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Volume 804 - Number One Crush


Tuesday   May 28, 2002 


“Bush can talk quite clearly on the subjects that most interest him:  baseball,
  football, campaign tactics, putting men to death. On the other hand, our president
  is extraordinarily tongue-tied when he’s trying, off the cuff, to sound a note of
  idealism, magnanimity or - especially - compassion.”
      – Mark Crispin Miller, The Bush Dyslexicon, now available in paperback

 You know how I feel about the whore media.
 Lazy, stupid, crooked and always looking for a stupid hook.
 Sunday, the radio nazi's talked about that bridge that was hit by a barge and collapsed.
 They kept saying "Motorists will have to figure out another way to cross the river."

 I'm going to go out on a limb here and say even monkeyboy Bush
 could figure out how to safely detour around the fallen bridge.

 But then again, heh heh, he'd have to go thru Gore, Oklahoma to do it.

 George W Bush and the GOP gave me $300 for Sex
  Then they took it back when the deed was done.
    by withheld

 I'm a stuck at home mom (that's a stay at home mom who can't afford the choice to
 return to the workforce). I don't have any income, but just because my husband and I
 file our taxes jointly, GWB and the GOP deemed I was worth $300.

 What did I do to earn that $300 rebate? I've managed to remain married to my
 Republican for 13 years, despite the fact that I cook and clean like Peg Bundy,
 talk like Sharon Osbourne and have the fashion sense of Marge Simpson.
 I'm no Suzi Homemaker or Martha Stewart, so what else could it be but the sex?

 So GWB and the GOP gave me $300 for doing the Lewinsky. They were happy,
 my Republican hubby was happy, and I had $300 in my pocket to spend on some frou-frou
 (even though thanks to BartCop, I knew this was an advance, not a rebate, I was going to
 "play up" the moment). When tax time came and our $600 rebate turned into some
 convoluted language on the tax return that essentially said, "Screw you, your $600 rebate
 was already deducted from your refund," hubby was a little disgusted. And he's even
 more disgusted that The Lewsinsky is as gone as that "extra" $600 from GWB & the GOP.
 I'm now hearing "Bush is a one-termer" at least three times a month.

 The new  is up.
 To kick it off, he's got a story by Mike Malloy, running back!

 Court-appointed commander
  Northwest Arkansas Times editorial,     Fayetteville, AR     May 24, 2002

  Click  Here

 People who said they were glad George Bush was leading the American response
 to terrorist attack are choking on their words. Recent events confirm that the founders
 knew what they were doing when they provided for the president to be chosen by the
 voters, as Al Gore was, and not the Supreme Court, as Bush was.

 ...after the airplanes struck the towers, Bush spent the rest of the day darting around
 the country, maintaining distance from the crash sites, ostensibly on the recommendation
 of security advisers. Bush's press secretary defended this behavior by saying terrorists
 had targeted the presidential plane. This was a lie, it turns out.

 There was no such targeting, at least none that our government knew of.
 Anyway, an army of security advisers couldn't have kept President Clinton from
 Ground Zero, and indeed former President Clinton showed up there before Bush did.

 India and Pakistan are still wanting to murder millions of innocent people.

 Remember in the campaign that reporter asked Smirk-for-Brains if he knew
 who the leader of Pakistan and since he's dumber than a sack of snow,
 he thought it'd be cute to fire back, "No, ...do YOU?"

 And, of course, the GOP and their willing media allies will tell us again and again
 how "lucky" we are to have a brainless flunky as president during these tense times.

 We didn't have ANY of these horrible problems when Clinton was President.
 When we had an elected president. our two biggest problems were:

 A. What to do with the $5,000,000,000,000.00 surplus, and...
 B. Which of Monica's nipples did Bill touch first, and when?

