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-- the off-the-street contestant on Dave last night to the question,
"Who owns baseball's all-time, historical moment?
-- Dave, Tuesday night, just before Shania came out
Soon, everyone will see the Illegal Moron the way we do.
by Ted Rall
Ruling his country wasn't enough for the Leader, though--not by a long shot. He and his close friends,
the ones who had stuck by him even when everyone had made fun of him, had radical plans. They wanted
to transform their country into a mighty empire the likes of which the world had never seen before.
The Leader centralized the federal bureaucracy
in a way that concentrated power in his hands and those of his
inner circle. He used the might of the state to spy on citizens, so that nobody could ever be certain that what they
said was private. Soon no one dared say anything that could be interpreted as insulting the Leader or his policies.
It's the B.F.E.E., Ted
And everything I've said about them is true.
Subject: Those spineless SOB's!!!
Bart it is time for you to start posting
URL's and Email addresses in large banner type
for all high-profile DNC operatives and political leaders. http://www.democrats.org/contactus.html
I refer to the recent secret appeals court
3-judge panel which just stuck down the Bill of Rights by granting
the government carte blanche to conduct surveillance however it sees fit. This so clearly smacks of dictatorial
police power and flies in the face of everything the founding fathers fought for, they never would have permitted
this under any circumstances. Why then are the Democrats allowing this to happen without so much as a whimper?
It is not only unexcusable, but treasonous in my opinion.
Combine this with tonight's Senate action
creating the Homeland Security Agency without the defeat of even one
GOP-rider that was attached to it, especially the one authorizing the collection of private citizen data from public,
private and commercial sources, and we can see the US constitution is offically dead as we knew it.
I am ashamed to call myself a democrat.
I know the feeling.
Nobody likes a traitor
Stephanopoulos not up to snuff
Who would want to start this week with George Stephanopoulos?
Certainly, the latest version of the ABC Sunday morning show This Week can't be aimed
at news junkies, who most likely see Stephanopoulos' ascension as the ultimate triumph of
celebrity flash over journalistic fire. They can't consider it good news that a show long identified
with broadcast icon David Brinkley, and briefly led by the respected if ill-cast Sam Donaldson
and Cokie Roberts, is now in the hands of a relative newcomer who is chiefly famous for
being disloyal to the president who made him famous.
Will betray for money!
Maximus is a back-stabbing scumbag.
He was the first whore to mention impeachment in 1998.
George, I'd like to buy you some new caps.
Paul Wellstone: accident or murder?
The Bush family has a long history of criminal activity ranging from their involvement
with the Nazis, the bin Ladens, Noriega, Saddam (it’s a long list), to the fleecing of
the government by the Bush boys and now stealing an election.
Don't forget the missing five trillion from the treasury.
That's what's financing their crime spree.
What's the difference between Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan?
Tanya Harding makes better pornos.
Yeah, that Jeff Galoolly is a class act, selling that video.
"I am a terrible mistake"
Scalpal-boy dangles his son 40 feet in the air with one hand.
This poor kid has to grow up with Michael Jackson as his father.
Thank you, God, for giving me parents from Earth.
Full sad story
Last night in the chat room
<SusanNY> "Are we awake?" "Are we Black?"
<bart> ha ha
<EnderW> susan, i love that movie
<bart> Saddles rulez!
<EnderW> "What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?"
<bart> "17 is my limit on schnitzengruben"
<SusanNY> "Hast du gesehen in deine Leben? They're darker than us!"
<Nuveeeeena> "I"ll just whip this out"
<EnderW> AWWW! Mongo Like Sheriff Bart!
<SusanNY> "Sorry about the 'up yours, nigger.' Of course, you'll have the good taste not to speak to me in public."
<bart> Where's all the white women at?
<bart> It was Richard Pryor
<SusanNY> "Little bastard shot me in the ass."
<bart> ha ha
<bart> Gene Wilder RULES
<SusanNY> Mel Brooks too. Loved the scene where Mongo slugs the horse.
<bart> "Need any help?" "...all I can get"
<SusanNY> "No, don't shoot him - you'll just make him mad."
<bart> wait, the best line had to be..."Food makes me sick"
<EnderW> the best line was "When?"
