Fair & balanced


Evil is real
...and it must be ridiculed

Let's Not Roll

Kiss My Ass

Cheney Leaving?

Ich bin ein Enroners

A Slut Named Laura

The Myth of the
Liberal Media

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Volume 716 - Flow and Eddy

Wednesday     Feb. 13, 2002           Send Me an Angel             Recent old stuff            Shopping w/ Bart

Note: This issue Volume 716 - Flow and Eddy, was submitted to
a panel of judges and was awarded the honor of "Best Issue of  bartcop.com  Ever."

However, the same panel also certified there were no spelling mistakes or grammatical errors,
 so take that with a grane.

 Did President Bush Pass Up an Chance
 to Get Bin Laden Before September 11?

  Click  Here

 How would Americans have reacted if they had discovered that six months before the
 outbreak of World War II that Roosevelt's administration was seeking an oil deal with Japan?
 Or Italy? Or Germany? And what would they think if Roosevelt was threatening war
 if the deal wasn't consummated?

 What would Americans think about a president that merely a few months before a war on
 terrorism was negotiating oil deals with the very regime he would later characterize as "evil"
 because they were harboring terrorists? What if they discovered that Bush's administration
 for months had been impeding governmental efforts to apprehend one of the leading terrorists
 whom the administration would later say they wanted "dead or alive?"

 Wouldn't many Americans express outrage?

 The fact that our corporate media doesn't even appear to be looking into these stories is,
 at the very least, highly irresponsible. And that may end up being the biggest scandal of all.

 Well, people who read  bartcop.com  know about Bush's secret back-door oil deals.
 Hell, we ran this story weeks/months before the "mainstream" press thought to do it.

 ...but is America outraged?

 Not yet, not as long as the press is covering for the Bush Family Evil Empire.

 Hitler, Saddam, Islamic Jihad, Noriega, bin Laden
 - they've ALL done business with the Bush Family Evil Empire.

 ...but the whore press covers that up so they can obsess about Clinton's penis.

 Bush’s War Rhetoric Sounds Hollow Abroad
    by smoking Joe Conason

  Click  Here

  ...the Bush speech probably was meant less for an international audience than for domestic consumption,
 in the most literal sense. It served to justify the President’s budget, which allocates a huge increase in arms
 spending, including weapons systems that almost nobody believes are worthwhile. There are reasons to
 increase spending on useful modernization projects and on better pay and benefits for officers, soldiers
 and sailors. But the indiscriminate excess of the Bush budget resembles robbery more than reform.
 Billions will go, for example, to defense subsidiaries of the Carlyle Group, a firm that formerly
 employed George W. Bush and currently employs his father.

 It's always about the enrichment of the Bush Family Evil Empire.
 America's interests come after that, then comes big oil, then the Moonies then the GOP, then America.

 Bush is stealing the treasury for his own crooked purposes.

From Tuesday's Christian Science Monitor


I am tired of the media myth, "America at War."
We are not at war.
If there was a war, it was in Afghanistan and we won.

Why is the Bush administration shopping for another war to replace the one we just won?

In order to start a war with the "axis of evil" there will have to be some kind of attack
against America to justify it. I am concerned the Bush administration may need to create
an event in order to keep the public mind off the growing Enron scandal.

Bush needs war to maintain political power, and I'm concerned he will find it.

Marc Perkel
San Francisco

ha ha

Perkel, always on the money!
He may be the most published man in America.
His rants go to 400-500 outlets and he's always getting published somewhere.

Thanks to The Ox

From: (withheld)

Subject: What are we?

What is this little BartCop community considered to be?  Are we:

Evil Doers
Wrong Doers
Fear Spreaders
Panic Spreaders
Crooked Talkers
Evil Speakers
Wicked Thinkers
Civic-Minded Moralists

Maybe we can have some of the more warped send in their favorites?
I'm kinda partial to "Fear Spreader" myself.


ha ha

"Fear Spreader?"
That's a job I could grow into :)

From: mikelx@hotmail.com

Subject: Religious Nitwittery In The Schools

You were right-on about the five year old being allowed to pray to invisible people.

We can only hope ... and pray ... that little 5 year old Amin whips out his prayer rug
during lunch and prays towards Mecca ... loudly!

This would surely lead to Ashcroft sending in the forces and
having the child arrested for making threats of "terra."

"We got anybody in Torture room Three?
 Who?  The editor of mediawhoresonline.com?
 She still hasn't broken yet?
 I thought those needles of fire would break her...

 Well, as soon as we get a free Torture room
 I want this Mikelx guy tortured to death.
 We'll teach this heathen who the real God is.

 I gotta make this country safe for democracy."

From: mainer4u@hotmail.com

Subject: using your stuff

Hey Bartcop,

Your website gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning!
I wanted to ask you if it would be ok to cut and paste some of your old stuff?
I am the only 'liberal' in my entire family and I depend on some of your material for my defense.
Keep on keeping on.


