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a weekly column about
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Update from yesterday's Squirm, Pigboy, squirm!
You couldn't fit all I don't know about html on the internet,
but that graphic that said $1000 last night says $300-$500 today.
It was on my hard drive, but now it has changed.
How do they do that?
But, ...not to worry!
When you click on the $300-$500 banner, below, it says
"Will
Gold Surpass $1000.00?"
just like I said it did. You gotta remember, when I say
"Swear to Koresh," it's still possible I'm wrong,
but I'll never lie or play a trick on you when I invoke Koresh's
name.
Swear to Koresh, Thursday morning, that graphic read, "Will
gold break $1000?"
After I busted Rush, it reads : 
Click and you'll see
Truthfully, this is good advice.
When a Republican steals his way into power - buy gold!
because it's a guarantee war and recession are coming at you
like a runaway train.
Enron's Voice Mail
Lots of mail concerning Zeppelin's "Rock n Roll" Cadillac commercial,
and how it was considered acceptable compared to H & R Block's
"Taxman."
I had no problem with the Caddy commercials, and the new issue
of Rolling Stone tells why.
Plant and Page retained final approval over how their song was
used.
Zeppelin did almost everything right in their careers, but among
the best decisions they made
was having their manager, Peter Grant, play hardball in negotiations
with the big money boys.
Of course, when you can deliver the product that the other guy
can't get anywhere else,
you're in the driver's seat, so to speak, but Zeppelin always
retained total control over everything.
For the third album, they had that spinning wheel with the holes
cut out, remember?
Atlantic balked at the costs, Zeppelin said, "Eat
it." They did.
When they released the Big One, IV, Atlantic told them it was
suicide
to release an album
without their name or picture on the cover. Zeppelin said, "We
do it this way or no deal."
The fifth album was held up for months and months while they waited
for the printer
to get the colors right for the rocks those naked kids were climbing
on.
Physical Grafitti was another one - the windows on that New York
building were holes
that showed different pictures depending on which sleeve was
showing thru.
So, 22 years after the last Zeppelin studio album, they "produce"
a Caddy commercial.
I thought it was done with class and taste.
Trick we're playing on the Weekly Standard
The Guitar God Tape
I miss Johnny Carson
Remember when Johnny would say "He was
so stupid..."
...and the crowd would interrupt and shout, "How
stupid was he?"
Subject: A Dummy ...which will live in ignorance
Bartcop,
In his address to the Japanese Parliment, Bush said the following....
"My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an
important reason. It begins here because
for a century and a half now,
America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring
alliances of modern times. From that
alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific."
Hint:
There may have been a little dustup between
the two countries due to
an unfortunate incident that occured around Dec
7th, 1941
Hear the clip yourself:
Tom L
Tom, to answer the question, "How stupid is he?" I'd answer,
"He's so stupid, it took America's whore press and five crooked judges
to make this idiot the most powerful man on the planet."
Bart Sticker sighting in Minnesota
From: cianderson@usa.net
Subject: You are a fool
Bartcop gets a letter noting that Global Crossing
and Enron are both
backfiring against the Democrats. He responds,
> 'You're bluffing. I say we put everyone under oath, including Oil
and Vice
> Oil, and if it can be proven a vote was cast or a policy was implemented
> because of Enron cash - we jail the b******s.'
Go four articles down. The fun has only just begun.
The further the committees dig,
the stronger the scandals stink of Democrat and
Bill Clinton. If you want to read about
all the campaign money given to Dems from Enron
in the last 10 years, be my guest.
By the time it's over you may never want to hear
about India again."
Charles I. Anderson
Chuckie,
I don't want to "read" anything.
I want everyone put under oath and asked damn tough questions about
who stole the missing billions.
Funny - you have a problem with that.
United We Slam
GOP
attacks Carnahan in the name of togetherness
Excerpt:
And now, in this time of national crisis
-- and in celebration of our unity, resolve and patriotic spirit
-- the Republican Party proudly presents
the following message of peace and goodwill:
"Democrats suck."
Heavy drama at the Olympics
I was on the phone with Surprise Number Two and just caught part
of it.
Sarah Hughes failed to fall down and ended up winning the gold
medal in women's free skating.
What happened next is really the only reason to watch the Olympics.
