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Volume 879 - Bart's Wedding


Fri-Sat   August 30-31, 2002.................................... .............................................. 

Dueling Quotes

"If congressmen want to go to church, then let them walk down the block like other Americans do
  and go to church. Don't get my government engaged in it. There are some people who don't love
  God Almighty. That's why we have an Establishment Clause; the constitutional ban on government
  establishment of an official religion ."
      -- Michael A. Newdow, who sued to remove "under God" from the Pledge
          and now wants to kick the House and Senate chaplains out of Congress

"The Capitol is the people's house and I believe the overwhelming majority of Americans who
  send their senators and members of Congress to Washington to represent them, are comforted
  by the fact that our chaplains lead us in seeking guidance from a superior power, as we are called
  upon to make decisions. We should not look upon this as a frivolous case but as another attack
  on religious liberty."
    -- Trent Lott (R-Racist, lambasting Newdow's case

 Trent, two things:
  1. "Your belief" that a majority thinks "X" shouldn't trump the Constitution.
  2. A clear majority wanted Gore for President.and we got Monkeyboy, instead

 Ashcroft seeks to abuse use of 'secret court'
    By my good friend Jonathan Turley, writing for Newsday

  Click  Here

"For many citizens, the notion of an American "secret court" would appear a striking contradiction in terms.
 Until last week's disclosures by Congress, few Americans were aware that our government routinely used such a
 court to conduct searches of its own citizens for foreign intelligence gathering, searches that would be denied as
 unconstitutional by any conventional court. But this little-known court released to Congress a rare  public opinion
 chastising Attorney General John Ashcroft and disclosing dozens of secret violations by the Justice Department.

 Most alarming is the disclosure of a plan by Ashcroft to change the role of the court in spying on citizens.
 Not only would the court no longer have foreign intelligence gathering as its primary purpose, but Ashcroft's
 prosecutors would be in direct control of the use and dissemination of information gathered on citizens."

 BartCop vs Al Martin

 A mini-debate you can't want to miss

 Click  Here

 Classic Crossfire Moment

 CARVILLE: I think these [Democrats] on the Judiciary Committee are going
                       to do the right thing and are not going to be bought off.

 CARLSON: They'll be bought off.

 Carlson is right on this one.
 The Democrats will sell out in a heartbeat, to please Mr. Rove

 Nuns 'raped orphans': Bulletin

  Click  Here

 But The Bulletin said an out-of-court settlement was reached with some victims
 with compensation up to $75,000 being paid out, depending on the level of physical
 and sexual abuse.   They also received a written apology.

 Cowboy Crimes Update

 Nate Newton had 2000 pounds of weed in his trunk

  Thanks to dave from joliet

 Meredith's Rebuttal

  Click  Here

From: Davis Sweet

Subject: No more smart presidents!

Howdy, Bart,

I broke the code! I broke the Presidential Code!

Here's the pattern:

1.  A smart president leaves office
2.  A dumb president enters office
3.  The dumb president invents a fucking huge foreign bogeyman and sends lots of bombs
     and whatnot to destroy people and things NEAR but NOT TOO NEAR the bogeyman

4.  Popularity soars, everyone forgets about the bogeyman (who continues doing whatever he was
     doing before), and the foreigners who got "inevitably caught in the crossfire" stay dead

Look at the record over the last 50 years:

1.  Kennedy goes
2.  Johnson enters
3.  Vietnam

1.    Carter
2.    Reagan
3.    Kaddafi (Remember him? "Satan?" We killed his baby daughter? Still in power 20 years later?)

1.    Clinton
2.    Ugh
3.    Saddam (after Bin Laden turned out to be a dud)

What's the common thread? SMART PRESIDENTS!
If we cut off the guys at step 1, maybe we don't get to the bloodbath in step 3!

Let us vow, as Americans, never to elect a smart president again. We owe it to the world.


  A great cartoon from my good friend Tom Tomorrow
 The optimist's guide to war with Iraq

   Click  Here

 Why are the obviously-not-under-attack guards
 gassing the people standing behind the barricade?



 How do you pronounce "hueueueuege?"

 Is it like a longer "huge," but longer in the middle, like "huuuuuge?"
 Or is it like "h-you-you-you-you-ge?"

 Or is it something else?
 Been wondering about that for a long time.


 Dave, it's pronounced "hyoooooooooj."

 Looong time ago, we found voice synthesizer software on the web.
 I asked people to DL the software, and then have the computer read Volume 77 (or whatever
 issue of  bartcop.com  we were on) to them ,and when that huuuuuuuuuge came up,
 the computer made a funny yodeling sound, so I kept it up for a few issues.
 (It was in my heavy drinking days :)

 I wonder if there's still a free voice synthesizer on the web.
 And maybe someone remembers which issue that was in?

by The Pieman

Subject: Bush Gestapo picture, sorry you are wrong on at least two points.

