, we were all family.
Republicans Not Interested in Election Reform:
Don't Be Fooled by Kathy Harris Testimony
Using lists of misdemeanor offenders in Texas, Choicepoint "padded" the Florida list
of ineligible voters to include more ineligible voters than there actually were in Florida.
This resulted in thousands of blacks not being allowed to vote in the Presidential election.
This, joined with the high number of thrown-out ballots and a Supreme Court decision
that stopped the ballot counting, resulted in a Bush victory in Florida.
Mangled ballots resurrected
Have you read the awful things Blake's own lawyer is saying about
the late Mrs. Blake?
These are my words, but Blake lawyer called her a lying scumbag of a scheming bitch
who spent her years stealing money from vulnerable old men - a "Hearbreaker" type.
That's very strange.
His lawyer says everybody wanted to take a shot at her, so the
list of suspects is endless.
He said Blake didn't love her, that he married her out of some sense of duty or honor
because they'd had a baby together - presumeably after she tricked him into bed.
She lived on Blake's property, but not with him.
Get this - Blake's lawyer had her sign a prenuptial agreement
that stated Bakley couldn't
engage in any criminal activity. Who asks their fiance to sign a document like that?
"I promise not to stomp any kitties while we're married."
BTW, who takes a gun to a restaurant? And if you're crazy
enough to do that,
who leaves the damn gun inside the restaurant?
Was he wearing the gun old-west style?
If he was just carrying it, where did he put it while he ate?
I "carry" a gun, but that just means I always have one nearby.
I don't take it into Jack in the Box when I'm getting a cheeseburger.
How paranoid does one have to be?
Then again, she's dead, so maybe they weren't paranoid enough.
Certainly they were being followed, right?
They say Blake ate at that restaurant so often, then named a dish for him,
so maybe the killer just knew to hang out near there and wait.
Please, Koresh, don't make this another OJ deal.
I always liked Robert Blake.
He might even have been an early prototype for BartCop.
He'd go on the Johnny Carson show and scream at the screwed-up "suits"
who didn't know a goddamn thing but insisted on messing everything up.
That was shocking behavior back in the seventies.
I guess today, he'd call them "whores."
Have you seen Smirk's n>
bartcop.com is the very last place on the www to get news on Broadway Shows, but
leads Tony nominees
NEW YORK (AP) - "The Producers" could make Broadway history.
The smash musical version of Mel Brooks' 1968 film has an opportunity to win more
Tony Awards than any other play or musical since the theater prizes were first given out in 1947.
It received a record-breaking 15 nominations Monday,
including a nod for best musical,
as the 2001 Tony nominations honoring the best of the Broadway season were announced.
The record for Tony wins has stood since 1964 when "Hello, Dolly!" took home 10 prizes.
"The Producers" could eclipse the Carol Channing
musical even though it got multiple nominations
in two categories. Its two stars, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, were nominated. So were
three of its supporting performers - Roger Bart, Gary Beach and Brad Oscar - in the featured-actor
musical category. The musical also received nods for book, score, direction-musical, featured-actress
musical, choreography, sets, costumes, lighting and orchestrations. Brooks himself received three
nominations - for book, score and for being a producer of "The Producers."
Mel Brooks has made some movies that were side-splitting and he's made
some that weren't.
But it's nice to see him have this kind of success 27 years after Blazing Saddles.
A shot of Chinaco Anejo for the old Jew.
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.