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A Slut Named Laura

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Volume 842 - He is NOT a crook

click for great toons

 Monday    July 15, 2002 


"The obvious line about Ashcroft's 13-month investigation that netted
  12 hookers in New Orleans is, "How'd he miss the other 10,000?"
       --Molly Ivins

 Bush squirms in sleaze scandal
 Oil shares deal launched his political career

  Click  Here

 Two weeks before Bush moved to sell, on 7 June, Faulkner provided Bush with minutes
 of an executive committee meeting warning of a 'shutdown effective 30 June unless third-party
 funding is found'. Harken, it said, had lost $28.5m in trade credit since the start of the year.
 Bush sold on 22 June; on 20 August, Harken posted quarterly losses of $23.2m.

 Although the SEC elected not to prosecute, an internal memo advised that the halt
 of the investigation 'must in no way be construed as indicating that the party has
 been exonerated or that no action may ultimately result'.

 Ashcroft To Attempt Shutdown Of 911 Evidence

  Click  Here

 The letter also disclosed that Ashcroft's Office will push for the appointment of lead counsel,
 effectively exerting a consolidated supervisory role over all victim family attorneys, while seeking
 adoption of uniform [similarly controlled] discovery requests to streamline litigation, reduce costs
 for all parties and conserve judicial resources.

 Informed sources close to the case told Scoop Media that actions brought by the Justice
 Department will dilute and trivialize the more clear-cut and important cases which seek answers
 to many of the questions related to security, negligence, and prior knowledge of the attacks.

 The B.F.E.E. will shut down any attempt to get to the truth.
 The truth is kryptonite to this gang of illegal, unelected thugs.


"I lost a bit of my ego, but those carnivorous days of swallowing cities whole
  seem to have been replaced with a feeling that I'm doing something that is
  so wholeheartedly beautiful that I've found nirvana."
   -- Robert Plant, on the difference between then and now

 Plant Interview

 I should write about the times we met, and why he screamed the last time he saw me.
 We once met in Muskogee, Oklahoma, swear to Koresh, on a Sunday when the bars
 and liquor stores were all closed. I gave him a half gallon of Crown Royal.

 ...and if you think I'm lying, I'm not.
 If I was lying, I'd claim I met Jimmy Page.

 Cheney in Numbers

Cheney's 2000 income from Halliburton: $36,086,635
Increase in government contracts while Cheney led Halliburton: 91%
Minimum size of "accounting irregularity" when Cheney was CEO: $100,000,000 (One hundred MILLION dollars)
Number of the seven official US "State Sponsors of Terror" that Halliburton contracted with: 2 out of 7
Pages of Energy Plan documents Cheney refused to give congressional investigators: 13,500
Amount energy companies gave the Bush/Cheney presidential campaign: $1,800,000

 Complete Article

 Catholic Church hits new low
 Church sex-abuse hotline manned my shysters

  Full Story

 Two women who called a hotline set up by the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento for survivors of
 clergy sexual abuse have filed a lawsuit claiming they were misled to think they were talking to
 a counselor, when the person who answered the phone was actually the church's legal advocate.

''The church was using the victims' hotline to protect itself legally, and as a Christian,
 I find it appalling,'' said plaintiff Delores Sharp Nelson on Tuesday.

 So, ...a person is abused by a priest, and the Catholics set up a hotline to answer complaints,
 but what you get is a grilling from the Church's lawyer?  Is that how Christ would've handled it?

 ...speaking of Catholics...

 The poor Catholic Church.
 They've gone and hired Oklahoma's Foot-in-Mouth Oklahoma Governor Keating to help them
 get over their sex hump. (That doesn't sound right)   But the problem with that is, Keating was
 in line for a cabinet level position, maybe even Attorney General, but then Bush's crack staff
 found out Keating was a dirty bribe-taker in addition to his foot-in-mouth problem.

 When Keating got caught taking $250,000 from some drug-maker who, coincidentally,
 just got the exclusive state contract providing mind-numbers for Oklahoma prison inmates.

 When Keating was confronted with the $250,000 bribe donation, he said,
 "He didn't give that money to me, he gave it to my wife for the kid's college."

 ha ha

 He's no Bill Clinton, that's for sure.

 But, as always, it gets much worse than that.
 When asked what was the best way to handle the OK Teachers union, he said "...homicide?"

 Then, in an attempt to get back on the good side of Oklahoma school teachers, he called them, "slugs."

 ha ha

 Last one - when his wife ran for the seat Steve Largent (R-Jesus Twin) gave up to be king of K-Drag,
 she lost Tulsa County BIG-time and the reason, according to super-Christian Frank,
 is because "The people of Tulsa were too stupid," to vote the right way!

 ha ha

 Make him stop!
 This is the guy the Catholic's got to speak for them in times of crisis?

 ha ha

 Frank Keating has said more stupid things than Ol' BartCop!
 Re-read that last sentence, then tell me how much trouble the Catholics are in.

