...somebody has to say it,
POLITICS - HUMOR -
FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE
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"The bears were out on Wall Street yesterday,
where the Dow lost another 260 points."
-- every financial reporter I heard yesterday
What a cute, candy-ass way to say "America
has no faith in the Failure in Thief."
The major media continues to cover for this unelected fraud and that sickens me.
How worthless is it to describe our lack of confidence in Bush as "the bears were out?"
The American economy is in serious trouble, and almost everyone
predicts it will
get worse before it gets better, so why the cute, candy-ass coating on this cancer?
Smirk needs to throw his good friend Kenny Boy behind bars, then
release the facts
behind his Harken stockholder swindle and Heartless's stockholder swindle of Halliburton.
That will start the market roaring again, that's a BartCop Guarantee.
Bush rebuked at Hiroshima A-bomb memorial
Akiba invited Bush to Hiroshima "to confirm with his own eyes what nuclear weapons
can do to human beings" and lashed out at Washington's go-it-alone stance.
"America has not been given the right to
impose a 'Pax Americana' and to decide the fate
of the world," Akiba said. "Rather, we, the people of the world, have the right to insist
that we have not given you the authority to destroy the world."
"I can do any damn thing I want!"
He's the most hated president in history.
Our allies, our enemies - nobody likes a stupid, arrogant thief.
Bush gets rehab, the poor and black get hard time
Fed up with draconian drug penalties, a coalition led by angry mothers
is threatening to overturn some of the country's harshest laws.
"I haven't seen my son in 10 years," Mortimore tells the camera. She's a lovely, fine-boned woman
with desolate eyes and a choked voice. She recently had a stroke. "In 1992 he was convicted of a
low-level drug offense and sent to prison. 15 to 30 years on a low-level drug offense. That's more
time than they give convicted murderers and sex offenders."
No surprise, here.
The GOP is only tough on crime when blacks and the poor are involved.
When a Bush gets caught, we all understand.
When Ashcroft's nephew gets caught with heavyweight pot, we understand.
When Pat Buchanan's brother threatens a man with a gun, he's "just distraught."
But if a black man does it, we lock him up and throw away the key.
Wizard of Whimsey
[Enclosed is a donation]
Salon charges $37 for a year. I subscribed and
read it, oh, once or twice a month at most.
I read your site every single day. It's great entertainment and right on the money.
Needless to say, I never got a personalized "thank you" note from Salon!
Some would say you are "over the top."
I really, really, really, really **wish** you were just over the top.
I wish you were a raving lunatic, and it wasn't as bad as it seems.
That we'd all wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream,
about the rightwing taking over parts of the government, flouting the
Constitution, setting up a police state -- it doesn't seem real, does it?
-- and grabbing for ever more power.
But with this bunch, it's nearly impossible to
be too suspicious.
Like I said, you've been right on the money, almost every time.
"I don't know wheteher I'm going to win or
I think I am.
I do know I'm ready for the job.
And of not, that's just the way it goes."
-- Way, way too stupid to be president
Subject: Ofiicial Democratic Recount Bouncer
I keep reading about how the Brooks Brothers roughed
up Dems during the Florida recount.
I would like to personally apply as Democratic bouncer.
I am a big guy and would focus my art on the Repubs.
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For non-subscribers, they're Free with any donation.
Special Bonus: Free
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a photo of the best-placed bartcop.com sticker. (vandalism doesn't count)
A theory was proposed after September 11th that I believe is true.
It goes like this:
The Taliban and bin Laden HAD to know that, if they attacked the WTC,
it was more certain than the sun coming up tomorrow that we'd come after them
and knock them out of power and chase them deep into the Afghan caves.
Nothing could've stopped that, no matter who was president at
or which party had control of congress at the time - it's a guarantee.
So why pull a suicide attack that's guaranteed to cost you your country?
Because Bush guaranteed them we were coming either way.
"You can have a carpet of gold for that pipeline or a carpet of bombs."
It's the only thing that makes sense.
Why else would the Taliban voluntarily sacrifice everything to tear down
two buildings in New York most of them had never even seen?
So, if you're with me, (and if you're not - please write) then
what the hell sense
does it make for Dim Son to say he's going to invade Iraq and topple Saddam?
On one of the Sunday shows, some "expert" said Saddam refused
to use chemical
and bacterial weapons against our boys in the Gulf War because he KNEW we'd
come fry his ass extra crispy with nukes if he dared to try such an outrage.
So, we're going to back Saddam into a corner?
We're going to force him to fire every missle he has loaded with mustard gas and anthrax
into Israel, putting Sharon in the position of having no option but to nuke Baghdad?
