Sports is Up
Mrs BartCop watches Dark Angel every week.
(If you don't like her, you're probably not male.)
They showed previews from next week.
She said, "Oh, no - I'm in heat again."
(She caught some cat-like DNA from the bad guy scientists.)
In the previews, she wants agressive sex from every man
she comes into contact with.
They showed her ripping the clothes off of several men, telling one guy,
"You better be good, because I don't take mediocrity laying down."
That's must see TV.
You don't get it. The problem is W, not
I can't believe you are so stupid (because you are so smart) not to recognize
that tabloid pics of W's daughter have absolutely nothing to do with the fact
that W is not an elected president.
Where does it say I don't recognize that fact?
This is primarily a comedy page, and if you think I'm going to give Smirk's
drunken tart a pass when she makes headlines you don't know me very well.
W is so much totally an idiot on his own accord
(ok, take parenting out of the list
of accomplishments) that the sacrifice of a kid (who only has her hereditary role
to play in this vast familial conspiracy against the will of the people) just ain't worth it.
Jenna has nothing to do with the fact that her
father has an inability to
communicate the simplest of thoughts. She can't help the fact that her
father has no intellectual curiosity and doesn't have the background of
knowledge and education to lend credibility to his near sighted governance.
I think somebody's having a bad day.
If you've got any doobage around the house, smoke some, would you?
We've got another 45 months of Weak & Stupid and we're going to need humor
to get us thru the no-doubt tough times ahead of us.
To turn your point around, how does attacking me help fight Smirk?
I'm the good guy, remember?
Would the person who created this contact me?
"Christopher Cocks is universally respected
by everyone except Senators Boxer and Feinstein of California."
-- the vulgar Pigboy
Rush, you're such a lying son of a bitch.
Cocks is a partisan bastard.
Everybody know that.
Why do you think they gave him that phoney "China-gate" investigation?
They couldn't let any normal congressmen run that monkey circus.
They needed a cock-hunting partisan prick to throw "traitor" slurs at Clinton,
so they went to Cocks because he fits that job description perfectly.
Want proof that Cocks is a nut?
Let Bob Novak explain it to you.
You guys really believe the government line that
a lone nut killed Kennedy?
The single bullet theory is bullshit, Kennedy was killed by the mob and the CIA.
I love Bartcop, but I'm disapointed in your assasination page.
Patrick, the purpose of the page was not to generate complaints.
The purpose of the page is to promote discussion of the event.
Can you make a case for your point of view?
From: Helen Thomas
Subject: today's bartcop
Yes! Yes! Yes! I am a retired American
(former journalist) living in Canada and I
have been driven crazy by U.S. media bias of the exact nature you so brilliantly expose.
I've just discovered your site. At least
Coulter and her ilk are frank about their bias.
It is the so-called reporters and analyists who burn me.
What has happened to what I belived was a noble profession?
Are these guys dumb or deceptive or just plain lazy?
Helen, I think they're big-money corporate whores.
Here we go again...
Blake Attorney: Actor Target of Probe
Police have said he is not a suspect, but actor Robert Blake's
Los Angeles police are ignoring other leads in the shooting death of his wife.
Robert Blake's attorney says police are focusing too intensely on the
actor in their investigation
of his wife's shooting death, ignoring leads from the victim's shady past and the lonely hearts
she allegedly bilked out of money.
"By ignoring the possibility that someone came from her past, they're
overemphasizing Blake as a
possible suspect," attorney Harland Braun told the Los Angeles Times.
Police have questioned Blake twice and searched his house twice,
Meanwhile, Bakley's half brother, Peter Carlyon of Barlett, Tenn., said
woman told her family that Blake had threatened her and armed himself.
"She did not want him carrying the gun because he had been making
threats against her,"
Carlyon said. "She told the entire family that if anything happened to her, Blake was behind it."
It's a good thing BartCop's
Mailbag isn't the deciding factor for who
goes to jail.
many, many people have written to say "Blake did it, or had it done."
Subject: I was on Rush's show at 12:40 Knuckledrag time!
I Was on Rush's Show Today!
I'm Joe from Redford, Michigan. I asked
Rush the same question I asked you last week--
Why do Rush and Republicans say that liberal judges make law and conservatives only
interpret the constitution? Like I said last week, I'm not even sure they're wrong about this issue;
I'd just like someone to explain it to me, and who better than The Truth Detector?
