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"The House has approved drilling for
oil in the Alaska wilderness.
Say what you will about Clinton, but he was only interested in drilling in the Oval Office."
Russian Computer Programmer Freed
SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP)- A Russian computer programmer accused of circumventing
on electronic-book software was released on $50,000 bond Monday and ordered to stay in California.
With protesters gathered outside the courthouse, Dmitry Sklyarov made
his first court appearance
here since being arrested July 16 and charged with violating the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act.
Prosecutors and defense attorney Joseph Burton agreed on the bond conditions.
The bond was paid by
Sklyarov's company, and he was turned over to the custody of a Russian-American software engineer
who lives in Cupertino and volunteered to help.
Sklyarov, 26, is thought to be one of the first people to face criminal
prosecution under the Digital Millennium
Copyright Act, and his case has generated international protests. He faces five years in prison and a $500,000 fine.
Sklyarov's supporters say there is no evidence anyone has used his program
to violate copyrights on
electronic books. Adobe dropped its support of the case on July 23.
Protesters outside the court cheered Sklyarov's release but said the entire case should be dropped.
"How do we enforce American law on Russians
when what he did is legal in Russia?"
said Marc Perkel ( publisher of bartcop.com ) a systems administrator for the
Electronic Frontier Foundation, an Internet civil-liberties organization backing Sklyarov.
"If an Adobe employee was arrested in Russia ... we would be on nuclear alert."
Staffer Died From Blow to the Head
Condit has alibi, so no need to investigate
An undiagnosed heart condition contributed to the death of Lori
Klausutis, a 28-year-old
constituent services coordinator in U.S. Rep. Joe Scarborough's Fort Walton Beach office.
Associate Medical Examiner Michael Berkland released the cause
of death Monday,
two weeks after Klausutis' body was found in Scarborough's office
"The manner of death is an accident," Berkland said.
from The City
by James Higdon
"The other day Clinton opened his new office
in Harlem and President Bush is a little jealous.
In fact, now there's talk that Bush might want his own office in the White House, too."
-- Jay Leno
Is on Vacation, Mostly Not Taking It Easy
Or, "Please. Mr Rove, can I perform Monica on the Idiot Smirk?"
by Katherine Q. Seelye
CRAWFORD, Tex. — President Bush may be on
vacation, but it's work, work, work.
The Middle East. Stem-cell research. Global warming. Heavy topics all, to which the president
is diligently applying himself, as the rest of the country kicks back.
For Mr. Bush, this is a "working vacation,"
in which he will work to overhaul his image and
send some deliberate signals. He is on vacation, yes, but not from work. Just from Washington.
Bush doesn't even work when he's working.
Why is the Whore Times trying to peddle this lie?
This isn't journalism.
Who wrote this? Karen Hughes? Uncle Dick? Ari Fliesher?
This is horseshit!
Katherine Q. Seelye just won a trip up to
the front of the plane!
(Is it Sellye? Or does she give it away?)
Kathy knows how the game is played.
Swear to Koresh - bartcop.com has more credibility than The New York Whore Times.
The Old Grey Lady is just an aging slut with sagging breasts that nobody wants anymore.
Jesus, if I was president, I wouldn't allow self-serving lies like that to go out.
I'd be too afraid people would hurt themselves laughing.
It reads like a great parody from TheOnion.com
Bob Dylan said it best: The Times, they are a-changing.
Printing that crap to prop up an unelected fraud?
Smirk has a shorter attention span than I do.
He's not working on shit.
He's playing Nintendo with Jenna's probation officer.
...by the way, I wonder what Kathy's nickname is?
Subject: Be careful with that corn!!!!
Man stalked by corn
GARDEN CITY - A rural Garden City man died Saturday after an accident
while picking sweet corn.
Eugene Kamas, 69, was picking sweet corn near his home around 6:30 p.m. when he tripped and broke
a stalk of corn. He tripped a second time and the stalk pierced his carotid artery in his neck.
Blue Earth County sheriff's deputies arrived within minutes but Kamas was dead at the scene.
Subject: Bush Vs Talk
As someone who is ever the conspiracy theorist,
let me inject this into the Bush Vs Talk Magazine issue:
Talk was the first major publication to do a serious article on G.W. and his presidential campaign, way
back in their first issue. It was pretty much an honest profile of Bush, so needless to say, it wasn't the
glowing puff-piece that he must have been hoping for. This was the article that reported Bush mocking
the woman that was sentenced to death row.
Now, the one characteristic of the Bush family
that comes through loud and clear is that,like the Corleones,
they always pay thier debts, and they never forget an insult. It's fairly obvious that Bush has been very hands-off
in his parenting style, so the fact that his daughters were mocked probably didn't do that much to hurt him.
