Fair & balanced


Before we name more schools & airports after Ronald Reagan, 
can we get a look at what Bush is hiding in Reagan's files?


Sick Again?

Press Rules

Kumho Tires

Ich bin ein Enroner

John Belushi

Chris Matthews

Bush POWs

Nudity on bartcop

Bush is Pissed

A Slut Named Laura

Judas Maximus

Insane Guns



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Volume 703 - We Almost Got Him

 Tuesday - January 29, 2002      Send me an Angel           Recent old stuff     Shopping w/ Bart

 Jeb Bush's daughter arrested on drug charge

    Click  Here

Apparently this is not a gag.
KPCC Reveals President Bush Has A Heart Arrhythmia
White House did not disclose after Pretzel Incident that Mr. Bush has Sinus Bradycardia

 Full Story

"The president has sinus bradycardia consistent with athletic conditioning," White House physician Dr. Richard Tubb
 said through White House spokesman Ken Lisaius. "The president's resting heart rate is 38 to 49 beats per minute."

"That's the very definition of bradycardia," said Dr. Harold Karpman, a heart specialist
 at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and a clinical professor at UCLA.
 Indeed, any heart rate slower than 60 beats per minutes is, by definition, bradycardia.

 So he's weak, stupid, crooked and sick?

 Why was this held back from the voters?
 Why didn't the whore press do their job and ask?

How appropriate is this?

You know, the two statutes in the Justice Department building
were named  "The Spirit of Justice" and "The Majesty of Law."

How appropriate is it that Ashcroft has now hidden the Spirit of Justice
and the Majesty of Law behind a thick black veil?

<+< :)   Pope Buck I


 "To believe that capitalists will behave honorably just because they are engaged in capitalism
    is akin to believing that no priest will engage in pedophilia simply because he is a priest.
   Our godfather Adam Smith somewhere remarked that the view of more than two businessmen
    talking together in a corner justifies the suspicion that they are discussing devices in restraint of trade."
     - William F. Buckey from his book, "Give it back."


 "...that's not the overall objective.
  Our overall objective is to defeat terrorism, wherever it is around the world.
  And so, our objective is not to get Osama bin Laden."
    -- Andy Card, telling us bin Laden's no longer that important

 "Bin Laden by himself isn't that big a threat.
   Bin Laden connected to this worldwide organization of terror is a threat."
    -- Dick Cheney, telling us bin Laden's no longer that important

 Hey! Hey! Hey!

 I supported this war because you said you were going to smoke that mother-effer!

 I don't want to hear any of this "We almost got him," horseshit  like Poppy gave us with Saddam.
 If our boys are getting tired and discouraged, show them this,

 ...and remind them why they're there.

 This is crap!

 I know for Bush, Cheney and Rummy this is "an opportunity for a pipeline,"
 but for some of us it's more serious than just another slick oil deal, you greedy slugs.

 And don't be talking about invading other countries until bin Laden's dead ass stops smoking.


 ...I'm sure the Democrats will allow you to build your pipeline and claim victory either way.

From: lumpykassiterman@usa.com

Subject: Daschle Is Ruining Us


That damn Daschle is killing us. He just does not know when to shut up.
He doesn't have the good sense to keep our socialist agenda quiet
and he insults Bush at times when the public loves him.
That SOB Daschle is going to ruin our chances this fall.

It is going to be tough enough to win back
our seats let alone even pick up one new one.

It looks worse every day.  This damn Enron thing is backfiring.
Daschle should have checked out fellow Democrats first.
Now it looks like Lieberman got tons of dough and
a bunch of our boys got rich off Enron.
Wish he'd just shut up.

Lumpy Kassiterman

ha ha

Lumpy, thanks for being on the team!
Can you come right over?

ha ha

I have dark Democratic secrets to share with you

The worst part is you're right!
If someone says, "boo" to the Democrats, they crumble like a South's Finest Eskimo Fudge bar.


You have helped hold alot of people together lately.
This is the only way I could think of to show it.

Thanks for being you.

From: pamgreen@cac.net

Subject: Bush - "Raising twins more trouble than war"

Just when you think the arrogant bastard can't say anything more stupid ...