<EnderW> in response to "A man who drinks like that and don't eat is going to die"
<Zomar> The sheriff holds a gun to his head and says "Nobody move or the nigger gets it"
<bart> "Do what he say!!!"
<SusanNY> Lily von Schtupp best name. Although Governor Le Petomane was pretty good.
<bart> I love the wed woses
<SusanNY> "Is is twoo what they say about you people - that you are gifted? (Sound of zipper.) It's twoo, it's twoo!"
<bart> ha ha
<bart> The sheriff is near...
<SusanNY> Authentic frontier gibberish.
<EnderW> we extend this laurel, and hearty handshake
<bart> I'm glad the children were here to witness this
<SusanNY> Lord, are we doing the right thing or are we just jerking off?
<bart> ha ha
<bart> Mathhew, Mark, Luke ...and duck!!!
<EnderW> gawd...we are so resiliant...able to laugh when freedom in america has died...
<bart> Let's give 'em a Number Six, where we go riding into town, whipping every living thing
within an inch of it's life, except for the women
<SusanNY> Wasn't there a number six reference on bartcop.com yesterday?
<SusanNY> Maybe that is why Blazing Saddles is on my mind.
<EnderW> hey! it's heady lamar!
<bart> ha ha
<bart> Heddy sued Brooks over that
<EnderW> for real?
<bart> swear to Koresh
<SusanNY> I think she lost.
<bart> For bartcop.com all you need is Blazing Saddles, Pulp Fiction & Godfather
<SusanNY> Last year when The Producers opened on Broadway, the NYT printed some letters
about how awful it was to laugh at the Holocaust, etc. As if Mel Brooks were anti-Semitic.
<bart> Did you ever see the Mel Brooks story on Carson when he explained, "...Moment?"
<SusanNY> Don't know the story about Brooks on Carson. What is it?
<bart> Mel sd he was with Sid Ceasar, driving in NY
<bart> Some cabbie cut Sid off in traffic and stopped at the next light
<bart> Mel said Sid was a bad-ass, physically, so he jumped out and grabbed the guy who cut him off
thru the little triangle window and asked him , "Do you remember birth?"
<bart> the guy sd, "No, why?"
<SusanNY> What an idiot! Did he recognize Brooks?
<bart> So Sid grabbed his collar and tried to pull the cabbie thru the little triangle window...
<SusanNY> Caesar did it - hard not to recognize that face.
<EnderW> never pictured him being that way
<bart> swear to Koresh, that's Mel's story...
<EnderW> i'll take mel's word on that
<bart> but the idea of pulling some skel thru the little window recreating birth is funny :)
<SusanNY> I live in NYC and see physical confrontations every day. Usually they are not as funny as that one.
<Zomar> Whole new meaning to "born again"
<SusanNY> Tonight's theme: Springtime for Hitler. (Sorry, Zomar. No song for Mussolini yet.)
<bart> my cat BIT me while I was negotiating with the RIO accounting manager
<SusanNY> Maybe she wanted to bite the Rio manager. Did you ever work out that problem?
<SusanNY> Maybe we could sick Pete's cat Mick on the Rio. Revenge.
<bart> hey, gotta run - Shania is coming on Dave
You should drop by the chat room.
You don't have to chat - you can just lurk if you want.
Click Here for instructions
Admiral Now a Super Spy
by smoking Joe Conason
Those compassionate conservatives in the Bush White House feel quite strongly that a convicted felon
deserves a second chance (unless, of course, he or she is unlucky enough to be executed). How else
would they explain their decision to hire Iran-contra mastermind John Poindexter? They have employed
him not as a clerk or chauffeur—but to oversee one of the government’s most sensitive departments.
Rehabilitation should be society’s hope
for every nonviolent offender—even if, as in Dr. Poindexter’s case,
said offender escaped a deserved jail sentence thanks to a technicality. (He had lied to Congress and shredded
official documents to conceal the Reagan administration’s conspiracy to trade arms for hostages and then use
the dirty money for covert operations.)
We now know that under the ethical code
of the Bush loyalists, lying can be permissible, even admirable,
but only if the lies protect a politician from accountability for activities like dealing with a terrorist regime.