BUT, it does give him the chance to get back at Talk and Tina Brown for their initial article about his campaign.
The fact that he can do it AND make Talk look like the bad guy in the process is typical Bush spin.
Why do you think the press corps is acting like
a press corpse? They, and more importantly, their editors,
know that you don't piss off Bush if you want to keep working. From what Molly Ivans has said in print,
that's a lesson that was learned in Texas very quickly.
Subject: The Fall of Michael Corleone
The way I see it, he was fallen from the beginning.
Kind of a Catholic original sin thing, or perhaps even one
of those goofy Calvinist "God just didn't feel like choosing you" things, in the way he seems, to me, doomed.
Consider just about every scene with Michael and
Kay -- he tells a big lie.
'Our family will be completely legit in 5 years', 'I wasn't married in Sicily', 'I didn't have Fredo killed'
(I think he said that in III, which I haven't watched as much as the other two,) etc.
I thought he was sincere about that.
He was still a good boy then, and I think he meant it.
Look at the wedding scene in 'The Godfather' in
that context when he told her that he was different
than the rest of his family. He most likely was lying to himself as well, but growing up in that family,
with those brothers, he didn't have a chance.
The scenes in the hospital, the meeting afterwards,
and at Louis' restaurant was how it happened
to have played out, but suppose that the Corleone enemies were weaker or less competent
Let me tell you about something Mrs. BartCop noticed.
At the hospital, right after they scared the shooters away, the baker tried to light a cigarette
but he was shaking so damn bad Michael had to grab the cigarette lighter and light it for him.
Then Michael looked down at his own hands and realized he wasn't
- his hands weren't shaking.
She says that was the moment he realized he had to take over.
--- suppose there was no assassination attempt
on Don Vito, suppose Sonny was still alive....
At Vito's death, when Sonny would finally take over as Don, do you really think that Michael
would sit still in his cushy job at the bank as his brother runs the organization into the ground???
I'd have a hard time believing that outcome. As the only competent Corleone son,
he would have ended up as Don sooner or later, one way or another.
BTW -- my favorite scenes are in "Part 2", any
of the scenes with Michael and Fredo.
The expression on his face when Fredo lets it slip that he knew Johnny Ola for a long time,
the "You're nothing to me now" scene...
Oh, I get chills just talking about it.
My favorite scene in II was after he told Neri,
"As long as my mother is alive, I don't want anything to happen to my brother."
Then, at Mom's funeral, he gave Fredo a long, brotherly hug, and it
made you wonder
if Michael was going to soften and allow Fredo back in the family, but instead,
he looked up at Neri with eyes colder than a Republican's heart and nodded.
Koresh, that's cold.
I was never much of a Beach Boys fan.
Oh, sure, they had some little ditties that were fun to goof on,
Mr, Rhonda was my
favorite tune of theirs when I was a kid. Those silly "I wanna surf" songs didn't make much sense
to a boy growing up in ...Denver, and they really had a monster hit on their hands with Good Vibrations,
but I always wondered what people meant by the "genius" of Brian Wilson.
Even the Beatles said they were tying to imitate Pet Sounds
when they did Revolver,
which I couldn't understand, but there's a lot I don't understand.
Of course, Ol' Brian's mental train jumped the track for a decade
They say he sat in a sandbox for twelve years and the poor guy looks like a severe stroke victim
when he talks and performs, but a month or two back he was on Letterman and he blew me away.
He did an old song with Hootie and Matt Sweet called Sail on, Sailor from 1973.
I can't explain what the genius is in that song, but it's there.
When watching him perform this song, I kept thinking of a vast canvas and how
only Brian Wilson could've chosen these particular notes to make this song soar.
I was punching out an issue of bartcop.com
at the time, and (I tape everything)
when I went to rewind the tape, I almost erased the song, but the chorus kept nagging
at me so I played it a few times in a row and suddenly the clouds parted and I became
a big Brian Wilson fan - go figure.
Why do I bring this up?
Letterman is re-running the show tonight.
So - after we watch Murder
in Small Town X, we'll catch Gary Busey getting
violent with Robin on the Howard Stern Show (Rude Rich told me he got Robin on the floor and
started "dry humping" her. It's my educated guess Robin doesn't take shit from anybody, much less
a born-again bunghole who head-butted a curb after he fell off his motorcycle. Look for Robin to get in
a few shots to Busey's head, which will probably hurt worse than the curb. Then I'll catch the rerun of
Sail on, Sailor on Dave, and if I'm still awake I might catch Kathy Griffin on Bill Maher.