Subject: Bartcop IS (still) The Press

Howdy, Bart,

Thanks for running the thing I wrote to you, and for your thoughtful rebuttal.

In disagreeing with part of it, though, you really made my point.
For example, why did the submarine story sink?
Because so few people beat the drum.

The story was reported everywhere, it didn't get the proverbial "legs"
because there wasn't any organized uproar there, too few people
connecting the dots, and (no surprise) it disappeared.

Why do YOU and ME and YOUR OTHER READERS remember it?
Because you properly beat the drum about it, then and now, and we
might have slightly better memories than the average bear.
(Not saying we're smarter, necessarily, but... OK, we're smarter.)

Complaining that it disappeared is a waste of energy, since it clearly
didn't for you and me and the good people with whom we associate.

You mention the "Clinton didn't inhale" story running for ten years as another example.
WHERE did we hear that for a decade -- from news stories? Certainly not.
We heard it from right-wing morons who beat their drums. They may have been
beating with, um, slightly limp sticks, but at least they showed up.

So I still say it's not up to the bogeyman of The Press to fight our battles,
make the stinks, beat the drums, or cast the votes.
That's OUR responsibility, and here's hoping we're up for it.

The (soon-to-exist) Bean Magazine

Take Route 66 to Las Vegas!

  Today's Mini-Bonus Issue

   Click  Here

  Too bad the press was afraid to ask...
  Lt. Bush Was Too Drunk to Fly! (Critics Claim)
  (From campaign scandals 2000 Series)

   Click  Here

 Great Tom Tomorrow toon about Dick Cheney!

  Click  Here

 Party of the Year

 Dilemma: Should we party or not party?
 I prayed for God to send me a sign.

 The date.was 7-11!!!

God wants us to go to Las Vegas and play craps!
 His will be done!

 So, the party is on.
 If we end up with 30 people ready to party, we'll take over the Pink Taco
 or rent a bus and go to Area 51 or whatever the hell we want to do.
 If 60-more people want to party, we'll need a room, but rooms can be had.
 In Las Vegas, you can do anything if you whip out the plastic.

 The hastily-named BartFest won't have any speeches unless we snag
 some celebrities, which is another reason to move forward. Instead of speeches,
 maybe after a few shots I'll show you some of my high school dance moves.
 It's a secret, but I was black in the seventies and could dance like Hootie.
 Maybe we can get Maddog or Daddy-O to perform this time.

 Make your own hotel reservations.

 Reminder: Las Vegas is NOT Magic Mountain.

 September 28th - tickets on sale!

 I need to remind everybody, if you're TOTALLY broke, go to Vegas on plastic,
 have the best week of your life, then file bankruptcy when you get home.
 Think of it as Visa's way of saying "Thank you for using Visa."

 Things to do in Vegas

  1. Desert Demonstration Gardens
  2. Red Rock CanyonVermillion Wonderland
  3. The Grand CanyonMore than a big hole
  4. The Mirage Volcano, Siegfried & Roy and their White Tigers
  5. The Stratosphere Tower and it's mile-high roller coaster
  6. New York, New York  The greatest city in Las Vegas!
  7. The Fremont Experience  brought downtown back to life
  8. Star Trek The Experience, Las Vegas Hilton
  9. Area 51What the hell did I just see?
10. Mandalay Bay The Sharks! The Sharks!
11. The lakes and the boating  Ain't nothing like it!
12. The Bellagio   One of the nicest hotels in the world.
13. Hear the Juliefest Soundtrack  The best music ever!
14. The Venetian  "Best hotel in the world" Conde Nast
15. Food & Drink  is off the scale in Las Vegas.
16. Paris in Vegas!  Propose to your girl inside the Eiffel Tower
17. The Strip at Night  only Times Square could come close
18. Hoover Dam  Marty E! says they have the coolest art deco rest rooms!
19. Get married by an Elvis Impersonator!  You know it's going to last if Elvis says so.
20. The Liberace Museum  Hey, go ahead and laugh - I did.
21. Caesars Palace
22. Death Valley  If you find beauty in the desert, this is Fort Knox.
23. Utah  It's so beautiful, the Osmonds moved here.
    If you're from back east, you gotta check out what your country looks like.
    Utah scenery is spectacular. If you're in Las Vegas for as few days, see Utah.
    Smoking a fattie at Canyonlands National Park is fantastic. See why Bill Clinton
    set aside parts of Utah to be left pristine - before President Swipe drills here!
24. Arizona  There's a lot more to Arizona than the Grand Canyon.
     Pick up any Arizona Highways magazine and see what's there.
25. The company.
     My good friend Jim Higdon told me he HAD to be there, if for no other reason
     than he wanted to meet and speak to other politically like-minded people.
     The conversations you'll have at BartFest are some that you'll never forget.
     The friendships you'll make will last a lifetime.  Meet and speak with people you've
     been e-mailing and chatting with for years. Meet the writers you've been reading on
     Bartcop, Buzzflash and MWO.  Hell, find a way to write this off on your taxes!
     Make Uncle Sam pay for the funnest weekend you've had in ten years!
     Hell, just deduct it and when you get caught, say, "What? That's not legal?"
     BartFest is a must - for the good of America's future.

