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"If congressmen want to go to church, then
let them walk down the block like other Americans do
and go to church. Don't get my government engaged in it. There are some people who don't love
God Almighty. That's why we have an Establishment Clause; the constitutional ban on government
establishment of an official religion ."
-- Michael A. Newdow, who sued to remove "under God" from the Pledge
and now wants to kick the House and Senate chaplains out of Congress
"The Capitol is the people's house and I believe
the overwhelming majority of Americans who
send their senators and members of Congress to Washington to represent them, are comforted
by the fact that our chaplains lead us in seeking guidance from a superior power, as we are called
upon to make decisions. We should not look upon this as a frivolous case but as another attack
on religious liberty."
-- Trent Lott (R-Racist, lambasting Newdow's case
Trent, two things:
1. "Your belief" that a majority thinks "X" shouldn't trump the Constitution.
2. A clear majority wanted Gore for President.and we got Monkeyboy, instead
seeks to abuse use of 'secret court'
By my good friend Jonathan Turley, writing for Newsday
"For many citizens, the notion of an American "secret court" would appear a striking contradiction in terms.
Until last week's disclosures by Congress, few Americans were aware that our government routinely used such a
court to conduct searches of its own citizens for foreign intelligence gathering, searches that would be denied as
unconstitutional by any conventional court. But this little-known court released to Congress a rare public opinion
chastising Attorney General John Ashcroft and disclosing dozens of secret violations by the Justice Department.
Most alarming is the disclosure of a plan
by Ashcroft to change the role of the court in spying on citizens.
Not only would the court no longer have foreign intelligence gathering as its primary purpose, but Ashcroft's
prosecutors would be in direct control of the use and dissemination of information gathered on citizens."
BartCop vs Al Martin
A mini-debate you can't want to miss
Classic Crossfire Moment
CARVILLE: I think these [Democrats]
on the Judiciary Committee are going
to do the right thing and are not going to be bought off.
CARLSON: They'll be bought off.
Carlson is right on this one.
The Democrats will sell out in a heartbeat, to please Mr. Rove
Nuns 'raped orphans': Bulletin
But The Bulletin said an out-of-court settlement was reached with some victims
with compensation up to $75,000 being paid out, depending on the level of physical
and sexual abuse. They also received a written apology.
Cowboy Crimes Update
Nate Newton had 2000 pounds of weed in his trunk
Thanks to dave from joliet
From: Davis Sweet
Subject: No more smart presidents!
I broke the code! I broke the Presidential Code!
Here's the pattern:
1. A smart president leaves office
2. A dumb president enters office
3. The dumb president invents a fucking huge foreign bogeyman and sends lots of bombs
and whatnot to destroy people and things NEAR but NOT TOO NEAR the bogeyman
4. Popularity soars, everyone forgets about
the bogeyman (who continues doing whatever he was
doing before), and the foreigners who got "inevitably caught in the crossfire" stay dead
Look at the record over the last 50 years:
1. Kennedy goes
2. Johnson enters
3. Kaddafi (Remember him? "Satan?" We killed his baby daughter? Still in power 20 years later?)
3. Saddam (after Bin Laden turned out to be a dud)
What's the common thread? SMART PRESIDENTS!
If we cut off the guys at step 1, maybe we don't get to the bloodbath in step 3!
Let us vow, as Americans, never to elect a smart president again. We owe it to the world.
A great cartoon from my good friend Tom Tomorrow
The optimist's guide to war with Iraq
are the obviously-not-under-attack guards
gassing the people standing behind the barricade?
How do you pronounce "hueueueuege?"
Is it like a longer "huge," but longer in
the middle, like "huuuuuge?"
Or is it like "h-you-you-you-you-ge?"
Or is it something else?
Been wondering about that for a long time.
Dave, it's pronounced "hyoooooooooj."
Looong time ago, we found voice synthesizer software on the web.
I asked people to DL the software, and then have the computer read Volume 77 (or whatever
issue of bartcop.com we were on) to them ,and when that huuuuuuuuuge came up,
the computer made a funny yodeling sound, so I kept it up for a few issues.
(It was in my heavy drinking days :)
I wonder if there's still a free voice synthesizer on the web.
And maybe someone remembers which issue that was in?
by The Pieman
Subject: Bush Gestapo picture, sorry you are wrong on at least two points.
