Subject: Issue #12
Way back in issue 12 you wrote:
>"Where the [fornicate] were the Democrats in 1994? They ALL abandoned
> They told the White House they didn't want Clinton to campaign for/with them.
> And what happened?".
Sounds remarkably like Gore in 2000.
The Democrats have a lot to learn about honor, and loyalty, and family.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"If Jeffords moves away from the Republican
Party and gives control
of the senate to the Democrats it won't be a legitimate takeover for them
because they couldn't win it at the ballot box, so it doesn't really count."
-- The idiot Pigboy, explaining why Americans refuse to accept President Smirk
Subject: Yes!!! We have a Coulter contest winner!!!
> A free car to whoever gets on the air and asks Coulter how her self-esteem
> got so low that she'd agree to perform Monica on a plastic clown.
> Must have recording of call to claim car.
Caller from W.Va. gets *most* of the comment on the air -- wins a subcompact??
Well, much of the program was kinda boring. Kathy
Dunn lobbed a few
softballs Ann's way, and allowed her to babble for about 25 minutes. The
first few calls were from local people; as I expected, every one of them
disputed what she said. Ann doesn't debate well; an angry Democrat called
her on her assertion that all but one of Clinton's judicial appointments
were confirmed, and that it's only the Democrats who delay things.
All she could say in response was that "there
are so many things wrong with that
RANT of his that I can't begin to start responding." Her responses to the other callers
were equally evasive, never debating the points that the callers made, only nitpicking
on technical legal issues or just ridiculing those silly liberals, nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Okay, so yer a lawyer. BFD.
All of her potential supporters were probably
listening to that jerk
Belling, none of them made it on the air.
Then, about ten minutes before the show ends --
"We have a call from....West Virginia???"
The caller (whose name I didn't catch, sorry...)
starts by buttering up the host. He follows this up by baiting Ann.
The Federalist Society ain't what Ann says it
is. (Could he be one of us???)
As Ann starts babbling a response, I hear the caller:
"Another thing, why is your self-esteem so low..."
YES! YES! YES!
"... that you needed to perform fellatio on Ro..." and the engineer fades him out.
I'm laughing my ass off, trying to keep my car
Ann didn't even hear the remark.
She continues her long-winded spiel -- The Fed.
Soc. is only a bunch of nerdy lawyers who debate each other,
not at all political, no agendas, as innocuous as a chess club. This is ably debunked by a Milwaukee lawyer
who's been to chapter meetings. Then it's end of show.
(Here's where bc asks for the tape. W.Va. caller,
per the WPR website,
"To order a cassette of a WPR program, call The Radio Store at 1-800-747-7444, or 608-262-0671.")
She really doesn't think very well on her feet,
it's a surprise they let her out in public. I'm not sure if she thinks
She's more the "regurgitate the talking points and ridicule the opponents" type. She sounded baaaad.
What's that quote from Robert Burns' "To A Louse" I'm trying to think of???
"O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us! ..."
Hmmm. Close. Maybe --
"Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,
Detested, shunn'd by saunt an' sinner, ..."
Ahhh. That's the one.
Charlton and Pass the Ammunition
by Isaac Peterson
Subject: That Bushie Award thing
Today you wrote:
>I'll tell you one thing - I'm the David in this group of Goliath's.
If I got my Bible down right, David won over Goliath.
I forgot that's how that ended.
I meant to say I was the underdog.
I came off rude and arrogant.
I wish I could have a do-over.
Subject: Debating Bartcop
In a recent issue, responding to an email from a conservative, you said:
>"Nobody debates me because most ditto-spanks have your grasp of reality. "
Hey Bartcop, did you ever think it might be because
the Bartcop Forum is in essence
a GATED COMMUNITY, where only leftists need apply? So is the chatroom.
If you want to debate people, perhaps you should go elsewhere, since you won't find any dissent there.
Does that mean you'd like a shot at me?
Or do you know someone who'd like to step in the ring?
Where is this place I can go and find someone to debate?
Can you set something up?
Back to New York
Gotta speed this up, gotta give fewer details.
Sunday morning we were up with the sun.
Not sure why, but the sun was up at 5:30 on the east coast.
Perhaps it's another Giuliani directive to fight crime.
One funny thing?
In K-Drag, if you live between 25th Street and 26th Street,
your address will be something like 2540 E. Whatever Street.
Not in New York.
In New York, if your address is 1125 E. Eighth Street, you're between 11th and 12th, right?
In New York, if your address is 1125 E Eighth Street, you might be between 25th and 26th.
It makes no sense - no wonder those Iraqi cabbies can't find your hotel.
They need to start next Monday and redo
all the addresses in New York City
to make them logical and more user-friendly to the bread-and-butter tourists.
