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Volume 498 - The BartCop Hex

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 I'm finding requests for ad information buried in the mail pile, so I have a mail box for business purposes.
 To request ad information, or to threaten me a lawsuit, use

 June 14, 2001.  .....   ...Advertise on    ..... .......SPORTS..  ...........  ..Did you hear it? 
 Fathers Day  is almost here.  Would your Dad like a  coffee mug or  t-shirt?  Click  Here 
 Copy and paste this URL somewhere
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 "George Bush is in Europe and the mission while he's there -- the objective -- is to assure
   Europeans that he is competent. And I'm thinking, 'Wait a minute. What about assuring us first?'"
    --  Dave

KISS Caskets

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Just when you thought KISS couldn't possibly lend its likeness to a more
outrageous merchandising scheme, the veteran hard rock act has one-upped itself with a line of caskets.

The group announced details of the KISS Kaskets, which are "completely covered with a specially
laminated photomural that features the KISS logo and the images of the band members." Aside from
sending you off in the ultimate of heavy metal funerals, the contraption can also double as a beverage cooler,
"enabling fans and their friends to enjoy ice-cold beverages served directly from the ice-filled, waterproof" casket.

According to bassist Gene Simmons, "This is the ultimate KISS collectible. I love livin',
but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good."

KISS Kaskets will be available for sale through the Web site and via "local funeral homes."

 This story is so goddamn stupid I assumed it was from the boys at The
 But I checked it out myself and it's real.

 ...and many of you think,
 compared to KISS, Ted Nugent, Motley Cure and Metallica,
 that Bono is the jerk?


This is stolen brazenly from

A doctor and an old man were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas.

The old man said "Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".

So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle" was.
And he said, "When you're driving down a country road, and you come across
a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.

You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get
anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down."

Last Dem In Norman


 "Happy Birthday to former President Bush. Seventy-seven years old today.
   You all remember President Bush. He's the sober one in the family. ...
   I thought this was nice. For a gift, his family got him a police scanner
   so he could hear his granddaughters' names on the radio."
     -- Leno

 This Just In...

  Severe thunderstorms are raking the "greater" Tulsa area
  slowing the deification of Tiger Woo


 "The shift in power in the Senate means that Trent Lott will become the minority leader.
   Funny, you rarely hear a sentence with the words Trent Lott and minority that doesn't
   also include the words 'no appeal to' and 'hates'."
     -- Jon Stewart


 "Bush is about to have his lunch eaten at the July negotiations on global warming.
   With Europe determined to implement the Kyoto Protocol and Japan likely to follow,
   the US could see the world moving ahead without it. Not since the U.S. failure to ratify
   the League of Nations accord in 1919 have we been as out of step with the rest of the world."
    -- Dick stab-in-the-back Morris (R-Toe sucker)

 Click  Here

 When Charles Barkley's grandmother asked him why he was joining the "party of the rich,"
 Barkley replied, "Grandma, we are rich."
 That first hefty paycheck can sway an athlete to the right.

 Speaking of sports, I see where our sports editor theangryburgher is looking for
 some sports people with basic html skills - are you that person?

 E-mail  theangryburgher at

 This Just In...

  Play halted at the US Open due to lightning in K-Drag

 Big Lies from Big Oil

 Click  Here

 Internal industry documents obtained by Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., suggest that in the mid-1990s
 oil companies had little interest in building new refineries because of low profit margins and, in fact,
 were discussing the need to curtail refinery output to boost profits.

 The November 1995 memo by Chevron also cited warnings about refinery profits by a senior analyst
 from the American Petroleum Institute, the industry trade group, at an industry conference that year.

 Six months later, in a Texaco memo marked “highly confidential,” a company official said
 surplus refinery capacity was “the most critical factor” facing the refinery industry because
 it resulted in “very poor refining financial results.”

 If only the Democrats weren't such geldings...


Subject: McVeigh and Heaven


Without making specific pronouncements on the ultimate fate of MCVeigh (R-EIB),
I assume you are aware that there are two forms of contrition:

1. sorrow for actually committing an act and
2. fear of shoveling coal for the Big Red Machine.

John, that may be true in some cases, but I doubt it's true when you're minutes away
from getting a lethal injection. Staring at that needle, I'm sure Tim was "truly" sorry.

It is Catholic doctrine that either form of contrition requires penance in this life or the next.

