Put your ad here
"Baseball sucks. The World Series is a Fraud
and the New York Yankees are a gang
of sleazy gold-plated toads. The only pleasure I get out of the Sports section these days
is checking the American League standings and seeing the Texas Rangers in last place.
... Ho ho. Good ol' A-Rod, eh? Money
means nothing to those jackass thieves in Texas.
They are Friends of the goofy Child President, and they are selling enough oil and Energy to California
every day of the week to make poor A-Rod's $250 million salary look like chicken feed."
-- Hunter S. Thompson
Subject: Clarence Thomas
Hey, I heard somewhere on t.v. that ever since
Clarence Thomas became a
Supreme Court justice, he has voted with Scalia each and every time.
If I had a staff, or a bunch of time on my hands, I could tell you for
but I can say that, to my knowledge, Slappy has never disagreed with Tony.
Of course, that's about a scientific as the Biblical explanation of
but I have been paying attention and if Slapp had ever had an independent thought,
I would've made a big deal out of it on these pages.
Subject: Hang in there!
I want you to know that I can take or leave Paula
Poundstone too, and definitely detest Barbra Streisand
(though she's a dear lefty, like us). I thank god (there is no god; I mean Koresh) for you every morning,
and if people are going to quit because you don't like their favorite rock star, fuck 'em.
(Or, as my wife says, 'Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.')
I don't go for your musical tastes myself, being
(obviously) much older,
but I love the way you tell the truth about these frauds and Republicans.
Keep hitting them where it hurts, and don't pull
For every reader who drops away, there will be five joining up.
We are sending you part of our 'tax refund' (gag) when it arrives
just to keep the Big Hammer operating.
And btw, you may be pleased to know that Rush Hour II is coming out later this summer.
The reason we rented Rush Hour is because we saw the previews for Rush Hour 2.
Thanks for the note and the kind words.
David Brock a break
By my good friend Joe Conason
He isn't the first journalist to admit to having lied, but he's one
of the first to come forward and offer an unsolicited confession.
"Today at the White House, President
Bush hosted an event honoring Black Music History Month.
He introduced Dick Cheney by his rap name, "Busta Artery!"
-- Jay Leno
Yesterday's letter should have said:
"Jesse Helms is Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee,"
and not, as the letter stated, "a big stupid dildo."
I regret the error.
Rises as Surplus Estimates Drop
"Oh, no. We've been found out."
Congressional leaders clashed on Sunday over the implications of falling estimates of the
federal budget surplus, with Republicans denying Democratic charges that they will have to
tap Social Security funds to keep the budget in the black.
"I hate to say I told you so, but we
told you so,"
Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) said on ABC's "This Whore" program.
"The fourth of July combines the two things
Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
Speaking of the fourth of July, everyone will be barbecuing.
For example down in D.C., police will be grilling Gary Condit for the third time"
Washington press corp caught whoring for Bush
Cheney Returns to Work With Pacemaker
By Scott Lindlaw Associated Press Writer
Monday, July 2, 2001;
WASHINGTON Vice President Dick Cheney
is returning to work with a new heart pacemaker
in his chest, promoting the energy strategy he assembled for the administration and attending his
usual series of White House meetings.
After meeting with
President Bush on Monday morning, Cheney was fielding energy questions
from reporters in at least three radio interviews and sitting down with staff members to discuss
a range of policy issues, said spokeswoman Juleanna Glover Weiss.
"It's a typical day," she said.
Now tell me, how at 1:26 a.m. did Mr.Scott Lindlaw
know what kind of day Mr.Cheney was going to have?
Did they send him a memo? Now I'd like to hope that this was a typo on Mr.Lindlaw's part, but I keep
hearing on the Net that this article was posted during the entire night, and he starts his article with
"...Dick Cheney is returning...".
So which one is it? He is
returning? Or he is already having a typical day?
Another article mentioned that Cheney got to work around 7:45 a.m.
I guess writers at AP go by White House Script.
Alex, yes, the whore press has been caught again.
They print whatever Karl Rove tells them to.
If Karl Rove says Smirky is smart and attentive, the press prints that.