Doug, feel free.
Anybody can use anything at anytime.

Like the SF Chocolate factory - I can always make more :)

The stickers have arrived.
     PO Box 54466
   Tulsa, OK 74155

Don't be the last one on your block to own one.

 Time Out

 I was sent a URL of a website that claimed to feature pictures of a not so young woman
 named Laura Schlessinger "performing," if you could call her vulgar filth "performing."

 My first thought was for the children.
 How would this affect them?

 But it turns out I was actually very lucky because, in these pictures, she's only harming herself.
 These stills feature no children, animals or furniture.
 But the bad news is, ...this site, ...has a zoom feature.
 Allow me to explain as delicately as I can...

 The pictures on this website are more explicit than Hustler pictures.
 That's a guess, I hardy ever see a Hustler, but maybe "extra explicit" would explain it.
 That's my dilemma.

 Besides the people whose lives were totally ruined by the ratings-hungry Laura Shitslinger,
 nobody wants to see her guilty ass shamed more than me, but these pictures are just gawd-awful.

 One picture is downright cavernous.

 I know!
 I'll construct a maze where you have to struggle to get there, because these aren't pictures
 you'd want on your desk when you came back from getting coffee.

 Crooked judges at the Olympics?


 Tyson OK'd to KO Lewis in Atlanta?


 Better check out 

 Has Julie Hiatt Steele called you?

 As you know, Julie is phoning selected people who have written or contributed.

 If Julie calls you, could you send me a short e-mail?
 I don't need to know what you talked about, I just think it would be cool to see if
 your reaction to having a conversation with her is similar to the rant I posted yesterday.

 When you talk to Julie, you need to listen fast.  She's a bundle of energy and she
 gives off more sparks than Smirk's car when he's driving drunk and loses a tire.

 To write to Julie, use juliehiattsteele@bartcop.com

 To PayPal Julie, Click  Here  -> 

 ...and if you hear from her,  me.

 She will answer your e-mail either way,
 but she juuuuuuuuuuust might call you, too.

 Long distance provided by Sam's Club and  bartcop.com

From: jamoore@wcnet.org

Subject: Bush's behavior on after 9/11

>>Who ever the president is at such times, he doesn't have the freedom to go wherever he wants!

Bartcop wrote...

>That's totally wrong.
>To suggest that the Commander in Chief's hands are tied during wartime is insanity.
>He can go any damn place he wants, any damn time he wants.

Bullshit!  I guess I credited you with more intelligence than you actually posess.
There is a protocol to be followed when the country is under attack.  The SS guys with
the mirrored glasses keep the President out of sight, and mostly IN THE AIR during times
when there is a crisis.  This is a cold-war practice which still rules the day as far as I know.

You, Sir, are nuttier than a box of pralines from South's Finest Chocolates
Who do YOU think orders the president around during wartime?
Well, ...in this case it's Cheney, Rove et al, ...but I mean a REAL president.

C'mon, give me the name of the guy who orders the president around.

C'mon, I'm waiting...

And don't say "some Secret Service guy" because he wasn't elected.

When Hinckley shot at Reagan, yes, the SS acted without specific orders,
because in those three seconds there wasn't time to ask Reagan what his wishes were.
But NOBODY tells the Commander in Chief what to do during wartime.
You see, it's called The Constitution of the United States of America.

You're right - one of us is as crazy as hell.

The difference is, I can give you the name of the guy in charge during wartime.
You can't.

From: (withheld)

Subject: 60s tv shows


Since you were talking 60s shows like Hogan's Heroes it reminded me of a show I watch on
TVLand at about 3 in the morning.  Don Adams as Maxwell Smart is still hilarious even at 30
or more years old.  But what makes it particularily humorous is just sort of look at Max and the
Chief and pretend they're Dumbya and Unka Dick. Max and the Chief look like their counterparts.

Max will say something totally inane and Chief will give him that "you dumbfuck" look
and than let him know who's in charge.

Sorta like real life eh?
Also look how often Max wants to use the "Cone of Silence".....  interesting parallels
between the two "shows" except Get Smart was funny and not nearly as dangerous.....

Deja Vu All Over Again
  by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

 A RECENT "VOICES" letter by Fred Lemon of Cabot called the Clinton administration
 "the most corrupt and scandal-ridden...in the history of this country."

He can believe what he wants, but it's worth mentioning that not a single Clinton appointee was
convicted of a crime involving government service. Webb Hubbell pled guilty to embezzling from
his law partners (including Hillary Clinton); Henry Cisneros admitted  lying about paying an
ex-mistress to go away. Otherwise, five independent counsels struck out.

No Republican administration in living memory can say the same.

TV Sweep weeks are underway
 That means it's fund-raising time here at  bartcop.com
 We're supported by impoverished Democrats.

