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Volume 500 - Swill Merchants

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 June 16, 2001.  .....   ...Advertise on    ..... .......SPORTS..  ...........  ..Did you hear it? 
 US Open Update - Mr "Perfect" is in 51st Place,
as of 2 PM local time 

 A Flag Day Message
 by Ed Reiman

 Click  Here  for the full message

George W. did not run for President, nor was he elected. Rather, the Bush name was successfully packaged and "marketed." Hundreds of millions of dollars -- the bulk of which came from a mere handful of rich individuals, a couple hundred corporations, and a small group of ideological organizations -- sold us a product called "Bush." It could just as well have been a new brand
of dog food. The corporate media simply carried commercials for the sham.

And a credulous, compliant press helped in the marketing of this unqualified ne're-do-well to an exhausted and battered
American electorate. Now that he's been appointed President, these same journalists continue to validate him by reporting "President Bush said today (you fill in the blanks)."

Horse feathers.

G.W. hasn't said anything coherent - that was not written for him - from the moment he was selected to run by the
millionaires' club that got him appointed. Every time he's left the script, he's made a fool of himself and our country.
Right now this country is being run by a detached, un-elected committee whose policies are being delivered by a
mouthpiece from Texas. The more appointments they make, the more detached they get from us, and the more profound
the damage they do. And heed this: their second and third-layer appointees are more dangerous than themselves.

Again we are being sold a "cold war," and again we are being led by "cold-warriors." Some are sworn appointees and some
are just "advisors." Some are merely right-wing radio hosts. And some were in key positions during the Vietnam debacle
nearly 35 years ago (yes, Henry Kissinger is back, thought I would argue he should be in prison). None were elected,
and the mainstream press asks few hard questions about them. "We the people" cannot question them directly -- they will
not let us. The press must do that for us, but by-and-large they don't.

They tell us who our "enemies" are, or who our "strategic partners" are, and the press marches along in step. The faceless and nameless define "threats" and recommend weapons and strategies to answer them. The press only reports but rarely questions.


 "You might as well give the 101st U.S. Open trophy to Tiger Woods right now.
   Why should any other golfer even show up at Southern Hills in Tulsa  June 11-17?"
       -- Jill Lieber, USA Today sports reporter last week.

                           The BartCop Hex

Does Weak & Stupid Understand
the Words Coming Out of His Mouth?
 by Harold Hongju Koh

Click  Here

How does Bush view executing people with mental retardation?
When asked this week, President Bush said: "We should never execute anybody who is mentally retarded.
And our court system protects people who don't understand the nature of the crime they've committed
nor the punishment they are about to receive."

His answer surprised many, since as governor of Texas he declined to halt the execution of a mentally retarded man
and opposed a flat legislative ban on this sort of execution.

The truth?
Smirk doesn't have any idea what he's saying.
He's handed a script, like Reagan, and he reads what they tell him.

He's an idiot.

 ScaifeNetDoily vs. OfficeMax who do YOU trust?
  by Tamara Baker

 Click  Here

 No need for an excerpt;
 everything Tamara Baker writes is gold

 Russian Jet Arrives in China

 LINGSHUI, China (AP) - A huge Russian cargo plane on a mission to carry home
 a dismantled U.S. Navy spy plane arrived Saturday on the Chinese island of Hainan.

 Look what President Weak & Stupid has done to our military.
 The Chinese have learned all they can about our futuristic technology.
 Now, they're sharing it with the Russians.
 Might as well give North Korea and Iraq a copy, too.

 Smirk, you're nothing more than a weak and stupid Failure in Thief.
 Look what you've done...

From: (withheld)

Subject: Help for your web site

I would like to volunteer my services to help you fix your web page.  I was appalled at the absolutely pathetic HTML
and format.  I'm embarassed for liberals.  It looks like a 3-year-old put it together.  I would love to point my friends to
a cool page for liberals, but even Rush Limbaugh's page looks better, and I can't have them see his, and then let them
think your page is popular and representative of liberals.

Please, please, please, let me help you, I'm begging.  Of course, I could be off-base, and the "I-just-learned-Front-Page"
look is what you're going for, but for God's sakes man, Dubya could code a better page!
Please don't take this badly, I only want to help.


Jason, Rush makes $20,000,000 a year.
He pays people real money to make his site look good.
I'm a less-than nickle-and-dime low-IQ Catholic with ADD, trying to tread water.