I also forgot a good line Ray had when we tried to go to the
top of the World Trade Center.
We were right next to the building entrance, so I reached out and pulled on the door and said,
"Well, should we go to the top of the tower?" and Ray said, "You may never be closer."
That was a damn good line, Ray.
Today's agenda included the Empire State Building.
That meant ...another cab ride.
During the ride, I asked cabbie Rolo Hassain how much a cab would
be to the Newark Airport.
(We had to plan for next Saturday) Rolo said, in whatever language they speak where he's from,
"If you ask a taxi to take you to Newark Airport he will kiss you. You make him rich"
Hey, he picked us up in Chelsea, so there's no telling what he was thinking...
This is the best map I found of New York, posted inside every cab.
With this map, I'm an expert on New York.
See that "pill" in the upper left?
That's Madison Square Garden, it's in Chelsea, where our hotel was.
Just below Chelsea is The Village, where they have all
the shops and restaurants and bakeries.
The arch in the center is Washington Square, the buffer between The Village and Soho.
Soho exists to be a buffer between The Village and Little Italy. (They don't get along)
Just above the pill is the Garment District, which reminds me:
Friday nite, our first night when we saw superstar Bob Simon?
The Garment District, was one of the many districts we walked that night - we saw models.
One young thing in particular was really
She was very young, I'd say 15-17, and she was about six feet, rail-skinny, straight blonde hair and
cuter than Phoebe Cates in that red bikini in Fast Times. She was just standing there, gorgeous as hell,
talking to some lesser models outside, on the street, just hangin' with the other supermodels-to-be.
I wasn't lusting after her, at least not
like you'd think, but it was just so damn interesting
to see a real-life gorgeous mammacris in it's natural habitat. I didn't have the camcorder, dammit,
but it would've made a real good picture, like some Benneton ad without the shame.
Back to the Empire State Building, or we'll never finish this.
They open at 9:30, maybe, I forget. We got there Sunday morning a half-hour before they opened,
which was smart because my boss went six months ago and stood in line four hours to see the ESB.
I told CAL, I wouldn't stand in line four hours to see Angie Harmon nude.
After just 15 minutes, they sold us tickets and herded us into
a new elevator.
Damn - I was hoping to ride a century-old elevator pulled up with a frayed rope.
The plate on the elevator wall said, "This
is a Helmsley Property."
Wanna bet Leona voted for President Weak & Stupid?
Here we go, are you holding onto something?
Grab your stomach, this goes real fast.
Damn, that was fast - you OK?
The doors open on the 80th floor.
I thought it was 100 stories high...
They pushed us out the elevator and down the hall with the cool neon lights.
Then we go into another elevator, that takes us to the 86th floor.
I asked if we could go higher, and the usher said, "That part's closed."
The city that never sleeps?
Maybe, but they sure close a lot of shit.
We took the last elevator to the 86th floor and there we were.
Looks like a still from Cuckoo's Nest, doesn't it?
It was a pretty clear day, we saw lots of stuff.
You can probably guess what this is - a shot downtown.
Did I mention is was cold?
It was only in the 50's or so, but the wind blew harder than Strom on his last birthday cake.
See the Statue of Liberty, towards the right?
This is my favorite shot from the top.
It's the only time I saw THE bridge.
Did you know they only built the Brooklyn Bridge after the Eads Bridge (over the Massabama River
in downtown St Louis) proved it could withstand it's own weight?
That's a true story I should tell sometime - how the GOP riverboat
moguls swore a bridge over the Massabama
would never hold because they wanted to keep their lucrative steamboat monoploy alive instead of allowing - gasp -
people to cross the river without paying their outrageous fees? Just like BIG OIL is doing today.
They could be developing wind and solar energy, but it's FREE, and there's no reason for BIG OIL to give up
those trillions just to do the right thing for America.
Look - it's Madison Square Garden, where they shot the Led Zeppelin movie.
Click Here to hear
Zeppelin go from Whole Lotta Love into Black Dog.
It was their 2/12/75 encore at the Garden - from the BartCop Live Concert Collection.
Check out this floor design, shot as we were leaving.
Not only is the ESB tall, it's historic and it's art deco.
Done with the tall building, we started walking - again - this
time towards Times Square.
It was close, less than a mile, I think, and my dawgs are starting to bark after a while.
This is for my buddy Rich - no, not the drummer.
Rich won the first vintage Corvette ever given away
Rich sometimes hangs at BB's on weekends.
Walking onward, look what we saw!
The theater showing the greatest Broadway show of all times.
On the next block, we found out what happened to Frasier's ex-wife, Lilith.
Lilith without pants.
