Five days left for Julie Hiatt Steele
Don't use the website PO Box
That won't get to her in time.
Send it to her directly:
Julie Hiatt Steele
Spend that $300
From: Anna and John
My fiancee and I are getting married, but we are NOT going to use the money towards our wedding.
We are by no means rich people, and we are scrimping every dime for our wedding and honeymoon
in Belize, but to use it towards our wedding would be like getting a wedding present from pResident Bushit.
That is, if it actually is $300 dollars.
So, if we get it we will donate the money
What $300 ???????
After they did all the adding and subtracting we don't get a check.
WooDoo Tax Relief.
From: Rick W
BC: I received a letter in the mail from
the IRS saying because I didn't pay any taxes last year,
I won't be receiving a tax refund. Well FUCK ME, as a very small business owner what the hell
do I pay a CPA for, what do I quarterly taxes for, what do I pay sales tax for, what do I pay
payroll tax for, and what about FICA, SS, FEMA, resale tax, TPTand FuCk Me taxes for?
This whole thing is horseshit,
and the idiot Shrub knows it. No I take that back,
he doesn't know shit.
I'm going to send Ms Steele some money she deserves a hell of a lot better than this government has given her.
Can't even write anymore I'm so fucking mad.
Keep up the great work Bart.
From: John F. Abbick
Help Greg Palast and the Guardian survive
the lawsuit brought against them by Bush's client.
From: Jeff & Missy
Hire midget wrestlers to entertain at a party!
From: Jennifer Gardner
What a glorious idea. I never thought of sending the check to *you*.
I thought of doing many things... buying a digital camera, putting the money in the bank,
buying lots of clothes like Peta Wilson wore in La Femme Nikita, sending the check back
to the government with a note attached that says "please put this toward our national debt," etc.
I thought of charity too... but since the
Salvation Army won't hire gays anymore and the
American Legion is run by fascist pigs, I didn't know what I was going to do with my gift
from President Ninety-One.
And then, as if my prayers had been heard, they were answered.
The IRS sent me a letter saying I'd get no rebate.
Sorry, ...not laughing at the fact that Weak & Stupid screwed
but I enjoyed your clever phrasing that made the joke work.
Well done...you should write more,
Girl, Maimed by War, Is Brightened by Bill
From: Donna Smyth
Subject: E-mail problems
I am a loyal follower, but please, spare us the
"no e-mail" bit.
You tell us how we have a chance in hell to have our e-mails read,
so why bother to e-mail you about Murder in Small Town X?
I really enjoy Bartcop but sometimes I long for
the days when you weren't so popular.
It was less professional, but I think something has been lost in the quest to grow the hammer higher.
Denise, (or Donna)
I wish you had written something about Small Town X.
I would've enjoyed reading your comments.
As far as bartcop.com getting too big, what comes
up must come down.
Maybe you'll get your wish, sooner than you think.
Who is Jello Biafra, and why should we care?
Erik Schimek has an answer
Some good stuff at the howler
From: Lost it, sorry
Subject: I see a trend here...
I just hit Yahoo finance news and browsed the headlines....
Stocks Dip on Profit Jitters
AT&T's Profits Drop 92 Percent
3M Posts Lower Second-Quarter Earnings
American Express Profits Down
Texas Instruments Profits Fall, Sees Loss
BellSouth Net Income Falls, Cuts Outlook
On and on it went like this.... Nasdaq went below 2000 today. Apparently Smirk's Bribe isn't working.
Oh ya, why did the letter I got in the mail, say
it was GW Bush and Congress who gave us this rebate?
Isn't this just Clinton's SURPLUS they are squandering away? Alas, I'm sure I'll spend 3 times more
than I get in the long run paying off the deficit-budgets that are a coming...
From the President of the United States
when jeffers left the republuican GOP,
the demoncrats got some power back
so are origiale plan wont work why dont you raise prices on you're end and
uncle dick will make things wrok out ovber hear
"It's so hot this week in Washington,
the only breeze
was the DC cops blowing the Gary Condit case."
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
It would've been funny, if he'd meant it, but no, he's a stroke
victim and shame on me.
When the Rolling Stones bumper music brought Pigboy back on the air,
he said the name of the song was "Tie me up," instead of "Start me up."
Gee, maybe Rush has spent the night with Gary Condit, too?
Rush, in his bondage-fetish period, in 1993.
See the entire Rush-kink collection by Clicking Right Here
Fools RUSH In
Perhaps Limbaugh's sizable contract can be attributed to the close to 20 million angry white males
who listen to him on nearly 600 radio stations nationwide. But does that mean he matters? Like others
with debatable talent –- super-rich popsters like Britney Spears and boy band N'Sync come to mind
(ha ha maybe this guys reads bartcop.com ?)
-- Limbaugh has found a passionate audience and has been -- by market dictates -- justly rewarded
for this popularity. Impressive, yes, but by no means an indicator of the political reality in the U.S.
UK Entertainment News
Spend that $300
From: Cara Compton
I was thinking of a gun and a ski mask.
From: James Farek
Use the money to pay my electric bills for
the next two months.
Thanks alot, Shrub.