I was trying to be civil; I hope I didn't try too hard?
Rush does something I don't like.
We had a little give and take for the first three minutes or so, then he started doing all the talking.
When I rebutted him (which was always), I heard a strange kind of feedback into my earpiece.
Rush, however, was speaking in a conversational style as if I was welcome to jump in at anytime.
It probably misled listeners into thinking that I was humiliated into silence.
Hint for people who want to be heard on Rush's show:
1. You may have to be on hold for awhile.
2. Write down major thoughts on paper. If you're like me you'll be pretty nervous and you want to stay on point..
3. The call screener might give advice to try to "help" you make your point. Stick to your words.
4. Don't try to speak softly so as not to disturb your co-workers. You'll sound sheepish and apologetic.
Sing it from the highest mountain, and don't worry about your co-workers.
5. Use a tone that you're comfortable with. If you're a bulldog, act like one.
If you're easy-going like me, stay within your limits.
That show already has one guy who acts like something he's not.
It was fun. I don't think I got railroaded,
Maybe not railroaded, but it sounds like you got screwed.
That's an old trick I called him on years ago.
He phrases his comments in such a way that people think you're coming to
the realization that Rush is right and you're too shamed to say something,
when all the time he's got your mic turned off because he's a coward.
I taped the show, but I taped over it, I think.
Now, if you had said, "Mega-BartCop dittoes, Pigboy,"
it would've caught my attention and I could've run the clip for everyone :)
From longtime bartcop.com reader John Stone
Why is Rush acting like a camera in his studio is tantamount to putting a man on the moon?
Howard Stern's been doing it for years and years, Rush.
You make $20,000,000 a year.
Hire somebody and shut the hell up.
Smirk nominates Asa Hutchinson to head DEA.
That's what we need.
A white-power, cock-hunting tobacco whore/religious freak who was raised by Bob Jones
Jesus, it's hard to do comedy when the truth is so impossible
And, of course, the pink tutu Democrats will approve this asshole.
Is he the one who was screwing his secretary while hunting Clinton's
Or was that the other one?
Monday, we're leaving New York City by car for Maine.
Mrs BartCop wants to see Acadia National park.
Mrs. BartCop must be made happy.
Anyone know of any cool/fun things to do in Maine?
We're coming back thru New Hampshire and Vermont.
Mrs. BartCop wants to see "Champ," the monster in Lake Champlain, Vermont.
Anything know of any cool/fun things to do in Vermont?
Some Gays Can Go Straight, Study Says
A new study says "highly motivated" gays can change
their sexual orientation.
But critics say the study proves nothing.
Can gay men and women become heterosexual?
A controversial new study says yes — if they really want to.
Everyuone knows this is horseshit.
The only chance any gay person has to change is with the help of Betty Bowers.
Her Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals program is the only real chance these lost souls have.
You know what this is?
It's vodka under an electron microscope.
I don't think it's Grey Goose - too many impurities.
This is a tequila sunrise under the same microscope.
The headline photo that confused you?
That's Jose Cuervo tequila.
You can tell it's not Chinaco Anejo.
The yellow globs are cheap-ass vodka that Cuervo
cuts their tequila with.
The pink globs are some unidentified contamination.
Thanks to watsmata4u
For more fun with microscopes - http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/cocktails/index.html
Project Investigation warranted
by my good friend Gene Lyons
If Democrats have any backbone, they'll subpoena the records and make Ted Olson
ask his clients to waive the privilege. They also should subpoena the "Shaheen Report,"
the Justice Department probe of alleged payments to Whitewater witness Judge David Hale.
Starr kept it under wraps to protect his vaunted Whitewater investigation, now ancient history.
Also, there was a huge row
inside The American Spectator when the Arkansas Project fell apart.
Some people quit; others got fired. Let's hear some witnesses.
"If you heard the first hour of today's
show, you now have the ammunition
to argue with and defeat any comment from any liberal on Bush's choice of judges."
-- Pigboy, beginning of the second hour
But Rush, a Democrat got thru and asked you a question ...and
you hung up on him!
How does that teach your easily-led sheep anything?
Subject: Daily Show ripoff
I saw where the "Weekend at Strom's" cartoon was blatantly ripped off
by the Daily Show Monday night (I caught the show Tuesday night at 7).
It was without the Delay and Lott dummy-heads, but essentially the same joke.
