Fair & Balanced
No Spin Zone, too
Wielding a part-time hammer in a full-time war.
POLITICS - HUMOR -
FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE
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PO Box 54466.... Tulsa, OK 74155
"Today Martha Stewart was served a subpoena.
This thing is so hot she had to use an oven mitt to receive it."
No one with a DWI conviction will be hired by the NYPD
No one with a prior conviction for driving while intoxicated will be hired
as a New York City police officer, Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said Friday.
''Certainly if someone's convicted of driving
they will be barred from employment,'' Kelly said.
But you don't have to worry about the man some call "president."
He's never worked a day in his life, anyway.
Subject: Too bad Bush never read the Constitution
"We need common-sense judges who understand
that our rights were derived from God.
Those are the kind of judges I intend to put on the bench."
Article VI of the Constitution says:
The Senators and Representatives before
mentioned, and the members of
the several state legislatures, and all executive and judicial officers, both of the
United States and of the several states, shall be bound by oath or affirmation,
to support this Constitution; but no religious test shall ever be required as a
qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.
Last weekend we met Christian in Fayetteville and partied.
She prefers to cut her Grey Goose with cranberry juice.
(That's OK, she's a girl.)
I ran to the 7-11 go get some cranberry, and saw a mini-laser
pointer for sale.
It was eight bucks. Hey, I got eight bucks for a cool toy.
So we played with the laser pointer in the room.
We were like Larry Klayman and lawsuits.
We had to light up everything in the motel room.
So we get home Sunday, and Mrs. Bart was playing with it, ...and the cats noticed.
If you have a cat, stop reading this right now and go to
Spencer's Gifts or somewhere
and buy a laser pointer for $8. Hell, if 7-11 charged $8 they may be only $5.
But there's nothing better than a cat chasing a laser point of light.
With a slight turn of your wrist, you can send the cat chasing
down the long hall.
Then he chases that light all the way back up the hall.
In mere minutes, he's exhausted!
We have this fishing pole toy, that has a fuzzy on the end of
it, but the cats are so sharp,
they nail the fuzzy ever few seconds and you have to disengage to start replay.
...but he ain't catching no laser point.
If your cat catches the laser point - call me and I'll make you rich.
But seriously, whatever it takes, buy your cat a laser pointer.
It's the best toy your cat will ever have, and with very little effort
you can wear your cat out, so it's a win-win-win.
Gamblers love a win-win-win.
A look back at a story previously seen on bartcop.com
Revealed: the men with stolen identities
September 23, 2001
Their names were flashed around the world as suicide hijackers who carried
out the attacks on America. But yesterday four innocent men told how their
identities had been stolen by Osama bin Laden's teams to cover their tracks.
The men - all from Saudi Arabia - spoke
of their shock at being mistakenly
named by the FBI as suicide terrorists. None of the four was in the United
States on September 11 and all are alive in their home country.
It's sad that Bush's good puppy press refuses to print the truth
or follow up on the stories
that other newspapers are running. Does the FBI have a clue who they were?
Why can't we get the truth?
If it was Clinton's zipper, we'd have a right to know every detail,
but since it's "just 3,000 dead," we should shut up and be quiet?
...to protect Bush and his precious pipeline plans for Afghanistan?
Here's a quote for you from Jello Biafra, of Dead Kennedy's fame:
> "We are patriotic citizens too. Patriotism
means 'love of country',
> caring about its people, its ecosystem, and others around us. Not giving
> blind loyalty and a blank check to George W. Bush. We are patriotic enough
> to care about the long term effects instead of just the short term gain.
> Therefore it is our patriotic
duty to guard our country and our constitution
> against people and forces hiding behind the flag."
The CD is The Big Ka-Boom,
Vol. 1 is available at alternativetentacles.com
This may be premature, but I just want to plant the seed.
I know some of you are planning to drive to Las Vegas.
Rumor is Gens is driving from Nantucket - but that's just a rumor.
With the communication powers we have, it should be easy to form car pools.
For instance, remember Bob in Oklahoma from the Juliefest2002-DC
He drove a 8-passenger van to DC. If he goes to JulieFestWest, he might let someone ride
if they chip in for gas. He'd have to pass thru OKC, Amarillo, Albuquerque, Flagstaff, etc.
So if you lived near of any of those cities, getting to Vegas might be easy & cheap.
Just a suggestion.
If you'd like to go and can't afford airfare, maybe post a note on BartCop Forum
I'll bet you could get a ride pretty easy - PLUS
- hotels allow up to 4 people per room.
That could turn a $169 luxury suite into just $45 each.