According to the Associated Press, when the un-president visited West Virginia last week he spoke with
the Democratic speaker of the West Virginia House, Bob Kiss.  (I know ... insert your own tutu joke here)
Anyway, Kiss apparently has 5 week old twin boys (who haven't started drinking yet) and told Bush if he
wasn't doing anything he could come by for the 3 a.m. feeding.

I can't believe I read this, but ... Bush joked,
'I've been to war.  I've raised twins.  If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war' ".

Excuse me, I need a moment.  Talk amongst yourselves.

Just to hit the high points:
How difficult is it to raise a total of 2 children (even if they are born at the same time) with unlimited funds
    and little direct contact between parent and children?

When, exactly, has he ever been to war?

Do you suppose the folks on the receiving end of his preferred pastime would have liked the opportunity
    to raise their own #$@!&*!! children as opposed to having them killed by war?

I don't think there's enough tequila out there to get me through the next 3 years.

Now, now, don't make fun of George.
Watching Pickles raise the twins is the toughest job he's ever had.

Ode to Kenny Boy
   by  MadKane

(To be sung to the tune of "Danny Boy")

Oh Kenny Boy, the jails, the jails are calling,
From state to state, and through the world so wide.
The money's gone, and all the chips are falling,
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and you must hide.

 Click  Here  for the whole deal

 ha ha

Good stuff, Maddie

  Bonus Issue

 Today's issue is so big (and getting bigger as you read this) I cut the entire
 middle section and put it on a second page so there'd be room for it all.

 There's almost an entire Bonus Issue if you Click  Here

 This isn't retreads or repeats, it's bonus  bartcop.com

 Day 8 of the Shirley Manson log

  So far,

     ...have not heard from Shirley.

  Shirley Manson - contact  bartcop.com

Check today's

The African Queen, (no, not Clarence Slappy Thomas)
Conan O'Brian moving?
Ellen has been cancelled,
trouble with the new Austin Powers movie title,
a giant snow mouse,
Bruce Willis in a bra and dress (again?)
Craig Kilborn's movie,
Josh's wife mud-wrestles with Susan Sarandon on "Malcolm,"
Don Rickles,
Mike Douglas,
Meg Ryan,
Chris Rock,
Jackie Gleason,
Limp Bizkit   ...it just keeps going and going.

Check today's


 "Fascism will come to America labeled as anti-fascism."
    -- Huey Long

Words to remember in these days of "Homeland Security" and "Peacemaker" missiles.


 Baxter Medical Examiner no stranger to scandals
  Did a Bush Ally certify Baxter's death a 'suicide?'     from DemocratUnderground.com

  Click  Here

 Her past includes:

Harris County medical examiner fined for illegal autopsies, keeps job
Victory for Crime Lab Director accusing TX Lab of abuses
Parents Against Corruption and Coverup
Legal review of examiner's office sought
   County official wants to know `what's going on over there'

 I'm surprised they bothered with a different crooked coroner than that
 Missouri dude who ruled that Lori Klausutis healthed herself to death.

 Rockefeller Joke On SNL

 After Rockefeller died,
 Saturday Night Live started their next show with Don Pardo saying,

"'Emergency,' starring Megan Marshak, will not be seen tonight,
   so that we can bring you the following special program."

 Koresh, ha ha, that's awful.

Happy Birthday to...

 Gia Carangi isn't 42                Heather Graham is 32             Kelly Packard is 27          Katharine Ross (1942)

 Also born today:  W.C. Fields (1880)  Dolly Parton (1946)  Oprah call Dave (1954)
 Aeneas Williams (1968) who, strange as it sounds, might be the most talented of the St Louis Rams

 Oh, also Happy 43 Birthday to Cliff  our Consumer Consumption expert!


 Someday, maybe soon, a U.S. fighter pilot will be shot down over enemy territory.
 The hostile country that finds him will then announce:

 "He is not a prisoner of war, he is a common criminal who killed innocent civilians.
   So, just like President Bush says, will will torture and execute him as we deem fair."

  Way to go, George, Dick and Rummy.
  You're going to get some brave men killed, dumbass!

 ...help meeeeeeeeee!

Daddy, you promised this would be easy!!!
You told me Enron was a solid corporation!

...we lost millions? ...really, Daddy?

Did they fool you, Daddy, ...did they?
Did they screw you, too?

...first time, you say?

Daddy, it's the BartCop Hex!


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