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Tonight, before the Failure in Thief comes on the TV, get
a piece of cardboard
and a magic marker and some tape and make a sign in big letters that hangs just below
his richboy, snotty face that says,
unelected bastard stole the White House
with the help of his rich Daddy's friends.
He was not chosen by the voters and
his presidency is an Abortion of Democracy."
Then listen to the premier of BartCop Radio.
You'll feel better.
Bill Clinton will turn 55 on August 19th.
If you would like to send him a card, the address is:
President William Jefferson Clinton
55 West 125th Street, 14th Floor
New York, NY 10027
Thanks to razncain
I feel good that the vulgar Pigboy, with 34 years behind the microphone,
is having technical gliches one after another today.
I feel better.
If our first attempt at broadcasting is, as Jimmy Carter might
say, "an incomplete success,"
I'll feel better knowing the experienced dork with $285,000,000 can't get it right, either.
First, I love your website and plan to start contributing
regularly like I do the ACLU.
It's not easy being a liberal in K-Drag Texas (near Tyler) but I have been fighting the fight
for years and I tell as many people as I can about your great site.
My wife and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for
five days of gambling and drinking premium tequila.
Where we stay, Sam's Town, is wonderful but the Mexican restaurant, Willy & Jose's doesn't
carry Chinaco Anejo. I hear the tequila bar at Sunset Station has it all and I will e-mail you
a Vegas report after we get back. We go four times a year and have seen all the new stuff
except the remodeled "Aladdin."
We need to have a BartCop convention in Vegas!
I know you have referred to doing something like that in the future.
No money to the DNC or the Texas Democratic party
until they fight Smirk a lot harder.
Your biggest fan,
When you go, do you drive or fly?
I expect a full report with lots of details!
I'm sure that Vegas convention will happen someday, probably in 2016.
For it to work, we'd have to have a reason or a theme or something.
Maybe the next time some big band is on tour we could all go to Vegas and see them.
Thanks for the note, and remember lots of details - where you
ate, what you drank,
the view from your room, the details about the thunderstorms inside the new Aladdin, and so on.
...and send pictures (not all of them :)
You should go to Area 51 if you have a spare night.
Your eyes will lie to you for hours.
It must be true
Rush is taking call after call from ditto-monkeys who are pro-stem
He wouldn't do that if Smirky was going to make him look bad.
Rush keeps saying how "complicated" this issue is.
Gee, Rush, if B'Orrin Hatch is for it, how complicated could it be?
Smirky's own medical expert, The Tennessee Frist, is pro-stem
and they told us in the campiagn that it was OK that Smirk was dumber than sled tracks
because he'd surround himself with people smarter than himself, (Britney & Mariah would do)
but why bother to have experts if you're going to do whatever Rove and Uncle Dick say?
The Pandora's Box Opens:
Marshmallow Business Booming
by Al Martin
There has been an announcement from the White House, which effectively will turn back the clock.
They are trying to return the world back to Cold War status, which has been the Bush Administration's aim
all along. And the real money to be made is in the proverbial "turning." The way things are moving they could
reestablish the Cold War within five years. More importantly the real money is to be made in the reestablishment
of the Cold War. It's the Big Guys who are going to make the Big Dough once it's re-established.
"Because Bush is PRESIDENT, that's why!"
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"The umbilical cord has stem cells that is
-- Uber-Nazi, end of the first hour today
This Just In...
Smirk will come down FOR stem cell research.
Does he have inside information?
Did the White House tip him off to prepare 4,000,000 sheep?
They say Rove and Uncle Dick have made their decision, and the
will let us what they think at 8 PM CST, but Rush is steeling his crowd
for the eventuality that Smirk will allow stem cell research to go forward.
"Everyone knows somebody or knows a family
who has someone in bad shape,
and this stem cell stuff could be a great help to those families."
Since when has the GOP ever given a rat's ass about what families
Did families want thousand dollar heating bills last summer?
Did families want $3 gas Memorial Day?
Did families want drilling in Alaska?
Did families want Scalia to vote for everybody?
Did families want our spy plane given to China?
Did families want to see America's present crawl and beg for China's approval?