Actually, as a working single mom, I only
got $273, but it's a helluva lot
more than most of my friends got, which is nothing.
Maybe I could finally find out what Chinaco
Anejo tastes like, if I could buy it here.
I suppose the best way to spend it would be to invest it in, say, a big bag of pot,
which you could then cut up and resell for a profit.
Hey, that's the entrepreneurial spirit at work! Right?
Helen, I'll bet Chinaco Anejo tastes great with pot, but I wouldn't know...
Another day of name-dropping from the vulgar Pigboy
Sure, when I meet someone like Susan McDougal, and put an idea
in her head, I tell you about it.
When I talk to Julie Hiatt Steele, and tell her a joke that makes her laugh, I tell you about it.
When I get e-mail from Joe Conason, Gene Lyons or Ben Affleck, I mention it on the page.
...but that's because I'm nobody!
If I get a minute with somebody who changed American history, I'm humbled.
But If I'd just signed a contract for $285,000,000, ans was America's
premier flaming Nazi gasbag,
I wouldn't need to spend all day trying to impress people with tales about how great I think I am.
The poor, vulgar Pigboy - all that money and still, he feels worthless.
He thinks if he tells us about meeting all those TV stars (who
really hate him, but agree to play
golf with him to help out those charities) then we will love him, and maybe even respect him,
which must mean all of his "I'm the greatest - I'm a legend" horseshit really is more for
his benefit than our, the sad bastard.
From the New York Whore Post
WHICH wild child daughter of a politico
was smoking pot at an L.A. party?
The hard-partying lass puffed right under the nose of the minders who try to keep her out of trouble
The NY Daily News has a similar article which names Jenna
but does not mention that she was illegally smoking pot.
Of course, the wild Smirk daughters must
be protected, and doesm't have to worry about
obeying any laws because the Bush Family Evil Empire is royalty, thus they are above the law.
You watch - something serious will happen,
and the Supreme Court will reverse themselves and rule
that the Secret Service are NOT allowed to testify against those they protect.
They re-earn their "whore court" nickname
with every partisan ruling.
They serve at the pleasure of Mr Rove, and the party of all-white tobacco whores.
Subject: NY Times
Hey Bartcop, thanks to you I've caught The New
York Times is engaging in image management
for Smirk, cleaning up quotes so they don't sound as stupid as they could and should.
Here's their version of the quote you pointed out the other day:
"I know what I believe," he said Sunday
night in the Roman Forum and added,
"and I believe what I believe is right."
Still stupid, mainly because it says nothing, but not as bad as the accurate (I'm sure) Reuters version.
Keep the hammer swinging!
Jay, yes, and the Rush/Fox News cabal will complain that the NY Whore
Times is a left-wing paper,
even tho they're printing lies to help Bush, and wrote that Clinton fathered a black baby with a crack whore
in Little Rock and placed that humiliating lie above the fold on the front goddamn page.
What they did was take Weak & Stupid's exact words,
give 'em a bath,
cleaned 'em up,
bought 'em a suit,
gave 'em a haircut,
put some fine smellin' French perfume on 'em
and told America it was a George Bush quote.
County Democratic Party is holding a Rock the
and voter registration in honor of my old friend Sabutai on August 18 in K-Drag.
Being an agnostic, (Sabutai, as much as I) it seemed like a good way
to remember him.
To this day, when I'm writing, and I get stuck on a name or the details of something
I still reach for the phone to call him for clarification, then I remember.
Death's a bitch.
Here are the details.
The party is being held in the club owned by the fellow
who was my bouncer at the Hard Rock Island, Joe the Azorian.
They serve Chinaco Anejo at this club :)
Subject: What I'm doing with my tax cut from JB the Stalinist
My hefty, gargantuan $300 is going toward
having my Labrador, Emmett, neutered.
That way he'll be just like the emasculated Dem leadership. ouch!
Actually, the procedure leaves me with enough
left over for a fifth of Grey Goose.
A shot to Bartcop and Mrs. Bartcop!
JB the Stalinist
Pigboy and Silvio
Rush has been bragging about how tight he is with Silvio of The Sopranos.
They got paired in some golf tourney, and Pigboy squealed with delight.
I wonder if he knows about a song Little Steven wrote called The
Scum Lives On
Subject: Rush, Steve Van Zant thinks you're scum!
I noticed that you we're bragging earlier this
week about playing Golf with Steve Van Zant
in some Tournament. You even had pictures of the event posted on your website.
I was wondering if he you happened to disccuss
about his song called "The Scum Lives On".
It seem that he refers to You, Ronald Reagan and Dan Quayle, among others as scum in this
ong off off his 1994 album "Demolition":
"Brian Jones and Keith
Moon had style
Bon Scott was a problem child
Rob Tyner bugged the FBI
Was Abbie Hoffman really a suicide?"
"And the scum lives on
All my friends are gone
Why they gotta die so young
And the scum lives on"
"Jesse Helms' gonna live
Jimmy Swaggart's gonna live forever
Dan Quayle's gonna live forever
Ronald Reagan's already lived forever
Rush Limbaugh's gonna live forever
All the politicians gonna live forever
Nixon taught them all how to live forever"
Biggest Virus Alert since I've been on the Internet - 1995
Whoever wrote this virus was good.