I suppose I could shut down for a month or so and take some classes for $500
and learn how to make things look spiffy, but the fight continues.
Do you pull a soldier off the front line and send him to marching school?

I've seen dozens of super-slick sites that have nothing to say.
I'm the opposite of that.

If you want to send me some suggestions, I'd like to see them,
but you understand that I can't just throw you the car keys, right?

...and I'd be damned surprised if Smirk could do better.

 BartCop article in The Nation

 Click  Here

Tone Deaf
By Chris Floyd  of the Moscow Times

"Changing the tone." "Bringing a new era of civility and respect to American politics."
"Moving forward from past rancor to an era of unity and understanding."

Such are the stirring themes sounded by the good Christian president now "setting the tone" in Washington. George W. Bush hardly steps out of the White House without folding his hands in humble prayer, asking God to "bring us together."

But in this, as in so many other respects, Mr. Bush seems to have a unique understanding of the words he employs.
Last week, for example, his respectful tone-changing White House unleashed a vociferous assault, including threats
of physical violence against the young mother who had the temerity to call the police when the president's
daughters were having their illegal booze-up in an Austin restaurant last month.

Bush aides dropped heavy hints to the press that the restaurant's management included "liberals" out to "get" the
president's offspring, The Washington Post reports. That was the signal to unleash the Republican attack dogs at, the prominent right-wing hatesite that pounces hungrily on anyone the Bush clan identifies as an enemy.

Within hours of the White House spin shot, FreeRepublic was orchestrating an Internet assault on Mia Lawrence, the bar employee who called the police when Jenna Bush presented a patently fake ID. The "Freepers" posted Lawrence's address, date of birth, driver's license number, physical description, and information about her infant child, the American Political Journal reports. They also posted details from a personal bankruptcy claim that Lawrence filed earlier this year, including all the dish about her huge medical bills.

Freepers suggested that this info be used for "identity theft," running up massive debts in Lawrence's name. Also suggested was constant surveillance of Lawrence and her child. "Take pictures and post them on the Internet. Let her know that her picture is being posted. Make this chick paranoid," said one Bush supporter. Other helpful suggestions: "Go to the bar and pour drinks on her." "Pour acid all over the bar." "Phone police repeatedly to make phony reports of suspicious activities at her home." Others said conservatives should storm the restaurant and "set the place on fire while fully occupied."

By week's end, of course, it was revealed that the White House smear was, as usual, a lie: The owner of the restaurant was in fact a donor to the Republican Party. But no apologies were offered, and Lawrence's details were still whizzing through the ether, helpless prey to any spin-maddened madman with a modem. God help her

 Pentagon Papers-Media Praise Ringing Hollow
  by Norman Solomon as seen on Online

 Click  Here

In contrast to all the talk about the glorious defeat of prior restraint,
we hear very little about the ongoing and pernicious self-restraint
exercised by media outlets routinely touted as the best there is.

From:  Marc Perkel

Subject: Bush daughters

Dear Mr. Bartcop,

I have a question for ya.
If the Bush daughters go to jail --- do their secret service agents have to go to jail with them?
I mean how else can they protect them?

Can you tell me how this works -- oh infinitely wise one?

Marc Perkel ;)

ha ha

What would the Secret Cervix do?
Anybody have a clue?

They say you can get anything in prison - even cheap tequila.
I'm guessing someone would get passed around like a pack of cigarettes.


Subject: Keith Richards RE: 6-16

You were right to say that Eddie Van Halen is a much more proficient musician than Keith Richards.
So was Lawrence Welk.  So is just about any proficient bar band player.

BUT, take away the "notes per second" scale, and realize what the sounds which did eminate from
Keith Richards' gutiar have done to music over 40 years.  I would take the POWER of the beginning
of "Jumping Jack Flash" or "Gimmie Shelter" or "Happy" or "Love is Strong" and put them up against
A N Y T H I N G  professor Van H., or anybody else ever cranked out.

Millions around the world agree. These silly little chords CHANGED THE WORLD.
Yep.  Keith Richards can't play the guitar.
Bob Dylan can't sing either, but they both did one mother hell of a job of getting the job done..


Ken, excellent, excellent point!
Dylan can't sing, Jagger can't sing and Frank Sinatra couldn't sing on-key if he tried.
Dylan and Jagger are song writers who can sing enough to get the song out.