I don't think I like the way the Clueless Idiot wages war.
Is this what they're fighting about behind the scenes?
Is this the debate that we keep hearing is causing the split between State and Defense?
One thing's certain - if we have a catastrophic war, the B.F.E.E.
is in a position to
make UNTOLD TRILLIONS and suspend elections, which I believe is their plan.
If Powell resigns in the next few months, I'm getting religion.
Subject: Who Cares What We Think?
Here we had pResident Shrub giving a perfunctory
and shallow statement
of supposed grief over more Middle East violence and deaths, then an
immediate return to his golf game, saying, "Now, watch this drive."
All through the years after Ron Brown's death,
Limbaugh would allege,
over and over, that President Clinton was a hypocrite because he was laughing
emerging from the funeral service but when he saw the cameras, became instantly somber.
Will Limbaugh comment on Shrub's callousness and shallowness?
John, hell no.
The vulgar Pigboy gets $200,000 a day to lie, not report the facts.
by Tally Briggs
I feel a bit like Rip Van Winkle, only I havenít slept for twenty years. I know where I am,
but the America I know and love is hardly recognizable. Free speech is a fantasy.
The press is no longer The Press. Attorney-Client privilege is an historical footnote,
elections are fixed, and the power mad Mafiosi that are running our government are
gleeful in their ignorant arrogance that is consistently creating a worldwide hatred of
all things American. And in their isolationism, have come to embrace a way of life where
power and greed are their collective gods. Have you ever seen a group so out of touch
with the realities of the common man?
Top Twenty reasons we aren't having BartFest on a Cruise
20. No matter how drunk you get, you can't fall off
19. Can't hit Venice, Rio and New York in the same day on a lunky boat.
18. No Liberace Museum in the Caribbean.
17. Don't meet many friendly people on a boat.
16. Not likely to hear Celine Dion in Las Vegas.
15. Ben doesn't tip cocktail waitresses $10K on a boat.
14. No chance of seeing nuclear waste mushroom cloud in Caribbean.
13. No crusty cabbies on the Princess Perfume.
12. Helicopter trip from Holland Princess costs $3800, in Vegas, it's just $69.
12. No South's Finest Chocolate in Caribbean, as far as I know...
11. The sand at Mandalay Beach is cleaner than the sand on the beach in Bermuda.
10. Bellagio Magic Waters more fun to watch than lazy-ass, repetitive Atlantic waves.
9. Pink Taco manager Mary Carpenter not likely seen in Aruba.
8. Harley rental prices on a ship are truly outrageous!
7. No advertised "Floating Hummer Tours" from Ft. Lauderdale.
6. Pirate fight at Treasure Island less painful than surprise Al Qaeda ship hijacking.
(Vulnerable cruise ships not owned by mob, subject to takeover.)
5. White tigers, mile high roller-coasters, volcanoes* and black pyramids? ...not on a boat!
4. On a ship in the Caribbean, ...you're still legally married. (cough)
3. No chance of oogling Shania Twain's Desert Diva outfit on some damn boat.
2. Bermuda Triangle - Never heard from again.
Area 51 - You come back, but you come back "funny."
1. JulieFest2002-DC was a bolt of lightning striking a bunch of people at the same time.
I'm not saying it was Woodstock, but passionate Democrats gathered, and the buzz
in the room got louder and it's hard to explain. It was the like the opposite of alone.
No telling (and I mean that) who'll show up in Las Vegas. I can't promise lightining
will strike again, ...but if what happened in DC happens again, or happens more,
it might make a nice memory.
...but leave the kids at Kingman Day care just the same.
Today's flashback is not funny - repeat, not funny.
It was written when I was in much pain.
It's from Volume 178 - Annie Get Your Fries
It was very blue.
(My toe and the language)
by Joe Conason
The president can still rely on most of the press to ignore or downplay embarrassing and even
potentially explosive stories. Heeding a consensus that stories about the 2000 election are "old news,"
no matter how much new information they reveal, most news organizations devoted little attention to
Bloomberg's superb story last Friday about the Enron, Halliburton and other corporate jets used by
the Bush-Cheney campaign during the presidential recount struggle in Florida. (The fraudulent tale
about Kenny Boy sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom when Clinton was president got better play.)
Remember: Joe Conason's Journal is daily at Salon.com
Know of any good bits or issues that need a repeat?
"A leadership is someone who brings people
--Too stupid to run the french fry machine at Wendy's
We got trouble
The new Spears model for 2003 is out, have you seen it?
