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A Slut Named Laura

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Volume 769 - Recognize your Enemies


Tuesday   April 9, 2002          Send Me an Angel            Recent old stuff            Shopping w/ Bart
 VCR Alert - TV's businest night -  Buffy (r) Frasier, NYPD Blue (r), 24,

  The Shield on FX (Best new drama), Ozzy (Best new comedy - by far) and Joseph Goebbels on Dave


``Yasser Arafat has proven his total contempt for human life.
  He is completely untrustworthy.   So we should support Israel as they
  dismantle the Palestinian leadership that foments violence and fosters hate.''
    -- Tom Delay, breaking ranks with his crooked president

 The Talking Chimp
  Speaking to Britain's ITV television network...    Attribution

   Q: Has anything surprised you about the pressures, having these crises
       -- have there been any surprises since you came into the Oval Office?

TC: I think the surprise was how clearly I saw what we needed to do after 9/11.

 Yeah, that would've shocked all of us - if only it was half true.

 When President Monkey in a Man Suit was told we were under terrorist attack,
 his well-honed instincts told him to keep reading caterpillar stories to those kids.

 Once Condi and Unka Dick called, the young Bush boy seemed a lot smarter.

Dirty Beaches

Dear Editor:

I am shocked and horrified about the sewage runoff problems that continue to plague our
beautiful beaches. It is unthinkable that children and pregnant women are forbidden from
swimming in the water due to health concerns.

This would have doubly excluded George Bush's pregnant 15 year old girlfriend from
swimming, as she was both pregnant and a  child at the time. Well, until he arranged for
her to have an illegal  abortion anyway.  Then she would have only been a child.

But I digress.
I implore you to help save our beaches!

Mark Doggens,
San Diego, CA

 Two More Cents Worth
     by Isaac Peterson

   Click  Here

  Six more - this time it's New York

  Click  Here

 The Archdiocese of New York said on Sunday that six priests
 who have been named in allegations of sexual misconduct
 have been "asked to leave their current assignments."

 I don't get it

 Bush says he's going to de-thrown Saddam, then Israel snubs the young Bush boy,
 so Saddam announces he's cutting oil exports, which has the net effect of raising oil prices,
 which makes tons of extra cash for the crooked administration's friends, who will then
 donate that extra money to the campaign warchest for 2004.

 That makes Saddam a hueueueuge Bush campaign contributor.

 Saddam has the same deal with the Bush Family Evil Empire that bin Laden does.

 Traveling Europe

 Dear Editor:

 Many Americans look to Europe and admire their "progressive" attitudes.
 But I recently returned from a trip to Europe, and what I saw and experienced
 was something completely different: corrupt politicians, uncaring bureaucracies,
 and epidemics of street crime, drugs, and sexual promicuity.

 The permissive Europeans have loosened their moral codes to such an extent that
 it is perfectly legal to have sex with 15-year-olds and then force them to have abortions,
 as George W. Bush did a few years ago. Thank God we in the United States can
 stand proud as shining beacons of morality in this increasingly dangerous world.

 A Proud American

 Penthouse Magazine Bankrupt

  Click  Here

"Porn works on the Web because it is free, and more importantly, you don't
 have to go into the convenience store and face the smirking young woman at
 the cash register to get it. Now, you just turn on the computer."

 It sounds like a gag, but these days I get Playboy for the articles and the interview.
 By the time the magazine shows up in my mailbox, I've already seen the pictures.
 The centerfold and the others are on the newsgroups a week or two prior to delivery.
 Why buy a cow when the milk was delivered two weeks ago?

 ...and don't get me started on the poses they put those women in.
 First them get them wet, then they hang them upside down.
 Then they poor sand or dirt or motor oil on them and hand them a wrench.

 Hey, Playboy - I have no fantasies about having sex with a car mechanic, OK?

 BTW, that lying scumbag Bill O' Reilly is this month's interview.
 He tells lie after lie after lie (such as 'Fox is not biased') and Playboy lets him get away with it.
 I'm so old, I remember when the Playboy interview was the defining interview of one's life - where
 the REAL questions were asked about REAL touchy topics, but now they've gone soft, pun intended.

 I don't think I'll renew my subscription.

 An Open Letter to US President George W. Bush
  Nissan Ratzlav-Katz

  Click  Here

 How can you, the man who so clearly and justifiably defined the war against the terrorists
 who struck at America as a war waged against Evil, dare ask Israel to retreat from its own
 front lines in that very same battle? More accurately, Mr. President, you are asking that the
 Arabs be allowed to return the front lines of that battle to Israeli schools, hotels, restaurants
 and public buses. What you are asking the citizens of our country to do, Mr. President,
 is lie down and agree to be slaughtered.

 Goodbye Cruel World
  Report Suggests Environmental Catastrophe Could Be Imminent

   Click  Here

 Are you like me?
 Do you extra hate it when Rush and the young Bush boy say,
 "When it comes to global warming, you have your scientists and we have ours."

 But the problem is, "our" scientists work for N.A.S.A., the C.D.C. and the N.O.A.A.
 Their "scientists" work for Union Carbide, the Coal Lobby, Halliburton and Enron.

 Why do the Democrats let them get away with that hoseshit?
 Is it because we're a party of spineless weenies?

 ...Unka Dick was right.
 They're not even putting up a fight!


"Bush and Cheney are leading us into another half-century of cold war,
  with terrorism replacing Communism as the new hobgoblin of our age."
    --George McGovern, (war hero) Questions for Mr. Bush, thenation.com

 Instead of spending billions to beef up our military, wouldn't it be cheaper
 to just post the Ten Commandments on the walls of the United Nations?

When pigs fly...

