Fair & balanced

Wielding a part-time hammer in a full-time war.


Fear Itself

Julie's Thanks

The Gambler

Leave it to BartCop

Let's Not Roll

Kiss My Ass

Return - Poker at Al's

Ich bin ein Enroners

A Slut Named Laura

The Myth of the
Liberal Media


Just say no to George W Bush

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Volume 797 - Sleep Together


 Sunday   May 19, 2002 


 "You would have risked shutting down the American
   civil aviation system with such generalized information."
     -- Condi Rice, explaining why the president couldn't call a meeting between the FBI,
         the CIA, the NSA and the Joint Chiefs to coordinate information about a hijacking

 But Condi, how would calling such a meeting shut down our airlines?

 Is this why Bush chose to do NOTHING?

 Or is the real truth that it would have risked shutting down another
 month long vacation by the laziest president we've ever had?

 Bush received this warning on August 6th, then went on another vacation,
 leaving New Yorkers exposed and vulnerable to an attack by Al Qaeda.
 I remember President Pinhead telling his lapdog press followers that he enjoyed
 getting out of Washington ...so he could talk to the damn cows at Crawford, Texas.

 ...instead of taking action against the coming attack.

 White House writes AP story

  Click  Here

 Bush's team was bolstered by a new poll showing that while most Americans
 wish the administration had discussed the threats earlier, only a third say
 the revelations this week have made them feel less favorably toward the president.

 Who the hell wrote this?
 Karl Rove  or  Unka Dick?

 ONLY a third?
 ONLY 90 million Americans are disappointed in Bush's bungling of 9-11
 and the White House is "bolstered" by the new poll's findings?

 Here's a boy who got fewer votes than legally-elected President Gore,
 and the White House is happy that ONLY 90 million Americans feel let down?

 Bush's high approval numbers come from being president during war.
 But if it's proven he bungled the whole mess, how far will he fall?

"Nice rack, Cowgirl"

 An open letter to John Ashcroft,
 Attorney General of the United States

  Click  Here

Do you have an attribution for the James Woods story?

I'm engaged in whipping a local newsman's ass in a game of
"What did Sockpuppet Know and When Did He Know It".

Can you get me an attribution to the James Woods / Jay Leno story?
I want to use a big ass hammer on this local yokel and show him up as a media whore.
(Man, I need one good last shot at these Springfield. MO assholes before I head for the coast!)

Whenever you can get it to me--or post it on the site,
I'm sure many other people would like to see this attribution.


Gully, yes and no.
First, it DID happen I saw it myself.
Two, I have it on videotape, but the tape's in the big pile.

But when in doubt, check snopes.com
They're right more often than not.


They say he talked to the FBI after 9/11.


 "The internet is a great way to get on the net."
      - Bob Dole, who won't be living with his Bag o' Hairspray
         if she pulls off a win in her Carolina senate race.

(There are several flashbacks to Volume 159 - Right Click to Own a Botticelli  in this issue.
 This is the first one:)

More Stroke Evidence

Poor Pigboy.
It's just a matter of time before the doctors come to take him away.
Did you hear his last hour Monday?

Pigboy: "The EIB Network, and the next call up is from Winslow, Arizona.
               The Eagles wrote a town about your song, did you know that?"

Caller:  I don't know, Rush, I'm from Winslow, Arkansas.

Pigboy:  "Oh..."

 BartCop MIRC chat

 To find out how to get there Click  Here.

  Why do you think they call it 'Operation Snipe'?
 Anybody Seen the Enemy?

  Click  Here

 Since then, the marines have met only bemused shepherds as they yomped up
 and down hills, poked around in a few caves and had a sort of private fireworks
 party with some ammunition left over from the fight against the Russians.
 Every now and then someone thinks they've found the body of  bin Laden,
 but it later turns out to be a goat, or a Canadian.

 We hear a lot of talk about intelligence failures prior to 9-11.
 Have we gotten anything right SINCE 9-11?
 We don't have the slightest clue where Mr. Evil Doer bin Laden is,
 but the White House keeps trumpeting their "successes."

 What, exactly, are the "successes?"
 Rounding up goat herders by the hundreds and sending them to the Caribbean?