Lying about the oral endearments of a lovestruck intern would obviously be dishonorable.
This Conason character has been a pain for a long time.
I think a little secret torture is just what we need here.
This is Field Marshall Ashcroft. I need a secret torture
chopper in New York to pick up this Conason fella.
We'll quiet him down - turn him into a good American.
"Oh, no no no no no. Let's move on."
-- Wolf the whore, earning his pay, when somebody on his show mentioned Bush going AWOL.
Pinhead vs. Bigdog
Yesterday, in some bartcop.com article, Paul Begala
said there were 600
written about Dubya's National Guard service (or lack thereof).
There were over 13,000 stories written about Clinton's reluctance to endorse Vietnam.
If the Veterans, and you know I support them, were thinking clearly,
an AWOL rich boy over a did-it-on-his-own Arkie who wanted the dying to stop?
Why would anybody want more names on the Vietnam Wall in DC?
Marty always has good stuff!
They say John Fund dropped Greta Van Susteren for Kellyanne Fitzanyone.
How does a loser like John Fund get laid so much?
Hi, I'm John Fund.
I beat women - got any?
Subject: Why Gore lost Tenn. Bart, you missed it
But, why did he lose his home state and other
Has the south changed much? Not really.
Nobody seems to realize that Gore lost Tennessee because he ran with a Jew.
None of the whore press even speculated that had anything to do with the outcome.
Gore lost Tennessee by 4 percent.
Had he run with a gentile, do you really think that margin would be the same?
I love Bartcop.com. May the hammer grow huge!
Well, I said he lost it because Tennessee is full of racist pigs.
Don't I get half credit?
Mailman's Last Day
It was George the mailman's last day on the job
after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather
to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the
second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection
of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, a strikingly beautiful woman
in a revealing negligee met him at the door. She took him by
the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom
where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they
went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband
that today would be your last day, and that we should do
something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'
The breakfast was my idea."
Thanks to Rude Rich
Bill Clinton made that tanker sink!
CAN Happen To You
by die hard
I lost my civil service job at NASA, and career of 17 years, for speaking out against the illiterate drunk's
illegal appointment to the White House. Not too long after that, I was accused of "using or threatening to
use a hoax weapon of mass destruction," a law conveniently passed by the wartime-deserter's draft-dodging
business-failure brother, governor of this state where having so much as one suspected marijuana seed will
get the whole family thrown out of government housing -- unless the repeat felon drug abuser happens to be
the governor's adult daughter, of course.
One on one gun debate
Issue #2 - Personal defense
Now is the time to be scared
VCR Alert - CBS
November ad special - going fast!
Ten ads for just $300
You can have every Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
...and weekends are half-price!
Don't wait, first come, first served.
Reach dozens with your message.
Happy Birthday to Jim Grzelak - he turned 50 yesterday!
Bush promised to get bin Laden.
He vowed "to bring him to justice or bring justice to him."
That's why his approval numbers went to the high eighties.
That was 423 days ago ...and counting
The good puppy press has forgotten,
the good puppy press has forgiven,
...but we won't.
More magic from Patrick Farley
Yes, bartcop.com is worth $17
No, bartcop.com is not worth $17 a month, because
Help make bartcop.com a full-time thing
Click Here to claim a hueueueueueuge tax loss.
Rush just did his morning up date.
It was about how he didn't need Clinton stories to stay on the air.
Then he told a story about Clinton going to the bathroom.
Fuck you, Rush.
That's part of what makes you the vulgar Pigboy.
Does Paul Begala read bartcop.com?
BEGALA: I'll tell you what, you know
who briefed the House new Republicans last week?
Rush Limbaugh, an 800-pound blowhard from AM radio.
I'll take you, I'll take Hillary Clinton over that blowhard any day of the week.
BEGALA: Republicans will control
the Senate in a few weeks. Our federal judiciary is about to resemble
the evolutionary chart, stopping at the third guy from the left. Every knuckle-dragging
Cromagnon and Paleolith will be on the bench.
All this seems very Bartish to me.
Ho... ho... ho!
Christmas shopping online?
Use the portal below and they'll throw bartcop.com a nickel.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2002, bartcop.com
I'd let her sing in my band...