If Weak & Stupid comes out for science and logic, kicking
the churches in the teeth,
look for Bill Bennet to be on all the talk shows playing the whore for the Oil Man and Vice Oil man.
"Bush has courage."
Aide Hid Business Link
Stayed part-owner of political consulting firm
Top political hatchetman Karl Rove has failed to disclose his ties
to a political consulting firm in his financial disclosure form,
which ethics experts said was a serious omission.
Rove signed the document Dec. 30 without
making any mention of
Karl Rove & Co., the firm he founded in 1981 that helped make
him a millionaire several times over.
Trust me, this won't be a problem for Rove.
The Senate Democrats wouldn't investigate Rove if they found
Chandra's body under his bed - they're too afraid of him.
Smirk doing actual work?
I've searched stories looking for HOW LONG Rich & Snotty
Conveniently, no reports gave us the facts about the story.
It was all fawning praise about the "good work" Smirky does.
Since he's never done a day's work in his life, I'll bet Smirky's
hands are softer than
a training bra, but Ohhhhhhh, the press loves it when he puts on a Rove-produced show.
It appears Smirky posed for some pictures then got back in his
limo and went back to
the ranch his Daddy's friend's money bought so he could pretend he was a cowboy.
This Just In...
Bush's schedule calls for the president and his wife, Laura, to
spend 15 minutes
at the Habitat worksite while cameras record their efforts.
That lazy-ass son of a bitch.
I knew it.
I knew he was lying - posing for dozens of pictures in just a few moments,
just like I knew the press would cover for his no-working ass.
He's not going to do a goddamn thing for the poor unless the cameras
And the lap dog obedient press failed to mention it was only for 15 minutes.
Thanks to Reuters, the facts come out, but then again, they say
he was "scheduled"
to work for 15 minutes, and we all know what a slacker we have in The Failure in Theif.
I'll bet he worked for of the scheduled 15 minutes, then got back into his air-conditioned limo.
Shame on President Weak & Stupid for not caring
about the poor,
and DOUBLE SHAME on the whore press for assisting in the charade.
Andrea Yates, the certainly insane mother
who killed her five kids, will face
the death penalty, says Harris County District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal.
After they announced their intention to
kill her, prosecutors said they would set a
competency hearing in the coming weeks to determine if Yates is mentally fit to stand trial.
Yeah, that's the right way to handle this.
First declare that you want her dead, THEN see if she's competent.
Looks like Texas didn't change much after Governor Weak & Stupid left.
I ordered more people killed than
the other 49 governors combined.
I like it when they beg, "please don't kill me..."
BartFlop with a radio show?
Don't make me laugh.
He's not conservative - he doesn't belong on radio.
Anyone that would call his radio show must be a whiner who can't
the proven fact that Bush won the count, he won the recount, and he won
the second recound and he won the third recount and the fourth recount.
Just Say No to BartCop Radio.
Accept George W. Bush as your president and move on...
From Ann Coulter...
"mghh, ...unmmmhg... Bar..Cou...ray-e-o... mummmffdsssg,"
Graceful, after working five minutes for the cameras
of his accomplices
in the press, managed to screw that up like everything he touches and stepped on his own finger.
He said, "I don't mind shedding a little blood
for volunteerism," if you call pretend working
for the cameras for five minutes some kind of "volunteerism."
Independent counsel begins closing Clinton case
Seven years and $65 million after it began, the independent counsel's
attempt at reversing
the 1992 and 1996 election results is starting to slowly wind down.
Robert Ray, the third independent counsel in the probe that began in
notified the Justice Department on Friday that the investigation is formerly over.
Ray, however, may stay on until May to tie up loose ends.
"The investigation has been terminated,"
he said in an interview.
"Does that mean the office shuts down, the lights turn out? No.
We'll be watching Mr. Clinton - and we'll be watching his nasty cock.
If he shakes it more than twice after using the mens room, we could still make an arrest,"
in the plan
We're doing the show tonight, on schedule, but there are still hitches in the hardware.
That sample you've been hearing, ...with the jazz? It sounds fine because it's already on the server.
The show we haven't done yet is not on the server.
We think things will be fine by showtime - but if they're not,
here's the plan:
We're going to do the show no matter what, and we need you to call in.