From what I've seen, it was the golden moment of these
games. When Sarah found out
she'd won the gold for being the most graceful woman on the planet,
she
fell to the floor.
Does it get any better than that?
Sarah seemed a little bewildered, so her coach grabbed her face
with both hands
and got in real close and shouted "You won the gold
medal!!!"
It's that kind of emotion you can't fake - to me that's what makes
the Olympics worthwhile.
Sarah's not (yet) a pampered multi-millionaire faking it for
the 500th time.
Matter of fact, emotion was splashing around like the Mexican
set of Titanic,
so what does whore NBC do? They cut to a goddamn
commercial - doesn't it figure?
It what will probably be judged the best 60 seconds of the entire
17 days and NBC cuts away
to do another "Can you hear me
now?" commercial from the lying bastards at Verizon.
So, the absolutely pure and honest emotion got the sharp ax from
whore NBC.
You gotta love rampant capitalism.
Click for Monkey Mail
Yahoo Headline Thursday afternoon
U.S.
may deport accused Nazi
I was shocked.
But then I read the story and it wasn't even about Rush Limbaugh.
When was the last time you visited mediawhoresonline.com?
From: toad@lrbcg.com
Subject: How about this?
Hi BC,
Didn't you know about Mike Malloy's radio show?
He's at ieamericaradio.com
& click on live talk.
His show runs from 3-6pm EST, M-F & repeats
same info 9pm-12midnite, M-F.
He can be reached @ 800-TALK-YES.
I found out about BC by listening to MM.
Mike used to broadcast from Chicago WLS late
at night.
www.ieamericaradio.com then click live talk right top of page.
He's really great.
Elizabeth in conservative wilderness N.Central
Ohio
Elizabeth, I agree, but you put your finger on the problem.
Mike used to have a profitable mainstream radio show in Chicago, but
he wasn't a flaming,
lying Nazi gasbag, so now he's on the internet instead of big-time,
big-city commercial radio
The left won the last three popular votes, yet we have no voice on radio
or TV.
The best we can muster is a small internet presence, and that's because
Scalia and Ashcroft
haven't figured out a way to shut us down - yet.
Something's reeeeeeeeeealy wrong here.
If you didn't click on the flashing 
link, you should.
We have another celebrity recipe.
Also, a note from Michele, the BartCook webmistress
BartCook has gotten most of the technical update
that I envisioned.
We now have 131 recipes, all indexed in a search
engine that I wrote the last couple of days.
The recipes are now cross indexed, so you can
search on the author name, category, recipe name, etc.
You can also click on links in the search results
pages to access lists of recipes which meet those criteria.
It's hard to explain, but easy to understand,
so try some searches, click some links and check it out.
We now have the Betty Bowers recipe posted
(it's Funny as Heck and it *is* a recipe for cookies).
As well, we have a wonderful column by Greg the
Liberal Chef on Pot Roast and Braising.
I'm hoping that Greg the Liberal Chef will be
a regular feature. Finally, we have a dozen new recipes
including several by BumbleBeeBoogie, who is
a regular contributor of these amazing, fresh,
different recipes. So do some cooking over the
weekend and let me know what you think!
Enjoy!
Michele K, In the Kitchen with Bartcop and Friends
(a.k.a. BartCook)
http://www.pdxnet.net/cookbook/
Get your BartCop Stickers while they last.
Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to
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PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
Donation not required.
This Just In....
CNN Breaking News
-- Ariel Sharon announces plans to
set up new buffer zones to protect Israel's borders.
In layman's terms, isn't that just a land-snatch?
The story says Sharon plans to snatch 200,000 acres of Palestinian
territory
"which we have deemed ...unsafe for
their use ...at this time. They're such children."
The Palestinians will be given paddle-toys in exchange for the land.
In today's Vegas Report...
click
Discretion advised - no kids, old people or cops.
Plus, a new sticker placement at the Hard Rock.
From: okcanade@mac.com
Subject: Mike Marland
Do you have a link to, or a jpg of, Mike Marland's
cartoon of Bush
flying the economy airliner into the WTC Towers
Social Security?
I didn't see it on your site and have had no luck with a google search.
Thanks
Ed Canade
Ed, no, but I can get close to that...
How about a hemp t-shirt that pricks our Failure in Thief?
........
........
........
........
click to order Buy 3, get free shipping
click to order
Why
is Osama bin Laden still free?