If Karl Rove says the White House was trashed, they print that.
If Karl Rove says Air Force One was looted by drunken Clinton staffers, they print that.
We don't have a free press in the country.
We have lazy press whores on the Bush payroll.
Subject: It depends on what your definition of "nigger" is
Dear BartCop -
Nice piece on the word "nigger" (2Jul01 branch
of the Treehouse).
Whether or not the word is offensive depends on what your definition of "nigger" is.
I am reminded of the difference between the first and the second Richard Pryor concert movies.
In the first concert, Richard used the word "nigger"
when needed, in context, and devastatingly funny.
(Some of you older BartCop acolytes will remember one of Richard's comedy albums -"That Nigger is Crazy";
and Dick Gregory's autobiography "Nigger"). Nigger is offensive when it is used in an offensive,
racist and insensitive manner and context.
But in Pryor's second concert film, he told the
story of his trip to Africa, where for the first time in his life,
he saw nothing but people who looked just like him. He said he saw thousands of black people, but no niggers;
and he said that's when it hit him. "Nigger" was a word invented to get us to hate ourselves; and that he would
never refer to another black person as a nigger, even in jest. It was a beautiful moment.
As our buddy Rutsy tells us, words do mean things.
I think one reason that so many of our young rap music
artists are using the word "nigger", is that they were born decades after the time when it was used in public
(and by public figures) as a matter of course. They never saw (and were never taught about in history class)
America as it once was. They have no appreciation of what the misuse of powerful words can do.
Richard Pryor could use the word "nigger" because
he was brilliant, because he was funny, and because he
had LIVED in an America which hadn't yet decided to combat racism as a matter of government policy.
Pryor knew and understood the power of the word, and used it accordingly; I really don't think Eddie Murphy,
Chris Rock or Quinton Tarantino do.
I want to apologize to you BartCop, and to the
rest of the gang for this small rant - I didn't want to bring
anybody down; but BartCop isn't just a humor site...it's a think site too.
Michael, good note, but Richard went back to using
"nigger" a few years later.
It may just be that he agrees that it's a funny word, and provided a bigger punch for the joke.
When he quit using it, I felt good about that.
When he started using it again, I felt good about that, too.
Of course, I felt good about most everything he did.
Also, I guess most kids will say, "Who's Dick
And some will say, "Oh, you mean activist Dick Gregory?"
Before he was an activist, he was a damn funny stand up comedian.
More letters to follow:
Subject: The "N-word" thing
Just a note to remind you, though I'm sure you
already know, that Lenny Bruce was the father
of the idea of "Let's use these dirty words a lot. That way they'll lose their force and effect."
That early, pioneering effort drove him mad (OK,
well, the heroin didn't help) and laid the
foundation for what Carlin and, later, Richard Pryor, were able to do.
There's a lot of truth in Bruce's ideas.
It's not the word that's dirty; it's the intent of the user and the effect on the recipient.
In large part, that's what makes Rash Lamebutt so vulgar, don't you think?
Robin, two things:
Swear to Koresh, the Catholics killed Lenny Bruce.
They went Catholic Crazy, like they always do, and it got so bad that the cardinals and
bishops would get Lenny's itinerary and call the mayors of the cities where Lenny was
scheduled to perform and "request" that he be arrested when he opened his mouth.
In the old days, they had more power than they do today, so Lenny couldn't
Every gig he showed up for, he was arrested - because of the Catholics.
It got so bad, Lenny would show up for gigs and read his trial transcripts,
trying to convince people he was doing nothing wrong.
In fairness to the Catholics, (Uh-oh, BartCop defends the Catholics?)
things were different back then, but still, they drove him to his suicide.
Secondly, the best Lenny Bruce I ever heard started like this:
"I see we have some niggers on the house tonight,"
pointing to the waiters and busboys.
"How's things going in the kitchen, guys?" The crowd got itchy and edgy.
"Look, here, I see we have some Dagos, too,"
"And I see we have a few Chinks, and some Beaners and some Pollacks,"
Pretty soon, the crowd caught on to the idea that he was making the
that we're all just people and it was stupid to make distinctions about race.