Every month we get "warnings" about the "new killer virus," but this is the biggest ever.
I've gotten literally hundreds of these, but then, I get a lot of mail.
It takes random words and names from the infected hard drive and puts
them in the subject header
(so they're never the same) and sends it to everyone on the victim's mailing list or address book.
So if you see this:
How are you?
I send you this file in order to have your advice
See you later. Thanks
It's radioactive, so don't open it, OK?
Subject: MSN has REMOVED your direct link....
Just tried to link to
todays page and I find that MSN has removed your direct link
from its browser. Now, THAT'LL put a crimp in yer hit volume...'cause I for one am
NOT that interested in going to a lot of trouble looking for the latest volume.
And I bet there'll be a lot of other people who
are not interested in going to a lot of trouble
looking for what basically is a hate-page with nothing of real value to offer its readers - - 'cept HATE...
for those who NEED that kind of fix. And NO, I
did NOT add you to my "favorites"
....it wasn't really that important to me. I just liked to check in for entertainment purposes only.
Someday, I may try to find you again...until then - ADIO ! Mon Ami !!
Peter, using Rachel's account again
Peter, I don't know what a "direct MSN" link is.
But I'm not surprised that ditto-monkeys can't stand to see the truth.
Small Town X
Feedback and Suspects
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"There's not enough civilness in the
--He who grunts, second hour yesterday
How to spend that $300
Cocaine and 15 year old hooker binge in Old Mexico.
Tommy, you cheated.
You're supposed to tell us what you'd do with the money,
not what the Failure in Theif would do with it.
Bev Conover on the Death of Jim Hatfield
Subject: The Pope and the Dope
This is not the first time smirk has conversed
with the Pope.
The Pope has begged smirk to spare lives before and smirk more or less said fuck you.
The Pope is against the death penalty but smirk don't care because the gohp is for it.
The Pope is against stemcell reserch and so is the gohp so smirk can say I did it for the Pope.
Dave, I heard Smirk say he respected the Pope "for
his absolute position on the value of life."
This, from the asshole who holds the western hemisphere record for most state-sanctioned murders.
Oh, God, ...what did we do to anger you so?
Wanda Sykes is the funniest woman in America...
...but this is the worst, unfunny show I've seen in years.
This was Mallard Fillmore unfunny.
This was Carrottop unfunny.
Koresh, I feel so sorry for Wanda.
They could've given her a mic and a live audience and I guarantee there would've been
more laughs than the 30-minute funeral I watched last night, which is a no-fault guarantee
because there were no laughs at all in this horrible half hour.
Poor Wanda, went from The Chris Rock Show to pure-D
That's gotta hurt.
But she'll be back.
City - Protesting at Dick Cheney's Photo-Op
by Michael Bersin
Murder in Small Town X
Subject: "Tax relief for America's Workers"
I got my check from "Dubya" and it actually has
printed on it "Tax Relief for America's Workers"
.....it forgot to tell "America's Workers" to kiss their Social Security goodbye.
I almost puked when I saw it.
to Interview your Idols
by Michael Dare
From: unknown, there was a "reply-to-all" criss-cross thing going on
Subject: RE: "That cocaine arrest story was a Rove creation"
>>But why would Rove, of all people do that?
Because the story has flaws that were immediately able to be leaped upon by the Bush team and the press.
Hatfields own past was the perfect fuel for the
media fire that ensued upon the annonymous tip about
Hatfields past to the Dallas Morning Whore the minute the press release for Fortunate Son was issued.
>>Whether or not Hatfield was guilty of the
crimes he's been accused of, has no relevance on
what Bush has or hasn't done. They are two separate entities.
But Hatfield admits to having been duped by Rove
over the cocaine story.
I just don't believe him because nearly a year later he was still working with Rove
when he sold an altered document to Georgemag.
The document in question was shown to Jo Thomas
of the New York times by a Bush
spokesman when she wrote her July 22nd story on Bush's past.
Rove slipped the same altered document to Hatfield
and he tried selling the story to several papers.
I made inquiries to several papers and one, the London Times, told me that Hatfield had attempted
to sell them the same story.
And, as I mentioned in my first e-mail, one of
the writers of the Georgemag piece finally admitted
to having worked with Hatfield on the piece involving the altered document.
Subject: Tequila Tips >more
When I took the Tequila Distillery tour the last
time I was in Puerto Vallarta,
they talked about how to drink it properly as well.... they suggested to EXHALE FIRST,
then take a small sip, roll it aound your tongue, swallow, then INHALE.
You will get flavor all the way down your throat, and heat into your head.
I've done both, inhale first or exhale first. Both are awesome, yet a bit different.
Are you kidding me?
What makes you think the Mexicans know how do drink tequila?
Oh, ...that's right - they make the stuff..
I'll have to give that a try :)
You'll Never See on TV!
Hugh Rodham Cleared...
GOP Congressman's Young Female Staffer Found Dead Under Mysterious Circumstances
by Tamara Baker
Courtesy of Wizard of Whimsy
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.