Here's the number 847-839-1592
Start calling right at 8 PM CST.
If the tech problems aren't solved by then, we'll still be there.
We can take calls and assemble a show, even if we can't broadcast it live,
but all the latest indicators are good, and confidence is high.
By midnight, we can upload the archived version to the www where
will be available worldwide, but it's not a guarantee until it happens.
So call us, and we will record everything and make it available for listening
in the long run even if the short run has the occasional glitch.
This is the equivalent of "Watson, come
here, I need you."
No matter what happens, we're breaking new ground.
I don't know all the radio shows that are available and working fine on the www right now,
but for better or worse, I can guarantee there's nothing like BartCop Radio on the "air."
Sure, I'm asking you to take a leap of faith, but look at it this
If you call in and everything goes wrong, the worst that can happen is that
you lose a buck or two and we'll get it right next week.
My man Marty says if this doesn't work, we can always pay $750-1000
for a real studio and do it right, which isn't exactly a viable option.
Hang in there.
Dial the number - talk to us.
Remember, there's a chance this could turn into something.
Maybe not, but what if?
When your grandkids ask, "Were you really on the first BartCop
you want to be able to answer, "You betcha, and it was fun as hell ."
The Internet is the second last frontier.
Technology is living and breathing, and we're trying to harness it.
We're taking a risk, trying to forge political comedy into the future.
Someday, every teenager in America will have their own radio show just like
they have their own home page now, but there'll only be one BartCop Radio.
It's a win-win.
If you don't get thru - it's free!
If you get thru, you may have to pay 9 cents a minute to help us make Internet radio history.
Koresh forbid we keep you on the air for three dollars worth of time
If you get thru, you'll be talking to Marty, Christian and Tequila-boy.
Take a chance.
Roll the dice.
Call in tonight between 8-9 PM CST ...or longer..?
If this works, it could lead to a real BartCop Radio
If this works, kicking Hannity in the balls on live TV is so much closer to reality.
President Weak & Stupid is doing his first live address
to the nation in prime time.
This is more significant than just his first address. Tonight he's either going to tell the naton
that he's going to go with science, logic and most Americans and allow stem cell research,
that he's decided to follow Karl Rove's orders and go with his
political base and prove he's
the most right-wing president we've ever had, including Red-Ink Reagan, the mad bomber.
Just to mess with the premier of BartCop Radio, he's starting the same time we are.
In an attempt to make lemonade, we're going to try to run his speech over the airwaves
so we can instantly correct him when he makes mistakes or tells lies.
...and I pity the fool if he says he's doing this for people like
the Pope, because when the Pope
asked him to slow down the rate of his giggling executions, Smirky dismissed him with a wave
of the hand like he was just another black man on death row.
So, bottom line, we're in a whitewater canoe and we don't know
where the falls are
but that's what makes life exciting, right?
"See" you tonight at 8
More last-minute info
We will overcome all hitches.
...and don't forget to pick up the Chinaco on your way home from work.
The Future of the Democratic Party
Did you see the front page of yesterday's USA Today?
They polled a bunch of democrats and came up with this.
(Going from memory)
Who is best position to top the Democratic ticket in 2004?
Hillary 23 %
Bradley 12 %
JoeL 9 %
Of course, there's years before we have to make up our minds,
but I don't
want to sit thru another campaign with a guy who refuses to fight back.
Sure, Gore could show us something, and make us believe he's learned
from his mistakes, but if he's not willing to fight - I'm with Hillary.
Hell, I could get behind a Gore-Clinton ticket.
How about you?
Yes, I know Hillary is polarizing, but who else do we have?
In yesterday's Bush family Evil Empire crime round-up,
I missed the one where Jenna cousin Jebby was cited for "sexual misconduct."
Give up, Bartflop!
Liberals know I'm telling the truth.
They'll never help you get off the ground with your stuipid broke-dick radio show.
Liberals love me and the great Rush Limbaugh because they know we're right.
Don't expect any calls tonight, because nobody
wants to see you kick me in the balls.
I'm too respected in liberals circles, so nobody will call your loser radio show.
You're stupid for trying to make this work.
Everyone knows only conservative Republicans should shape public opinion.