  Click  Here  to see details of the first twenty two suggestions

 Talk to me!

Crossfire’ after 20
  Boosting ratings by toughening tone

  Click  Here

"Crossfire' also put new emphasis on the notion of political debate as contact sport,
 airing promos that featured Begala, Carville, Carlson and Novak in boxing gloves and robes.
 The move worked like a charm. Since the revamped “Crossfire” debuted in April,
 its household ratings have soared 57 percent. Foley calls the new show “Crossfire with Tabasco,”
 a reference to the fiery Carville, who hails from the same state as the hot sauce."

 Ratings up 57 percent?  ...can't figure out why?
 Maybe the majority is tired of 24/7 horseshit from ditto-monkeys!
 Maybe the majority that got f-ed  in Florida wants their country back!

  I'm tell you - someday, maybe even in our lifetime, a Democrat is gonna stand up and say,
"No, Mr Bush! I refuse to kiss your ass one more minute."
 We're going to STOP you!"

 That person will have my vote,
 and he or she will quickly become the most popular political figure in America.

 Knowing the Democrats, our savior will be Jeffords, ...McCain or ...(choke) ...Larry Klayman.

 God help these do-nothing Democrats.

"No, ...I'm saying very little
of my inheritance came from
Jewish slave labor at Aushwitz!
You're out of the pool, Lambchop!"

 U.S. Congress: Missing in Action

  Click  Here

"So if there is to be an invasion, let it come at the declaration of Congress. After a full and open debate.
 After members of Congress have looked into their own hearts and listened to their own constituents
 and fully considered all of the ramifications and consequences. Let the president follow the direction
 of Congress rather than the other way around...Every member of Congress took an oath to
 uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States; it's time they took that oath seriously."

 Let's pretend our country is worth fighting for!
 Let's pretend freedom means more than saying "Yes, Sir," to ourdominators.

 We're going quietly into the night, and that's horseshit!
 People need to get out of bed and walk to your window and shout out,

 I'm mad as hell  ...Buck Fush!!!

 Subject: liberal media?

 I totally agree and have been trying to tell everybody
 I know for years that there is almost NO liberal media.

 There is a small center, then right of center.
 There are several decent neutrals, but that doesn't always get our noses
 out of shape so we get off our tufts and "just do" something about it.

 We need a real voice on the left.
 Who do you nominate?

 Len Wheeler

 Len, I nominate the first Democrat who will stand up and say,
 "No, Mr Bush! I refuse to kiss your ass one more minute."
 We're going to STOPyou!"
 But where the hell is he/she?
 How many more billions will Bush steal before anyone says anything?

 They read it in Nagasaki.
 They read it in Cairo.
 They read it in Topeka, Kansas while making cat food.

 Beating children for Jesus
 Pastor, brother face charges of beating 11-year-old boy

  Click  Here

 A church pastor and his twin brother surrendered Tuesday to face charges that they nearly beat to
 death an 11-year-old boy for cheating during his Bible studies  In the arrest affidavit, police said Joshua
 Thompson whipped the boy with a stick while his brother held the boy's face down.

 The boy's mother said her son was dropped off at home and that Joshua Thompson told the family
 he was unable to "break" the boy and that he should be beaten for another two hours.

 Police said the boy's back was a giant swath of red, peppered with cuts and blood spots. A nurse told
 investigators the boy's injuries caused his kidneys to fail and that he needed a blood transfusion to live

 The Evil Dick Cheney
     by Jackson Thoreau

  Click  Here

 I have mixed feelings about attempts to impeach Dubya Bush. Sure, I want to see
 this liar/thief/hypocrite exposed as the traitor he is and driven from office as Nixon was,
 never again to utter a simplistic "dead or alive" comment in public again.

 But then, we'd be officially stuck with Dick Cheney as the main man in the White House,
 although many believe he already is. And that would be worse than having Bush in that position.
 My dream scenario would be a re-enactment of Watergate, where the vice president is forced
 to resign before the president follows suit. Add to that the resignation of Scalia, Ashcroft and
 Rumsfeld, and I'd start believing that God does have more than a superficial effect on our
 political process. Thank you, Jesus, thank you, Lord.

 BartCop, ...come to Vegas!
 BartCop, Vegas is calling you.
 BartCop, over 90 different tequilas at the Hard Rock.....
 BartCop, ...BartCop...

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