Poor Lenny, he blazed the trail for all who followed.
I shouldn't say this, but when has that stopped me in the past?
I'm working on Big Story #3.
When I released Big Story #1,
there were howls of protest, ridicule and derision.
and that was just from my regular readers. I had to delete pages of "fuck you" mail, just to have
the will to continue the web page. I knew if I kept those e-mails, I'd hold grudges against the
senders and would no longer have a base, much less a reason to publish bartcop.com.
When I released Big Story #2, it was mostly met with yawns.
Funny, in retrospect, both stories seem to be holding up pretty
strong, and are especially
well received by new readers, who don't know what to expect on the first read.
Well now we've stumbled onto Big Story #3.
I'm waiting for a final piece of the puzzle before I hit "send,"
but I think I can answer
a whole gaggle of questions surrounding Paula, Juanita and Monica.
The answer has been right under our noses the entire time.
Matter of fact, maybe it took
an IQ of 64 to see it, because it was so simple and obvious, staring us in the face.
I'll post it the minute it's ready.
From: isaac peterson
Subject: Re: DNS
Liked your bit about racial humor and couldn't
resist adding my 2 cents worth.
Words aren't what hurts; it's the intent behind the words.
That's a large part of the reason why it's not okay to hear Jesse Helms, Trent Lott,
Bob Barr (who really gets off calling airport employees niggers), Strom Thurmond,
the KKK, or any number of others use 'derogatory' racial terms.
Knowing their histories, it's obvious there is
no possible scenario where the word 'nigger'
could ever have a positive connotation coming from them.
Racial humor can be therapeutic. I saw all of
Richard Pryor's concert movies in theaters,
and all 3 times the audiences were mixed. Everyone in the place came close to needing
medical attention from the most strenuous laughter I've ever heard.
People were coughing up body parts from laughter,
and with the atmosphere afterward,
a huge group hug wouldn't have been hard to picture. People came out of the theater,
and for at least a while, I would bet that hate and prejudice was the furthest thing from
anyone's mind. People were just feeling too damned GOOD.
I also want to point out that Pryor used every
other one of the 7 words you can't say
on TV on the average about once every 7 seconds. These words are considered offensive too,
but when he used them the way he did, about the only people who seemed to have a problem
with it were network censors. Richard Pryor was the Michelangelo of profanity.
Racial humor can be useful in making constructive
points. Now, Redd Foxx had some pretty good
moments, too. Reading this is going to be nowhere near as effective as seeing it, but here goes anyway.
One episode of Sanford and Son which I only saw once (I was never a regular viewer) that stays
with me involved racial profiling before there was a name for it.
Lamont had gotten a traffic ticket, and insisted
on fighting it in court. Fred showed up and took over
with the judge. Fred's defense had no legal basis, and was based purely on race. All the other defendants
in the courtroom were black, and I almost herniated myself laughing when he said to the judge
"Look around this room. There's enough niggers in here to make a Tarzan movie."
Point made, case closed.
I could go on, but this is only about what 2 cents is worth these days.
Isaac, I remember seeing that "Tarzan," bit, too.
Like everybody watching, when he said that, first I laughed my ass off.
Then I thought, "He can't say that."
But I think Redd Foxx was the producer of Sanford & Son.
He could say anything the network would allow.
It was damn funny.
Thanks for the note.
Subject: One more racist dem and I'm a rupug. . . !
As an African American Democrat, I'm stunned by
the ease and the callousness
with which the 'N' word peppers your website.
There's no need to be stunned.
I'm assuming you've heard the word before.
What you read was a frank discussion about the difference between using that word to hurt,
as a racist Republican like Rush would, and using that word as a comedy tool, as Chris Tucker did.
You can't see a difference, even after all those examples I listed?
I'm old enough to remember when Richard Pryor
albums and Redd Foxx albums were only played
when all the kids were shooshed outside, then the adults who got the jokes would howl like crazy
when the best comedians spoke with brutal honesty.
That was then - this is now.
In the piece that stunned you, I listed Rush Hour, Animal House, Pulp Fiction, Blazing Saddles etc.
