Fair & balanced
POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE
TRAVEL - SPORTS - GARBAGE - ENTERTAINMENT
Before we name
more schools & airports after Ronald Reagan,
PayPal to email@example.com
PO Box 54466.... Tulsa, OK 74155
"Any reporter who asks a politician about
their personal life is an asshole."
-- Rudy Giulinani, Catholic, married and openly dating, last summer.
But Rudy, if that's true, then the Number One asshole must be...
I'm Number One.
Remember when Hillary debated that worm Rick Lazio?
Tim the Whore was the moderator and he bet his reputation that Hillary's personal life
was very important and needed media scrutiny during the NY senate race.
So, the question is, ...
Is Rudy correct about Russert being an asshole?
I think he is!
Speaking of Rude-y Giuliani,
I didn't see this myself, but I trust my source.
I was told that Saturday, Chris the Screaming backstabber was on MSNBC
talking to some students at a campus and he told the students that Bill Clinton
had no moral authority, but he said that Giuliani did have moral authority.
Chris, you're such a partisan whore.
I'm a whore.
How can Catholic, married and openly banging Mayor Giuliani
have moral authority
over a president who made a lesser mistake and tried to keep it quiet?
I guess in the Catholic Church Chris the Screamer attends, adultery
means you still
have your moral authority if you bring the tramp to church with you on Sunday mornings?
Andersen CEO: Economics broke Enron, not misdeeds
Enron's meltdown into the largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history resulted from a fundamental
economic failure, not illegality or suspect accounting, the head of its audit firm said Sunday.
''To my knowledge, there was nothing that
we've found that was illegal,'' Arthur Andersen CEO
Joseph Berardino said on NBC's Meet the Press.
''This is a company whose business model
failed. The accounting reflects the results of business activities.
And the way these events were being accounted for were clear to (Enron) management and to the board,''
Berardino added. ''But at its base, this is an economic failure.''
...then we're all in trouble, because Bush is using Enron tactics on the American treasury.
Kenneth Lay intentionally overstated the growth Enron would have,
just like Bush is intentionally overstating our GDP in his budget projections.
Kenneth Lay intentionally understated the debts Enron had,
just like Bush is intentionally understating our debt projections in his lastest budget.
Lay was cooking the books and all the while telling his employees,
"Our future is bright,"
just like Bush is cooking the books and promising a "quick recovery" with Reagan's voodoo economics.
Lay grabbed all the employee money he could get his hot little
hands on, and the Enron fat cats split it up
using 900 phony corporations to hold all their ill-gotten loot, and then when it all popped Lay said,
"It must be an accounting problem."
Same with Bush.
His fat cat contributors all got multi-million dollar gifts from Uncle Sam,
while you and I got a pitiful $300 and when the whole federal treasury pops, Bush will say.
"It must be an accounting problem."
Bush is doing to us what Lay did to those Enron employees.
Bush and his friends will get billions from his phony budget numbers while the little people
are left holding a bag of smoke and staring at monster deficits far into the future.
But hey, ...as long as the Bush Family Evil Empire gets theirs - that's what's important.
Bush has already raided Social Security to fatten the wallets
of the fattest cats.
"Tax cuts for my wealthiest contributors, so help me God."
Bush is screwing us and he's using the Enron model.
The Bush Family Evil Empire always gets theirs,
but all 280 million of us little people are just getting bent over.
Why are the Democrats
Why don't they show up and work for their paycheck?
By the time we get rid of the Bush Family Evil Empire,
we'll all be saying "Ich bin ein Enroner."
Addicted to Clinton's Zipper
by Maureen Dowd
Monica's mistake is that she thinks we need more explication. Frankly, it wasn't that hard to get.
Starry-eyed young woman intoxicated by power. Powerful man intoxicated by sex. Transaction to follow.
This trite affair triggered an extraordinary
Starr chamber. Monica thinks we don't appreciate that she was
a victim of an overzealous prosecutor. But we do. No one gives a hoot what's in the upcoming final report
of Robert Ray, Ken Starr's successor.
Why all this obsession with Monica and what she did for Bill?