Now we're full into Times Square. Check this building out:
You can't really see what's going on, but the whole curved building
it a TV screen.
Besides the 120 x 70 foot TV screen U2 toured with in 1998, it's the biggest I've seen.
Great colors, too, for the sun being so bright.
Then I turned around and clutched the pearls:
Chris the Screamer on the Jumbo Tron in Times Square
Walking further, knees are just about to give out by now...
This next photo is untouched.
At the Whore Street Journal, they've turned into
such obvious prostitutes
that they put up a giant "PINK" sign over their front door.
They want everyone to know what's for sale (or rent) at the Whore Street Journal.
The knees were getting weaker and weaker, but we knew Grand
couldn't be more than 10-12 blocks from here, so we pressed on.
There it is - it was really something.
I thought, there must've been hundreds of millions of people who've passed
thru these doors, with two world wars and millions of tourists for decades.
It was time to go back to the hotel and re-group (read, "sit down")
From the cab, we saw another highlight of the trip.
We saw three blind people on one dog.
No, not like that - you should be ashamed of yourself.
It was funny as hell.
A blind guy had a cane in his right hand and the dog harness in his left.
A second blind guy had his left hand on the first guy's right shoulder, and a third
blind guy had his left hand on the right shoulder of the second blind man.
So how did that happen?
Twenty minutes ago, they were having coffee when one suggested they walk to
the corner restaurant and the second one said, "Who's dog should we take?"
They decided, perhaps to save energy, to all go on the same dog?
Mrs. BartCop thought it was sweet.
...and don't write and say I made fun of the blind.
It's a funny thing we saw.
What, ...I can mentiion something funny I saw if it involves blind
Don't they have a sense of humor?
(Back after this)
Subject: HE DID IT!!!!!
Way to go caller ...!!!!!
To Ann Coulter:
"How's does it feel to give fellatio to a plastic clown"
I thought I would fall off the chair !!!
Pay up BartCop!!!
Poor Ann, I feel a little guilty.
She deserves that, and a lot more.
Maybe we should "adopt" the clown-kisser and call in to her live interviews?
Please God, give the senate Democrats
the courage to fight back - please?
Back to New York
We went back to the Chelsea Savoy where I enjoyed a ceremonial
shot of Chinaco Anejo.
CAL and Ray were due soon. We had plans for a Sopranos party at CAL's house.
It's bad to try to party on an empty stomach, so we went over
the Williamsburg Bridge to
- you guessed it - Williamsburg, where CAL knew this great Mexican restaurant -
We met Steven (or Stephen) and the five of us sat down for tequila and Mexican food.
Of course, they didn't have The Miracle at Canaan, so I
had a shot of Patron Anejo.
It was OK - good enough to wash down Mexican food.
CAL suggested the "funny" corn (she knows I love the corn) sorry, I forget the name of it.
It was on the cob, and blackened, with sour cream or something on it.
It looked like a train wreck with charred bodies, but it tasted great!
I had the steak enchiladas, which were done right.
I don't think I've ever had real chunks
of real steak in an enchilada before. The corn, the steak and the Patron hit the spot.
CAL was batting 1.000 on good places to eat.
After the fine meal, we went to her hundred-year old Dutch townhouse,
if that's what it was.
I don't know anything about architecture or interior design, but Mrs. BartCop really got off
on CAL's apartment, the address of which she asked me not to share with you :)
We partied a little (none of your business) and watched The
Sopranos and ate brownies.
Another great day in New York, and we were just getting started.
Back to the Savoy for some rest.
While enjoying a nightcap, I saw an ad to rent a Fore-Runner for
I called them to reserve it, but they wanted a credit card.
I have one of those, but I wanted to be sure Mrs. BC didn't mind bouncing to Maine in an SUV
so I didn't give them my card, but she assured me I could rent it for the same rate the next day.
Monday we were staring Phase Two of the trip - Maine.
Before we checked out of the hotel, Mrs BartCop did some shopping.
We went to one of those tiny markets with everything.
Check these shelves out:
They have everything in the world in these tiny, tiny shops.
Mrs. BartCop really liked shopping in New York.
Then, a shocker:
I saw Big Pussy from The Sopranos!
This little shop was called "The Garden of Eden," and
they had everything but apples.
Check this out - they had 16 kinds of olives on display. They had everything.
We took a "car service" to the Newark Airport, via the Holland Tunnel.
We wanted to rent a car there, so we could return it there
as we were leaving.
(I'm a pretty sharp guy.)
This is the toll booth on the New Jersey Turnpike
that Tony goes thru at the start of every Sopranos.
We get to the airport, and I remembered the oldest of sayings: Nothing is easy.
The woman at the Dollar Rent-A-Car counter said the Fore-Runner
would be $325.