This is Jamie Lynn Spears, newest in the series, and I worry about
the Jon Benet thing.
Britney, don't teach her those nasty pelvic moves with the snake and all that, ...promise?
Subject: The Willie Horton Thing
At the time of the infamous Willie Horton issue,
I was serving as the 3rd Congressional District Coordinator
for Dukakis. A friend brought to my attention a mailer he'd received... It depicted three black men, and listed
their crimes, something like petty theft, rapist, petty theft, one of whom was Willie Horton (rapist, obviously),
and when you opened the mailer up, it said "Guess which one Governor Mike Dukakis gave a "get out of jail free" card to? Yeppers, you guessed it, Willie Horton.
I was shocked and sickened by the mailer, and
its obvious racist undertones and demagoguery, as was everyone
in the campaign. I vividly remember a late-night conference phone call with Paul, Susan, all the regional offices, et.al.,
trying to figure out the spin on the flyer. Obviously, our spin was ineffective. Something like "Let's take the moral
high ground on this one" kinda thing. Turns out that fuckin' Willie issue buried us once and for all. And of course
Bernie and his infamous loaded "debate" question didn't help solidify our stance much...
Jennifer the Cincinnati Bartender :-)
Jennifer, I think taking the moral high ground against the B.F.E.E.
is always suicide.
And Dukakis flubbed Bernie Shaw's rape question as badly as possible.
That was the final nail in his coffin.
Also, Check This from the Daily Howler
a New York debate in March 1988, Gore criticized Dukakis for his Massachusetts
in which several furloughed prisoners (serving life sentences) had committed major crimes.
But Gore never mentioned Willie Horton by name; never mentioned anyone else by name;
never mentioned the race of any offender; and never ran an ad on the subject.
...but that doesn't stop the vulgar Pigboy and Fox News
from lying about it forever.
It proves again how horribly ill-equipt Democrats are in almost every campaign.
Just like Gore paying $10,000 a month to be told what to wear, if they don't refute a charge it must be true.
Democrats do NOT want to win elections - they want to play nice, instead.
Subject: interesting how the GOP thinks
The graphic at the top of your August 5 issue made me think of something.
I hate to sound like an Andy Rooney commentary but I have to ask:
Didja ever notice how the Republicans who are
saying that they don't give a damn
how the world sees the United States as a result of us backing out on the Kyoto Protocol,
the ABM treaty, the World Court, human rights violations, etc. are the same ones who went
around for years shrieking about how the world looked down on the United States because
we had a president (elected, mind you) who enjoyed the occasional hummer?
Just an observation.
Most countries don't fly into a panic when they think of sex.
The ones who do that are America, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iran.
BartFest2002 - Party of the Year
Make your own hotel reservations.
- Book Online Vegas Fares:
$74 one-way, to/from Oakland, CA
$39 one-way, to/from Phoenix, AZ
$39 one-way, to/from Reno/Tahoe, NV
$75 one-way, to/from Sacramento, CA
$57 one-way, to/from Salt Lake City, UT
$39 one-way, to/from San Diego, CA
Big News: Nothing yet, but that could change any moment.
Y'know, in a way, it's kind of exciting - the danger behind the BartFest.
We have rolled the dice!
...we are now officially out on a limb...isn't this
(Oh, God, please don't let me lose my ass on this!)
We might change the name to "Help California
learn to party!"
That would make it a charity and we could deduct it, right?
Do the New Yorkers and the Okies have to show you how it's done?
9 days from todayThe Rio will ask "Bart, you in or out?"
...we are now officially out on a limb, ...isn't
(Oh, God, please don't let me lose my ass on this!)
28th - tickets
Las Vegas - an oasis of life in Death Valley
44. The Weather
It's no coincidence that the Party of the Year is being held in Las Vegas in late September.
Expect the weather to be perfect for walking The Strip, staggering between hotels,
boating on the cobalt-blue lakes, seeing flying saucers at Area 51, etc.
It'll be so fine, The Rio asked if we'd like to hold our gig outside, by the pool.
BTW, I've seen a Rio floor plan map online, but can't find it.
If you see one, could you send it in?
classes on how to strip ...as seen on Dave's Vegas page!
They charge $300, I'll bet Marc Perkel will teach you for half that.
It's been 25 years since the King left the building.
Click Here to see Bart's 40 (so far) things to do in Vegas.
Click Here to see Dave's 100 Things to do in Vegas
Talk to me!
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They read it in Vatican City, but they don't tell the Pope...
They read it in Leaf Mountain Township, Minnesota, to be frank.
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Heard at BartFest