The picture does look scary. But;
1. That isn't a choke hold, the crook of the elbow would be at her throat.
It looks as he is pulling her backward ( almost just as bad).
Excuse me, but a man can choke a woman without using his elbow.
Maybe that's the official WWF version of choking, I'm not sure.
Look again at the picture:
2. The cop isn't holding a billy club, he is
climbing something. If you look closely,
you will see that they are above street level. It looks as if the cop is climbing a support pole.
I'm not sure you are correct. It's looks to me like there are merely
behind some kind of wall or barricade.
And I can't be certain, but IF this cop has a baton in his hands, it's across the throat of this woman,
who is onviously not doing anything but peacefully holding a sign..
Please do not give the right more fodder with
They do and will capitalize on it.
Thanks for the advice, but I don't think I'm spewing wild accusations.
No matter what YOU read into this, I see four cops advancing on an old woman with a sign.
I guess we should be thankful they didn't shoot her.
Subject: Admin Desperate - Pulls Out Hitler Comparison Again
Rumsfeld says that Bush's stance on Iraq
is like that of Churchill warning about Hitler.
Gee, Bush Sr. used a similar line for the last Gulf war. It might be plausible, but Churchill
didn't drive Hitler from Poland, declare the war over, and pull out.
And in another remarkable coincidence, Bush
2 has built an impressive coalition, just like Bush 1.
Except that this coalition is against him. Seems to me we shouldn't have a war unless we can
find some other country besides Israel to side with us.
Free stickers for all subscribers
and BartFest ticket holders
or with any donation to bartcop.com
Send in your sticker pictures.
Free ticket to BartFest for best real sticker picture.
Free ticket to BartFest for best sticker graphic.
Constitution and political protests
by Carla Binion
When on August 22, police in Portland pepper sprayed protesters and shot them with
rubber bullets, they interfered with the protesters' First Amendment right to peaceably assemble.
The first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, protect citizens from
being terrorized by their own government.
by Fábio Jardim
Feeling safe is a thing of the past, like vynil LPs. Ours is that age of utter uncertainty.
Now THIS is post-modernism. While I am here nursing my flu and all of Latin America
and Europe watch the World Soccer Cup, India and Pakistan bare their nuclear fangs
at each other, the US government candidly announces that, well, it might have to intervene
upon the “Axis of Evil” Based on little or no evidence because, well, why bother with details?
plans to settle NAACP suit over 2000 election
Only way to avoid a trail where the FACTS might come out - can't have that.
The suit, filed by the NAACP, argued voters were disenfranchised during the 2000 election;
it included allegations that blacks were kept from voting in some counties.
A settlement would eliminate the likelihood
of unflattering headlines from a trial
projected to last through parts of Gov. Jeb Bush's re-election campaign.
Well, of course...
Since the media are so intent on shielding the B.F.E.E. and hiding the facts,
a trial is the only way the facts could come out, so Jeb settles to bury the truth forever.
Subject: 911 timeline - pretty spooky dude
A timeline about relevant events to 9/11.
Best proof that bush knew I've seen.
What a waste of your precious time, man.
The world, after all, has always been broken and always will be -- 10,000 years of human history,
and we're no better or worse than the Sumerians. Try to enjoy the day, and make peace with yourself
and your next-door neighbors (whatever they believe...we're all human beings). That's what life is about.
And...there are (of course) about an octillion
other sites like yours, on (of course) BOTH sides of the fence.
The noise is the same...only the names and words are different.
Did too, did not, did too, did not, did too, did
Really, the only people out there going "YEAH!!...YEAH!!"
are those who agree with you 110% already.
Lighten up and enjoy! Have a glass of wine,
listen to music, and think of nice words to say
to someone you ordinarily wouldn't...it can make you feel so very good, I promise.
Chris, you must be new.
Nobody has as much fun every day as Ol' Bart!
Trust me, I fine plenty of time for wine, music and saying nice things.
I'm not sure what you do for fun, but I like giving ditto-monkeys the
To each his own, I guess.
You better not go to www.pornolize.com
and punch in some URl..
(especially not this one) because two things would happen:
1. You'd be offended.
2. You'd laugh so hard you'll break a stitch.
Donate to bartcop.com?
Click to become a Corona volunteer for $10
We've got to build a bigger hammer.