Did all those films stun you? Those are mainstream films, not racist, sneak-around cassette tapes.
Is it your opinion that all these films were made by racist people?
Are you saying it would be better if I wrote "the 'N' word?"
Aren't we past playing those little games?
I've never been black, so I can't know what you're
feeling, but I'm guessing you saw the "N" word,
(does that make you feel better?) and you refused to read what I was saying or get the point.
Did it ever occur to you that there are black's
who frequent your site?
That black american's-politically astute and culturally aware-might find your running commentary
on all things political just as interesting as your obviously assumed white audience?
I speak frankly on every topic I write about.
If I was to tiptoe around this topic, I think that would insult blacks.
Did you even read the piece?
Did you not understand the words coming out of my mouth?
Perhaps what you're saying is that I'm not in that select group of comedians who are allowed
to speak frankly and honestly on that subject. If that's what you meant, I'll concede the point.
Was there a moment-any moment at all-when you
actually thought that
putting the 'N' word on your site might offend those people?
Don't you mean "us?"
The whole purpose of that was to explore the difference
between hate speech and mainstream comedy.
I'm not sure your words are adding to the discussion. To hear you tell it, that word was all but dead,
and then here comes Ol' insensitive BartCop to re-open the wounds.
It's obvious it didn't. Why? I'm confident in
saying that like most white American's (regardless of party affiliation)
your racial prejudgements haunt your perceptions of those who are different than you.
"Haunt" is a strange word, but you seem to have missed the point.
Is Chris Rock haunted?
Is Samuel L. Jackson?
Is Chris Tucker?
Was Cleavon Little?
This is a shame. As a Democrat, one would think
someone like yourself would go out of there way to make nice
with those who voted for our party's Presidential candidate in a larger number than your own cultural peers.
What does a frank discussion of the difference between hate speech and mainstream comedy have to do with voting?
Think about that fact, our current resident in
cheif, and the comfort you have with the 'N' word,
and think long and hard about how you would feel if the shoe-and the shade-were on the other foot.
Wait a minute - all black comics, every single one, (except Cosby) does
Are they supposed to feel haunted by that?
Let me ask you this: When Mark Furher was being a racist prick at the O.J. trial, the vulgar Pigboy
repeated at least a hundred times, "Mr. Fuhrman, have you ever used the word "'nigger?' "
I got the impression Rush was saying that again and again and again
because he wanted to taunt black people.
And if someone called to complain, Rush could say, "But I was merely quoting from the trial transcript,"
which is a big, fat Nazi lie. He enjoyed taunting blacks, and his whites-only audience LOVED hearing
that word come out of the mouth of their whites-forever hero.
So, you're calling my frank discussion of the difference between hate
speech and mainstream comedy
a smokescreen so I could enjoy taunting black readers? Geez, maybe after another 514 issues,
I might have enough credibility on racial matters to approach this subject, you think?
Between that blabbering jackass on Hardball and
youself, I don't know
who's offended the Democratic's party's most loyal supporters more.
But if you keep this up, you might just take the cake.
This has to be a gag.
Artie, is that you?
You'd consider joining the party of Helms, Thurmond, Delay and Lott because Tequilaboy
wondered aloud about the difference between hate speech and mainstream comedy?
Look, I've never been black. I can't say what's in your head.
The whole point - had you been paying attention - was that the word can be funny or it can be used to inflict pain.
If you say the word is never funny, who's the King of Comedy right now?
I'll give you free reign on a rebuttal.
Subject: PIPEBOMBNEWS.COM KICKING BARTSLOPS ASS!
Lookie here....Pipebombnews.com is KICKING YOUR
FUCKING LIBGERAL ASS!
They are getting 1 million hits in 30 DAYS!
Not only is the site better funded,laid out ,cleaner,funnier
,more accurate then your
innuendo but they are cleaning your clock on hit volume as well!
Thanks for advertising them!They didnt even mention
you! the site that dwarfs Bartflop.com.
Its everything Bartcop wishes he had...a clean ,well organized webs ite and READERS!
I don't need a fight with pipebombers.
Life's too short, y'know?
But I didn't see a counter on his page.
Did he tell you he was getting a million hits a month?