That's new for sure.
Those wacky nuns told us Purgatory was to burn off venial sins.
You're saying Purgatory is a mandatory stop?
Even for those with clean souls?

Tim didn't get a get into heaven free card; he still has contrition to do in either case.


Boy, the church has changed.

They way they sold it to us was this:
When you leave confession, your soul is 100 percent totally and absolutely clean.
Maybe Tim committed a silent mental sin in the intervening minutes, but he was
probably too scared to form intent, which in the old days was needed for a sin.

Assuming what I've just said is true, God has no legal basis for "still" or "to do."
If  Tim shows up with a clean soul, he gets right in, doesn't he?

Or are you saying if a good Catholic follows all the rules and dies with a clean soul
there are still some undisclosed hoops to jump thru?

I have a feeling Catholicism is like state laws.

 This Just In...

  K-Drag issues flood warnings for Tulsa County

 ...and if Tiger Woo  is God, why doesn't he wave these clouds away?

 I know that you know that Matt Drudge is a whore.

 Check his hysterical headline:


 But when you read the story, it actually says,

"Police sealed off a building to lock in about 400 activists  suspected  of  planning  violence."

 So, being suspected of  planning violence is violent?
 Good reporting from Matt the Whore...

                                                         How Europe sees President Weak & Stupid

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "The hate mail is coming in viciously."
    -- King of hate, first hour

 No, Pigboy, your mail is not coming in "viciously."

 Did you take your stroke medicine today?

How to keep score in golf by Tony Scalia

 by Ruben Bolling as seen on

From: Tamara Baker

Subject: The Real Reason Smirk laid off Vieques

Wanna know why Shrub's minders made the sudden decision to pull out of Vieques?
A decision that, as CBS News told us repeatedly, and (wonder of wonders!) accurately, last night,
was a "political" decision -- not a humanitarian one?

It was to try and shore up his brother Jeb among Latino voters.
As the accompanying NYT piece makes clear, the GOP is in big trouble in the Sunshine State.

CBS News noted last night that Shrub's alleged political strength with Latinos was being undermined
by the Navy's using Vieques for target practice.  That's what they listed as the main reason for his deciding
to phase out the bombing runs. (A decision, by the way, that was made without consulting the Pentagon,
which is very, very angry over it.  Awwwww.  Serves them right for backing the bozo in the first place.)

A half-remembered line from HST's Watergate writings keeps floating around my head lately:

"The hard-nosed super-executives Nixon chose to run our country for us
 turned on each other like rats in a slumfire when the going got tough..."


Florida G.O.P. Sees Bush Visit as Latest Slight
  by Richard L. Berke

 Click  Here


Subject: How do they do it???

At least 12,000 protesters were expected at rallies throughout Goteborg, Sweden’s second-largest city,
against Bush, the EU and the growing strength of international business.

I'm serious- how do they mobilize 12,000 people???

It makes the 10-100 (and I'm one of them) that assemble in the US for any given event look pathetic.

This is where the theft occurred, for God's sake....

I think we should adopt the slogan they use for turn out the vote- "bring five"

Bush Unifies Europe
  by William I'm-a-lying-bastard Safire of the New York Whore Times

Click  Here

Western Europe was unified for two generations by a fear of the Soviet Union. Now that
Russia's economy is dependent on high oil prices, its population plunging to half that of the U.S.,
and what's left of the Red Army mired in Chechnya, the glue holding together Europe's fragile
supranational identity is resentment of the unrivaled power of the United States.


Safire, you lying whore.
Europe doesn't hate us - they hate President Weak & Stupid.
They don't have "resentment of the unrivaled power of the United States."
They don't like a clueless idiot making illogical and dangerous decisions that affect them.
Tell the truth, instead of being Smirk's apologist.

  Happy 33rd Birthday Yasmeen Bleeth

Protesters try to block Bush motorcade
 by Robert Wielaard at

About two dozen environmental activists chained themselves together to block a side exit
at the military airfield where President Bush arrived for a NATO summit Wednesday.

Bush's motorcade left Melsbroek Airport by the main exit half a mile away, out of sight of the demonstration.

A dozen demonstrators were arrested, handcuffed and taken away. Police declined to say what they were charged with.