Why don't you write about something that matters, like the loss of our Constitution,
or the illegal, unqualified Usurperboy who's squatting in Al Gore's house?
Twenty-five years from now, you'll still be doing dreamy
stories about Clinton's zipper.
Why don't you just contact Bill and see if he'll throw you a pity hummer?
Subject: I love your site-but...
........your idea to announce where Israel
will retaliate prior to any "terrorist" attack is flat wrong.
To turn the coin one could make the same argument on the Palestinian side.
Should they announce where, after any Israeli "assassinations" or home razing, where they will next bomb?
This eye for and eye crap has gone on way to long.
We need to get a peace process that works and it will require an outside peace keeping force.
Bob, nothing you or I can do will stop the killing.
Both sides want that land more than they want to live.
Check that last sentence.
They'd rather live with suicide bombers than move to America.
We could give them Idaho or Utah, but nooooooo.
They don't want peace. Peace isn't their goal.
Their goal is holding a chunk of barren desert that the suicide bombers also want.
As long as religion dictates their actions, no peace process will
Reading my mail, there's only one conclusion a logical man can make:
The Republicans are backing the "illegal Israeli occupation,"
while the Democrats feel sympathy for "the poor, misunderstood Palestinians."
As I've said a dozen times, the only person
I know of who knows less about the Middle East
is the fraud some call president, but I had no idea the left supported Palestine so totally.
Last Temptation of Jerry Falwell
By Isaac Peterson
When you take away Falwell's people's restrictive, angry, and bigoted views
on women and homosexuals, the witchhunt mentality, the excessive moralizing,
the fundamentalism and thinking it needs to be the law for everybody,
they don't have anything in common with the Taliban.
Not a thing.
In the Rams-Packers ball game, Pat Summerall said something half-smart.
(Seriously, I heard it myself)
He mentioned he and John were supposed to call a game in New York
Then he recalled the last game they did "before the world changed."
That phrase means everything.
That's the reason Clinton didn't go after bin Laden with the same ferocity
that the man who stole our right to vote went after him.
The world changed on 9/11.
bin Laden was suddenly the most wanted man on the planet,
an "honor" not yet bestowed on him prior to 9/11.
If the ditto-monkey right and the whore press were more honest,
(is there even a reason to finish that sentence?) they would admit Clinton's "failure" to bring
bin Laden to justice years ago was because the world changed on 9/11 and everyone knows it.
To disagree with Summeral, you'd have to take the position that "not much changed" on 9/11.
Summeral is an old, white rich man, so he's probably a Republican,
but what he said helped remind people of the truth.
Two of my favorite people.
Susan McDougal and Julie Hiatt Steele
Matt Drudge called the return of Rush's hearing "a medical miracle."
Excuse me, Matt, but I was under the impression the vulgar Pigboy had surgery.
"You ever notice in a spelling bee, some
people get 'cat'
and some people get 'chrysanthemum?'"
-- John Madden during Sunday's big game
That reminded me of the unelected fraud.
All his life, all George has had to do is spell 'cat' and doors opened up for him.
At every stop of the 2000 campaign, the fawning press asked him
to spell 'cat',
and the times he got it right, they squealed with delight about his attention to detail
his firm leadership and his sterling background, coming from American royalty and all..
And every time, Gore got 'chrysanthemum' and spelled it right,
so the hostile press said,
"He wasn't nice enough and he sighed too much.
Besides, the president doesn't need to be smart if he has a good staff."
on the Enron Pretzel
a/k/a Clueless in Guantanamo
by Al Martin
It's not even the Ides of March yet, and Bush is already choking on a pretzel.
Supposedly he fainted, but the statement that the White House released was
absolute nonsense from a medical point of view. It said he didn't choke on the
pretzel, but it somehow went down the wrong way and caused his heart rate
to suddenly diminish. Every medical correspondent in the Government-Media
also said that from a medical standpoint it made no sense -- a pretzel going
down the wrong way would not cause the heart rate to suddenly tail off.
Subject: South's Finest
BC, you were absolutely on the money recommending
the "break up" chocolate
from South's Finest Chocolate Factory. That is some fine chocolate.
Starts out good, gets more intensely delicious,
finishes with a Wow,
and leaves you thinking "My, My" for several minutes as the flavour lingers.