Subject: Ginger Spice is 29?
My ass Ginger Spice is 29 (she's at least 35!).
I don't believe for a second that she is 29 years old.
Don't believe the lie!
Jae, you are correct!
There was something on my monitor.
Ms. Spice was born in 1952.
bartcop.com regrets the error.
Happy Birthday to...
Angela Schijf is 22 Charlize Theron is 26
I'm not sure who she is, but she's today's winner.
Also ghostbuster James (the Amazing) Randi is 73 and
Fox Mulder is 41
"I think that our children ought to be
and allowed to have a totally private life."
-- Pickles Bush, to Al Hunt's wife on CNN last week
When your father-in-law set up The Florida Theft, the boozing babes
became fair game for everyone with a keyboard - get used to it.
Bush Babes Party in L. A.
The fun-loving First Daughters attended wild parties two nights in a
row last week,
including a Beverly Hills bash where Jenna was photographed holding a drink.
"They don't seem to care about getting caught anymore. Their mother is condemning
the media for writing about them, but they're the ones who are going out every night."
The Fry Twins
I caught a few minutes of Larry King Monday night.
Guests included the french fry girls, Ann Coulter and Bucky Olsen,
Ann Coulter was introduced as a "best-selling
But the only book she ever wrote was a nasty-ass lie about Clinton's cock.
Anybody can write a nasty lie story
about Clinton's cock and be a "best-selling author."
Nasty-ass anti-Clinton books always go to number one, even when they're horseshit.
Bush "insane with rage" over talk Magazine
President Weak & Stupid — furious over
a photo spread in the new issue of Talk Magazine
that depicts his two daughters as jailbirds — has imposed a news blackout on any journalist
working for Talk, The Washington Whore Post reported last night.
Communications and Stategery Director Dan
Bartlett called the magazine's parody
"disrespectful" and said editor Tina Brown's Talk "had openly opposed and even
mocked the First Family's desire to keep the lives of their daughters private."
How do you do that when the teen tramps are falling down drunk in public?
He served notice that the White House would not cooperate with anyone writing for Talk.
"Those news organizations that are so brazen in
their disrespect, we will not participate with,"
Bartlett said. "It's unfortunate for those respected journalists who decide to work for Talk magazine."
The magazine doesn't name Jenna and Barbara
Bush, who have been cited for underage drinking,
but uses two partying models along with a George Bush look-alike.
Talk editorial director Maer Roshan told
The Washington Whore Post the piece was "in good fun.
... people should have a better sense of humor about it, especially in the administration."
For any other administration, this would be a hueueueueuge
You don't take on people who buy their ink by the barrel.
Did Clinton ever ban journalists from the White House?
He certainly should have, but he didn't because it's a fight you can't win.
If reporters had any intergrity, (should I even finish this sentence?)
they'd ALL consider themselves banned,
to show solidarity with Talk, because this makes the point that everyone BUT Talk is cooperating with
Karl Rove, being the nice obedient lapdogs that Mr. Rove likes.
Ralph Nader? This was never about Ralph Nader.
Every Nader voter I know was
casting a vote against Al Gore. Fifteen years ago I worked briefly for CLEC,
the AFL-CIO sponsored Citizen Labor Energy Coalition. At one of our pep talks
I asked a honcho from DC if CLEC would endorse Al Gore for President
(we had been discussing the likelihood of CLEC endorsing a presidential candidate).
The honcho made a face and said, "We would never endorse a pseudo Democrat
like Al Gore." Everyone in that room was a party activist, but none of us considered
the then right to life senator from Tennessee to be anything but a stealth Republican.
The Democratic Leadership Council has exerted
enormous influence over the
party for more than a decade now, and Al Gore was their handpicked candidate.
As one who toiled for the party all my life and never once flaked out at election time,
for me, enough was enough. I know MY vote here in Minnesota didn't cost Al Gore
the election, and I sleep OK at night knowing that I stood up to the Republican bastards
at the DLC who have stolen my party and given it over to the big corporations.
If the DLC had its way, both U.S. Senators
from Minnesota would get booted to
make room for still more pro-big business Democrats. Just because Al Gore is the
enemy of my enemy does not make him my friend, or a Democrat. I held my nose
and voted for moderates like Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton, but there comes a time
when you can't shut out the stench of big business that permeates the DLC and
today's Democratic party. If the election was held again tomorrow, I'd vote for
Nader again in a heartbeat. Maybe the Republicans can live with candidates chosen
by the party elites, but the heart of the Democratic party has been cut out by the
DLC bastards who want the Democrats to become the Republican Lite party.