You're a loser and you always will be - so expect no calls tonight!
Ben Affleck seeks help
My good friend Ben Affleck was taken
to dry out at a Malibu rehab clinic by Charlie Sheen.
Affleck apparently went a little haywire after drinking and gambling at the Hard Rock Hotel
in fabulous Las Vegas the night of July 27.
After winning $800,000 playing triple $20,000
hands of blackjack, Affleck doled out
almost $150,000 in tips to the dealers and waitresses in the high-rollers' Peacock Lounge.
Sources say he continued drinking the next day and woke up Sunday with a hangover
and realized he needed help.
Ben was up $800,000, and he has an alcohol problem?
I'll bet the Hard Rock thinks he wasn't drinking enough.
I hope those cocktail waitresses got in on the big tips,
because they're probably looking for employment right now.
Ben, get well, buddy.
Don't worry about doing The BartCop Movie for now,
you just take care of yourself and get better - that's what counts.
Subject: Key Witness in Skakel Case Dies
A key prosecution witness in the murder case
against Kennedy nephew Michael Skakel
has died of an apparent drug overdose, police said. Gregory Coleman, 39, was found dead
Tuesday morning in his driveway Toxicology tests were being conducted.
Three guesses how Pigboy will short stroke this one...
"Ted Kennedy ordered the hit on Michael Skakel,
to protect the family." then
he goes out with some kind of bumper music that will seem clever to the dittoheads.
By the way, you know what must be the easiest,
lowest stress job on the face of the planet?
Rush's fact checker. Probably never gets away from playing "Doom",
with the patch that makes all the monsters look like prominent Democrats.
Oh, how the vulgar Pigboy loves playing with cadavers.
He loves playing with cadavers more than he likes playing "Hide the hamster?"
Yeah, I'm sure he'll be all over that today.
Sean Hannity is right.
You don't have a chance, BartCop.
Nobody will call your stupid amateur radio show because you're a loser
and the only people who deserve radio time are winners like me and Sean Hannity.
Give it up, Bartflop, liberalism is a thing
of the past.
Didn't you see the results of the last election?
America loves George W Bush because he's in touch with the people.
That's why he was elected, and because he's smart!
Liberals are losers, and you're a liberal,
so you're a loser.
Forget your stupid fantasy of being on the radio.
Talent on loan from God says BartCop is a Loser, and God is never wrong.
Nobody will call your loser radio show - so give it up and save yourself the time.
Filegate: The Katherine Harris Story
Files show she was ready for a Bush win before recount ended.
Do you think the networks will reveal Smirky's stem cell decision
before he spills the beans on live TV tonight?
In New Poll, Jeb Bush Slips but Doesn't Fall
Jeb Bush is still struggling with the fallout from his part in The Florida Theft
A new Mason-Dixon poll shows that just under 50 percent of voters
a favorable impression of Governor Bush, compared with a high of about 60 percent
in April 1999. That is the lowest he has been since he was elected in 1998.
He has slipped five points over the last five months.
BartCop is stupid.
When I was ten years old, me and Joe Fred
would bet $1000 on witch frog
would explode the most when we tossed it in the air with a firecraker in his ass.
BartCop is such a looser, he can't even
come up with $1000 for a radio show.
That proves liberals are losers and people like me are winners and smart.
BartCop won't get no radio show - not never.
Only stupid liberals would call some stupid start-up radio show
BartCop's too stupoid to be on the radio.
He's not smart, like me.
Liberals are losers and quitters, just like
Uncle Jim proved in Florida.
BartCop is stupid to think anyone cares what he has to say.
"The Supreme Court should not have stopped
the voting. I think that did more damage
to the Supreme Court than anything they did. They wanted to protect themselves against
having a recount declare Gore the winner before they invalidated the recount.
I think it was a mistake."
-- Bush attorney Barry Richard
Caught on Tape - Again
Bush to arm anti-Choicers with your tax dollars
Unaware that reporters were listening, President Bush told Catholic leaders recently that his
new program to give tax money to religious groups will help them promote opposition to abortion.
The remarks, unintentionally broadcast over a White House public address system on January 31,
contradict his earlier claim that the program "will not fund the religious activities of any group."
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.