Fox explores the virgin depths of idiocy with Surprise
Isn't that how extra-stupid people are made? When the really stupid people marry each other?
Anyone who'd say yes to a televised surprise proposal deserves what they get.
We have a new C.S.I. followed by an old C.S.I.
and more celebrity Regis Millionaire.
...and then, to top it off, (prepare to gag) NBC is promising "...an ER to treasure."
Treasure ER? Why? Are they going off the air?
They said Sally Field was leaving... Is she on ER now?
"Abortion is not
Iit's murder - plain and simple."
-- Nora Vincent, second hour of today's Pigboy
Rush laughed and agreed with her. Of course abortion is murder.
So why did President Weak and Stupid marry "a murderer?"
Why did his Daddy marry a "murderer, too?"
Is Jeb's wife, the jewelry smuggling felon a "murderer," too?
If abortion is murder, what kind of man can Weak & Stupid
if he was raised by a "murderer" and then married a "murderer?"
This is why I can't find anybody willing to get in the debate
I will make them eat it and they know it.
You can have an IQ of 64 and win every debate if you're debating
a conservative Republican because their basic positions don't make any sense.
Same with that horseshit
phrase, "Who's money is that?"
That's just as big of a handjob as abortion = murder.
When Weak & Stupid wants to spend a trillion plus on
Star Wars, who's money is that?
When Weak & Stupid forces everyone to pay triple their energy costs, who's money is that?
I can put any conservative in a box in less than 60 seconds,
yet I can't be put in a similar box after six years on the Internet?
Gee, it's almost like my position is stronger than theirs.
It's almost like my logic is superior to theirs.
And that cocky goof-sucker Limbaugh screams about being "the
beacon of truth"
when all the time he's screening callers to keep the truth AWAY from his easily-led sheep.
If abortion is murder, why did Republicans vote for a man who's so weak in his convictions that
he married a woman who thinks like Ted Kennedy when it comes to a woman's right to choose?
It's just more proof that they're lying.
Subject: Do Oil & Water Mix?
Or, are they eating their own?
Enron, the darling of the California power crisis, created a company in 1998 called Azurix,
"hoping the company would have the same success in the global water market that Enron
has had in the energy market." (Dow Jones newsline, 3/16/01).
Last March, Azurix shareholders agreed to "a proposed merger with an indirect unit of Enron".
So, Enron creates the company, with an eye to
making it the biggest water company on the face
of the planet, and then the new company agrees to be taken over by the same company who created it.
What's up with that?
Could Enron have been using Azurix as a front to buy up a whole lot more water companies, and water rights?
More important, what's up with an energy company
striving to create a clone of itself within the WATER industry?
Water companies are really very, very cheap when you have as much money as energy companies do.
They could be buying them up during their lunch hour, and Wall Street wouldn't even notice it.
Could the Bu$h/Cheney "arsenic is good for you"
program be ANOTHER way to pay back their good buddies in big oil? Because
pretty soon, if they get their way, those same good buddies are going to
be telling you whether you can have a
drink of arsenic-free water, or not, and they'll decide just how much you'll have to pay for it if they do decide to let you
have it in the first place. They might need it to fill their pools.
Emperor Bush's own Hadrian's Wall won't keep barbarians out
Bush comes to the White House, with no substantial achievements to his name or experience of
international affairs, and announces that the ABM treaty is no longer appropriate to the modern world
and the US is going to pursue its dream of a missile defence system. The reaction around the globe to his
speech contained a common element and that was indignation that the fragile structures and trust of the
nuclear stand-off had been ended by a man with neither the intellect nor humility which this issue requires.
Slim Shady and his chainsaw were now in
charge of world peace.
Like almost every article critical of President Weak
& Stupid, this comes from overseas.
The Whore City press corp can not write a story critical of Bush.
It's against the law, or something, because it's just not allowed.
We no longer have a free press.
Subject: They HAVE Been busy
Here's the latest SEC filing for Azurix (see previous email). They HAVE been very busy
acquiring all kinds of water related companies. Just look at Azurix North America if you
want curly hair today! Search the document for "acquisition" and see what all comes up.
I haven't looked yet, but I'd wager the other years since 1998 look much the same.
It appears that Enron has a WATER COMPANY!!!
I enjoyed your rant on The Exorcist
movie but I don't know where it is.
Could you rerun it?
It's hard to find because it's buried in the Sixth Sense review.