 It makes me gag every time I head a TV ditto-monkey say,
 "Thank God we had the Bush boy in charge instead of the smarter guy
   who had eight years experience helping to run America."


 "The latest from DC is that Bush might have been warned about hijackings last summer.
   Congress wants to know what Bush knew and when Dick Cheney explained it to him.
         -- Leno

Bart, Did you see TimHo on Brokaw?

It was disgusting.  What a whore.
He said, "Tom, this is political," with a "grave" look on his face.

Drop dead, Russert!

Russert has been a partisan whore for many years.
According to Russert, "all Democrats are guilty, all Republicans are innocent,"
which is why Rush loves him and why he always showers him with praise.
That's also why Jack Welch gave Russert an eight-year contract.
Russert is the Republican's second-best cheerleader, after the vulgar Pigboy.

For the last five years, Russert has had only one thing on his mind:

 Be sure to check
 You learn all kinds of things by reading Marty's BartCop E!

Subject: Turntable Democrats

Mr. BartCop,

It is interesting to see that Hillary has accused Bush of knowing beforehand
of the Twin Tower and Pentagon crashes by diabolical Muslim monsters.

That didn't happen.
You must be a ditto-monkey getting your "facts" from Rush or Fox News.

It will be interesting to see who wins this one.  Can Hillary slay the great Texan?

There's an old saying gamblers use:
"I'll let you make the rules if I can keep score."
With a crooked Supreme Court on the take, Hillary could lose
to Bush even if she beat him by 500,000 votes like Al Gore did.

You called Liddy Dole a carpetbagger for running in North Carolina.
Heheh, she was born and raised in North Carolina.

True, possibly, but Bob Dole won't live in Carolina  OR  in Russell, Kansas.
He likes his luxury condo in Loserville, Florida.
Meanswhile, the Clintons live together and Hillary WON her election.
The man some call "President" was appointed by crooked judges.

How did Bob Dole get so rich on a senator's salary?   Taking bribes?
Remember when Newt needed $300K to pay a fine for breaking the law?
Dole whipped $300K out of his pocket to save Newt's crooked ass.
I just got back from DC and a hamburger & fries there costs $13.
How did Bob save millions on a senator's salary?

Where were you born and raised?
In Communist China?  Ho, ho. Hohoho!
Chang Yenyen

Chang, that's the closest you came to laying a glove on me.

(There are several flashbacks to Volume 159 - Right Click to Own a Botticelli  in this issue.
 This is the second one, written in my blue period, over 600 issues ago, before any of us knew JHS.)

 Click  Here

 Join the BartCop Team

 Click  Here  bring your sense of humor.


 "Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows".
      - Helen Keller

Hi bart, I wanted to tell you what I did yesterday Friday the 18th in hopes that you
will encourage your readers to follow suit. I phoned the white house 'comment' line
@ 1-202-456-1111. This is what happened to me.

You have to wait to speak with a staffer so I did, a woman answered and asked me what
state I was calling from. I begin my speech. I first told her that I wanted mr. bush to resign.

She asked me in a snotty, condescending voice "why?" I almost laughed, except that I
was so mad. I replied for knowing about 9/11 BEFORE it happened and he did nothing.
At this point, she asked me AGAIN what state I was calling from, this angered me so I
said "CAL...LEEEE...FOR....NIA...." "you know that state that dick cheney had to
PUNISH with blackouts and dirty dealings with his energy buddies"

Do you know that state, I asked her. She said "yes, I wanted to make sure I had it right"
Then I said I hoped mr. bush and dick and all the others go to prison for what they did, s
tarting back  with stealing the election. I told her that "I thought I lived in a democracy,
but now I live in a DICTATORSHIP with a 'secret' government. She kinda laughed at that
and repeated back..."a secret government" I said YES in a very irritated voice.

I DEMAND to know where MY TAX DOLLARS are being spent. "I DEMAND to know
how much is being spent on this never-ending war, I DEMAND to know where the money
in the Social Security fund is" I then told her to BE SURE TO TELL MR. BUSH ALL THAT
I HAD SAID. I ended with "I am totally disappointed with this  'regime' and I want him to
RESIGN and SOONER then later.  I was shaking mad during most of this conversation but
I think I got my point across.