 Under the Failure in Thief, we have a world war with thousands of American dead,
 Clinton's surplus has gone to line the pockets of the very richest one percent,
 we have a Bush-caused recsssion so his buddies can pick up some property cheap,
 we have the likelihood of an angry nuclear exchange between religio-crazies,
 China has our most sophisticated spying and surveillance software and hardware,
 Enron stole billions, the Enron sub killed NINE, and the priests... well, the priests
 have been doing this for centuries, we can't blame Bush for their current behavior,
 state economies are crumbling because of the lost revenue and on and on and on...
 ...but the media (and some Democrats) keep chanting how "lucky" we are?

 We used to live in Clinton's Paradise, now we live in Bush's hellhole.

 They read it in Sydney.
 They read it in Bosnia.
 They read it in Austin.


 We saw a lot of TV this weekend.
 It's fun to get lost in those TV marathons.
 We did some X-Files, then some Law & Order, then some Star Trek.

 We saw "City on the Edge of Forever," starring Joan Collins.
 TV Guide voted Edith Keeler's death as the second-finest moment
 in Star Trek history, with Next Generation getting spots 1 & 3.

 Wouldn't you agree that "City on the Edge of Forever" was the best
 episode ever of the original series?  You got McCpy on drugs, Spock got
 his head caught in "the mechanical rice picker," one of my all-time favorites.
 You also had time travel and the first man in history to die of a phaser overload.
 It also contains, I believe, the only "cursing" in the original series.

 "Let's get the hell out of here."

 That was strong stuff back in the mid-sixties

 Funny, Joan Collins in 1967 was only slightly less hot than she is in 2002.
 It's my guess all women hate Joan Collins. How dare she look that good at 66?
 What kind of deal did she make with the devil?

 Somewhere, locked in a closet, is a
 painting of a very old Joan Collins.

 We also watched Midway, starring Henry Fonda, Robert Mitchum and the gang.
 Besides Chuck Heston, almost everybody was a big name actor in that great piece of history.
 My favorite part of the movie is when Mitchum comes down with the clap and can't lead
 the battle group so they must look for a replacement.  Mitchum suggests Nicky New Guy
 who doesn't have the rank of some others, "but he knows carrier tactics," he says.

 Well, hell, it turns out the "new guy" is Glenn Ford!
 If you can't trust Glenn Ford with your boat, you're in deep trouble.
 I mean Koresh - it's Glenn Ford!

 I trust Dave at Project 60 has a Midway Special coming up.

has a report on Rolling Thunder in DC, the Worried Shrimp,
 a TV report, an update on the Osbournes, Chris Tucker joined Bono & O'Neill in Uganda!

 Plus, Moose & Squirrel, a Big Dog report, Terry Farrell booted from Becker, a report
 on how Pickles Bush embarrassed America by dressing like a homeless man. I'll bet
 Betty Bowers tossed cookies when she saw that picture...

 ...is Jenna Bush pregnant?

 Plus, the end of Hole (say it ain't so!)
 I guess Courtney's going to devote all her time and energy into fighting Dave & bassboy
 to stop him from releasing any more of Nirvana's work...


 You might want to visit   www.zianet.com/insightanalytical


 "It's going to take a lot of brains in Russia to create a drain."
     -- President Not Elected, making everybody wince

 Polls & Bookstores


Okay, 46 per cent of the people believe Bush KNEW
we were going to have a major terrorist attack, right?
So how does this guy have a 70 0/0 approval rating?

Something DOES NOT ADD UP!!!!
I've been saying for months his people are cookin' the polls..
if this doesn't prove it, I don't know what does.

BTW, I had a very hard time buying BLINDED BY THE RIGHT for my Library.
Baker & Taylor, one of the three largest wholesalers in the country was always
conveniently out of stock when I tried to order it. Baker &Taylor is part of the
....tah dah...Carlyle Group, (something you might want to share with your reading public).

I finally found the book at Borders, but I had to seek it out. It and Michael Moore's book
were not on display with all the other new and best sellers...they weren't even on the shelves.
They were in the back in a box.
Maybe they'd just been delivered, ( it was Sunday )
but they sure had O'Reilly's book out front.
Makes ya wonder...