 Crossfire Moment

 CARLSON:  ...our producers here on CROSSFIRE came across a quote from BUZZFLASH.COM,
                        don't think I'll be reading it soon, but you did an interview with them.

 BEGALA: Absolutely.

 CARLSON: And here's the quote that you gave. I'm quoting now.
                      "It turns out we, Clinton, were the most ethical administration in history."

 BEGALA: Absolutely. How many senior Reagan aides went to prison? 30.
                   How many senior Clinton aides? 1.
                   The chief of staff of the Department of Agriculture.

 Without a doubt, using any measurable criteria, the Reagan people were many, many times
 more currupt than the Clinton people, and we don't even know how corrupt because Bush
 pardoned them, but the lying whores will continue to claim otherwise.

 Clinton had the most investigated administration in history, and they had the fewest convictions
 of any administration since the GOP soured Washington with the religious hatred that Barry
 Goldwater said should be thrown out of the party.
 By the way, who was the chief of staff of the Department of Agriculture?

 (Congrats to buzzflash.com on the mention)

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "I'm never lonely because I find myself too fascinating."
    -- the vulgar Pigboy, stroking himself once again, yesterday

 Traficant fate in the hands of the jury

 "I'm not crazy.
  Give me $800"

 The prosecutor dismissed Mr. Traficant's defense as a combination of "nefarious conspiracy"
 and "cotton candy" paranoia intended to make the government the defendant, not Mr. Traficant.

 The two-month trial in ended as it began, with Traficant veering into vulgarity
 and drawing reprimands from Judge Lesley Wells for misrepresenting the law
 and distorting evidence. On the last day of his trail, Traficant asked the judge
 to drop the felony charges against his hair.  Judge Wells refused.

 Little Bo Creep and the Pulling of Wool
     by Eileen Smith  as seen on americanpolitics.com

   Click  Here

 "I was assigned to take a sheep from one pasture to another and this tour bus stops and
  they all get out and this woman says: 'Oh, look at the little Scottish boy,' in this Texas accent.
  Of course, I kept my mouth shut and gave them a little Scottish boy wave."
     -- the man some call president, recounting his "sheep summer" in Scotland

 Is America Winning?

 With the war on terrorism now six months old, it's time to review the bidding.
 How goes the war?
 Let's grade four areas:

  Click  Here

 If the suicide bombers get 72 virgins,
 what do the female suicide bombers get?

    Lanny the stalker?

 Juliefest Update

 We're about to break $18,000.
 That's not too shabby, but $18,000 is so not a round number.
 $20,000 is a much rounder number, don't you think?

 So I had an idea:

 Would you like to be a sponsor of Juliefest2002?

 Here's how that works - security is going to cost Julie $360.
 But if YOU wanted to sponsor Julie's security detail, you would get a nice
 personal note (not an e-mail) from Julie that would probably say something like,
 "Thank you, (your name here) for seeing to my safety on my big night."
 that would be worth framing and hanging in your den or on your desk at work.

 People would constantly be saying, "How do you know Julie Hiatt Steele?"
 There are also various transportation costs (not mine) for this event.
 Would you like to be a $300 transportation sponsor?
 We're going to have flowers for Julie $200 and a giant cake $80
 The pro photographer is probably $200 and the videographer has expenses,
 so if you'd like to sponsor some costs for Juliefest, which will mean more money
 will get to stay in her pocket, write to us at juliefest2002@yahoo.com

We have more $100 tickets - bring a friend!

 If you have paid for a ticket(s) and are not on the list - contact us now.
 We still intend to freeze the guest list on April 13, so contact us NOW if we owe you a ticket.
 To get tickets (hurry) send e-mail to  juliefest2002@yahoo.com

Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
  PayPal your $100 per ticket to  bartcop@bartcop.com
  or snail mail checks/MOs (do it soon) to bartcop.com at PO Box 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155

  ...you'll never forget meeting Julie Hiatt Steele - slayer of Kenneth Starr.


 Subject: Homer

 I loved seeing Homer's quote from the most recent Simpson's prominently displayed on your site.
 I believe he actually said "Now that I have legal marijuana, I can walk up to the President
 of the United States and blow smoke right in his STUPID monkey face."

 You have omitted the 'stupid' from his quote.  I, of course, may be mistaken having heard
 what I wanted to hear but I'm pretty sure that's what good ol' Homer said.
 All the best to you and your site,
 Caitlin :)

 Perhaps I was subconsciously trying to be nice to President Monkeybrain.
 That's one of my faults - I'm too forgiving...

 Robert Ray Wimps Out

  Click  Here

"The large field of Republicans seeking to challenge Torricelli in N.J. shrunk when
   nobody Guy Gregg and former independent counsel Robert Ray dropped out."

 I wonder if his impending "vacation" in prison was a factor?

Went to Fayetteville last weekend.

 I took the tour of "historical archtecture."
 Most of it was crap, but we saw Bill & Hillary's first home...

 Hey, Bill - check it out.
 Look how much bigger than tree is than when you lived there.

 Then, the gruesome part...
 ...the Springdale, Arkansas Days Inn where the B.F.E.E.'s
 C.I.A. posed Jimmy Hatfield's murdered body with a suicide note.

 "You can check out, but you can never leave."

I don't blame the Days Inn people.
When the White House says, "We need a favor," you cooperate, right?

Isn't that how Clinton got tied to Bush's Mena Airport stories?

 from the Wizard of Whimsy


 "When you think of intellectuals, think Communists."
    -- Rush, the Truth Molester, 4/8/02, praising the stupidity and
        ignorance that has infected his party for the last 30 years,

 Today's issue is so hueueueuge, I had to take the entire middle section
 and make it a link so it would all fit. I know it pains you deeply to click,
 but the entire middle section of today's  bartcop.com  is behind this link.
 Click  Here

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