The picture does look scary. But;
1. That isn't a choke hold, the crook of the elbow would be at her throat.
    It looks as he is pulling her backward ( almost just as bad).

 Excuse me, but a man can choke a woman without using his elbow.
 Maybe that's the official WWF version of choking, I'm not sure.
 Look again at the picture:

2. The cop isn't holding a billy club, he is climbing something. If you look closely,
you will see that they are above street level. It looks as if the cop is climbing a support pole.

I'm not sure you are correct. It's looks to me like there are merely behind some kind of wall or barricade.
And I can't be certain, but IF this cop has a baton in his hands, it's across the throat of this woman,
 who is onviously not doing anything but peacefully holding a sign..

Please do not give the right more fodder with mis-statements.
They do and will capitalize on it.


Thanks for the advice, but I don't think I'm spewing wild accusations.
No matter what YOU read into this, I see four cops advancing on an old woman with a sign.

I guess we should be thankful they didn't shoot her.

 Subject: Admin Desperate - Pulls Out Hitler Comparison Again

  Click  Here


 Rumsfeld says that Bush's stance on Iraq is like that of Churchill warning about Hitler.
 Gee, Bush Sr. used a similar line for the last Gulf war.  It might be plausible, but Churchill
 didn't drive Hitler from Poland, declare the war over, and pull out.

 And in another remarkable coincidence, Bush 2 has built an impressive coalition, just like Bush 1.
 Except that this coalition is against him.  Seems to me we shouldn't have a war unless we can
 find some other country besides Israel to side with us.

 Just one.

 Paul W

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 The Constitution and political protests
      by Carla Binion

  Click  Here

 When on August 22, police in Portland pepper sprayed protesters and shot them with
 rubber bullets, they interfered with the protesters' First Amendment right to peaceably assemble.
 The first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, protect citizens from
 being terrorized by their own government.

  Voice from Brazil
   by  Fábio Jardim

    Click  Here

 Feeling safe is a thing of the past, like vynil LPs. Ours is that age of utter uncertainty.
 Now THIS is post-modernism. While I am here nursing my flu and all of Latin America
 and Europe watch the World Soccer Cup, India and Pakistan bare their nuclear fangs
 at each other, the US government candidly announces that, well, it might have to intervene
 upon the “Axis of Evil” Based on little or no evidence because, well, why bother with details?

 Florida plans to settle NAACP suit over 2000 election
  Only way to avoid a trail where the FACTS might come out - can't have that.

  Click  Here

 The suit, filed by the NAACP, argued voters were disenfranchised during the 2000 election;
 it included allegations that blacks were kept from voting in some counties.

 A settlement would eliminate the likelihood of unflattering headlines from a trial
 projected to last through parts of Gov. Jeb Bush's re-election campaign.

 Well, of course...
 Since the media are so intent on shielding the B.F.E.E. and hiding the facts,
 a trial is the only way the facts could come out, so Jeb settles to bury the truth forever.


Subject: 911 timeline - pretty spooky dude


A timeline about relevant events to 9/11.

Best proof that bush knew I've seen.



Subject: Dude...

What a waste of your precious time, man.
The world, after all, has always been broken and always will be -- 10,000 years of human history,
and we're no better or worse than the Sumerians.   Try to enjoy the day, and make peace with yourself
and your next-door neighbors (whatever they believe...we're all human beings).  That's what life is about.

And...there are (of course) about an octillion other sites like yours, on (of course) BOTH sides of the fence.
The noise is the same...only the names and words are different.

Did too, did not, did too, did not, did too, did not...ad infinitum.
Really, the only people out there going "YEAH!!...YEAH!!"
are those who agree with you 110% already.

Lighten up and enjoy!  Have a glass of wine, listen to music, and think of nice words to say
to someone you ordinarily wouldn't...it can make you feel so very good, I promise.


Chris, you must be new.
Nobody has as much fun every day as Ol' Bart!
Trust me, I fine plenty of time for wine, music and saying nice things.

I'm not sure what you do for fun, but I like giving ditto-monkeys the red-ass.
To each his own, I guess.

 You better not go to   www.pornolize.com   and punch in some URl..
 (especially not this one)  because two things would happen:

 1. You'd be offended.
 2. You'd laugh so hard you'll break a stitch.

Woo Hoo!

 Donate to  bartcop.com?

 Click to become a Corona volunteer for $10 a month


 We've got to build a bigger hammer.
 The illegal President Monkey in a Man Suit needs to be stopped.

 Click  Here  to donate large.