They said Bono couldn't sing when he joined U2, but he was so enthusiactic, they let him stay.
Twenty years later, he sings pretty good, I think.

That's why I thought Zeppelin had the whole package.
Page, Jones and Bonham were the zenith of musicianship and Plant, on a good night,
could sing anything he wanted and not many rock singers could to that.
I say "on a good night," because Plant really sang his ass off, and four or five nights
a week really took a toll on him, whereas Dylan, Jagger et al could "speak" their songs
without ever losing their voice. Zeppelin wrote great stuff and they could perform it.

Steve Perry was another great singer, but his band wasn't the best.
Also, that guy in Starship who sang, "Jane" was a monster, wasn't he?
Robin Zander was a perfect front man, I thought.
Pink Floyd did great without a singer, and thank Koresh for Gilmore, because he was
the only musician in that group. Waters wrote great stuff, but he's no musician.

Hendrix and SRV couldn't sing, but they sang about as well as Bruce Willis or John Belushi.
Townsend can't play a guitar, but Daltry was a decent singer.

I guess we could run down the looong list sometime, but rock n roll proved you didn't
have to have a voice like Johnny Fontane to stir people's emotions and sell records.

Your point about Richards and Dylan was right on-target.


Subject: Tiger Woods The Republican

Hey BarfJunk,

Birds of a feather flock together like you and Bill Clinton, closet racists.
You really do not like Blacks, do you?
You like to do a number on Tiger Woods because he is probably a Republican
and no suckup like creepy Jesse Jackson, corporate extortionist.

You talk a good game, but you give your bigotry away every day.
Remember almost every KKK member has been a DEMOCRAT like you.

Lanny Kiedrowski
Telling The Truth While BartCop Tells Lies

Lanny, yes, what you say is true.
I don't like black people.
The last 499 issues have been cover for my bigotry.

The reason I don't like Tiger is because of the color of his skin.
When he tried to take a dump on Bill Clinton for no goddamn reason,
I used that flimsy excuse to reveal my hatred towards blacks everywhere.

Yes, like you said, the KKK always votes Democrat, and the news reports of
the KKK being closet Republicans is just a figment of the liberal media.
Koresh's truth be known, the GOP loves blacks and gays and the poor,
and the liberal mdia just refuses to tell the truth.

Proof of this can be seen in the obvious fact that a full 40 percent of the senators
and representatives from the GOP are black, gay, and hispanic, and the liberal media
is just covering up because they hate the GOP for no reason!

 I may have found the spark

 I've been working on this Vegas/Area 51 story, but it just didn't click.
 Then  sent me a story about a woman in England
 who saw and taped a UFO that seems similar to something I taped at Area 51.

 So I will attempt this story.
 If you lower your expectations to Smirk levels, (zero) you might end up
 mildly entertained if this turns out to be a 1 or a 2 on the fun scale.

 Click  Here  to get started with the English lady's UFO story.

 You don't have to read every word, but the spark is her description

 She says she filmed the object while it hovered in the sky about two miles away.
 "It resembled a giant disc with a bite taken out of the bottom," she told reporters.
 As it hovered over the woods, it seemed to expand and then get smaller again.
 We could see it pulsing as if it started up and then it just went it came really close
 at one stage and I thought it was going to land in the field."

 I used a lot of her same words in my story (hover, pulse, expand, then sget smaller) which,
 if you've been keeping up, was written days ago, but I didn't want to hit "send" without that spark.

 If you think I set this whole thing up, e-mail and ask him to verify the date
 he sent me that English woman's story. This is all swear to Koresh true.

 Click  Here  to see what the buzz is about.

 I'm burying this on a Saturday, (nobody reads  on the weekends) to take advantage of,
 as Weak & Stupid might say, "The low expectations of soft bigotry," whatever that is...



Dear Bartcop,
After watching the most powerful hex I have even encounted do its voodoo on Mr. Perfect this weekend
I would like you to work your magic on me as well but in the opposite direction. I could sure use a winning lottery ticket.

Would you please bless me? If I win I will also throw in my firstborn (Whenever I get around to getting my future wife pregnant) and give you 10% of my winnings.

Thank you in advance for putting me in a higher tax bracket,

JG, sorry, I can only use my powers for good.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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