Mark, I notice the Nader people always use the same words when they
Whose words are those? They can't be your words,
because all the people who wrote before you used them, too.
I don't understand your glee about the Democrats losing this election.
I sense a religious fervor in your blocking of Gore.
You're so proud that you stopped Gore, and what did we get instead?
Maybe you stopped the pickpocket dead in his tracks,
but the child molester just drove away with a school bus full of kids.
...and you're proud to do it again in 2004?
Gee, I wonder what this site is about?
Subject: Greens gearing up for '04
Please see this piece re Green gearing up for
'04 (to primarily challenge Democrats..)
Then could someone explain to me what the Green party has done for anyone in recent times,
other than - say - deliver the White House for Satan's handpuppet.
Bush Inc stole the White House, that's true, but
as far as I'm concerned,
Ralphie's kids not only drove the getaway car, they made certain there
was enough gas in the tank. Read this and be even more annoyed:
Disagree about media
from Jared Roddman
(Too wild to excerpt)
Subject: Bush IQ report is a hoax
The Bush IQ story is marvelously easy to believe,
but it's a hoax.
There's no such body as the Lovenstein Institute, no Swanson/Crain IQ test,
and no way to determine IQ without giving someone a multi-hour IQ test.
(Even then, it's an iffy concept.)
That's crazy talk.
I can tell Bush is a moron from 1500 miles away.
Besides, there's no way that Bush has an IQ as high as 91.
You can tell, too.
Look, you don't have to believe the story.
I don't care if there's no Lovenstein or no Swanson.
The numbers look right to me.
So, Ellen Degeneres is back.
She has a new show on CBS coming up - and she's gay again.
I thought she learned that lesson - I guess not.
Why can't she do a show about comedy, instead?
Wouldn't she do her cause a greater service by being funny?
If she was funny, more people would like her, and they might even get
the idea that you can like gay people and still go to Heaven, but nooooo.
Oh, well, it can't possibly be as bad as Bob Patterson starring
Nothing could be as bad as that show looks.
The comedy tag line that's designed to make everyone fall in love?
"I'm Bob Patterson here to tell you there's
between you and your goals ...except you ...and your goals."
Oh - my sides hurt from laughing too hard.
Koresh, you know how all those SNL movies seem funny in the ads,
but then when you get to the theater, those were the only funny bits?
The ads aren't even funny for Bob Patterson.
...and I'm not sure how this is related, except it's a show biz
but did you see the Behind the Scenes with Pat Benatar?
You younger kids may not know, but Pat Benatar used to be a hot babe.
Those short little skirts, slit up the side, and that "I am too old enough" pout she had?
In the show, they told how she was upset with her record company
for giving her a sexy image.
The record exec said, "You mean you think they're buying your voice?"
Isn't that sad?
She has no clue what she's selling.
So on album 5 or so, she opted for the "I'm a good mother" image,
...and she never sold another record and her career went wherever Joe Piscopo's career went.
Why do Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez and Shania
Twain sell gazillions of records?
Because they have great voices?
Good stuff, Caro!
Bugliosi in San Francisco
by Isaac Peterson
Hear my cries, hear my call, lend me your ears, see my fall
See my error, know my faults, time haults, see my loss
Know I'm lacking, back tracking, when I met you
Pistol packing, itchy finger, trigger happy, try to trap me
Pay to rap, why you attack me? back stab me, break the faith, pull the race
Tell me lies, time flies, close your eyes.
Come With Me
You said to trust you, you'd never hurt me. Now I'm disgusted
Since then I trusted, suddenly you fool me, ridicule me, left me hangin
Some shit boomerangin right back at ya, be arranged, narrow minded
Left me blinded, I cosigned it, shit that fried, now I'm bouncing back
I'm grinding, now I'm with pressure
you comprehend me, you want to end me? You offend me, trauma feel the trauma
Come With Me
I close my eyes
And I see
You standing there
I cry tears of sorrow, I die
Fuck my enemies, fuck my foes, damn these ho's, your stepping on my
back up off me, Take your hands off me,
give me room to breath, I'm not hearin it
I'm not fearin it, I'm up to my ears in it, bullshit, I'm destructive
some women find it seductive, some say its lunacy,
luckily I'll be movin on, I ignore you, sorry if i bore you,
I neglect you, don't mean to disrespect you, Can't you see?
I love you dearly, and not sincerely
But you annoy me, you can't avoid me, I'm here to stay forever and ever and a day.
I never, can't let you go, I can't forget it, why you did it
I won't commit it, I want to quit it. I wanna fight you, I'll fucking bite you,
Can't stand nobody like you, you can't run, you can't hide
No surprises, close your eyes and...