Subject: Kangas, Presidents, Economy
BC, Christian, Whomever,
I've pretty much gathered that you credit Clinton
with the upswing of the 90's economy.
Kangas, if I read his website correctly, he would have had it otherwise.
Here's a sample:
Myth: Presidents are responsible for the economy's performance.
Fact: Presidents are at the mercy of the business cycle.
When it comes to the economy, presidents are
at the mercy of the business cycle.
Often their fortune (or misfortune) with the economy depends on what happened in
the previous administration. There are tools to influence the business cycle, but the
President has almost no control over them. At least in economic terms, the most
powerful person in the United States is the Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.
Here's the link, just for proof:
I know his site is all about fighting the right,
and I can dig that.
But is it not a two way street? Or do we berate Republicans who say this, but not our fellows?
Just looking for a little fairness and open mindedness.
Or are we above that?
If you read this and still keep your "Kiss My Ass" section up, I guess you are.
Brandon, there's a third alternative.
Sadly, Steve didn't live to see the entire Clinton miracle.
Plus, we don't know when he wrote that, do we?
Many things that were true when Clinton was elected are no longer true, such as:
1. You can't tax your way into prosperity.
2. You can't win a war with air power alone.
3. All presidents send young men to their death.
Plus, consider this:
Clinton promised to "focus
like a laser beam" on the economy.
That's a little different than "He was president for those years."
Gramm, Gingrich, Pigboy, Armey
at al guaranteed the Clinton Economic Plan would
bankrupt America and destroy what was left of the fragile economy.
If those four had said, in 1992, "It really doesn't matter, because the Fed is the real power,"
then you'd have more of a point.
They didn't, so you don't.
They guaranteed Clinton's stewardship would hit the iceberg, so it's cheating to say
"Anybody can drive the boat" when it pulls safely into Midas Harbor.
Steve Kangas probably had 100
I.Q. points on me, but maybe he forgot something:
Not screwing up is almost as good as being right all the time.
But when Clinton showed Wall Street he was serious about paying down the debt,
which is something they never got from Red-Ink Reagan or "Read my lips,"
Wall Street could afford to be confident in America's future again.
When Clinton took all that shit
for re-financing the short-term debt,
can't he claim the bragging rights when his gamble paid off?
Or do you want to give him all the blame and none of the credit?
Maybe my memory is failing (no
surprise) but I remember you being a good guy.
What's with the big chip on your shoulder?
I didn't tell you to kiss my ass, but you seemed to take it that way.
Maybe next time start out nice, then attack if attacked.
Have you been to this website?
It's run by James Carville, Bob Shrum and
They're fighters, not pink tutu-wearing cowards.
"I think BartCop is the greatest political
writer in the world.
I read and believe everything he writes and I hate Rush Limbaugh.
Read BartCop at www.bartcop.com"
--former conservative lanny kiedrowski
Mr. Bart, could you print this, with my picture?
It seems NBC was telling the truth about
thew last five minutes.
The minute Bartlet said he wanted to kick the tires, it was a done deal.
It would've been nice if they closed with
the big mea culpa speech,
but I guess they're saving that for next week.
What 'd they call it - "TV's finest hour?"
If it's not, it's the second finest hour
By the way, ...does Aaron Sorkin read bartcop.com?
Did you hear what Leo McGarry told the president about the trouble in Haiti?
For the speaker impaired, (or if you missed the show last night)
they had to evacuate
the embassy in Haiti when some nutjob general took over the island. When the Americans
tried to flee, soldiers loyal to the nutjob general tried to board our plane.
They were shot.
When Leo tells the president, Bartlet flew into a rage.
Bartlet: How could this happen?
McGarry: They tried to board our plane - they were shot.
Bartlet: Why in the hell were they shot?
McGarry:...because that's what you do!
McGarry: A foreign hostile puts his
foot on an American military plane
That's an attack. We had every right to do what we did.
That's how it works.
There was no cowering.
There was no grovelling.
There was no begging.
There was no "sorry."
There was no "very sorry."
This is the goddamn American military.
We don't always use our best tables manners.
If we get pushed around, we have no more military.
Just like with Paulie on The Sopranos the other night.
You can not get pushed around and retain any credibility.
At the very least, Sorking was making President Weak & Stupid
by showing the right way to handle at attack on one of our military planes.
I'd let Leo be my Chief of Staff - he's got the guts to make the
and he's not into begging, grovelling and a whole bunch of "sorry."
Pigboy is attacking Trent Lott for attacking Duncil Rumsfeld!