I told her I wanted that NHOL rate the newspaper promised.
She said that offer was only good over the phone.
I have one of those.
So I called the 800 number, told them I wanted the SUV, she asked when, I said, "Now,"
and the lying slut told me her computer suddenly went down. I asked for how long, and she said,
"It may be down for 6-8 hours."
She was lying.
You can't be a national car rental agency with a computer system
that goes down for 8 hours.
You might as well send everybody home for the day.
And in the unlikely event that did happen, their offer was in the damn NY paper, and was
easy-as-hell to verify, but they refused because they wanted my extra $75.
They wanted to punish me for not renting in advance.
Screw you, Dollar Rent-A-Car.
Your SUV sat there, unused, while I went to Avis and rented a Le Sabre.
There was no reason for Sunday's lady to lie to me on the phone.
There was no reason to attempt to punish me Monday morning.
There was no reason to deny me the published rate.
There was no reason to lie about the computers being down for 8 hours.
There is no reason for me to do any business with you ever again.
I just found out I left my notebook in the "car service" limo.
In a panic, I called them and said, "Hold onto that book! I'm a serious writer,
and that book has all my notes and it would be impossible to replace if it gets lost."
(I was not under oath.)
They promised to hold it for me, so we drove our Le Sabre north
and east from New York
BTW, the car we rented, in Newark, had New York plates and registration.
I guess they license the cars in New York to take advantage of New York's low-low prices on insurance?
(Back after this)
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
The Vegas Trip Report
Subject: Jeffords announces: Senate is now Democratic
BURLINGTON, Vermont (CNN) -- Sen. James Jeffords
of Vermont left the GOP,
throwing control of the Senate to the Democratic Party for the first time since 1994.
How do you say "Neener, neener, neener!" in Republican?
"GET OVER IT!!"
By the way, to all who wrote to say, "Jeffords
does matter, since we now control the Senate."
If the scared-bunny, pink tutu-Democrats are afraid to stand up, it doesn't matter if we control
the damn senate 90-10. If there only priority is bowing to Smirk's every whim and every appointment,
none of this matters a whit.
You people have more faith in the pink tutu Democrats than I do.
Thanks to Anita Stafursky for the West Wing tape she sent me.
Evidence mounts of Olson perjury
Screw you - I'm above the law.
Papers Hint at Olson's Role in Dirt Digging Law:
Documents support critics of solicitor general pick who say he aided anti-Clinton research.
Back to the Trip
It's a long, boring trip from New York to Portland, Maine.
I guess they were trying to make the road
beautiful, but it was nothing but trees.
The same trees, mile after mile - that's all there was.
At least our west, you get mountains and valleys and rivers and creeks.
Radio really sucked, too.
We searched and we searched - AM. FM, there was nothing.
I would've figured the northeast would have some hip radio stations,
but it was the worst collection of small-town radio horseshit you ever heard.
We'd catch some Floyd or Aerosmith on some
station, and think we'd found a winner.
Then the DJ would come on and ask his listeners to call in with their favorite Mothers Day gift.
What a bunch of crap!
Is it possible K-Drag radio is better than
New York radio?
Better than Connecticut radio? Better than Boston radio?
I was surprised how incredibly bad the FM waves were.
We kept driving, wanting to get the boring
part over with fast.
Spent the night in Portland at the Motel B at Exit 8.
What a bummer, an old friend - Braintree
- owns a girlie club just blocks away from
the Motel 6 at Exit 8 in Portland, but he never gave us the club name or phone number.
We were playing phone tag, and he'd always say, "Leave a msg on my machine,"
instead of giving us the name of the club, so I never got to see any hot babes.
Tuesday morning we were off for Acadia National Park in southeastern Maine.
Of course, Maine was closed until next week.
We ended up in Bar Harbor (Bah Hahbah) which is run by small tin
Here's a family standing on their front porch.
Don't know if you can see it, but "Dad" on the lower left
has a tin penis, and "Mom" in the bask has tin breasts.
The one on the right had no sex organs, like larry Klayman.
We grabbed lunch at King Eider's Pub.
My nine-dollar "roast beef" sandwich had less meat than an Arby's
but Mrs. BartCop's crab balls were pretty good, she said.
I don't think the state of Maine knows what to do with beef.
We got a great deal on a hotel room, since the state was closed.
The Park Entrance Oceanfront Inn gave us a room with a view for $44.
This was the view from our room - can't beat that for $44.
Trying to hurry the story along... We saw lots of this:
You know what these are?
Those are lobster traps, we saw plenty of those.
But don't you think they work better in the water?
More fishing boats and a lighthouse.
As we were leaving town, we drove down by the beach.
Then it was back to New York for super Thursday.
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.