I hope you tell everyone to call and ask for bush to resign.  After I finished with that call,
I called Rep. Mckinney's(202-225-1605) office in DC and told her aide that she was on
the correct path and to keep the pressure on bush and his co-horts! I told him that I was
proud of her courage and t o thank her for me. He was really pleased. Then I called my
Gov. (Gray Davis) and told his comment line that I was backing him 100% and his budget
woes where a direct result of the republicons (dick cheney and crew) doing their number
on us winter before last with the blackouts/etc and that is when Davis had to borrow money
to keep our lights on. Now the bastards are tying to use it against him. Damn, I sure hate
republiCONS!!!!! I had to share this with you.


Ashley, expect a visit from the Secret Service.
Ashcroft and the B.F.E.E. don't take criticism well.

Unka Dick, if I'm the president, can we outlaw the BartCop Hex?
It sure is causing us a lot of trouble, and I don't like Bart's sarcasm.
Things was going slicker 'n snot until that pretzel kicked my ass.
Can't we kill him like we did them Barrick miners?

...why you crying Unka Dick?
Did I say something sad?

 Stay connected with 
 This week's special: 200 minutes for only $20.82

 Over four served.

 So few of you get Fox Channel 23 in Tulsa, but...

 Teri and her Ghost Chasers, who you've read about on  bartcop.com
 will be on K-Drag Fox News following the X-Files finale,
 which might be the most-watched show in Fox's history.

 P.I.T.T.  investigated the infamous Gilcrease haunted house and will be featured.
 Promos are now airing on FOX 23 and during The X-Files finale.

 Catch it if you can and drop Teri and the PITTers a note.

 Governor Bush's Horoscope

 Click  Here

 Geneva says communications are in retrograde, (she says it a lot better than that)
 but in Bush's case, two negatives might possibly make a positive so we may
 understand what the Unelected Fraud is saying for the next couple of weeks.

 ha ha

 Also charts for Gray Davis and California vs Enron.

  Is Diane Lane the hottest babe in films now?

 BartCop, ...BartCop...

 BartCop - come to Vegas...

 End Game
   by the Daily Brew

  Click  Here

 The real story is the certainty that any highly publicized investigation into the
 intelligence gathering process will reveal the truth about the Bush Administration's
 counter-terrorism activities in the months preceding the September 11 terrorist attacks.
 It is there that the next shoe will drop, since any publicized investigation into the FBI's
 counter terrorism activities prior to September 11 terrorist attacks leads, inexorably, to
 the deceased FBI Deputy Director, John P. O'Neill.  Since the Bush Administration
 also knows what is likely to be revealed if John O'Neill ever becomes the focus of the
 inquiry, the battle over the scope of the coming Congressional investigation has become
 the political knife fight that will determine the fate of the Bush Presidency.

 We're trying to raise funds to increase the size of the hammer.
 Consider a few alms for a struggling website.

 You can  or you can snail mail
  to bartcop.com PO Box 54466 Tulsa, OK 74155

 It's Time to be Mean to Laura the Unloved

 This is the last flashback to Volume 159 - Right Click to Own a Botticelli
 A certain high-ranking reader reminded me we haven't run the nasty, awful and
 disgusting pictures of Laura the leg-spreader in a while, so this goes out to him/her.

 These pictures of Laura Schlessinger are nude, tasteless and tacky.
 Don't click below and then come whining to me later.
 I don't run these pictures to tittilate those who've never seen nudity before,
 I run them to show what a lying hypocrite and sleazebagette she currently is.

 This isn't about 30 years ago, this is about right now.
 So if you choose to click on these vulgar, nasty pictures of Laura Schlessinger,
 remember it was your decision - besides, I'm trying to get her to sue me, anyway.

 Remember - no whining.

  Click  Here

Do you know this woman?

If you watch TV, you can't help but know her.
Who is she?

 U.S. Detects 'Enhanced' Threat of a New Attack

 Click  Here

 U.S. intelligence officials have detected "enhanced activity" that points
 to a potential new attack a White House official said on Saturday.

 The FBI also warned of a possible plot by bin Laden's al Qaeda network
 to detonate bombs in apartment buildings in the United States.

 How can this be?
 Governor Bush told us bin Laden had been "marginalized," and was so
 inconsequential that he was "not even a concern for me anymore."

 How can this be?

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