They're "having a baby" (homage to Strokeboy) over bartcop.com at the Freeper hive.
I saw lots & lots of insults, but no offers to debate.
Incredible Vanishing Scandal of Bob Kerrey
by Bryan Zepp Jamieson
The Founders understood the need to have the military answerable to the
civilian government and its laws. They saw first hand the results of a military
of a land unwilling to address crimes and atrocities committed by that military.
We need to stop running away from this.
We arenít doing Kerrey any favors.
We arenít doing the military any favors.
And we arenít doing ourselves any favors.
Did I mention it was sweep weeks, and during sweep weeks we try
to raise funds?
Funds go to increase the size of the hammer.
But this is only for people who have money to throw away.
Sometimes, it's sad, getting a letter with one dollar, or five
dollars, with a note that says,
"Sorry I can't give more, but I hardly have any money at all."
What I'm asking for is like gambling money, drug
money or throw-away money.
The hammer will get as big as it gets, I don't want people to sacrifice for it.
Sweep weeks is almost over, and we haven't met our goal.
Surely, we won't have to wait till November sweeps for another big hammer strike...
Subject: CASE FOR THE PROSECUTION
"This is primarily a comedy page." - Bartcop, May 8, 2001
The scene: a packed courtroom in downtown K-Drag.
Defendent Bartcop, wearing handcuffs
and a faded Led Zeppelin t-shirt, is in the dock. Prosecution lawyer Mr. Freep begins his interrogation ...
MR. FREEP: "Mr Bartcop, you are accused of bogusness,
fakery, and gross misrepresentation
of comedic principles. Are you aware of the gravity of these charges?"
BARTCOP (under his breath): "Ditto monkey repug bast ..."
MR. FREEP: "The court cannot hear you, Mr. Bartcop. Please speak up."
BARTCOP: "Yes. Yes, I am aware of the seriousness of the charges." (sighs, looks at floor)
MR. FREEP: "Then why, pray tell, do you so blatantly
disregard this fine nation's truth in advertising regulations?
Why is your webbed site - I'm sorry, I believe the term is 'web site' - still bearing the description 'Bartcop's Political Humor', when in fact it has become a series of repetitive, bitter rants against the President?"
BARTCOP: "Because Smirk STOLE THE ELECTION, YOU WHORE! BECAUSE RUSH LIM ... BAAAAH! OWWWW! ARRRGGH, OH, JESUS, MAKE IT STOP!"
JUDGE WAPNER (removing finger from a large red
button): "I'm sorry, young feller, but I warned you earlier
about these outbursts. Next time you'll get the full wattage! You may continue, Mr. Freep."
MR. FREEP: "I call for Exhibit A."
(An Apple Macintosh computer is wheeled into the
court. After 35 minutes, two systems crashes,
and a total motherboard rebuild, a clerk of the court has uploaded bartcop.com.)
MR. FREEP: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I direct your attention to the following 'comedy' sections
of Mr. Bartcop's site." (Using his walking stick, Mr. Freep points at the screen.)
Rush, you're such a lying son of a bitch.
Cocks is a partisan bastard.
Everybody know that.
Why do you think they gave him that phoney "China-gate" investigation?
They couldn't let any normal congressmen run that monkey circus.
They needed a cock-hunting partisan prick to throw "traitor" slurs at Clinton,
so they went to Cocks because he fits that job description perfectly.
Want proof that Cocks is a nut?
JURY: (muttering) "What the ... ?" "I'm not amused
at all!" "Why, this is plainly the work of a partisan operative."
"Bring on Don Rickles!"
JUDGE WAPNER: "Order!"
MR. FREEP: "Exhibit B, if you please, clerk."
Patrick, the purpose of the page was not to generate
The purpose of the page is to promote discussion of the event.
Can you make a case for your point of view?
JURY: "This doesn't strike me as funny." "It's
a straightforward comment."
"Hey, it's sort of funny, if you pretend he said 'Max the Cat' instead of 'Patrick'."
BARTCOP: "Hey, YOU try making jokes every day, you bunch of ..."
JUDGE WAPNER (his finger hovers above the button): "Yes, Mr. Bartcop?"
BARTCOP: ".... er, you fine, hardworking Christian
citizens, whose views are not repulsive
or alien to me in any way. I love you all. Um, John 3:16, your holiness, sir."
(The finger slowly moves away)
MR. FREEP: "Exhibit C!"