I recall seeing the cartoon on americanpolitics.com a few weeks ago, who deserves credit for that?
The Daily Show is the only news outlet on TV that
deserves attention (a sad commentary),
so it's kind of disappointing that they would need to pilfer material. I imagine one or more
of their writers fishes the Internet for material.
Keep up the good work,
Jerry, I don't know the author of that work.
As a rule, it's always a good idea for the artist to put his name in the corner in tuny print.
Whoever did that toon sent it to me about 2 months ago.
AMPOL wrote and asked for the author's name so they could run it, too.
I told them I didn't know - maybe they found out.
I know there's a fairness/copyright thing here, but if a person doesn't
sign their work
it's hard to just sit on a fun toon like that.
In fairness to Jon Stewart, I doubt he stole that from bartcop.com
Weekend at Bernie's is an obvious joke for almost-gone Strom.
By Robert Parry
After years of denial, The Washington Post has acknowledged
the existence of the Right-Wing Machine.
Post national political correspondent John Harris came to this
never using those exact words. But in a Sunday article in the Outlook section, Harris
recognized that U.S. conservatives have built a powerful and well-financed apparatus
that can dictate the tone of the political discourse in Washington. The article observed
that there is no countervailing apparatus on the liberal side of national politics.
China won't let spy plane fly home
Of course they will.
They just want another round of apologies from President Weak & Stupid.
C'mon, Smirky - get on your knees and apologize again, will you?
Go ahead, grovel and beg for China - again.
Go ahead, George, the American press will say you didn't, even
tho we'll see it
with our own goddamn eyes, the press will say it didn't happen, then they'll explain
how "Please ream me again" means something else in Chinese.
Go ahead, George, the press will cover for you - again.
America still has a fraction of respect in some far corner of
and China wants that before they give us back our stupid, broken plane.
Aw, Christ - I need a drink.
Attack the Family
It's real possible this may need a bad language alert before I'm done.
Yesterday, the vulgar Pigboy spent three hours screaming about
in New York that sent out a letter notifying parents they wouldn't celebrate
Mother's Day or Father's day for some silly reason having to do with "fairness"
and Heather has two mommies.
It sounds stupid to me, too, but all I hear was Pigboy's version, so
I don't know.
But he spent three hours screaming at "these lieberals" who "want to destroy the family."
Right after he was done, this local, ignorant son of a bitch Wes Minter,
who runs Nazi radio
in K-Drag when Rush signs off, took up the gauntlet and ran for another two hours.
If you've never heard this Wes Minter prick, thank your God or rub your Buddha.
Swear to Koresh, he's a bigger asshole than Rush Limbaugh.
Swear to Koresh, he's a bigger asshole than Sean Hannity.
Now, Limbaugh and Hannity combined are worse than this prick - barely.
He's got all of Pigboy's certitude (homage to
he's got Chris the Screamer's bedside manner, and he's got that Fox News disease
where he claims "fair and balanced" is built into every Nazi lie he tells.
His only redeeming quality is he's new to Koresh-forsaken
Oklahoma, and he can't believe
this snake-handling knuckledraggers are so into cock-fighting. He did a show one day where
he blasted cock-fighting and the Okies blasted him for coming into our state with his
"Eastern liberal attitudes" and they invited this handjob to leave the fucking town.
So, naturally, being a bought-and-paid-for whore,
he's backed down from that.
If you ever want to hear this prick rant, if you want to hear a piece of shit who's somewhere
between Pigboy and Mancow, go to krmg.com at 4 PM CST.
Then this morning, Laura the Puppet had to chime in with her
All three of these bought-and-paid-for whores hammered on one point:
This is how the liberals think - they want to destroy the family.
Is that the way the game is played?
Is that how points are scored with the white-power ignoratti?
I wonder how that'd look in a mirror?
All Republicans wanted the Murrah building bombed.
All conservatives love Tim McVeigh with all their heart.
All Republicans wanted Martin Luther King dead.
All conservatives are members of the KKK.
All Republicans hate all black people.
All conservatives want women pregnant and barefoot.
Was that ugly?
Let me guess - you conservatives find that outrageous, right?
But you loooooooooove it when the vulgar Pigboy does it.
You love the shit out of it when Laura the Unlaid does it.
And don't you dare write and say you don't.
If you haven't condemned Rush before reading this, you can't condemn him now and say,
"Of course Rush is outrageous and gets carried away, sometimes."