Good for him.
I doubt he's pulling any readers away from me.
A million hits a month, and a $100,000 budget.
Tell me, is he available for a debate?
Or is he "too busy?"
Can you set that up?
You've stepped in it, son.
If he'd agree to a debate, I'd whip his ass and make him say, "BartCop is my daddy."
Please write back with the reason this debate won't happen.
by Brent Wintringham
I suppose that hundreds of years of oppression, degradation and exploitation would make a people resilient.
The obviously Afro-American influence in the cultural landscape of the entire world is astounding. Go to Europe.
They accepted Josephine Baker and Charlie Parker after they fled their own country because of persecution.
Jack Johnson, the heavyweight Champion of the world was indicted for daring to sleep with a white woman.
He defended his title abroad, celebrated and accepted, unable to go home for fear of incarceration in the
Notorious prison system of the time.
Subject: Your web page
For what it is worth I made the donation despite the fact we disagree on the Miller case
( walking the course is not part of the game), Tiger Woods (he's a kid, give him a damn break
until he gets some age and then, if he fucks up again, drop the hammer on him) and Law and Order
(good fiction, but as far a realistic police drama it's on the level of the "Hardy Boys")
But hell, if you thought the
same way I did on everything you'd be a damn boring read.
I've been enjoying you since your days on Prodigy and you've real talent; a knack for cutting
through the crap and you're a stand-up dude. You stick to your guns, but you listen to
the other guy and try to make a debate out of it.
In the next 18 months you'll
no doubt piss me off a time or two, but I'd expect you to.
I thought only dittoheads wanted to be spoon-fed a crap milk-shake, all the lumps and bumps
smoothed out, easy to digest and all the same texture.
I enjoy reading someone who
articulates a position, defends the hell out of it and has something
interesting to say along the way. You piss me off from time to time, that'll be a good thing.
So the donation ain't because I like everything you say, it's because sometimes you make me think
and sometimes you piss me off, but you never bore me.
Ed, that was a very big donation, and it is greatly appreciated.
The hammer got much higher, thanks to you
Don't want to get back into Casey Martin or Toger Woo , but that Law & Order thing?
All I meant by that was on every Law & Order episode, they talk to the suspects.
The suspects always lie in the first interview, trying to hide something - big or small.
Then when the cops confron them with proof, they say, "The reason I lied was..."
I tried to make the point that if the cops would tell each suspect
"We're investigating a murder. Don't lie, not even about something small,"
it would make things work faster but the show would be less entertaining.
Did Condit make that phone call?
The congressman's wife and another alleged mistress are pulled into the investigation,
while a suicide theory emerges to explain Chandra Levy's disappearance.
Court Moves Up Poundstone's Date
Paula Poundstone's arraignment on lewd conduct
and child endangerment charges was scheduled
for Tuesday after a judge agreed to move up her date, originally scheduled for July 27.
"Paula is eager to get the proceedings going
so she can have her day in court,'' attorney Steven Cron
said in a written statement. ``By moving up her arraignment, we will finally be able to learn the basis
of the charges brought by the district attorney and begin the process of clearing her name.''
Prosecutors have not released details of the allegations.
Poundstone is charged with three counts
of committing a lewd act on a girl under the age of 14 and
endangering two other girls and two boys; if convicted of all charges she could get 13 years in prison.
What a nightmare.
If she's guilty, she knows what she did, and should probably do time.
But if she's not?
The cops refuse to release details of the charges. I don't want
but her own lawyer hasn't seen the details. Can you imagine that?
What if they arrested you for armed robbery, but refused
to say who you supposedly robbed,
where it was, the weapon you supposedly used, what was supposedly stolen etc.
How the hell could you defend yourself against these Kenneth Starr-type charges?
If they say I robbed a liquor store in Modesto, I can prove I was in K-Drag that day.
Even tho I'm undefeated in court, I'm not a lawyer.
I suppose this is legal or her attorney would be screaming.
I got a feeling if he called Larry King and said, "I need a big hammer," he'd get on and could
shame the LAPD (R-murderous cops) into releasing the details to HIM, not the whore press.