The Treehouse in Sin City - you'll want to be there!
My good friend and author Jeff Crook has on his page:
Yesterday, BartCop wrote:
> I have one, simple question: How would you feel if the Pledge of Allegiance
> "one nation, under Mohammed...." You like that? You ready to swear your allegiance to Mohammed?
> No? But you want me to swear my loyalty to your God? Has there ever been a more clear-cut and
> obvious argument?
It is neither as clear cut nor as obvious
as this. No law in this
land forces anyone to pledge allegiance, 'under God' or not.
Two points here:
Even if you're not forced to say the pledge, staying silent while all the "good Americans"
are pledging can get your ass kicked, or as least you'll become the object of ridicule.
More importantly, we're being asked to pledge to a lie. I think religion is just silliness
designed to take your money, so why should I pledge my allegiance to a nation under God?
But this 'under God' issue is one that the
Republicans can slaughter, and I mean slaughter
Democrats over. If we want to gain one Senate or House seat in any of the Red States,
we cannot let the GOP lure us into this fight. We'll lose it, and with it, the Senate.
I disagree that it's dangerous to stand up for the Constitution,
but Jeff is right when he says
Dems can get slaughtered for this, but that's only because they're too afraid to fight back.
Believing in the Constitution is dangerous only when you refuse to stand your ground.
I mean, I could beat Michael Jordan at basketball if he refused to play.
Read Jeff's entire article at uncommonsense.20m.com
"Officials now believe they know how
the wildfire in Arizona started.
The fire started when a priest put his hand on a Bible."
Subject: Friday June 28 edition
> Maybe the pledge should read,
> "one nation, under the illegal occupation of an unelected fraud..."
Ironically all this hubbub only serves to prove
the point that the judges made in their opinion... I don't
know about Oklahoma but in Hotlanta we had all the morning radio shows interviewing the Georgia
Congressmen who were calling the judges "fruits" and "nuts" and the parent bringing the lawsuit a
"deviant" for daring to teach his child about a religion different than the establishment religion.
Heaven only knows what they would do to a child who dared not say a pledge to their god.
Gary, good point.
Dissent is becoming a thing only found in history books.
Subject: When you go to Vegas....
All right - I know you love Vegas. I'm dyin'
I've never been, but it's on my short list of things to do.
But you gotta tell me - what is your game when you're in Vegas? =-)
Dann, there's a lot I can't say...
Oh, ...you mean gambling?
Few things are as much fun as drinking & gambling.
I've never played craps, maybe someone will show me how.
I've played a little Blackjack, but Mrs. Bart likes to stay in casinoes*
that have a $10 or $25 minimum, and I can't afford that. The cheaper places
such as downtown or off the Strip have $1 and $2 minimums - that I can play.
Roulette is some mindless fun, and sometimes I'm into mindless fun.
And everybody loves the slots because you can't get yelled at.
I remember the first time I played Blackjack.
I saw some guy slide his cards under his chips - meaning "no more cards."
So once, when I finally hit a "20," I picked up the chips I bet and placed them
on my cards and the dealer said, very sternly,"Don't touch the bet, Sir,"
But even if you're not gambling, it's fun to watch the others. At the
high dollar joints,
you see signs saying "Maximum bet $10,000." Watching high-stakes gambling is mesmerizing.
You'll see people sitting there with maybe $250K in chips. The craps tables always have a
commotion going on, whooping and hollering just like in the movies.
And even if you plan to do little or no gambling, as you walk thru a
casino you'll see
a BMW Boxster rotating in the air. Sometimes you can drop three dimes in a slot and pull
that handle, knowing someone is going to win that Boxster - so why not you?
Whatever you do, always bet the maximum on a slot machine, meaning don't put two dimes or
two quarters in a machine that takes three coins because God is watching. Every time you do that,
those sevens will line up and you'll win $300, but it would've been $500,000 if you had bet three dimes
instead of two - that drives me crazy.
You Can Steal An Election
But Donít Touch the Pledge
"But as long as the judges had the gumption to deal with the matter, Iíll go one farther than the court:
I think there is something wrong with forcing kids to say a pledge that has the words ďwith liberty and
justice for allĒ in an environment of diminishing liberty and justice in this country. In fact, why do we
force them to say a pledge to the flag at all, as if we are stuck in the McCarthy days? Are we that
insecure about our countryís ideals that we have to force people to hollowly mouth words?"
Subject: Response to Bartcop
I just read your article on the website
about Rosie. I am disgusted with your resonse to her.
Rosie has every right to say whatever she wants, to whomever she wants. She is entitled to
the statement about Bill Clinton just as you are. But the way you defended him is amazing
and very off-centered in your thinking. I voted for him and I supported him.