A spokesman for the Greenpeace demonstrators, Dan Hindsgaul, said they did not expect to actually stop the president, but wanted to make their opposition to his policies on global warming and missile defense heard.

"It's a symbolic action showing he's not welcome," he said. "It's also just the first in a series"
of protests the group has planned during Bush's weeklong European trip.


Subject: More GOP Hypocrisy on Energy...

Further to the California gas price drop once the GOP lost the majority in the Senate and investigations began,
there's a news story that's certainly made big headlines here, regarding the additive MTBE and the EPA's refusal
to give California a waiver on using it. Or, in other words, a big fuck you from the administration to California once again

"No, you can't temporarily stop using expensive additives in your gasoline.
 That would be b-a-a-a-ad for the environment..." And the corporate news spin is that gas prices could rise fifty cents
 a gallon because of it -- meaning gas prices will rise and we damn well better like it.

Only trouble is, this environmental concern is coming from the same people who loosened air quality standards
on power plants in this state. Once again, W & Compan(ies) are trying to have it both ways -- and their way is
what's good for big oil (duh) and not what's good for the people. After all, letting power generators pollute is
good for their bottom line, and requiring continued use of MTBE is good for the refiners' bottom line.

Incidentally, MTBE is a major ground-water polluter, and in fact the aquifer under, I believe, Santa Monica,
was recently ruined by a spill. Not just temporarily tainted, not shut down for a little while, but made absolutely
undrinkable and unusuable for all time.

But, hell, at least it's not arsenic. Right?


Jon, too bad the gelding Democrats don't have a gram of courage to fight back.

Speaking of fighting back, check this out:

   Riot police prepare to battle the people in every European city
    with the bad luck to get a visit from President Weak & Stupid.

 The BartCop Hex

 They say God with a nine-iron is even money to win this tourament.
 Even money?  With 150 other "golfers" playing?

 Don't those 144 people have any pride?
 Can they all suck that badly?
 They can't be that bad, can they?

 I hereby put the BartCop Hex on Mr. Perfect.
 I say he won't win this tournament.

 "Hex on thee, hex on thee, hex on thee, Mr. Perfect."

 I'm going to send massive negative mental energy to him these next four days.

 Mr. Perfect has won the last four majors in a row.
 Nobody has ever won five, so I'm putting the BartCop Hex on Mr. Perfect.

 How's the weather?

 Today...partly cloudy early...then showers and thunderstorms likely this afternoon.
 Some thunderstorms may be severe.
 High in the lower 90s. South wind 15 to 25 mph and gusty.
 Chance of rain 60 percent.

 Koresh help the GOP if the BartCop Hex works.

 Janet beats the hell out of Wolf the Whore

 Click  Here

 Great TV Moments
  From last night's Law & Order repeat...

 Smart-ass Defense Lawyer:   How did the woman die?

 Doctor Testifying for the State of New York:   In my opinion, she was poisoned.

 Smart-ass Defense Lawyer:  Doctor, could she have died from pneumonia?

 Doctor Testifying for the State of New York:  She could've died from death rays from Mars.

 Courtroom: (Laughs)

 ha ha

 That is how you answer a stupid question.
 The judge didn't get mad - he got a freebie!

 That's how you answer a question from an idiot lawyer.
 That draws a line in the sand that when he asks the next stupid question,
 he's going to be the butt of humiliation again, and again, if necessary.
 You don't ever let a bonehead ask a stupid question without punishing him.

 Wouldn't you love to see a wild-ass lawyer trying to get George Carlin,
 on the witness stand, to commit to certain words to describe a certain situation?

 ha ha

 Carlin knows the English language like few people.
 Maybe some people know more, but they can't express it like Carlin.

 But, that's always been my dream, to be grilled by some idiot prick,
 ...under oath,
 ...with witnesses,
 ...with live TV cameras catching every word,
 ...with some lady recording every syllable,
 ...with transcripts are available after 6 PM.
 ...with Mr. Aggresive come after me.

 Oh, having some preferably-Republican handjob come after me on the stand?
 That'd almost be as good as fresh Bixby corn, which is coming.
 Longtime readers know about fresh Bixby corn.

 Corn, picked-that-day, garnished with fresh connesiuer,  ...connisue, ...connasew..
 ...the fancy-whipped salty butter, tastes better than Filet Mignon or Prime Rib.

 ...sorry, just falling into a corn lust...