Was it always in the script?
If Clinton was negligent/asleep/didn't care enough to capture
him two years ago,
why isn't Bush negligent/asleep/doesn't care enough AFTER 9/11?
I'm going to keep hammering on this until a ditto-monkey gives
me an answer.
When you hear a ditt start ragging on Clinton - ask him that.
The phony liar will either change the subject or start screaming "Monica."
Check 
Breaking News...
Las Vegas cops decline to press rape charges against Tyson, FREEING
HIM
to get his Nevada boxing license, so it looks like the BIG fight
at the MGM is on.
Poor John McCain just yesterday praised the Nevada Boxing Commission for honesty.
But it looks like the town put pressure on the cops to not charge
Tyson so they could
get the expected $400M bonanza of a Tyson-Lewis championship
match.
Julie is back online
Write to Julie at PO Box 1351, Virginia Beach, VA 23451
E-mail to Julie, use juliehiattsteele@bartcop.com
PayPal to Julie, Click Here -> 
...and if you hear from her, 
me.
Mr.
Bizarro, Airline Insecurity, and You
by Al Martin
Excerpt:
You may have heard about the story of Mr.
Bizarro and his Unhappy (Bladder) Adventures on the way
to the Olympics. The newly created Office
of the Federal Sky Marshal Service, which is now a division
of the Office of Homeland Security, has
instituted new security rules regarding airline flights in and out of
Salt Lake City. One of these security procedures
is that, on any flight going to Salt Lake City or leaving
Salt Lake City, you cannot use the toilet
within 30 minutes of leaving or landing.
Check today's 
Roger Ebert scandal
What if a scandal broke concerning Roger Ebert?
What if Ebert praised a movie, calling it "the best movie of all
time."
What of Ebert said a movie was so good it would help every
American family
if they would just jump in the car and go see this masterpiece
of cinematic perfection?
...and then it turns out Harvey at Miramax paid Ebert $1,000,000 to claim he liked it?
Wouldn't you be outraged?
Wouldn't you feel cheated?
Yet,
...yet people like Bill Kristol, Ann Coulter, Larry Kudlow (the
list is endless) are ALL on the
payroll of Richard Mellon Scaife. Washington is chock-full
of these horseshit "think tanks" which,
when you do a little digging, turns out are all funded by Scaife
foundations.
That way, when Kudlow says "this country needs a tax cut to get
business going," he claims
he's thinking independently, but he's really cashing Scaife checks
every week.
That's what impeachment was about.
All these paid-for talking heads were reading from Scaife's script.
And I pity the fool who'd try to challenge me on that.
Somebody name for me a right-wing TV pundit who is not
or has not worked for Richard Mellon Scaife.
If we ask for honesty and objectivity from mere movie critics,
why do we allow media whores to be on the Scaife's payroll?
TV Sweep
weeks are underway
That means it's fund-raising time here at bartcop.com
Yawn!
Isn't everybody ready for this to end?
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74155
Happy Birthday to...
Isn't this the best picture of Jodie Foster ever?
Those smoldering eyes with the (censored) gaze?
And those rumors don't hurt a man's fantasy at all.
See Jodie's new movie - Panic Room.
True or False?
Bush, George W.
Recovering drunkard and cokehead.
Not the brightest bulb in the lamp, and
in fact couldn’t spell cat if you gave him the “c” and the “a.”
The best argument against participatory
democracy I know.
Hypocritical moralist; Bill Clinton without
the brains.
Married a woman who killed someone in a
traffic accident as a teen.
Funded a girlfriend's abortion.
At odds with his wife over how to treat
his daughters' alcoholism.
I'm doing
better now - no more nervous eye twitching for me.
Unka Dick
gave me his personal guarantee that there's no
BartCop
Hex hanging over my head like a sword of damn-o-peas.
meanwhile...
Tiger Woods
reacts to a missed putt while losing
to Peter
O'Malley in the first round of the Accenture
Championship
at La Costa Resort in Carlsbad, Calif.,
"I used
to be God on the golf course.
Now
I can't make it past the first damn round.
That
BartCop Hex is some powerful voodoo."
Uh-Oh,
there it goes again.
Daddy!
Unka Dick! You promised!!!
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
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Shirley Manson - contact bartcop.com