The rich bastard made all his money screaming lies like he did yesterday,
and there's not a single honest republican who has ever called him on it.
Cowardly Republicans disgust me more than cowardly Democrats.
And all the while, you proclaim your lives as Christians?
Don't make me fucking laugh.
I'm more of a Christian than Christians are.
If Jesus Christ was standing here today, He'd openly weep at the thought
that Rush and Bush
and Falwell and the others curse his name every day with their hateful, whorish and greedy actions.
If Jesus Christ was standing here today, He'd probably say,
"Bart, I don't like your language, but thank you for telling the truth."
Subject: Maybe Clinton is to blame
A 17 year old on a broadcast Q&A session with
the president asked,
"Mr. President, all the world's dying to know. Is it boxers or briefs?"
By answering the question, did he legitimize the
GOP/Media's obsession with
everything inside his pants? And you have to give the girl, Laetitia, credit.
She knew exactly what would dominate the GOP/Media for the next 8 years.
Later, Eddie Joe
I think that was a mistake by Clinton.
I'll bet it happened like this:
She asked the question - his first reaction was to say,
"That's a stupid question and none of your business," but she was just
a kid and he was trying to be hip and thought, "What the hell..."
But to answer your question - no.
Subject: Let me explain...
I am sick of hearing your asinine story about
how you cleverly questioned your mother
when she told you there were starving people in China. The message she was trying to
convey was that you should be thankful for what you have as others may be doing without.
It had nothing to do with your smart-ass reply
of, if I eat all my food how will it fill their bellies?
If I talked to my mother like that I'd feel the wrath that taught me respect.
Something you obviously know little about. To be honest about it , I'm willing to bet this scenario
never even happened, you made the whole thing up, didn't you? Kind of like Al Gore and his fables
that you were so handy with, how's it feel to run with that sort of company?
Lying again, now there is a topic you are quite
Just thought I'd let you know.
Keep talking, you make me laugh!
Subject: no Right Wing humor?
Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor, Eddie
Izzard and George Carlin
are all hilarious, true, but surely it is because the nature of comedy is that
we find humor in the attack on power and pretension?
That is why the Daily Show's convention coverage
was hilarious for both the Republicans
and Democrats, why The Onion is just as good when poking fun at Clinton or Bush.
The fact is what you are calling right-wing is really the power structure, industry,
government or any authority figures.
As for right wing humorists, if you can't name
any then you guys really should read more ;-)
How about Christopher Buckley, Dave Barry, William F Buckley Jr?
How about PJ O'Rourke? Only Oscar Wilde has more entries in the Oxford Book of Quotations.
And, of course, Jerry Falwell (don't tell me you took all that
"Tinky Winky is a gay propaganda tool" stuff seriously?)
Comedy, like Rock n Roll, is about rebellion.
I love The Clash, just as I love Bill Hicks,
but I wouldn't want Joe Strummer to be put in charge of the economy.
So, please, less of the self-righteousness, less of the "we're funny, they're not".
There is plenty of po-faced seriousness on the Left as anyone who's ever spoken to a
college liberal will tell you. "You can't laugh at gays, women, blacks, the disabled....".
Fact is, you can!
"Liberals can understand everything but people
don't understand them." Lenny Bruce
Simon, we're a little accusatory today, aren't we?
PJ O'Rourke is the only guy on that list who ever made me laugh.
I quit reading Dave Barry years ago. Did he turn funny lately?
I can't speak for Isaac, but maybe what he meant was it's so rare to find a right-winger
with a sense of humor. I don't think having an opinion is automatically "self-righteousness."
And Oscar Wilde was a right-winger?
Andrew Sullivan is, so anything's possible, I guess.
Subject: Bush League
Here's a handy site for people who want to keep up on the Weak & Stupid admin.
I read Isaac's rant and it reminded me of something.
You are probably wondering why I returned
that fat bonus check. I simply had no way to hide it. As long as I have the welfare dept. convinced
I'm an unmaried black women with six kids, they'll keep making my Ferrari payments.
I know that you and the DNC wanted to thank me
for convincing Spielberg to make more of those
subversive red propaganda films (along the lines of E.T.), to cause more school shootings, so we can
disarm America. Next time for amounts in excess of $500,000.00, please send cash or make deposits
directly into one of my Swiss accounts.
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.