Paula, be innocent, OK?
by Isaac Peterson
If time travel isn't possible, where did George Will get that haircut?
And it's hard for me take a guy seriously who wears ugly bow ties.
If Dick Cheney wasn't a multimillionaire and had
to rely on the same HMO's that he thinks should be
able to treat the rest of us any way they want, he would have died from his heart ailment long ago.
Did BushDaddy nominate Clarence Thomas to the
Extreme Court to try to prove once and for all
that Black Americans are in fact, lazy, stupid, and oversexed?
I check in to Bartcop.com pretty much every day
and when I read the hate mail today 7/2/2001,
I felt pretty bad that I've never written in to tell you how much I appreciate what you're doing.
Keep up the good work.
This Just In...
Jenna Bush has not been arrested in the last 30 days.
Subject: Re: The Cock Crows
> you religious conservatives love Rush Limbaugh more
> than the dignity of your God. It's that simple.
That's not quite true. I know of a lot of religious
conservatives who USED to love Rush because he
championed decency, hard work, morals. etc. but when he'd tell jokes like you've reported, or used
language that was unseemly they'd either like him less, dish out criticism, or just plain stop listening to him.
In fact, he isn't the hero of Evangelicals he
once was a decade ago, most still
agreeing with him on the issues but being turned off by his occasional coarseness.
It does my heart good to hear you say that.
I don't want to pick on religious people, but when they fawn over that vulgar performer
it makes me wonder why the hell they're dedicating their lives to God, but refuse to
stand up when some millionaire fraud does tampons jokes and blowjob jokes in His name.
Old-time readers remember Papax7, a self-styled super-Christian who
I sparred with for years
goin back to 1993 or so. When I gave him the opportunity to condemn Rush for that sound bite,
he refused and I said that was proof that Rush meant more to him than God and he hasn't spoken
to me since then, and this is a man who took relentless (and often unfair) abuse from me.
He refused to stand up for God when asked to, and I think that shamed
him into silence.
He'd rather God take the hit than admit Rush was a vulgar fraud.
Thanks for your note.
We decided it made more sense to run these a week at a time until things heat up.
If you'd like to help David with this massive WW II Project,
e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Re: Something I forgot to mention
When Bill Clinton was elected I was thrilled for
several reasons, but one main positive aspect of it was
that we would at last be free of the World-War-II mentality which glorified war and equated patriotism
to one's support of obscenities such as the Vietnam shame.
Therefore, I was disappointed with Bartcop.com's
inclusion of WWII.
I have not and never will read it. So There.
The WWII mentality is definitely right wing, exemplified
by Reagan and Bush.
It is time to commit it to history. There is nothing glorious about war.
I did some research on aphasia at a VA hospital, where there were
more brain-damaged men than we needed for the research.
I hope you understand and do not mind my comments.
That said, please know that I love Bartcop.com.,
will continue to look forward
to it every day and to insist that everyone I know read it.
Thank you for the wonderful work you do.
I have deleted your address to protect you from mail bombs.
I really appreciate your kind words, but you're dead wrong about World War II.
World War to was a fight to the death for America and freedom, itself.
If Japan or Germany had gotten more powerful,
and won that war, we'd be speaking
German or Japanese right this very second and that's not an exxaggeration.
The entire planet was going to spin one way or another, depending on the bravery
on the men who fought and died betwen Dec 7, 1941 and August 18, 1945.
You said, "There
is nothing glorious about war," and that's
But don't mistake the necessary defense of our country as "seeking glory."
Had we waited longer to get in that war, we would've lost everything.
I'm not kidding about speaking German or Japanese, either.
It's probable we'd have the same freedoms as Cuba
or Iraq if those brave men
hadn't sacrified arms, legs and lives to stop the aggressors in the forties.
Please reconsider your attitiude about Word War
Project 60 is not a celebration of war.
It's a thank you to the men who survived and the
families of those killed.
You and I are free because of their bravery.
That's one reason I enjoyed Pearl Harbor so much.
We can never repay those men.
Compare it to the firemen who enter a building
burning to pull me and you out.
We can't forget those firemen - ever.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.