Police have said he is not a suspect, but actor Robert Blake's lawyer
Los Angeles police are ignoring other leads in the shooting death of his wife.
Robert Blake's attorney says police are focusing too intensely on the actor in their investigation of his wife's shooting death, ignoring leads from the victim's shady past and the lonely hearts she allegedly bilked out of money.
"By ignoring the possibility that someone came from her past, they're
overemphasizing Blake as a possible suspect,"
attorney Harland Braun told the Los Angeles Times.
Police have questioned Blake twice and searched his house twice,
Meanwhile, Bakley's half brother, Peter Carlyon of Barlett, Tenn., said
woman told her family that Blake had threatened her and armed himself.
"She did not want him carrying the gun because he had been making threats
Carlyon said. "She told the entire family that if anything happened to her, Blake was behind it."
It's a good thing BartCop's Mailbag isn't the deciding factor for who goes to jail. Many, many people have written to say "Blake did it, or had it done."
JURY: "What is this, Drudge?" "How dare he belittle
the star of Electra Glide In Blue!"
"Now, Joe Conason, he's a funny man."
MR. FREEP: "Bring it on! Exhibit D!"
Maybe not railroaded, but it sounds like you got screwed.
That's an old trick I called him on years ago.
He phrases his comments in such a way that people think you're coming to
the realization that Rush is right and you're too shamed to say something,
when all the time he's got your mic turned off because he's a coward.
I taped the show, but I taped over it, I think.
Now, if you had said, "Mega-BartCop dittoes, Pigboy,"
it would've caught my attention and I could've run the clip for everyone :)
JURY (amid gasps): "We must acquit - look, he
used a smiley face! He surely is only 13 years old!"
"Hmmm ... doesn't look it ..." "Mega who what dildoes?" "By 'shamed', do you think he meant 'ashamed'?"
MR. FREEP: "And finally, Exhibit E ..."
That's what we need.
A white-power, cock-hunting tobacco whore/religious freak who was raised by Bob Jones
Jesus, it's hard to do comedy when the truth is so impossible
And, of course, the pink tutu Democrats will approve this asshole.
Is he the one who was screwing his secretary while hunting Clinton's
Or was that the other one?
JURY: "Oh, my!" "This is just sad." "Does anyone ever laugh at this?" "I'm sleepy." "Mega what done hooey?"
MR. FREEP: "Mr. Bartcop, do you have anything to say - anything at all - in your defence?"
BARTCOP (pauses; gathers his thoughts; finally
responds) : "It's ... it's been a troubling few months, your Honor.
Everything went wrong. The comedy ... it abandoned me. And now, it's like I can't be funny any more! It hurts to laugh!"
MR. GROPE, state appointed defence lawyer: "Your Honor, I move we adjourn."
BARTCOP: "NO! Not until I've said what I have to say! Your Honor, I ... OUCH! CHRIST! NOOOOO! STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!!"
JUDGE WAPNER: "Oh, sorry, boy. Finger slipped."
Postscript: Following a two-day trial, Bartcop was sentenced to a maximum-security humor rehabilitation center for the duration of George W. Bush's presidency. He is expected to be released early in 2008, in time for the inauguration of George P. Bush, 44th President of the United States and 1st President of the Globalized Hispano-Americas.
(Hey, BC - this is all just a friendly jab. Lighten
The site ain't much fun these days.)
Triple Shot of Tally Briggs
Clear and Present Danger:
Birthday Dreams of VEGAS!
Great sound files from the past
I think this the most fun I had in the year
G. Gordon Liddy's show was on the K-Drag airwaves back then.
Unlike here, Piggy Piggy, Liddy is not a coward.
He may be wrong as hell, but he's not afraid of unscreened calls.
I sent him a series of faxes and recorded
many of them.
This was back in the old Prodigy days, when the Internet was just starting to crank.
I never could get the Prodigy Rush lovers to answer straight questions,
so I got my revenge using the Liddy tool.
Charles Ford and Joe Fitzpatrick were the
two biggest loudmouth.cowards.
Being typically GOP, they expressed their hatred for gay people.
So, I sent a fax to my old friend Mr. Liddy.
I laughed for two solid hours - I had such a headache after that.
When I got home that night, I checked Prodigy's
BB and saw the message
"Liddy victim of conjob, BartCop suspected," because Liddy mentioned
that the two gay Republicans sent their fax from Oklahoma.
I'll bet right now, Ford & Fitz are Senior Twits on the Freeper page.
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.