 The holiday issues weren't my best work, but I'm a liberal - I have an excuse!
 I was forced, at marriage-point, to drive the touring sedan to Texas to visit Lorena's
 Bush-loving, conservative, religious family so I had to rush the issues, so to speak.

 The trip was fine, but there was one horrific moment at the dinner table.
 I don't know if you've ever seen "The Boys from Brazil," but Lorena's brother told us
 about a "speader" they put in his twelve-year old daughter's mouth. It seems X-rays
 showed a tooth coming in with nowhere to go, so they installed this speader to "split"
 or "pop" this poor girl's palate.      ....Jesus, I'm getting light-headed just typing this.

 Dad had some kind of key, and every night, he was supposed to insert the key
 and widen the spreader two notches or rotations. It was so painful, he had to hold
 her down because she was fighting him with all she had to prevent the pain, but he
 was always successful, but he said it was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

 So while she's screaming "Daddy, it hurts so bad," he held her down and twisted
 that key until - one day - her palate popped or split.


 ...sorry, I fainted

 Is this 2002?
 I can't believe there isn't a better way to do this.
 Have a lot of you been doing home surgery on your kids?

 Her palate popped or split, whatever it's called and it widened her nose and changed her face.
 They said 48 hours later that tooth had dropped and now she has a beautiful smile.

 Thank you, God, for making my life childless.
 Hell, I can't even give the cat a pill.


The right to be irresponsible

 BartCop MIRC chat

 Have you checked out the chat yet?
 Christian's in there a lot lately, same for Marty from E!
 and Michele from BartCook and lots of friendly people.

Subject: Your subscription plan

I hope you rethink this.  It would kill all those who are inclined to drop by
and get a look, and of course, are hooked and stay the course.

It might also kill me, one of your most dedicated readers.  I have sent in $100 this year
in increments...$25 to Julie, the rest to you, and that is hard going since my business got
Bush-whacked by the energy scheme (Dec. 2001) and I have not worked in the time
I have sent you this money.  I wonder how salon.com has fared with their subscription deal.
I know I enjoyed it, but haven't been inspired to pay the tariff, which is modest.

I don't want to be a piker, and if I hit the lottery, you are a-ok...
my chances are diminished by the fact I don't buy tickets.

ha ha

Think about a rolling road show...Juliefest went great.  I bet a "Bart is coming to a neighborhood near you"
would as well.  I bet you could plan an event a month at regional areas and fund the whole deal and show
your supporters a good time as well.  Or, shoot...do a "Join Me in Vegas" one weekend a month...that is
the cheapest destination spot in the country.  Make those Chinaco guys tithe to you....or send product.

I simply think it would kill the site if you made it a pay per view.
Damn...it sounds so Republican....continue to beg and grovel like a real Democrat...


Hmmmm, "Join me in Vegas?"
I like the sound of that.

We are looking at several options, but I can't see shutting off  the page to the broke.
One possibility is to make the current issues subscription only, and people who
can't afford that can read each issue as it becomes available.

You know, I'm wrong a lot, but I think if/when BartCop Radio hits,
some people will say, "How did I survive before BartCop Radio came along?"
I don't do impressions or voices or sound effects - none of that usual radio crap,
but you're only getting about 5 percent of the energy from the written word.
When I get off on a rant, by the time I get to the computer and start typing
and formatting and searching for files and fonts and putting the old issue in
the archives to prepare for the new idea - I've forgotten what it f-ing was!
If I had an idea at 2:10 and could rant about it at 2:11, that would be real radio.

Plus, think of all the mistakes I make on this page.
Live, I'd make ten times the mistakes, that'd be fun, right?

Geez, taking phone calls would be a riot all by itself!
Ditto-monkeys ONLY the second hour!