 Fresh corn, ...Chinaco Anejo, ...Chinaco Anejo, ...Fresh corn...

 I may have to go with the Chinaco Anejo, but that Bixby corn f-ing rules.

 And the economics of this delicacy are staggering.
 For ten dollars, you can get a hundred-lot of Bixby corn,
 and we're talking about corn that's two inches thick and a foot long.

 We're talking about a dime to taste a slice of God's best grub.

 Bad news is, there's no way to preserve it.
 In Koresh's dusty hellhole, corn is only king for about 30 days.
 In July in K-Drag, it's 114 every damn day.
 But that hellish heat wave brings out the flavor in the Silver Queen corn.

 ...sorry,    ...we were talking about proper court behavior, and I got lost.

 We were talking about how it'd be if some arrogant courtroom bully tried to pull some shit.
 I'd sure like a piece of that, if someone could arrange it.

 If he asked me, even one time, "What went thru your mind when..."
 I'd make him sorry he was born an American.

 He don't wanna know the answer to "What went thru your mind when..."
 cause that gives the a blank check, that I can cash anywhere unless he can prove
 my answer is NOT what went thru my mind when...

 Just yesterday, we read a report about what a monster dork Wolf the Whore is.
 He asked Timmy's attorney what Timmy was thinking.
 Timmy's attorney said, "How the fuck would I know that?"
 It was classic television.

 Bottom line, I want to be deposed, live, with witnesses, on camera.
 Perhaps I should be a little more descriptive with Pigboy, Laura and Paul Hervey the horse molester.

 I'd sure like a jury to explain an issue to...

Enron, Big Oil, Rape America

Click  Here

Enron Chairman Kenneth L. Lay netted $123 million in option transactions last year,
according to a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission. That was nearly three
times his gains the previous year and nearly 10 times what he made in 1998.

$123 million?

No wonder Haliburton gave Cheney a $22,000,000 going away present.
They knew with two slimy oil men stealing their way to power that they'd all make hundreds of millions
while whores like Rush Limbuagh scream, "What's wrong with making a profit?"

Thank Koresh that Jim Jeffords displayed some courage, unlike the gelding Democrats.

PLEASE don't send the Democrats any money until they stand up and fight.


Subject: BC Spirits Page

Hey Cartbop {hic},

How come yer {hic} friggin' spirits page is down?
Thaash my favorite part of your {hic} site.

Put it back up, ya basshard.  {hic}

Jenna Bush

Jenna, I just checked, it's working fine.
You must've clicked "funny."

 This is so true and it pisses me off.
 The gelding Democrats will confirm any fascist prick Smirk sends to them.

 ...and Breaux is among the worst, snuggling with Smirk all the time.

 Is Paul Harvey still alive?

 Mr. Ed, has Paul Harvey sexually molested you lately?

 He must be on his deathbed if he's not "bothering" the horses...


Subject: More GOP defections?

My contact in the Pentagon said that, starting yesterday afternoon, everybody
was talking about "solid reports" that Chafee is going to leave the GOP.


Subject: Does Andrew Sullivan rate a special exemption from Rush Limbaugh?

Andrew Sullivan is a columnist for The New Republic who happens to be gay and HIV-positive.
His opinions also tend to cluster on the right side of the political spectrum.

Is that why Rush Limbaugh has never mentioned his name in connection with barebacking,
which Rush otherwise condemns in the most severe terms? Is that the way it works with Rush?

It's O.K. with him if you're a barebacker as long as you have the "right" politics,
but you're irresponsible scum if you're a barebacker whose politics differ from Rush's?

                                        What the Europeaners think of President Weak & Stupid

 Did you know Tim McVeigh was Catholic?

 Did you know he received the Last Rites from a priest before he died?
 That means IF he was sincerely sorry for his sins, (and who wouldn't be seconds before the needle?)
 he is guaranteed Heaven for all eternity, something you and I don't have.

 Ain't that a bitch?

 IF you're Catholic, and IF you think it's likely he felt remorse seconds before that needle hit,
 then he's in Heaven right now and that's what the Catholics consider a fair and honest system.

 I can't put my finger on the eexact moment or reason I got out,
 but situatuions like this don't so anything to reign in the logical people.

 Zepp put it another way:

 Click  Here

 Update on the White House "vandalism" Lie

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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