 Attention: Fund Raising Effort!

 Ken Lay is selling one of his six Aspen condos.
 If every reader would send me $3600, I could buy one.

 It's only $6M - can you help?

 I've been busting my hump for six-plus years, trying to stop the evils of Republican fascism,
 so the least you could do is send me $3600 so I can get one of Kenny Boy's Aspen condos
 that he stole from the life savings of those 4500 Enron families.

 ...and I write much funnier stuff at high altitudes!

Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
  PayPal to bartcop@bartcop.com
 .Support Bartcop.com
 snail mail to POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155

 Twisted Tales of Tinseltown Terror
     by the Secret Hollywood Source

   Click  Here

The Loyal Search and Rescue Dogs of September 11th
Piper, Atlas, Anna, Angus, Bandit, Storm and unnamed border collie
Photo by Chris Ameuroso

 Check today's

 Happy Birthday to...

...........   ...
Carol Lynley is 60          Kim Novak is 69       Danni Minogue is 40

 Also born today:  Mrs. Bartlett (1944) Randy Moss (1977) (1933) Peter Tork (1944)  again?

From: patch@bytehead.com

Subject: Ads bastardizing good tunes

Hi Bart.

Does it ever piss you off when you hear good tunes, especially classic rock being used to sell stuff?

The worst example in my opinion was third world exploiter Nike using "Instant Karma" by John Lennon
to sell their overpriced shit shoes.   Lennon must have been hitting 1500 rpm.

Two nowadays though have me pissed off big time.

Some tax-preparation outfit using a horrible re-make of George Harrison's "Taxman,"
and Led Zeppelin "Rock and Roll" being used to sell Cadillacs.

Let's face it Bart, big corporations have NO respect for anything.
Whatever they can do to sell their shit, they'll use.

Of course, just look who whored himself to the numbskull travel industry.
Doofus DeAustin.

Can you imagine the squealing from Pigboy if Bill Clinton had let himself be used to sell anything?

Ross Sauer

Ross, good rant.
How does that work - anybody know?
Did they have to get permission to use "Rock n Roll?"
Or do they just use it and then write a check?

I gotta admit, that Plant vocal they use is goddamn fantastic,
one of the best vocal pieces Jimmy ever got of Robert on tape.

Call me crazy, I enjoy gearing it, but then, I'm a Caddy man.
If Lincoln was using it I wouldn't be as receptive :)

Follow Up

From: DENNISC@iadb.org

Subject: Proof that spoken prayer works better

According to Jesus, public prayer DOES NOT WORK!

In Jesus' own words as recorded by Matthew, Chapter 6, beginning in Verse 5.....

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues
and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.
Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  And when you pray,
do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words."

...so many Christians will NOT follow Christ's example...

 Ongoing budget battle...

 Last Honest Reporter vs. Schuman

 Click  Here

 True or False?

 Drudge, Matt.
 Friend of Dorothy and egg fetishist who's done great damage to his gay brothers and sisters
 by aiding the cause of fascists, intolerant orthodox Christians, and conservative scum.
 Ethically challenged hypocritical lackey and moral catamite to right-wingers.

 We remember you from the old days, Matt-o, and when you fall back to obscurity
 we'll be waiting with sharpened knives.

Feds Attack San Francisco
 by Marc Perkel

On this day when the President’s buddy “Kenny Boy” of Enron was refusing to testify about the biggest
bankruptcy in the history of America, President Bush gave a speech equating drug use to terrorism.
As a political stunt, Bush had the Feds raid legal medical marijuana buyers clubs in San Francisco.

We the People of the Great State of California in two elections passed by an overwhelming majority our medical
marijuana laws. We don’t like it when the Enron administration, who was not elected by a majority of the people,
orders the Feds to invalidate our legitimate elections as a political stunt to distract attention off the Enron scandal.

Additionally, we don’t like being called terrorists and treated like terrorists.
The idea of being moralized at about drugs from a drunk driver and a person
who refused to deny that he used cocaine in the 1970s ­ amazing!

We the People of California say to the United States of Enron ­ get the hell out of our state!

My right eye finally quit twitching.
...I ain't a-scared of no damn BartCop Hex.
...ain't so such thing as no damn BartCop Hex.
Unka Dick said it was just a myth - nothing to worry about.

Believe it, Mr. President.
I pissed BartCop off last year and he put the Hex on me.
I haven't sunk a goddamn three-foot put since July.
That BartCop Hex is the strongest thing I've ever seen.

I used to be the greatest golfer of all times,
but after that Hex, I'm ...14th, ...15th, ...somewhere around there.
I love you, Mr President, and all rich, right-wing conservatives,
but that BartCop Hex cannot be denied.

Damn, there goes my eye again.
Unka Dick! Unka Dick!
Make BartCop stop!!

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