Oh, well, maybe when I turn 60, I'll be able to afford to do BartCop Radio.

Click to order


"We hold dear what our Declaration of Independence says,
   that all have got uninalienable rights, endowed by a Creator."
    -- President Monkey in a Man Suit

  A veteran speaks

  Click  Here

 I cannot suppress my revulsion at having a known deserter who has done
 nothing to distinguish himself in his life appointed as the Commander in
 Chief and protector of our Constitution who will ultimately be a threat to
 the document we swore to protect and defend with our blood.

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Is Dan Quayle smarter than Usurperboy?

God bless Dan Quayle as the Democrats are forever grateful for this guy.
This week, he tries to show that he is no lightweight in a speech about terrorism.
He was quoted as saying, "How many Palestinians were on those planes that hit
the World Trade Center on September 9th?"

Duh, Dan I think you meant to say September 11th.
No, Dan you're not a lightweight, you're more of a 'W' weight as in Bush.
The sad truth is that Dan Quayle is smarter that W. Bush.
When George Herbert Bush picked Dan Quayle as his running mate,
he did so because Quayle reminded him of his son George Jr., but a little smarter.

Jim in Rochester, MI

thanks to Wizard of Whimsy

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Another, slightly different James Woods acoount

Neither the F.B.I. nor America's other intelligence agencies have effectively addressed what may be the
most important challenge of September 11th: How does an open society deal with warnings of future
terrorism? The Al Qaeda terrorists were there to be seen, but there was no system for seeing them.

Several weeks before the attacks, the actor James Woods was in the first-class section of a
cross-country flight to Los Angeles. Four of his fellow-passengers were well-dressed men who
appeared to be Middle Eastern and were obviously travelling together. "I watch people like a
moviemaker," Woods told me. "As in that scene in 'Annie Hall' "—where Woody Allen and Diane
Keaton are sitting on a bench in Central Park speculating on the personal lives of passers-by.
"I thought these guys were either terrorists or F.B.I. guys," Woods went on. "The guys were in
synch—dressed alike. They didn't have a drink and were not talking to the stewardess. None of them
had a carry-on or a newspaper. Nothing.  "Imagine you're at a live-music event at a small night club
and you're standing behind the singer.   Everybody is clapping, going along, enjoying the show— and
there's four guys paying no attention. What are they doing here?"

Woods concluded that the men were "casing" the plane. He said that his concern led him to hang on
to his cutlery after lunch. He shared his worries with a flight attendant. "I said, 'I think this plane is going
to be hijacked.' I told her, 'I know how serious it is to say this,' and asked to speak to the captain."
The flight attendant, too, was concerned. The plane's first officer came over immediately and assured
Woods that he and the captain would keep the door to the cockpit locked.

The remainder of the trip was bumpy but uneventful, and Woods recalled laughingly telling his agent,
who asked about the flight, "Aside from the terrorists and the turbulence, it was fine." Woods said that
the flight attendant told him that she would file a report about the suspicious passengers. If she did, her
report probably ended up in a regional Federal Aviation Authority office in Tulsa, or perhaps Dallas,
according to Clark Onstad, the former chief counsel of the F.A.A., and disappeared in the bureaucracy.
"If you ever walked into one of these offices, you'd see that they have no secretaries," Onstad told me.
"These guys are buried under a mountain of paper, and the odds of this"—a report about suspicious
passengers—"coming up to a higher level are very low."

Hmmm, looks like the Bush boy has been "delegating authority" again.
That way, when things go wrong as they always do under a lazy president,
he can say "other people handle that, not me."

Bush was warned in advance. He took the warning seriously enough to pull
his own people off commercial aircraft, but didn't bother to alert the airlines?

He KNEW Al Qaeda was planning a serious hijacking - and soon - and didn't bother
to tell the flight attendants to report suspicious passengers casing their planes?

Bush didn't steal the election to help others.
He stole the election to get his hands on Clinton's surplus, and now it's gone.



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