I didn't say she had no right to say what she said. I called her a whore for making money
selling out her old friend to the wolves who want to take her children away from her.
But he was too damn stupid to get caught
with his pants down. What an idiot screwing around
with Monica. He blew it and he needs to take responsibility for his actions. Stop making excuses.
Are you blindsided just because he was so helpful to the GLBT community?
No, I just don't believe in screwing my friends to make money.
So, am I to assume that you are saying a
person can do whatever he or she wants
as long as they are supporting us?
That's hysterical talk.
Nobody said he should be able to do "whatever he wants."
If he had done what Condit did, I'd want him in jail.
Yes, I acknowledge he did do many things
for the community and I really liked him.
(Notice I wrote liked) However, am I supposed to turn a blind eye to the fact that he
blatently lied to the entire world.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
His sex life is none of your damn business.
He isn't supposed to talk about his sex life at press conferences.
What's wrong with you?
If he lied about this what else has he lied about that we are not even aware of?
That's ditto-head talk.
And Jesus, to what other president are you comparing Clinton?
The ones who sold arms to terrorists and lied about it?
The really stupid one who stole the election?
It is not just about supporting our community,
it is about integrity.
That seems to be lost in the political arena, business, and many other arenas.
Send me your street address - I'll send you a copy of Carville's "Stickin."
So you are blasting Rosie because she is not being a "politically correct" lesbian.
No, I'm blasting her for being a whore. This was her first night
"back" as a stand-up
and she wanted to create a big buzz to get her career moving again.
Get a clue, dude. There is a lot of crap
we close our eyes to because someone
is "nice" to us or supports us. Or throws us a bone.
Karen, just curious - if Republicans spent $200
million investigating you, would you do OK?
If they looked reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal deep into your sex life, and then put
EVERYTHING, even the untrue, salacious rumors started by your enemies, on every news
channel 24/7, plus the nightly network news, would you do as well as our last elected president?
By the way - I take it you're gay - have you ever lied about your
Have you ever - even once - denied being gay?
Have you ever let someone get the impression you might be straight,
to get a job or a promotion, or just to keep a ditto-monkey off your back?
I have a feeling Clinton's not the only one who has lied about his sex life.
The gay community has no business supporting the Republican sex police.
Drug Test the President
Since the Supreme Court decided to uphold
drug testing of students who sing in
the choir, it raises the question of whoís next? For example since President Bush
is calling for more drug tests, shouldnít he set and example and submit to drug testing himself?
If the government requires children who sing to be drug tested then shouldnít the guy with
his finger on the nuclear trigger also be drug tested?
Why donít we drug test members of the Supreme
Court? Why donít we drug test all judges?
What donít we also drug test members of Congress? Letís be consistent in our drug testing policies
and let those who would take away our privacy rights surrender those rights themselves.
I therefore call on President Bush, all
Judges, Governors, and all members of the Legislature
to submit to random drug tests.
Additional Comment on the side: What
do you think about the idea of drug testing journalists?
Thanks in advance for printing my letter.
Ruck Fush mouse pads
Click to order
That jerk at the office who worships Rush?
Wait till he sees your new mouse pad - that'll teach him!
Updates on Party of the Year at The Rio
Click on the Rio for the JFW Kickoff!
A room at the Rio
Check the floor-to-ceiling glass walls
September 27-29th - tickets on sale!
Subject: 44 & 45 and...
So does Cheney become the 44th president
while Bush gets his procedure?
Then when Bush wakes up is he the 45th president?
Why don't he and Cheney sleep in shifts?
What about when we were at war under 41?
How come Quayle wasn't president when Bush was sleeping?
What about when Bush is working out in the
Is Cheney president then?
I must have missed this stuff in civics.
I agree, it's very confusing.
To this day, Bush has never had the mental faculties to be president.
What was different about Saturday's mole hunt?
They read it in Minsk.
They read it in Monte Carlo.
They read it in Mt. Vernon, Washington, while waiting for their raspberries...
to Julie Hiatt Steele
If you can't send any shillings,
how about a note that says "Thanks?"
"The country is being run by a tinhorn dictator, a spoiled brat of a man who is either
too ignorant or too cold to care that he is pushing the world to the brink of catastrophe.
The so-called "opposition party" is too busy cheering on unilateralist action in Iraq to put up
a real fight on the overt malfeasance and utter lack of morality exhibited by the reactionary
elements of the Republican Party. Some of the Democratic members of Congress are too
afraid of their own unethical activity coming to light to push for badly needed reforms."
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