Come With Me
Turn me up, Turn me up, Turn me up, yeah,
Hear my cries, hear my call, lend me your ears
Hear my cries, hear my call, lend me your ears
Hear my cries, hear my call, lend me your ears, see my fall
See my errors, know my faults, time haults, know my alls
Know I'm lacking, back tracking, when I met you, pistol packing
Itchy finger, trigger happy, try to trap me, pay to rap, why you attack me?
Back stab me, brake your face, say your grace
Tell me lies, time flies, close your eyes...Come With Me, Come With Me,
I wanna fight you, I'll fucking bite you, can't stand nobody like you
You can't run, you can't hide, no surprises, close your eyes and......
Click on the orange circles on each side.
Subject: Drudge,Where's Jenna?
After thoroughly covering the travails of the
adult daughters of the unelected president with
flashing headlines and "exclusives" Matt Drudge backed off, totally.
Once a gateway to news on the Busch Twins, Drudge
had not a word or a link today to growing
reports of the Terrible Two at wild Hollywood parties visibly loaded with drinks in hand.
(Jenna's interning with an H'wood producer.)
Has Laura Bush struck the fear of God into the
heart of the free-whelling "independent" muckracker?
I can understand the democrats and mainstream press cowering before Rove, but Drudge? What gives?
Drudge isn't here to tell the truth.
He's here to run speculation as fact on Clinton's zipper.
By the way, when jenna turns up "in trouble," will she do what her dad
wants and have that baby?
Or will she follow Mom & Grandma's advice and terminate the pregnancy?
Peter Sliman answers
1. smokin' dope is personal - so no gov't
2. M&M is speech - so no gov't
3. reproduction begins with intercourse...once a baby is created, it is a separate entity
and should have the rights of people born here, constitutional rights, so gov't can be involved
4. I ain't sure what the question means, so - - I'm for gov't regulations on purity
5. pornography is in the eye of the beholder, as long as no one elses rights are violated - - so limited gov't
6. the internet is a largely unexplored frontier - - so, limited gov't
On drugs, you're a liberal.
On free speech, you're a liberal.
On women's rights, you're a bigger government conservative
On liquor, I was trying to get you to say the religiously insane people shouldn't regulate
what days and what hours a liquor store can sell to its over-21 customers
On porn, you're a liberal
On the internet, you're a liberal
So, you're 84 percent liberal.
I've always said, when you take the BartCop Quiz, you either
refuse to answer the question or you end up agreeing with me.
Happy Birthday to...
Ginger Spice is 29 Stepfanie Kramer is 45
This is more premature than talk of Smirk's second term,
...but if you do any voices, or impressions, or characters,
and can produce them on MP3s suitable for e-mailing, ...do that.
Koresh forbid you can sound like someone currently
in the news, or can fake it.
Put 2 minutes on an MP3 and e-mail it to me at email@example.com
Here's where we are:
I spent an hour and a half on the phone with the bartcop.com radio people.
You know I tell you everything, right? ...or almost everything...
We started talking nuts and bolts and he said he needed editorial
I protested, but he said it was a must since we were using his money.
Before you call me whore, (Pipecover, try to buy the "walk before you run" theory)
Let me play whitey's game until the hammer gets bigger, ...too big to ignore.
I played this perfectly.
So, I tell him since I lost that one, I must be allowed
the occasional on-air shot of Chinaco.
He said, "No, no way, that's illegal. That's a deal-killer - so don't bring it up again."
I hung up on him.
He called back and I told him like I told Scary Perry:
"Hey, I'm happy now. Don't
dangle 'maybe happy' in front of me - I won't bite.
You're asking me to take my foot off second base..."
...and then, just for effect, ...I hung up again.
He called back a third time, says this:
"For legal reasons, I -have- to be the one with editorial control,
but I'll give you my word you'll have a say in how things are run."
...and I'm like,
"...and the Chinaco?"
Mr. Radio says, "You can have your Chinaco, but you can't get out of control."
We made a deal!
Of course, it's a no-money deal, and some people might think that's a bad thing.
The good news here is that I'm absolutely free and untethered.
No network suits to "help" produce the show.
No rules, no lawyers to outwit, no money, no problems.
I can say anything I want - and so can you if you call in.
No money is everything.
I held out for "Let BartCop be BartCop" and won.
We can be as outrageous as we wanna be, ...but, ...of course,
we'll stick with the same dignified approach we use right here at bartcop.com
Can I say one thing? ...promise not to tell, ...just between you & me?
We have a shot at an Ann Coulter interview.
This could blow up.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.