 Coming Soon: the Halloween Surprise
        by mark roth, (c) 2002

   Click  Here

 Prediction: look for a war with Iraq to begin right around Halloween (Oct. 31).
 It will be started by either an alleged Iraqi attack on Israel, or on Israel's announcement
 that they had "conclusive evidence" that Saddam Hussein was about to attack them
 with missiles with biological or chemical warheads.

 Feedback City

 Once Capt. Dumbass (me) enabled the feedback link, a bunch poured in.

 Top Complaint - Too much Vegas talk, not enough bad language

 Top Crowd Pleaser - More Monkey mail and write more original stuff

  One small problem with that - I like to write about Vegas!

  Click  Here  for today's  with toons, mucho feedback and Monkey Mail.

 Bart gets Farked

 Click  Here

 Lotsa comments like:   Bartcop is a punk windbag.

 Of course, they don't have the courage to debate, they just like to insult from afar,
 then grab each others asses with dittoes about how well they put me in my place.

 Hey, I'm right here - you can come get a piece any time...

 BartFest2002 - Party at the Rio

 Make your own hotel reservations.


 The good news keeps getting more gooder.
 The news is so good, it might present a problem.

 Y'know, I have many problems. (cough)
 Do you remember the guy in Blazing Saddles who couldn't speak clearly?
 He's the guy on the roof with the telescope that screamed, "The Sheriff is near!"
 Well, that's me.

 Christian's always telling me instead of screaming, "The Sheriff is near!"
 I should wait until the Sheriff arrives, and then say "The Sheriff is here!"
 I know I should, but sometimes I get so excited, I just can't hold the secret in.

 This Vegas trip started as one thing, then morphed into a bartcop.com  fund-raiser.
 As of this writing, it's not a fund-raiser, it's a fund-lowerer, so I did what every gambler
 does when he's behind - I raised the stakes!

 ha ha

 Friday I talked to The Rio about our difficulty in choosing a room to rent,
 and they presented me with an offer I just could not refuse. I don't have the final
 figures yet, but they basically offered me a Lamborghini for the price of a Chevrolet.

 The problem is - the Lamborghini only holds a hundred people, which means
 we have room for about another 25 attendees to BartFest

 ...and then we're sold out.

 I thought to myself, "Screw it! (Actually, I said "fuck it") If this is the last BartFest,
 I want to lose money in style, so let's kick out the jams and do this first class."

 But you see, in Las Vegas, when you say, "Let's do this first class,"
 they have no trouble accommodating, but, ...one pays for first class in Vegas!.

 ha ha

 We're going to party like P. Diddy!
 ...except with fewer drugs, probably
 ...and fewer guns, certainly
 ...and fewer cops, hopefully

 This is going to be un - be - lievable.
 Like a girl who saves every penny for seven years for her perfect wedding,
 we're going to blow everything on this final BartFest!


 I'm only going to have this on the main page once, but I'll keep the IMPORTANT
 sign up for a full seven days so everyone has a chance to see it, because I don't
 want to fill up the Lamborghini and then have a bunch more ticket requests arrive.
 It's be especially heart-wrenching if we fill up and some good friends want to come,
 ...so get your tickets before this boat sails.

 The Fest is four weeks from today, (Magic Friday is less than four weeks) and we had to
 make a decision, so we have 25 more spots to fill and then our house is packed.
 So if you kinda, sorta, maybe thought about going - get your tickets A.S.A.P.

 There are at least a dozen  bartcop.com  pillars who have indicated that are coming,
 but once we hit that magic 100, we must close the doors, so hur-ray, hur-ray.
 Snail mailers must be particularly quick.

 Tickets are still just $75

 If you've been waiting for the last minute to get in - this is it!

 Just 28 days ...and counting
 (Oh, Lord, I've already lost my ass on this, so just let the party rock!)

 Isn't it exciting????

 When this is over, there will be a hundred people saying,
 "Koresh-damn, can you believe that Bart-Fest!?"

    Rented for BartFest, but only holds 100

  There are 25BartFest tickets available.

 September 28th -  tickets on sale!

 Click  Here  to see Bart's 48 (so far) things to do in Vegas.

 Click  Here  to see Dave's 100 Things to do in Vegas

 Talk to me!

 Special  bartcop.com Exclusive

 Casino Gambling: The Absolute Minimum
   A primer on how to not lose your ass gambling at the casinos
    by  George Backus

 Click  Here  for Installment One

 Click  Here  for Installment Two

 Click  Here  for Installment Three

 Click  Here  for Installment LAST 

BartCop, ...come to Vegas!
 BartCop, only 30 more days, Vegas is calling you.
 BartCop, over 90 different tequilas at the Hard Rock.....
BartCop, ...BartCop...only 30 more days,
 BartCop, ...BartCop...come to Vegas...

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