The illegal President Monkey in a Man Suit needs to be stopped.
Click Here to donate large.
Soon: the Halloween Surprise
by mark roth, (c) 2002
Prediction: look for a war with Iraq to begin right around Halloween (Oct. 31).
It will be started by either an alleged Iraqi attack on Israel, or on Israel's announcement
that they had "conclusive evidence" that Saddam Hussein was about to attack them
with missiles with biological or chemical warheads.
Once Capt. Dumbass (me) enabled the feedback link, a bunch poured in.
Top Complaint - Too much Vegas talk, not enough bad language
Top Crowd Pleaser - More Monkey mail and write more original stuff
One small problem with that - I like to write about Vegas!
Click Here for today's with toons, mucho feedback and Monkey Mail.
Bart gets Farked
Lotsa comments like: Bartcop is a punk windbag.
Of course, they don't have the courage to debate, they just like
to insult from afar,
then grab each others asses with dittoes about how well they put me in my place.
Hey, I'm right here - you can come get a piece any time...
BartFest2002 - Party at the Rio
Make your own hotel reservations.
The good news keeps getting more gooder.
The news is so good, it might present a problem.
Y'know, I have many problems. (cough)
Do you remember the guy in Blazing Saddles who couldn't speak clearly?
He's the guy on the roof with the telescope that screamed, "The Sheriff is near!"
Well, that's me.
Christian's always telling me instead of screaming, "The
Sheriff is near!"
I should wait until the Sheriff arrives, and then say "The Sheriff is here!"
I know I should, but sometimes I get so excited, I just can't hold the secret in.
This Vegas trip started as one thing, then morphed into a bartcop.com
As of this writing, it's not a fund-raiser, it's a fund-lowerer, so I did what every gambler
does when he's behind - I raised the stakes!
Friday I talked to The Rio about our difficulty in choosing
a room to rent,
and they presented me with an offer I just could not refuse. I don't have the final
figures yet, but they basically offered me a Lamborghini for the price of a Chevrolet.
The problem is - the Lamborghini only holds a hundred people,
we have room for about another 25 attendees to BartFest
...and then we're sold out.
I thought to myself, "Screw it! (Actually, I said "fuck
it") If this is the last BartFest,
I want to lose money in style, so let's kick out the jams and do this first class."
But you see, in Las Vegas, when you say, "Let's
do this first class,"
they have no trouble accommodating, but, ...one pays for first class in Vegas!.
going to party like P. Diddy!
...except with fewer drugs, probably
...and fewer guns, certainly
...and fewer cops, hopefully
This is going to be un - be - lievable.
Like a girl who saves every penny for seven years for her perfect wedding,
we're going to blow everything on this final BartFest!
I'm only going to have this on the main page once, but I'll keep
sign up for a full seven days so everyone has a chance to see it, because I don't
want to fill up the Lamborghini and then have a bunch more ticket requests arrive.
It's be especially heart-wrenching if we fill up and some good friends want to come,
...so get your tickets before this boat sails.
The Fest is four weeks from today, (Magic Friday is less than
four weeks) and we had to
make a decision, so we have 25 more spots to fill and then our house is packed.
So if you kinda, sorta, maybe thought about going - get your tickets A.S.A.P.
There are at least a dozen bartcop.com pillars
who have indicated that are coming,
but once we hit that magic 100, we must close the doors, so hur-ray, hur-ray.
Snail mailers must be particularly quick.
Tickets are still just $75
If you've been waiting for the last minute to get in - this is it!
Just 28 days ...and counting
(Oh, Lord, I've already lost my ass on this, so just let the party rock!)
Isn't it exciting????
When this is over, there will be a hundred people saying,
"Koresh-damn, can you believe that Bart-Fest!?"
Rented for BartFest, but only holds 100
There are 25BartFest tickets available.
28th - tickets
Click Here to see Bart's 48 (so far) things to do in Vegas.
Click Here to see Dave's 100 Things to do in Vegas
Talk to me!
Special bartcop.com Exclusive
Gambling: The Absolute Minimum
A primer on how to not lose your ass gambling at the casinos
by George Backus
Click Here for Installment One
Click Here for Installment Two
Click Here for Installment Three
Click Here for Installment LAST
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2002, bartcop.com
Heard at BartFest