I tried both the milk and the dark, and both are superb. The milk has a burst of cream flavor
that is a delight, while the dark has just the right bite to it. Its one of those cases where your
favorite is the one you had last. Both are great, I'd probably pick the milk first for a Valentine's
treat but my Ma would probably roll over in her grave if I didn't at least try the dark.
Actually, she'd probably rise out of her grave
to try some herself if she knew what she was missing :)
Thanks for the tip, Outstanding!
Could just be the Valentine's gift that keeps on giving...
I hear you...
Note: Ken was our first contest winner.
I have yet to hear from our second contest winner, Jake.
Remember a week ago Thursday when Bush told those hueueueuge
Ken Lay being a supporter of Governor Richards and that he barely knew the man?
For reasons that nobody has explained to me, the press reported
that Bush lied.
That shocked the hell out of me, but think how shocked President Happy Crack was.
Here's a man who has never had the press question one damn lie
he's ever told.
From the cocaine bust to the abortion, to going AWOL, to Funeralgate to everything,
the press has smiled and said, "Bush is the greatest, most honest and capable man ever."
So all he did was repeat the successful formula and lie like crazy about serious stuff.
But what happened?
After years and years of the press fawning over his braindead
they finally decided, as a pack, to print the truth about him - but why?
Why did they decide to call this one fairly?
If you have a clue, let me hear from you
I wish I could've heard him react when he found out that the press
weren't going to go out of their way to cover for him this time.
"I am the Central Scrutinizer.
This kind of talk is dangerously close to sedition and treason.
He needs to be tortured in the name of justice for the sake of America.
Get Torture Room 6 ready for this BartCop guy."
with GOP sympathizer Bob Scheiffer
Did Kirby Puckett threaten to kill his wife?
Did the refs make the right call on that "Patriot tuck" last Saturday?
Hunter S. Thompson talks about fleecing Ed Bradley.
Hockey, soccer, hoops, NASCAR and the big, big games this weekend.
...and you can make your opinion known, too
Just click on
So easy, Smirk could do it.
Shirley Manson, contact bartcop.com
Send me your sticker pics!
Does BartCop still hate 'Rush' Feingold?
Peggy Lee, Sting, Hillary, Angie Harmon, George Harrison,
Clinton being mobbed by fans everywhere he goes, Susan Lucci,
Playboy Bunnies, Cuba, Pia, Madonna, John Edward and tons more
There's been talk of rebuilding the World Trade Center.
I've gotten that picture of the new WTC forming a finger 1,000 times.
I thought it was in bad taste.
Christ, I started getting those before the sun set on the 11th.
This isn't one of those.
Some say we should rebuild the WTC even bigger and higher.
I think that's a big mistake.
Until the Air Force can guarantee we won't have a repeat of 9/11,
we better not build twin 110-story targets and dare them to try it again.
Besides, after watching that day unfold on TV, who wants to work a hundred stories up?
Remember in 1998 we went to DC with the world class architect?
He sent me something from Art Design Magazine, I think it was.
You're going to have to click to see this.
(I know how much you hate to click) but you have to see this.
I wouldn't joke about this, so trust me and Click Here.
We have out first Sticker Contest entry, sort of...
Either this is a clever fake or Scatcat is invisible.
What we want is actual pictures of actual stickers in actual places
but vandalism will disqualify you so use your head when you place them.
Happy Birthday to...
Olivia D'Abo (1969) Diane Lane (1965) Christina Leardini (1969)
Also born today: Michael Hutchence (1960) Luke Perry (1949)
Steve Perry (1949) Linda Blair (1959) Kneel Bush (1955) The Hulk (1934)
Steve Alder (1965) who was thrown out of Guns n Roses for doing too many drugs.
Repeat - he was thrown out of Guns n Roses for doing too many drugs.
...the BartCop Hex!
I ain't never had a hex on me before!
...Daddy, make it go away!
PayPal to firstname.lastname@example.org
POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
Use the portal below and they'll throw bartcop.com a nickel and
it costs you nothing more than whatever you were going to pay.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2002,
Shirley Manson, contact bartcop.com